Heaven by the Sea
by Erik'sTrueAngel
Summary: Last night I dreamt I went back to Manderley. There it still loomed, a grand stately manor, now forgotten except for the ghosts that continue to linger in the halls. We can never go back to Manderley. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE.
1. Prologue

Rated: T or PG-13

Genre: Romance/Suspense/Supernatural

Summary: Last night I dreamt I went back to Manderley. There it still loomed, a grand stately manor, now forgotten except for the ghosts that continue to linger in the halls. We can never go back to Manderley. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE. Christine Daae meets the mysterious and brooding Erik de Winter on a trip to Monte Carlo. She hears rumors that he still mourns the loss of his first wife: the enchanting Luciana de Winter. However, Christine is determined in her affections for him and becomes swept up in a whirlwind romance that leads her to Manderley, Erik's home. There she discovers there is more to Manderley and Erik than what meets the eye as the spirit of Luciana continues to haunt the place she calls home and the man of her dreams…

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of _Phantom of the Opera_ or the settings from _Rebecca_. I'm only borrowing them and mixing them together.

A/N: After reading the brilliant Daphne du Maurier's _Rebecca_, I knew this would be perfect for Erik and Christine since it contained a lot of the same themes. This story is heavily influenced by _Rebecca_, but I have made some twists to fit in the _Phantom _world and hopefully you will all like it as I have writing this. Don't forget to review!

Heaven by the Sea

By: Erik'sTrueAngel

**Prologue**

Last night I dreamt I went back to Manderley.

It was a rather queer dream since I haven't thought about Manderley in years, but I found myself standing before the massive iron gate that led to the drive. I approached the bars and saw that they had been rusted and tarnished from the cruel elements and the neglect of maintenance. Chains kept the gate together and I seized the bars, peering through, wondering if Manderley suffered the same unfortunate fate as these bars.

Then… I found myself floating above the ground. I looked up and I was already traveling through the iron bars as if the solidity didn't stop me from defying this feat. I found myself questioning how I developed these supernatural-like powers, but decided it was best not to dwell on it and see where this would take me.

My journey took me along the curvy drive that would lead me to Manderley and as I traveled above the earth, I couldn't help but cry at the sight. Mother Nature had already claimed the road with her wild, grassy fingers. The oak trees, once proud and full of life, were dead—the bark rotten and decayed, the branches falling heavily to the ground, the leaves black as night. While the other trees, plants, and shrubs that I do not remember ever being present, had also grown and manifested, intertwining with one another in a dark green and black embrace.

No! This couldn't be the same driveway to Manderley, but in my heart, I knew it was. How many times have I traveled this path in the short time I lived here? I knew it so well from the rides and for stopping to sketch the trees when the leaves were in full bloom.

At long last, my abilities of flight ceased and I was gently returned to earth. I gazed up and there it still loomed… Manderley.

The once stately manor that England had boasted of its pride and joy of all homes was silent as a tomb. The moonlight revealed smashed windows, the jagged glass barely left on the frames; the gray stone walls caved in with very little of the foundation still standing. Looking inside I saw the grand staircase also in ruined as well as the carpets. The paintings and sculptures were nowhere to be found. Either they had been destroyed or taken by scavengers, which whatever I do not know would grieve me more. Such works of art was what gave Manderley its reputation of beauty; and speaking of which, the gardens…

Like the drive, the gardens did not fare at all. Weeds took over the precious rose bushes, wild lilies, and lilacs; long, twisted ivy scattered over the ground and onto the remaining walls like poisoned veins, infecting the once splendor of life. I dared not think what the Happy Valley had become. I don't think my heart could bare anymore heartache and suffering.

Nothing was left. It all had been ravaged based on time, nature, and the…

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't. After all, we had traveled so far to leave the past behind. The ghosts that resided in Manderley were apparently not done with us nor why else would I be dreaming about it? Freedom would never come. We are happy at least. I suppose happiness and bliss would be the greatest gifts of all and it would do, but Manderley… it will always haunt us now. I understand. No matter how far we run, Manderley will always be there.

But we can never go back.

Yet, as my dream seemed to maintain that I needed to stay, I obeyed and gazed at the damage. Oh! The music room! The place that was our sanctuary was obliterated and the instruments… the majestic piano were no longer standing. Tears clung to my lashes and I mourned this room above all else. That was the room that held my most cherished memories, despite the harsh beginnings when I arrived at Manderley.

Then my eyes drifted over to the west wing, which only parts of the foundation remained. I wanted to say she was there laughing at my sadness, but I could not find any trace of such a victory.

Silence. The only sounds were of the sea below, but even then, it was quiet as to not disturb the spirits.

How I wish we could return, but alas, Manderley was no more. And it was better that we would never come back. Let the damn ghosts be well and buried. Perhaps, this was the message I was meant to receive.

Yet, death couldn't break our bond. For here, my life started… or should I say, it began that one winter in Monte Carlo, but Manderley… was where I was reborn.

TBC…

I know this was short, but I wanted to set the tone for what's to come. Next chapter, I promise, is going to be a lot longer. In fact, I'll post that this week instead of next Sunday. Don't forget to click on that review comment and share your thoughts!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi! I'm so glad that you're enjoying this so far! I know I'm having fun with each chapter I write. So the Prologue was a little introduction and here's the longer chapter I promised. I am combining names of _Rebecca _with our POTO characters and for those of you who read the book… you might recognize some of the events I combined in here as well. To fit in the nature of POTO, I did do some tweaking so hopefully you will like it.

And can I say… I loved writing Carlotta in this chapter. Don't forget to leave a review! And before I forget… yes since I uploaded this early I will also post chapter 2 on Sunday. I'm hoping to update this weekly if time allows.

**Chapter 1**

_Monte Carlo, France _

_Winter 1924_

I suppose any girl in my position would consider herself lucky. After all, how often does one get the chance and opportunity to travel the world? Visit exotic places? Take in the sights and sounds of the local people and their history? Oh yes… any girl would see this as luck. Even a poor, country chit like myself, should have been filled with gratitude and thank the Lord for having this wonderful gift bestowed to an undeserving soul.

I should be… but I'm not.

Do not get me wrong. I love that I'm traveling to foreign lands, places that I have dreamed of going to ever since I was a child, but circumstances have prevented me from enjoying this experience to its fullest.

Why you might ask? Three words: Carlotta Van Hopper.

Of course, now you might think how selfish and ungrateful I am that Mrs. Van Hopper, a fine lady of high society, would not be more appreciative of this gesture from such a charitable woman. There were other girls who would be jumping at the chance to be in my position, and who would no doubt, may be better fitted for the title of companionship. Especially girls who could pretend better and feign interest than I while being in the company of Mrs. Van Hopper.

Go ahead! I dare you to try and spend an hour with that woman and you would see how the task is not as simple as it sounds. Perhaps, you might find sympathy for this poor girl who is only trying to make a decent living and maintaining a good reputation in society.

As I previously mentioned, I am a paid companion. Mrs. Van Hopper needed someone to travel with her, and since her daughter was indisposed in New York, it was necessary she find someone quick who could provide conversation, play games, read, and transform her into whatever she needed at the moment.

I, Christine Daaé, happened to be that girl.

At first, I felt blessed that this rich lady would take me with her. She right away told me I would receive ninety pounds for my services, and in turn, she would teach me everything I needed to know to mingle with her kind so I could find a suitable position as a lady's maid or continue on as a companion if I so desired. The pay alone had my mind decided, for I never earned such a high sum before, not even with all the mending I had done in Mrs. Thompson's seamstress shop. I was only making ten pounds a week, twenty if I was lucky with a pleased customer. Not to mention, I had nowhere else to go. My mother had died six years ago and my father past away last summer. As much as I missed my father, I knew I couldn't stay forever and this seemed like the perfect escape I needed for a fresh start.

So, like the eager, insipid child that I was, I accepted Mrs. Van Hopper's proposal and began my journey to the great unknowns of the world.

The novelty, unfortunately, faded rapidly once I discovered the type of woman my employer was. In hindsight, I should have known better. When she came to Mrs. Thompson's shop, her orders were always specific to the precise minuet detail of her gowns, hats, gloves, petticoats, and any other garment she required. They had to be of the finest silk and fabric that was offered and had to be up to the date with the current European fashion trends. If something didn't fit, which seemed to happen on a regular basis since her measurements she gave were never accurate, then whoever was responsible had to face her wrath. And sometimes that girl would never return again. Yet, I did not scare off that easily, and when I was assigned the task to make her wardrobe, I took care to make sure that extra material was added so not to displease her.

It was Fortune's favor that she never bothered to check the papers that her requested 36-inch waist was really 40. Father would have said I can be too clever for my own good and he was right. My little trickery worked, and after that, Mrs. Van Hopper insisted that only I would be in charge of her orders.

She did pay me well for my work, and I had plenty of money to put aside to buy myself a new hat. It was nothing over the top, mind you. I do not have the preference for the so-called fashions that most ladies would sell their very souls to have. I had simple, modest tastes. And my new hat would provide protection from the sun's harsh rays or protect my hair should it get windy. Mother Nature was not always kind to me. Not with the weather or my wild, brown curls that I always had to pin up very carefully. It did not look well if I appeared anything less than professional. So when Mrs. Van Hopper suggested her proposition of taking me with her on her tour through the Continent, I had to take it.

I knew that Mrs. Van Hopper's place was well-respected among the rich, and if I was seen compatible with other ladies, then I could find other work to do and have time to partake in my hobbies. Most women of leisure have plenty of free time and would sometimes rather be in their own company and permit their maids to pursue extracurricular activities as to not disturb them. For me, I would cherish those moments empathically!

I do like to draw, although I'm not terribly all that good at it. Father would tell me I had an artist's eye, but my true gift was my voice. Mother was once a singer, a talented one at that and she would perform for all those who wished to see her, whether they would be rich or poor. Father would perform with her, not as a singer, no… but as her accompanist on his violin. Together, their music would make the angels in heaven weep with such beauty!

I remember when Mother sang to me. Whenever I had a nightmare, she would come to my bed and sing of Little Lotte and her Angel of Music. That was my favorite story of all. It eventually became something I wanted to aspire to be. I wanted to be Little Lotte! I wanted to have an Angel who would teach me how to sing and who would love me for all eternity. My parents would smile at my silly declarations and assure me that if I was a good little girl, then the Angel of Music would find me.

I was a very good little girl. Always doing what she was told to do, even going as far to do chores that were not asked of her, but a child's feelings can be easily hurt.

When my Angel never came, I would spend endless nights weeping. No matter how well I obeyed I must have been doing something wrong that He would not come to me. Then one night, when I was eight, I heard a voice singing to me. Instantly, my childish heart was warmed, but I knew the voice was no Angel. It had been my Father trying to make me feel better, bless his soul! Alas, his musical talent did not extend to singing and I was grateful for the kind gesture that ceased my tears.

While my Angel of Music never came, I never gave up hope that one day I would hear His heavenly voice. My childish notions and dreams did not stop when I grew into a young woman. I knew that one day I would meet my Angel. I had to be patient that was all. The reason for such confidence was my dreams. You see, my parents told me I had a voice that could rival any singer's. Naturally, a parent would say that to their only child, but I knew I possessed a voice just as good as my mother's. When my parents performed, they would allow me a chance to sing as well and the praises that ensue… It was glorious!

It wasn't long that I decided I wanted to sing on the grand stage of the famous Paris Opera House. My Mother was from France and it had been her dream to sing there as well. Yet, she had been turned away. I didn't think that was right or fair since she could outdo any diva! She would laugh and tell me that she was happy she was turned down. If she was not, then she wouldn't have met my father. While I was happy that she was happy, in my heart I wanted to be on the stage. For myself and for my mother.

So at night, I envisioned myself playing the great leads and singing with all of my might. And it would always be a special night for my Angel of Music was there at my every performance, cheering as loudly as the rest. I was singing for him, only for him. For in my heart, he was my love and my inspiration. My dream self would always be looking up into a box, always shielded by shadows, but I knew He was there watching me.

Silly, I know. A foolish dream from a foolish young woman. But I was determined that was my future that I foresaw. To sing, and to love a shadow that I could not see. Of course, once I met my love, then I knew I would recognize him and my dreams would give me a face to adore even more.

However, reality had a funny way of making itself known. My Mother became gravely ill and my father and I did everything we could to help her get better. The bills for the doctor were too much, and as I was old enough to work, I did my part when Mrs. Thompson hired me. Yet, it was not enough. Father even sold his violin but God had other plans for my mother. Her death was difficult and my father lost the joy of music with her. I did my best, and he did return to music, but it was not the same. Then when my father became ill… I knew he longed to be with my mother.

I did not blame him for wanting that. He never spoke the words aloud to me, he wouldn't dare, but I knew in his eyes where he truly wanted to be. When he died, I mourned his loss, but at least he was in heaven right beside my mother.

I was nineteen.

Despite that I had to grow up quickly, I never once gave up my dreams. I worked long hours and days, but my spirit never wavered. I knew my parents were still with me, guiding me, pushing me in the direction I needed to go. It was also why I did not feel guilty for leaving my parents behind when I left with Mrs. Van Hopper. They always wanted me to see the world and I could feel their blessings for me on that bright, sunny day when I left my village.

Ironic, really.

I left in hopes that I could make my dreams come true, but again, fate and reality do like to make life into a joke. I assumed that Mrs. Van Hopper would not need my company as much. I planned, that if given the chance, I would sing. Hopefully, I would captivate the right person's attention and I would be whisked away to the grand opera house and start my career as a leading soprano. That or someone would insist upon Mrs. Van Hopper that this girl of hers needed to be on stage. And she would come to me and tell me that I no longer had to work for her and I could pursue my dream to Paris. I would be where right where I belonged and she would only be too grateful to know that she had a part in my success from seamstress to prima donna.

Quite a fantasy and wild imagination I must say.

So let me go ahead and paint you a portrait of my employer. As I described before, I should have known better about Mrs. Van Hopper. In her late-fifties, she still possessed an attractive face, and in her youth, I imagine, she broke many hearts. With her finely sculpted features, she had a small nose that contained all the grace of class with its upward tilt; wide, expressive gray eyes that could flare up with anger, light up with gay delight, turn dark with sorrow, and with one piercing look… she could cut any person down into a insignificant being. In fact, Mrs. Van Hopper can appear quite intimidating.

She was a tall, large woman; not obese, but full for she did love to partake in sweets. One could argue she would have more than her fair share of the cake. And there would be many nights where I would find my appetite still wanting after she indulged herself on my half. Of course, she had the gall to tell me I had to watch my figure if I wish to attract a potential suitor. I feel like I was in no danger of losing my "figure" as she puts it.

She also took stupendous pride in her appearance. Not only did she wear the latest fashions, she made sure her hair was in the current trends as well. At first, I thought she had really good hair that would allow her to either curl, coif, swept up, etc in whatever do she wanted. I soon discovered that her _real_ hair was becoming gray and the vibrant black was actually a wig. She had a special case that would contain several of her precious styles and all she had to do was pin some ornament or hat to complete the look. She had me fooled, but of course, she would change these wigs in secret. No one was allowed to know or comment on it unless they want to end up in the poor house. That extended to any worker in any hotel too. My discovery was accidental, but I kept my lips tightly shut. As much as I didn't like to work for her, I wasn't stupid and I wasn't going to end up stuck in a country without any friends.

Continuing with her appearance, she would never venture out of our rooms until she was decked out in her jewels. Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, brooches, you name it, she had. She wouldn't let a single part of her go uncovered without some garish decoration. The reason for this was to help aid in the start of conversation with the other patrons. People love to talk to other people with money. Seeing all those jewels would imply a grand title of some kind.

Except, Mrs. Van Hopper did not own any title nor such a great vast amount of wealth she wanted others to believe she had. Her husband's fortune was in steel, but changes had to be made during the Great War. From what I can understand, Mr. Van Hopper was able to pull some of his investments out and reinvest them into companies in America. He was careful to spread them out and not put too much in one to avoid suspicion. After his death, his wife and daughter did not have to worry about money.

Of course, business of this type was considered taboo for a lady to talk about. It wouldn't look right if I decided to engage in conversation about the markets and stocks. I wasn't supposed to know about this, but servants do talk and Mrs. Van Hopper does not understand the meaning of discretion when she was on the phone with her daughter or her late husband's contacts in America.

Indeed, Mrs. Van Hopper loved to put on airs and pretenses. It made her feel like she was important and that everyone valued her opinions. Although, I must confess, I believe most people in their acquaintance of hers wished she would keep her opinions to herself. She could be quite ignorant to the plights of others and often times insult her "oh so dear" friends without realizing or meaning to. She can be odious and difficult to be around, but I have noticed that she doesn't often mean to criticize those she reveres. But that doesn't always mean everything she says was unintentional.

I remember right before we came to Monte Carlo, we were having tea and in walked—the name escapes me—but it was the woman's daughter. Mrs. Van Hopper had confided that the daughter was involved in a grand scandal the year before. She was engaged to be married to some lord or baron or something, but before the wedding, she had ended up with child with her fiancé's valet. To cover up the embarrassment, the fiancé offered to remain quiet on the subject and broke the engagement up under the guise that a sour business deal prevented him from going through with the wedding. The lady was whisked away to deal with her grief privately, when it was really to have her child. I don't know why someone would go to such lengths for deception since everyone in their circle knew about the scandal, but if it protected their dignities… I guess I could understand.

Regardless, no one knows what became of the child, but it was not until recently the daughter returned to society. It was evident she had a child for Mrs. Van Hopper had a picture of her pre-baby and she had been very thin. She lost some of the weight, but still a few pounds managed to stay. I felt sorry for her for as she wandered the room, no one would look at her or offer an invitation… until Mrs. Van Hopper called her over. In my naïve mind, I thought she too might have felt some sympathy for the poor girl, but I was wrong.

The tea became very awkward and uncomfortable as Mrs. Van Hopper chose to comment on the lack of propriety that some young women have today. The young woman in question chose to keep silent, but the pain was in her eyes. I wanted to say something to her. To offer apologies for my employer, to tell her that I'm sure everything will work itself out, but my tongue was heavy and I stared at my cold tea.

Yes… Mrs. Van Hopper can be very cruel when she wanted to be. And her object of critical study could be a lady from the upper class or even me. She felt it was her duty to primp me up and make sure I followed every rule and guideline in high society. My Mother did not have the opportunity so it was up to her to make sure I learned the dos and don'ts.

Such criticisms could be about my figure, to my lack of fashion, to my unruly hair, to my somewhat pretty face, to my intellect, and to my voice.

"You do have a lovely voice, my dear," she would say in that syrupy voice that was anything but sweet. "Yet, that's all you'll ever have. A lovely voice. There is nothing grand or special. Now, when I was your age, my voice was the talk among my friends. I could have been a famous singer, you know. Oh, I did perform on stage a few times, but I wished to keep my anonymity. You have to be careful when you're in the public eye like that. I chose to leave. Oh yes, there are times where I miss it, but I know I made the right choice."

And to my mortification, Mrs. Van Hopper would sing. Not just in the privacy of our rooms, but to the public. It was all very well planned, you see. She would mention to so-and-so that she once sang in _Faust_, and she was told she would be the next Adelina Patti. Naturally, this would pique any listener's curiosity and they would ask Mrs. Van Hopper if she would sing. Demurely, she would say she couldn't, and they would insist, and after being cajoled, she would at last stand to one "little song." The result was disastrous. She would be off-key, not in tune, and she would make notes that shouldn't be high, high anyways. However, no one would dare to contradict past compliments and she would receive a standing ovation… or if someone was brave or drunk… they might ask for an encore.

She never refused at that point.

As for me, she might make a passing remark that I could sing, but there was no hope for me. And she would say this in my presence too in front of her friends.

"Christine has a passable voice, you know, but the poor dear can't always carry the tune. It's very sad as both of her parents were quite musical. I might indulge her to sing once and while, but I told her, it was best to keep that voice inside so not to give some wretch the chance to ruin her dreams. She is such a good girl, you know."

Yes, I am a good girl. I might receive a sympathetic nod, but for the most part, I was invisible. It was best for me to remain silent whenever we would go out together. It did not look well if I should talk back or contradict what my employer said. So I suffered the insults and harsh criticisms and the judgment looks from her friends. However, it wasn't long before I began to question myself… doubt myself.

In my mind, I imagined Mrs. Van Hopper would boast about my talents, but it was obvious that would never happen. So I fantasized that someone would actually ask me to sing just to hear for themselves. After all, if she could brag about herself and be requested to sing, surely the same could happen to me. Then I would sing. I would prove how wrong she was and the people would cry and applaud my talent and they would turn on Mrs. Van Hopper, wanting to know how she could keep a songbird like me silent? And someone would ask me if I want to leave all this behind, and I would accept, and I would feel free at last.

Sometimes the fantasies could help make an unbearable evening bearable. But hearing Mrs. Van Hopper over and over about my lack of voice did make me question if I really could sing. Yes, as a child I got all sorts of praises, but I was a child. It was polite to do so then tell the truth that a performance was anything but good. And my parents… I was their only child. They loved me and they would not crush my hopes if I thought I could sing. Was it all a lie?

Once more, I was behaving foolish. I should not dare doubt myself, but I couldn't help it. And it wasn't about the singing either. Mrs. Van Hopper always had something on her tongue to say to me about my behavior—that I either talked too much, made a faux pas with my utensils at dinner, or I did something to warrant a person's quick excuse to leave. Everything I did seem to be something wrong. And if I were to engage in conversation, I would somehow make a mistake with my facts. I was strongly advised to keep quiet unless I was asked a directed question, something that was easy to answer, such as the weather or the meal. I could not go wrong with those topics, but yet, Mrs. Van Hopper did manage to find a fault somewhere.

I wanted to do my best to please her.

Why?

You know I do not like being in her company, but why should I care about her opinion of me? It means everything. If I wanted to work for another lady, then I would need a recommendation. If my tongue was loose and my mannerisms deplorable, then I would not be hired. I refused to think what my options would be if I was shunned. I was stuck, you see. I wanted desperately to leave, but I had to play the game if I wanted to have a better position. I had to allow Mrs. Van Hopper to insult me, and I had to remain shy and silent. It was better for everyone if I kept my feelings inward. And… I was solely dependent on Mrs. Van Hopper.

I disliked it so, but what else could I do?

I was her slave, her pet, her charitable project. I had to follow like an obedient puppy, constantly returning to my master after being abused. It was a façade, a role. I had to pretend that she was my savior for saving me from a life of hardship. I would be nothing without her. I knew it, and she knew it. And she played it very well to make sure I would always remember my place in her world. I was nobody.

Until… it all changed in one glorious second.

And, once again, this goes to show how fate can be very funny. For you see, were it not for Mrs. Van Hopper, then I wouldn't have met my love. My Angel of Music.

xxXXxx

I still remember that day like it was only yesterday.

We were dining in the tiny restaurant at our hotel. Mrs. Van Hopper was having ravioli and I was given a plate of ham and tongue, which was cold and badly carved. The waiters looked down upon me, recognizing my status as lowly servant, and thus were treated like one with my food. I wasn't very hungry and it was dry. Of course, I couldn't send it back. Refusing would be rude and I didn't want to put up with another lecture of decorum if I could avoid it.

So there we sat, eating in silence, a ceremonial tradition we followed at every meal so Mrs. Van Hopper could concentrate on her food. The ravioli had surpassed her expectations if I were to go by the sauce dripping down her chin.

I pushed my horrid ham with my fork and allowed my eyes to drift over to an empty table that was in the far corner of the establishment. It was secluded from the rest of the patrons and it did not have any view of the sights outside. It was a lonely and dark place to sit and eat, but my attention was captured over the maître d'hôtel who was barking out orders to have that table specially made. A brand new white tablecloth was laid out, the silverware was given another shine, and the vase was replaced with a freshly bloomed rose.

The detail to ensure a perfected atmosphere for dining was strange for never such lengths were taken before with any of the guests. Whoever was coming had to be someone of great importance. A prince, perhaps. Or a duke. I frowned. Why would any one in the royal family come to this hotel? It was nice and it catered to those who could afford it, but it was nowhere as grand as a palace.

Then I heard the maître d'hôtel clearing his throat, speaking in a murmured voice, while bowing to the incoming diner. I knew it had to be the one that was expecting that table. That maître d'hôtel was quite a snob, always keeping his nose in the air, and talking to those who he felt was worthy to give his attention to. Someone like me wouldn't be paid any heed at all, even if I only wanted more tea.

I craned my neck to get a look at this mysterious visitor that was causing a stir among the waiters, but it was Mrs. Van Hopper's sudden intake of breath that made me turn to face her once more.

Her countenance brightened, her gray eyes glowing with excitement, and her voice was just loud enough for the other diners to hear her two tables down from us.

"Why, it's Erik de Winter!" she said. "The man who owns Manderley. You heard of it, of course. Look how pale he is! They say he can't get over his wife's death…"

TBC…

Next chapter… Erik! So go ahead and leave those reviews behind!


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Happy Easter everyone! I thought it was probably for the best I upload this today rather than tomorrow. Thank you so much to everyone for reading, reviewing, and marking this as an alert! It really makes my day to read your comments! And liked I promise… Erik! Hee hee. Don't forget to review after!

**Chapter 2**

Immediately, Mrs. Van Hopper seized a napkin and was quickly cleaning herself up. I took this opportunity to sneak another glance at this Mr. de Winter and my heart leapt in my throat.

There he stood in the doorway—a tall, ominous figure exuding power and fortitude; his dinner suit was neatly pressed, an ebony, silk tie was knotted around his throat, standing out against the cleanly starched white shirt; his black hair was smoothed and slicked back, not a single strand was out of place. His broad shoulders were tensed, his hands clasped behind his back, and from what I could see of his profile… he was indeed very pale. But I did not care whether his color was pale or not. It was his beautifully sculpted features that had me transfixed: from his rigid jaw to his high cheekbones to those sharp, piercing green eyes that were intensely stormy in their gaze. If I only knew what he was thinking that put such a haunted, angered look in those eyes!

Knowing that everyone was now watching the newcomer, he moved past the sniveling host, barely acknowledging his presence as the man stumbled over his feet to stay in step with his purposeful stride towards his table.

It wasn't until he turned to his right that I noticed he wore a mask. No wonder there was such attention! And like the rest, I shamefully admit, I could not stop staring at the white porcelain that concealed half his face. Right away questions were flooding my mind: Why was he wearing a mask? Was he hiding a defect of some kind? Was he gravely ill? Was he hiding his identity for infamous reasons? Was he a thief? Was he on the run from the law?

The last couple of questions were preposterous. If he were running from the police, then why would he appear in this hotel where everyone could point him out in a minute? It had to be one of the former reasons… sickness or defect. Yet, as I thought this, I couldn't help but feel my cheeks burn with disgrace. His reason for his mask was his personal one, and if my parents knew of my quick judgment, they would be deeply disappointed.

I push any further thoughts on the mask in the back of my mind. I knew the other people in the restaurant were still rudely staring at him, including Mrs. Van Hopper, and I did not want him to think I was like the rest. Of course, I was kidding myself if he even noticed me at all. And he seemed awfully focused on a book he pulled from his coat. No… he did not see me.

I couldn't understand why that seemed to give me pain, but it did nevertheless. Then again, I suppose I should be grateful, because if he did see me… then he would clearly see who I was accompanied with and I doubt if I could bear the humiliation of Mrs. Van Hopper's blatant stare. I would feel like I was at fault for this and there was nothing I could do to change that.

No, I was given a reprieve and spared the embarrassment from Mr. de Winter's attention.

"I'm sure he remembers me. I should go over and re-introduce myself to him. Poor man. Look how lonely he is! Sitting all alone in that dark booth. He must be starving for some decent company in this wretched place," Mrs. Van Hopper said.

"I don't think he seems to mind. He has a book to read," I replied softly.

She cocked her head at me, her eyes narrowing at the outlandish idea. "You silly child! Of course you don't see that he is merely covering. How else should he behave? No. He needs friends to spend with here in Monte Carlo. After all, since his wife is dead, he will need some kind of sliver of happiness to make these days go by. I shall go to him and see that he has some good conversation to share in—you fool! Look what you did!"

It was an accident. At least, I was almost positive it was, but I couldn't stop staring in horror at what my clumsy movements caused. My leg was feeling slightly cramped and I was shifting my position when my knee bounced against the table, creating the table to shake and Mrs. Van Hopper's wine to spill across the table and onto her lap.

I quickly covered my mouth—whether or not to keep from laughing or crying an apology—and saw that Mr. de Winter was looking directly at me. It was hard to tell from the distance what his expression was, but I averted my eyes away to conceal the mortification and the bright scarlet that was covering my cheeks.

The waiter rushed over to assist Mrs. Van Hopper, but she only continued to rage and fuss over her beautifully stained gown and she slapped his hand away from trying to soak up the rest of the wine. I was praying for God to strike me right now, but He also chose to stay away from Mrs. Van Hopper's rant.

I mercifully forgot how we left the restaurant without bringing more attention to ourselves. Once we were behind closed doors, I alone was stuck with her fury. She continued her screaming and yelling until I placated her by quickly drawing a hot bath for her and groveling for forgiveness.

It worked and I was spared a few, quiet moments to myself before she emerged from her bath. I took the ruined gown and assessed whether or not I could do anything about it. To my amazement, the stain was nothing more than the size of a pea! The tablecloth brunt most of the spill it would seem. I glared at the bathroom door, growing extremely angry that she threw a tantrum over nothing. I wanted to march into that room and dumped the gown into the tub so it would be ruined. My fingers convulsed and dug into the fabric making it wrinkle.

I wanted to wipe that smug look that would be gracing that pudgy face of hers off. I wanted to tell her that she could take her precious gowns, jewels, and wigs and leave so no one else had to put up with her antics. She could even take her singing to the pound! Give the dogs there some entertainment. I'm sure they wouldn't mind singing along too.

But I stayed in my seat. _Coward_, I told myself.

Letting out a sigh, I did clean the stain out and had Mrs. Van Hopper's nightgown and slippers laid out for her. I retreated to my tiny washroom connected to my bedroom to do my nightly rituals. I cringed when I heard Mrs. Van Hopper start to sing, but I kept a straight face as I made sure that she had everything she needed before going to bed.

As I lay down, I couldn't stop thinking about Mr. de Winter. Would I see him again? And… what he must have thought of me spilling wine all over Mrs. Van Hopper!

xxXXxx

I got my wish the next afternoon.

Mrs. Van Hopper and I were sitting in our usual spots in the sunroom for our afternoon tea when she quickened the pace of her fan. "There he is!"

Stupidly, I wanted to ask where who was when my answer came when a rich, baritone voice spoke behind me. I slowly looked up as Mr. de Winter stood over us, the mask catching the light from the sun, making the contours appear softer than what it was. His eyes were unreadable, but I swore I could catch a hint of an amused smile dangling on his lips.

From this closer inspection, I could see he was certainly older than me. Not older like Mrs. Van Hopper older, but I would estimate he was in his late thirties or early forties. There was a little bit of gray at his temple, but if anything, it gave him more of a distinct impression. A little fleck of his pupils in my direction and I blushed, knowing I was once more rudely staring at him. But my embarrassment was forgotten when Mrs. Van Hopper began to speak at once.

"Oh, Mr. de Winter! I thought that was you the other evening at supper. I was telling my companion that you had to be Mr. de Winter of Manderley. I don't know if you remembered me, but I once attended a ball at your lovely home about a couple of years ago before my Ulysses past. Such an extravagant night that was! All the music and dancing, I never wanted it to end, you see! And the late Mrs. de Winter in all her beauty and sweet nature… I don't think I ever met such an enchanting woman in all my life! Of course, you must know how deeply sorry I am that you lost her. It's not easy losing a spouse, you know, for I don't think I will ever get over the empty spot my Ulysses left in my heart. Listen to me! Why should I speak of loss when we have two old friends reuniting! Please, you must join me for tea. My dear, would you mind telling the waiter that Mr. de Winter and I are ready to have our tea."

I knew I wasn't wanted for this reunion and as I stood to make room, Mr. de Winter shook his head and bade me to sit. "I'm afraid I must contradict you. I shall have tea with the both of you."

"Oh. Very well then," Mrs. Van Hopper said, her smile becoming tight at the thought that I was to be joining them.

However, I was too stunned and my cheeks were alit with fire from those two sweet sentences. His voice! I never heard anyone speak so achingly beautiful: deep, but rough like velvet, and rich like chocolate melting on a hot summer day. I felt a tiny shiver crawl down my spine and forced to keep still so no one would notice the affect his voice had over me.

Of course, no one did and I was being silly once more.

Mr. de Winter snapped his finger, motioning a waiter to bring him a chair. In a flash, another one was brought to our table and within a minute so was our tea with a tray of cookies, petit fours, and assorted finger sandwiches.

I leaned forward to grab the teapot, but he beat me to it. I was struck by dumb shock as he went ahead and poured our tear for all of us. I could feel Mrs. Van Hopper's eyes boring into me, angry that I didn't insist I should do the honor, and found my lap quite interesting to look upon. He asked my employer how she liked it, and then the goose that I am, jumped when he murmured the same question to me.

"A little lemon," I mumbled, still looking into my lap. From under my lashes, I watched as he added the little lemon that I requested and held the saucer and cup out to me. I flicked another glance to Mrs. Van Hopper who was silently steaming over my presence. I'm quite certain she had hoped I took the initiative and excuse myself from the table. I could have said I had a headache, or a tennis lesson, or I don't like tea, anything for me to leave. I wanted to, though. How I desperately wanted to flee from my seat and never have to look at him again! I can only imagine what he thought of me—a foolish, clumsy girl who right now who could do nothing but blush whenever a question was posed to her. I'm pretty sure he might have even thought me stupid since I barely spoke.

The saucer and cup was still suspended mid-air and with shaky fingers, I accepted it, my cheeks flushing as my finger accidentally brushed against his. I nearly dropped my tea from the tiny shock of electricity that trailed up my arm. I quickly muttered a "thank you" and busied myself with picking up snacks for my plate. I didn't take notice what I took, not feeling hungry suddenly, but at least it kept me preoccupied while Mrs. Van Hopper and Mr. de Winter conversed.

"Carlotta Van Hopper, you say? Ah, I remember you now. I thought you looked familiar last night, but I wasn't sure until I heard your voice. You sang '_The Jewel Song_' that night at Manderley."

"Indeed I did Mr. de Winter!" she blushed with delight, absolutely pleased he did remember her from the many faces that most certainly came in and out of Manderley's doors. "What a fine memory you have!"

"Madam, you flatter me. It's not so much a fine memory, but that I could never forget a voice such as yours," he replied tersely.

My jaw dropped at his seemingly innocent comment, but his tone spoke on the contrary. Did he… did he just insult Mrs. Van Hopper's singing? Worried on her reaction, I looked at her, but she didn't seem to notice that he slighted her talent! Instead, her fan fluttered a little quickly and her eyes sparkled with joy that he could recall her voice! Amazing!

"You are too kind," she twittered. "Of course, my singing couldn't compare to that of your wife's! Now, there was a real angel!"

I noted that his jaw tightened and something dark passed through those eyes. As quickly as it came it was gone. I wondered if I imagined it…

"You should know since you did marry her," Mrs. Van Hopper continued, "Let me assure you that when we heard the news of her passing… how terribly sorry we all were. What a tragedy! And for someone as young as she! I told my daughter that poor Mr. de Winter had to be beside himself and I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to close Manderley's doors for some time. It can't at all be the same with her gone."

"Your daughter?" he repeated, peering curiously at me.

She saw this and vehemently shook her head. "Oh no! She's not my daughter. My Catherine resides in New York."

"I see," he said, his inquisitive eyes locked on me. I knew I should say something, but my tongue was stuck and I feared that a squeak would come out. I bit my lower lip and watched the steam in my cup rise, the tiny wisps floating and mingling together.

"But you are here now in Monte Carlo so I was right when you closed the doors to Manderley," Mrs. Van Hopper said, breaking the attention off of me.

He sighed and gave a short nod. "Yes, but not for long. I find Monte Carlo to be lacking. And you? How do you find Monte Carlo or don't you think of it at all?"

That was directed to me. Nervously, I fidgeted with my napkin, and then began to open my mouth—

"She finds it exceptional. The poor dear never traveled outside of England before. I thought it my Christian duty to give her an education of the Continent."

"How very kind of you," Mr. de Winter said, a smirk dancing on his lips. "And is it? An education?"

"Yes," I found myself finally replying before my employer could do it for me. "Monte Carlo is interesting. I think I would like to come back every summer if I could for the rest of my life."

"Ah, I'm sure you would," he replied. "Any person your age would think that and years ago I would have certainly agreed. Now, I can think of better places to visit in my lifetime."

I wasn't sure if that was an insult or an observation based on the passage of time and experience. Either way, I did not say no more.

"Of course you must miss Manderley awfully so," Mrs. Van Hopper said. "I daresay the gardens must look splendid when they bloom in the spring."

"Yes they are. I hope to make my return back to Manderley just in time."

She chuckled. "I would love to see them again! Mr. de Winter I hope this year you will open your doors once more."

"They are always open to the public," he retorted, picking up his cup and taking a sip. "Perhaps, you should come at your earliest convenience."

She let out another giggle as if he made a joke. "Oh, Mr. de Winter, how droll you are! You better be careful what promises you say to an old woman. I would certainly intend you to keep them."

"I'm sure you would," he consented, sending another look at me.

"You must tell me of your plans for Monte Carlo. Now that we renewed our friendship, I trust I will see more of you here at tea, even perhaps, at dinner."

"I thought about driving out to Sospel tomorrow. As for dinner tonight, I have not made any plans, but I will consult you once I decided."

"Excellent!"

I couldn't believe how Mr. de Winter was making those jabs at her… and she being so oblivious! I was embarrassed for her that she could not take a hint, but at the same time, I found myself fighting back a grin. He was the only person to put Mrs. Van Hopper in her place without her even knowing it. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to me to be able to witness this.

"I hope they have given you a good room. Has your valet unpacked your belongings for you?"

"I do not possess one," he said quietly. "Perhaps, you could do it for me."

At that, her fan stopped and her eyes widened in astonishment. So much for remaining oblivious. She was clearly flustered, and she was trying to think of something quick to say in response, but she settled her look on me and smiled.

"Maybe you could make yourself useful to Mr. de Winter, if he wants anything done. You are a capable child in many ways. Say the word Mr. de Winter and she will do whatever you ask."

A clouded look pass over his eyes, the green darkened to a black hue, at her words. I could not make out what was passing through his mind, but there was something akin to hunger that caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter about with trepidation. I was not afraid of this man; at least I knew it could not be fright I felt, but something foreign in the pit of my belly. From the moment I first saw him to the moment I heard him speak… I was entranced by his mesmerizing presence. I wanted to learn everything I could about him and I knew I could get Mrs. Van Hopper to reveal every little intimate detail if I phrased my questions correctly.

Somehow, I knew that life would never be dull in his company.

The look disappeared from him and he nodded. "We'll see. But, sadly, I cling to the family motto. He travels the fastest who travels alone. You should think about it. Now, I must bid both of you goodbye." Mr. de Winter stood up immediately, bowed to us, and made haste out of the room.

His exit was brisk and I wondered what chased him out of a hurry. I feared it was Mrs. Van Hopper's bold suggestion of my services to him. Oh God… he knew of my association of her! What if he thinks I'm just as forward as she? Or nosy?

If I thought last night would ensure he never see us again, and then I was positive today would seal that fate. Unfortunately, I wouldn't fault him if he took great liberties to make sure our paths don't cross. I know if I were him I would do the very same thing.

The thought saddened me in a way I couldn't explain.

The rest of tea time passed slowly and I was all too relieved when it was time to go. As we made our way to the elevator, Mrs. Van Hopper reached out to touch my arm.

"By the way, my dear, do not think me unkind, but you should know that you were a teensy bit forward this afternoon with Mr. de Winter. Poor man was evidently embarrassed and had to leave so you would not further humiliate yourself. Your efforts to monopolize the conversation were mortifying to me as well. Take mind to remember. Men loathe that sort of quality in a woman."

How could I respond to that? I couldn't and wisely kept my mouth shut all the way up to our rooms. While Mrs. Van Hopper retired to make her phone calls, I grabbed my sketchbook. I needed fresh air and I needed to get away from her and… _him_. I shouted out I was leaving and as soon as I opened the door, I found a small boy waiting outside. He held out a note to me and I shook my head.

"Mrs. Van Hopper is in her room," I said, pointing to the closed door.

He looked at me in confusion. I thought he didn't understand English and as I scrambled to repeat myself in French, he shook his head and said it was for me.

For me? Who…?

I accepted the note and saw there was no name on the envelope. I opened it and pulled out a single sheet of paper that was written in an unfamiliar hand with only a short message:

_Forgive me. I was very rude this afternoon._

"Is there a reply?" the boy asked and I shook my head to break up the dazed surprise I felt.

"No."

He left and I stared at the note once more, examining the beautiful cursive. It was art itself with the linking of letters and dotting and crossing of the 't' and 'i'. Of course, the identity of this mysterious penman of this note was lost to me. I did not know anyone in the hotel that well and they were all friends with Mrs. Van Hopper. Surely, the boy meant her and not me. It was a mistake and I intercepted a private, personal matter with my employer.

Yet, why was there not a name on the envelope? If it were meant for her, then the person would have written her name or her initials as an indication so the message would not wind up in the wrong hands.

I turned it over to inspect it carefully so to make sure it was Mrs. Van Hopper's, but I could not find anything that would hint it was for her.

So it must be for me… but who would write to me asking for my forgiveness?

I frowned and put the note in my pocket. There had to be a mistake. Maybe the boy got the room mixed up with another room. I knew the right thing to do was head to the desk and return it and explained what happened, but I didn't want the boy to get into trouble. And if the message was intended for another person, then that person had the right to know that someone had been asking for their pardon for a transgression that was committed. If that was the case, then the person who wrote it should have been specific on who the addressor was supposed to be if they expected an answer. Maybe he would write another and the second time would make sure the message was placed in the right hands.

I prayed that would be the result.

TBC…

So there we have it! Erik and Christine meet! And Carlotta being a brownnoser like always. Lol. Stick around. There will be more E/C interaction!


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you everyone for the kind words and all the alerts! I see I captured a lot of attention and I hope it stays that way! I know everyone is going to love this chapter so I'm not going to keep you long—just wanted to say thank you! And don't forget to hit that review button afterwards!

**Chapter 3**

The next morning Mrs. Van Hopper woke with a sore throat and a feverish temperature. I rang for a doctor immediately and the diagnosis was influenza. She was ordered to remain in bed rest until the fever broke.

Before he left, the doctor examined me as well to make sure I didn't catch anything as well. I was fine and never felt so well in my life. He was satisfied with my state of health, but he did instruct me and Mrs. Van Hopper that I should not be in the room for a long period of time. If I were to become sick, then no one would be able to serve Mrs. Van Hopper as diligent as I could.

Reluctantly, she bid me I could do what I pleased. I wanted to thank the doctor, but he was gone.

"Now, don't wander off too far child," Mrs. Van Hopper ordered. "Just because I'm stuck here doesn't mean you can shirk your duties. I do expect my tea and meals at the same time so make sure the staff knows to bring it up. And hand me my letters and calling list. And my deck of cards too."

I went around the room, collecting the items she requested, and once Mrs. Van Hopper settled in with what she needed I was able to leave the room.

Now, what to do with my newfound freedom?

I did manage to walk around the hotel before, but I had yet to venture into the city. Before I left for my journey, my stomach rumbled in protest and decided to eat a small breakfast first.

The restaurant was empty with only a couple of patrons eating their meals. I wandered over to our table and took a seat. I pulled out my sketchbook and turned to the drawing I had started yesterday. Right now, it was more of a rough outline and it did not appear at all like my subject. No matter. I would change that very soon. As my pencil flew across the paper I was instantly aware I was being watched. I looked from underneath my lashes and found Mr. de Winter on the other side of the room. He was studying me with a tilt of his head, probably wondering where Mrs. Van Hopper was. His stare unnerved me and I accidentally spilled my glass of water over the table.

I jumped up, grabbing my sketchbook and pencil, a flood of apologies rushing out of my mouth as the waiter began to clean my mess up. So caught up in my frenzy state I did not notice that Mr. de Winter was suddenly at my side, his hand placed gently on my shoulder.

"Another setting at my table," he told the waiter. "The young lady will be joining me."

I looked up at him, completely taken aback by his command. "Y-you don't h-have to, s-sir," I stammered. "I'll be fine here once they replaced the cloth with a dry one."

He shook his head. "Nonsense. Now, don't stand there so rudely and come with me. I promise to be the perfect gentleman if that will appease your nervous heart."

Knowing if I were to reject his offer again, then I would be insulting him. After the encounter with Mrs. Van Hopper, I didn't want him to compare me to her. So I timidly nodded my consent and followed him to his table.

I slid into the seat, taking note that even though it was separated from the others, it did offer a great view to people watch. I remarked on that and he smiled. "Yes, it does. That's why I always requested this very table."

Feeling his eyes on me, I made an effort to keep my head up so I could look back. I was startled by how handsome he was, despite the glaring white mask on his right side. If anything, I believe it only heightened his allure and aloofness. "Thank you again Mr. de Winter. That was very nice of you to let me dine with you."

He waved his hand and shrugged. "It wasn't a very nice thing to do and I was being selfish. I wanted you to share my company. I trust you got my note?"

I nearly choked on my water. H-he wrote that note?

He chuckled at my response. "I take it you did. Please, you must know, it was nothing to do with you. I know I can be quite a boar in my manners and need to be reminded on how to behave in polite society, but that woman you are with tried my patience. How you could put up with her for a surmountable amount of time is beyond me. You must certainly be a saint or an angel."

His words caused me to blush. "You praise me too highly, sir. I don't think I deserve such a comparison."

He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. "Don't be so modest, my dear. I want you to speak freely around me. I know you cannot stand to be around that vile creature."

I wasn't sure what to do and my confusion and fear showed itself. He let out a sigh. "Do not fret. Anything you say in front of me will be in strict confidence. Despite the contrary on what Mrs. Van Hopper believes, she is no friend of mine and I do not wish you to believe I enjoyed her company at all. So whatever you need to get off your chest it will not be reported to her ears."

"I'll remember that," I said, nodding. It wasn't much of a victory on his part, I believed, but he seemed to accept that with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Now, my dear… well, if you excuse me, I failed to do my part as a proper gentleman with introductions at our last meeting. Allow me to correct that horrible wrong. My name is Erik de Winter, and I insist you call me Erik. I will not settle for 'sir' or 'Mr. de Winter' or any other formal title."

This sudden carelessness of throwing propriety out the door was shocking to say the least. Part of me waged battle that I should insist upon following the rules of society while the other half of me thrilled at the idea I should call him by his Christian name when others did not. I know I was being bad, but I did not want to make him feel guilty or that he was being rude.

"All right… Erik," I tested the name on my tongue. Erik. I liked it. A lot. It was an improvement than Mr. de Winter. "If we are to be on first names basis, then I shall ask you to do the same. My name is Christine. Christine Daaé."

"Christine," he purred and my pulse raced. "Very well."

He motioned the server to come and take our orders. Once the man was gone, Erik turned back to me. "Daaé is it? You wouldn't have to have any relations to the violinist Gustave Daaé?"

I beamed with pride. "Yes! He was my father."

"I should have known. You have his kind eyes."

"You knew my father well?"

"We've crossed paths here and there. Of course, I hadn't seen him in years, but he did teach me how to play the violin. I was sad to hear the news of his passing."

"I still miss him," I told Erik. "He was a good man, but I knew he wanted nothing more than to be with my mother in heaven. Now, they are both angels taking part in God's beautiful orchestra."

"He must have loved your mother very much if his wish was to join her. Forgive me, but that is selfish, more so than my insistence of you dining with me."

"It's all right. I know how it sounds, but I don't bear him any ill will of leaving me. It was God's will to take him at that point, not his own."

"Naïve child," Erik muttered and the words stung me. "I give you more credit than I. I doubt I could ever be that forgiving if the one I loved should leave me so."

"I'm sure your wife's death was not by fault either," I said and realized I said something wrong. His lips were pressed firmly together, his body tensed, and he was looking away from me. "O-of course, no one can predict when such an event can happen."

"No… of course not." He returned his gaze to me and I was pleased that he didn't seem angry anymore. "Do you not have any family?"

"No. My relatives are either dead or long forgotten. I have no one, well, except Mrs. Van Hopper."

"Oh yes. Forgive my curious mind, but how in the world did you acquaint yourself with her?"

So I told him about Mrs. Thompson's shop and Mrs. Van Hopper's orders and my trick that led me to her offer as being a paid companion. He chuckled at my ingenious maneuver and said, "A paid companion? I did not think that companionship could be bought."

"Well, I looked companionship once up in a dictionary and it read, 'Friend of the bosom.' Do you find that rather silly?"

He laughed. "That's probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. And to learn that people do this… well, I am relieved to know you are not a relative of hers."

"She's not too bad," I defended. I felt like I should say something good about her despite how she treated me. "She does have her good qualities."

"Such as?" It was a challenge and I foolishly fell for it.

"Well, for an instance," I began. "She tipped me very generously for my work. And I have seen her do the same for others. She's also…" I was going to say donate her time to help feed the poor, but that was me she sent in her place. "Well, there was one time when…"

Erik took pity on me and moved the conversation elsewhere. He was right. There weren't that many good qualities to be found in Carlotta Van Hopper. I knew that but my lack of defense proved to be enough.

"What are your plans for today Christine? You're not planning on staying close by if Mrs. Van Hopper should need you?"

"No. I thought I might take in the sights of Monte Carlo, visit a museum. I have my sketchbook with me so I thought I might spend some time in making sure I will never forget this place."

"You draw? May I see?" He reached for my book, but I quickly pulled it away.

"Very little and I'm not very good. It's more of a hobby than anything."

"I should be the judge of that. I'm sure Mrs. Van Hopper has told you that I happened to be a connoisseur of the arts. You know I play the violin thanks to your father, and I can play a great deal of other instruments as well, compose music, and I do draw and paint, as well as write poetry if inspired."

"That's quite a repertoire," I said, although to hear he could do all those things made my humble sketches sound inferior. Not to mention my singing.

"It's nothing. Like you said, it's merely a hobby of mine." He finished his coffee just as our breakfast came. We ate in comfortable silence, now and then commenting on the food, but I could hardly eat. I was too excited to be with him and I did attempt to finish my eggs before he could tell me to eat some more.

Our plates were cleared off and we continued talking until I noticed the restaurant was being prepared for lunch.

"Do you think they will kick us out or let us stay?" I whispered. "The maître d'hôtel is staring rather bluntly at us and I fear that vein on his forehead might burst."

"Oh?" Erik turned but he was looking in a different direction. "I didn't see it."

"I assume not," I said. "The last thing he probably wants you to do is take your business somewhere else."

Erik grunted rather ungentlemanly like and I couldn't help but laugh. "It's all about the money. He doesn't give a damn about me or how I feel as long as I keep paying my tab."

"Still… I think I should go or Mrs. Van Hopper might send someone for me."

"Can't have that now, can we?" Erik stood. "Come. I will drive you around Monte Carlo."

"What? Oh… that's very kind s-sir but don't think that I implied I needed a ride—"

"Christine, don't tell me you are going to revert back to our respected roles that are required for us to play in the world. I thought after this we moved past that and moved right along to good friends. Now don't act the stranger and follow me. And don't you dare thank me either."

I closed my mouth for that was exactly what I was going to say, and stood to follow him out. He led me to the front door and stopped. "Wait for me here." He turned to walk away, and then stopped again. "You know, you might want to bring a jacket. Do you think you could sneak into your room without Mrs. Van Hopper knowing?"

"I'll be fine without one. The weather looks so lovely anyways."

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded. He shrugged. "All right. I'll be right back."

I couldn't stop beaming like a schoolgirl. I was going out for a drive with Mr. de—no, Erik. This was going to be absolutely wonderful and I couldn't wait for him to return to me so we could go on our adventure.

The wait seemed like an eternity, but Erik emerged from the elevator with a coat and hat on. He twirled the car keys in his hand, his green eyes also glowing with delight, and he led me out to his car.

The sun was out and it was quite warm, but there was a breeze coming through. It didn't help that Erik's car had no top, but I didn't care. I was too high with joy that overflowed me. Of course, I did return back to earth when the breeze became too much for my hair. A couple of my pins fell loose and I tried to catch them, but Erik reached out to still my hand.

I raised my brow quizzically as he replied, "Leave it down."

So I did.

We drove through the town as the people were bustling to get to where they were going. It was fascinating to see the vibrant colors blur past us and catching the sweet aromas from the market. I thought for sure Erik would take me to some of the historic sites as he told me the history behind the landmarks as we drove past, but to my astonishment, he headed towards a steep road that took us higher up from the city.

I knew I must have looked bewildered and Erik pat my arm reassuringly. "There's something I would like to show you. I think you appreciate it."

I didn't have to wait long to find out. He slowed down and parked the car off the road. "Bring your sketchbook," he told me and walked around to get my door. As I stood, he pressed his hand against my shoulder to keep me from moving. "Wait." He lifted his fingers and removed the rest of my pins that held my hair up. While my curls floated past my shoulders, he took a step back and nodded to himself.

"That's better. I knew it would."

He placed the pins in his pocket and held his arm out to me. "Come."

I eagerly placed my own in his and he led me through a gravel path that took us up towards the cliffs. The ocean was below us and the crashing of the waves was so loud that I could barely hear what Erik was saying. I held on tight to him when at last we reached the top.

It was breathtaking.

I took a few steps closer, being careful of the small rocks, to look over at the blue-green waters. The wind appeared to have calm for the moment and I was able to marvel over the spectacular view without my hair getting in my way.

Out in the distance, I could see ships and boats in the waters, the bright white sails gleaming in the sunlight. The mist sprayed against my face, and I closed my eyes to take it all in with my other senses. Suddenly, feeling like I was the only partaking in this glorious moment of nature, I turned to Erik and found him resting against a white rock. He had his arms crossed, the wind teasing his black hair, and he seemed content.

I walked over to him and sat down.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked and I nodded. "It's my favorite spot here in Monte Carlo. It's so peaceful that I can let my thoughts wander and not have to worry about the pressures or stresses of life. Here I can forget…" His voice trailed off and I waited for him to continue, but he did not. Instead, he looked at my sketchbook. "You should get some pretty drawings here. Take your time."

I already decided what I would draw and opened to my recent page. Erik had moved away, walking over to the spot where I was and stood there looking out. It was so simple, nothing amazing, but seeing him right in the middle of it all, my heart warmed. This man was confusing and complicated and temperamental. I didn't know what to expect from him, and I liked that he could keep me guessing. He made me feel so different about myself. Moreover, he was not at all like the other men in Mrs. Van Hopper's circle. I felt like I could be myself around Erik, I didn't have to hide or try to make myself invisible.

Feeling at ease with my situation, I started to hum and then I began to sing out loud. It was an old English folksong my mother sang to me.

_It's of a rich nobleman lately, we hear;_  
><em>He had but one daughter, most beautiful, fair;<em>  
><em>And she was adored, most beautiful child,<em>  
><em>A blooming young damsel that has me beguiled.<em>

_Her father being dead, and she at her ease,_  
><em>To gaze on her work folks did ride in their chaise;<em>  
><em>Till at length a young ploughboy came whistling by,<em>  
><em>And on this young ploughboy she fixed her eye.<em>

_Great raptures of love this young lady did show,_  
><em>To gaze on his beauty to the fields she did go;<em>  
><em>When he whistled so sweetly he made the groves ring,<em>  
><em>And his cheeks were like roses that bloom in the Spring.<em>

_Then she and her maid, they agreed both to go_  
><em>And dress themselves up in some regimental clothes,<em>  
><em>With broad-sword in hand, they marched through the grove<em>  
><em>To press this young ploughboy with a warrant of love.<em>

_Then, with this love letter she had in her hand:_  
><em>Here's an order for sea without more demand!<em>  
><em>No cares, and no troubles, great bounty you'll take,<em>  
><em>No danger on sea, you your fortune will make!<em>

_Then in a close room this young man was confined_  
><em>Till she changed her dress; then she told him her mind.<em>  
><em>Then she like an angel for beauty did appear,<em>  
><em>And said I'll prove true to thee, ploughboy so dear.<em>

_Now married this loving young couple they were,_  
><em>In a sweet country life, and free from all care.<em>  
><em>No cares and no troubles shall e'er them annoy,<em>  
><em>They'll be happily blessed with a fountain of joy.<em>

My soft song picked up in volume as I sketched and it wasn't until I reached the end I instantly remembered that I wasn't alone. I lifted my face to find Erik gawking at me, his green eyes wide and luminous. I began to blush furiously, fearing my voice was not to his liking. But to my shock and trepidation, he took a few tentative steps towards me and very gently he pressed his hand to my stomach.

"Stand up straighter," he commanded, his voice a breathless whisper.

I did, curious and stunned by this sudden change in behavior. He straightened and told me to sing again. "This time," he said, "I want you to project your voice, round out those vowels."

I did as he asked and his eyes slipped close as the wind tickled the hairs by his ear. When I finished, he nodded, his eyes opening to reveal a single tear.

"Bravi," he murmured, those beautiful eyes piercing right to my very soul. "Bravissima."

"It... It was nothing," I stammered, dipping my chin down to look at my drawing.

"Nothing?" he repeated. "Nothing!" He let out a sardonic chuckle and took my shoulders in his palms. "Christine…" God! That voice was so heavenly and such agony in saying my name. "I have never heard such a voice! You… Surely, you are one of God's angels!"

Now, I knew he was being too kind. "Thank you, but really, I'm not that good."

He looked at me hard as if I somehow insulted him. Why should he feel insulted when I was only criticizing myself? I was going to say something else, but he was already pulling me up from my seat.

"Come, we must return," he said briskly, pulling me along. "I'm sure that fool will be missing you."

He was mad. I knew and I wasn't sure how to repair the damage I unintentionally caused. The drive back to our hotel was awkwardly silent and I attempted to make small talk, but he only looked out ahead to the road. I shivered—the cold from the wind and his silence giving me chills. That caught his attention and he was pulling the car over to the side again.

He shrugged out of his coat and handed it to me. "Here," he said. "Put it down. The last thing you want to do is catch ill because of your foolishness."

I flinched at his scolding, my cheeks scarlet with shame, and I adjusted it over my shoulders. His coat was so warm and I sank into the heat it provided from the ocean's breath. I inhaled deeply, drinking in his cologne and my heart was doing flip-flops once more. I wanted to say thank you, but he already had the car lurching forward and he continued his silent treatment to me.

When we arrived, he did not help me out of the car. Instead, he stayed in his seat, his hands gripping the steering wheel as if it were life itself. Tears were beginning to prick behind my eyes as I quickly got out of the car. I grabbed my sketchbook, hugging it to my chest, and remembering his coat… I also took it off and placed it in my seat.

Without another word, I turned so I could flee and be alone to the misery of my creation. But I heard a slam of the car door, and I froze hoping that he would plead for my forgiveness for his coldness and I would apologize for what I said back on the cliffs, and we would be good friends once more as he invited me to dine again with him.

Instead, he returned my pins to me.

I looked up at him, searching for something… anything that would prove to me it wasn't late to make things right. His expression was unreadable, his eyes indiscernible. If I only knew what he was thinking!

"Good day." His curt dismissal cut right into my heart. This time I did not stop nor turn back as I fled up the stairs to the doors. The tears were falling by the time I ran into the elevator, telling the liftboy to take me to my floor. I left immediately without thanking him when the door opened to my floor. My feet padded down the hall as I quietly sobbed. It wasn't until I passed the mirror that I realized what a mess and fright I had looked.

My curls were all over the place, my eyes red and puffy, and my nose runny, and my chin would not stop quivering. If Mrs. Van Hopper saw me…

I took to task to get my hair under control, replacing my pins as carefully as I could with my trembling fingers. As for my face, I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped my tears away as best as I could. I still looked wretched, but at least it wasn't as bad as it was before. And my shaking did stop.

I went to the room, finding Mrs. Van Hopper vehemently fighting with a nurse over her medication. I closed the door as gently as I could, but she heard me and whirled her face at me.

"There you are! I was wondering what was taking you so long! Do you have any idea how miserable I was being left in the care of these idiots? Put your things down and help me with my medicine. At least, I know you are competent enough to help me with that. You, on the other hand, _nurse_ can leave."

The nurse bowed and hurried past me, muttering all kinds of names at my employer. I stood there, but Mrs. Van Hopper began calling me over. "Don't stand there like a log. I am not paying you to stand by idly."

With a resigned sigh, I set my things down and went to her side. It was then she noticed my tears.

"Come, child, what's this all about? Surely, you cannot be distressed about me! I assure you I will be feeling better if these morons know how to do their proper jobs. Now, my dear, fetch me a glass of water and then I want you to read to me. That's a good girl."

I got her the glass of water and the book she was currently reading, and read to her while she began a game of solitaire. I lost my place several times and eventually she bid me to stop so she could get some sleep. I was all too pleased to do as she asked so I could have time to myself and to reflect on what happened today.

I couldn't stop thinking about Erik and to think of the pain he must be in that I caused… I knew there was more to it than my voice, but why wouldn't he tell me? Did he not trust me?

Of course, we had recently met and I doubt he would be telling me all of his secrets, but I desperately wanted him to confide in me. I had to see him and tell him that I'm still his friend and that I won't say anything bad about my voice ever again if that should make him feel better.

Sorrow was replaced by optimism and I left for the restaurant to see if Erik was having his dinner. I looked but he was not there so I went to the concierge to see if Mr. de Winter was in.

He looked at me oddly and responded, "I'm afraid Mr. de Winter is gone for the evening mademoiselle."

"Oh," I said, trying not to look or sound too disappointed. "Did Mr. de Winter say he will be back in the morning?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Thank you." I turned away from the desk, my hand clutching my chest where my heart was no doubt breaking in half. He was gone… what if he never came back? What if he left to go home?

But he didn't say anything about Erik checking out so he should still be planning to return. Oh God! I hope it's not too late! I hope he returns soon!

TBC…

The song Christine is singing is the English folk song "The Rich Nobleman and His Daughter." It was printed in 1902 in the Journal of Folksong Society, and I, of course do not own the lyrics.

And would Erik return? If you want him to, then leave a review and I might be able to convince him.


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Hi everyone! It's been a busy week and with some persuading I got Erik… well, you need to read to find out. ; ) Also, I think I might have a teaching job in the near future so yay! I went to a teacher fair and had some very promising conversations with a couple of recruiters so I have my fingers crossed that it will work out.

And I do feel a little bad that Erik left Christine so here's plenty of fluff. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing and welcome new readers!

**Chapter 4**

The concierge was wrong and Erik did return in the morning. However, he did not come down for breakfast or for lunch. When I went to the desk, they told me that Mr. de Winter was not to be disturbed. Under any circumstances.

Bereft, I was at a loss on what to do. I wanted to see him again. I don't know how to explain it, but I _needed _him. The hours that we spent together were the best hours of my life and how I wished I could turn back time to relive those precious moments again. Alas, it did not seem to work that way.

Deciding not to stay any longer in the hotel, I left to explore Monte Carlo on my own. If I stayed, then I would either have to help Mrs. Van Hopper (who was still dreadfully sick) or make a fool of myself and wait by Erik's door like a dog. I thought the fresh air and the new sights would be enough distraction for me; however, it only made me think of Erik all the more.

Every street I walked, I wondered if Erik had a story about the names or the buildings I passed. Even when I went into a museum, I wanted to know what his thoughts were of the paintings.

That was not part of my plan.

Since sightseeing was not going to work, I was grateful I brought my sketchbook along so I could focus on that for the time being. I found a pretty fountain in the main square where a couple of children were splashing each other. It was a sight that I knew I had to capture it.

I sat in a café chair and began to draw as quickly as I could before they wandered away. I did finish the children before their mother came to collect them, and it allowed me to work on the fountain and the surrounding buildings as a background. The architecture was a work of art in itself—with all the whites and reds and pinks that I knew I could never tire of this place.

I spent a few hours working on my sketches, even working on some portraits of people who were nearby. For whatever reason, when it came to drawing people… I never could seem to get the faces right. I tried to sketch an elderly woman who was across from me, but I gave up. I couldn't get her right on the page.

I did have some unfinished sketches so I flipped through my book looking for one. And I stopped on _his_.

Was it really two nights ago when I started this sketch of Erik? I peered closer at it and… it wasn't bad. It wasn't perfect or great, but it was an improvement from the other portraits I have done.

I knew it was dangerous for me to continue his, but my hand had a mind of it's own as the pencil glided over the page once more. I did not have to see him to get a visual aid. I knew exactly what he looked like and I added more details this time.

His hair, always slicked back except for yesterday when the wind ruffled it, I chose to keep it loose and soft. I liked it that way. It made him look so… relaxed. Not at all tense and formal when I first met him. Then I carefully worked on the curvature of his cheek, making it round, and then angled it sharper for his chin. His lips were smooth, but in a firm line to suggest either a displeasure or unhappiness. Slowly, I worked my way up to his eyes. Now this was the daunting part. His eyes… they were so expressive. One second they could be sparkling with amusement, the next they would blacken in anger, or be so distant when lost in his thoughts… His eyes were as much of an enigma as the man. They were essential to his character and I wanted my likeness of him to come out of the page.

"Is that truly how you see me?"

I jumped, nearing dropping my book and pencil, as I whirled around in my seat to find Erik right behind me! His lips curled upwards, amused that he caught me off guard, and I detected a hint of playfulness in those eyes that I spent the last ten minutes pondering.

"Well?" he asked, waiting for my reply.

I was too speechless. He was the last person I expected to meet, especially after yesterday and his exile in his room. I looked down at my drawing and closed my book.

"It's not done," I finished lamely.

"I don't know. It looked pretty done to me. I must admit I am rather curious about my countenance. I know I'm not always a pleasant man to be around, but that look does make me wonder if I really appear like that."

"It's only a sketch," I said. "I didn't mean anything by it. A-and I am going to change it."

"Why? Don't tell me you will do it on my account. Don't let my opinion sway the artist." He took a seat at the empty chair next to me and waved the waiter over. "Would you like anything?"

"N-no," I answered, and Erik sighed. "Water for me then."

When the waiter was gone, I found the courage to blurt out, "Why were you in your room today? Why didn't you come for breakfast?"

He regarded me with a wry grin. "Was my presence missed?"

_Yes_. "I-I thought you were mad at me."

"Mad?" Confusion filled his eyes. "Why on earth would I be mad at you?"

I looked at him astonished. "Y-yesterday. After I sang, I said—"

"Yes, yes. I know what you said. And you thought I was mad at you about that?"

"Well… weren't you?" Now I was so confused. If he wasn't mad at me, then why was he so silent? So dismissive?

"How could I when that is your opinion? Grant it, it was the _wrong _opinion, but it was not me who was singing. I don't care what you think about your voice, but I know it was good. Too good in fact. Come to think of… yes, I think I shall be upset if I hear you criticize yourself again. You have talent Christine. A voice like that should be heard, not kept hidden from the world. You should be on the stage singing to your adoring fans and not as a companion to the likes of Mrs. Van Hopper."

His praises lifted my spirits and I felt myself overflowing with joy. "You really think so?"

Erik nodded. "Indeed I do. As you may know, I'm generally not one to compliment someone so highly."

"I-I guess so." I couldn't stop smiling. "I would love to… one day. I keep hoping that someone would hear me and offer a leading part right away."

He laughed. "If only it was that easy, my dear. But… I do not doubt that it would happen for you."

"Thank you. Erik?"

"Yes?" he responded, and then thanked the waiter for his water. I waited for him to finish his sip before I continued. "Why were you in your room then? The concierge said you were not to be disturbed."

"I did tell them that didn't I? I'm sorry Christine. I should have specified that I was not to be disturbed unless it was you."

Unless it was me? I made sure to tuck that little memory away for the future when I was alone in my room. I wondered if he knew how much that meant to me to hear him say that.

"I suppose I should tell you since I misled you so earlier. I was composing. After hearing you sing, I was suddenly inspired."

"You were?"

"Yes. I couldn't think of anything else except that I must return to my room, to my piano and pen and make sure I do not forget a note. It was not until a short while ago that I needed a break and thought stretching my legs out would do me some good."

"Yes. I was thinking about going for a walk before I returned to the hotel," I said.

"Let's do that then."

He finished his water and left a tip, and we walked out together. I was too elated that he wasn't really angry with me. And to think he was composing because of me! I asked him if I could listen to his music.

"No," was his abrupt answer.

My expression was crestfallen. Why would he not want me to hear?

As if he read my thoughts, Erik added, "No one ever listens to my music unless I'm done and ready. And what I am working on… it's different from other pieces I have composed. This is not a simple song or melody or sonata. This is something on a bigger scale, much grander. It's my masterpiece. I have spent my whole life working and reworking the music. I often wonder if I would ever finish it in my lifetime."

"That is truly something," I replied. "But why is it that I cannot listen when you peeked at my sketch when I told you the same?"

"Ah, I'm older and wiser between us and I can do as I please."

I let out a quiet growl in frustration, which only served to increase his amusement. "Don't take it to heart Christine. Once you get to be my age, then I will concede."

Somehow, I doubt that wouldn't happen either.

"However, I am willing to compromise."

"And exactly what will the terms be?" I inquired.

"You wish to sing on stage and I happen to be a great teacher. If you allow me, I would like to tutor you, and in exchange, I will play some of my music."

"And how do I know you are a great teacher?" I shot back. "I would need a recommendation from a former student."

"Well, I assure you as I am the former student; I am a very great teacher." He winked at me.

Such cheek! "I will see for myself then. If I feel your wisdom and lessons are helpful, then I'll agree with the terms."

Erik chuckled. "As you wish."

xxXXxx

We returned to the hotel where Erik escorted me to his room for our first lesson. I was a sudden bundle of nerves, and as he ran scales with me, he stopped twice to correct my posture.

When we finished the warm-up, he began to play the song I sang the other day. At my surprised look, he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I am English, Christine. I do know every—if not all— the folk songs and ballads. From the top."

He played the introduction and I launched right into it. The next several hours flew by and I was shocked when Erik stopped us so we could have dinner. Was it really that late? I must have said it aloud as Erik responded quite confidently:

"Seeing as our lesson was a success, I assume we are agreed in our deal."

How else could I reply than a yes?

We ate at his table and after our meal I asked Erik if he would play for me. He shook his head and I frowned. Was he going back on his word already?

"If I were to play for you right now, then I would have to hear you sing some more, but alas, you need to rest your voice after working on it so thoroughly. You do not want to overdo it lest you should harm your vocal chords. Tonight I want you to go to your room and go straight to bed. If Mrs. Van Hopper should demand something of you, then tell her you had a very tiring day in the sun while she did absolutely nothing but lounge around and order the hotel staff around. If she wants something, then she can get it herself. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded but we both knew I would do no such thing. Not if I value my position with Mrs. Van Hopper.

"Now, off with you. I will see you tomorrow morning. Then I will play for you."

I scurried to my room with a smile so wide that nothing could deflate my good mood. Not even Mrs. Van Hopper when she started harping once more about dear, poor her and her horrible illness keeping her from all of her friends. I think I would have pitied her, but my mind had no room for such thoughts, not when I was already looking forward to tomorrow morning and another singing lesson with Erik.

Was it possible to fall in love so quickly?

xxXXxx

I woke bright and early, before the sun could even rise. I didn't get much sleep despite Erik's orders. I couldn't stop thinking about him and I counted the minutes until I could see him again.

After I dressed, I had to remain in the room for it was too soon for the restaurant to be ready for the breakfast crowd. I tried to keep myself occupied with my sketches, but I was only sketching Erik again, so I decided on a book. I kept the lamp's light dim so I would not disturb Mrs. Van Hopper, but I could scarcely remember the story!

At last, it was seven and as much as I wanted to escape the room right away, duty called as I had to tend to Mrs. Van Hopper. Once I had her settled with her letters and book, I went ahead to order room service for her and to request the doctor to come check on her again. It seemed her state was growing worse rather than better!

Finally, I could take my leave and hurried to the restaurant. Erik was already there and I went straight to his table. I felt all eyes on me from both the staff and the guests, but I ignored their stares. They probably thought I was being too presumptuous to think Mr. de Winter would want my company. How little do they know!

Erik greeted me a good morning, which I was too eager to return. "I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty in ordering for you," he told me as I sat. "For a girl your age, you are far too thin. If we were to have anymore winds like before, then you would certainly blow away and if your Mrs. Van Hopper should get well then I have no one to protect me from her unwanted affections."

I blushed knowing he was right, but how could I think of eating when I was so happy? Yet, to appease him, I ate everything he had ordered for me and even had a second glass of orange juice too.

When we finished, Erik took my elbow to guide me to his room. I did not have much of a chance to look at it closely as I was preoccupied with our lesson, but his room was certainly better than mine. There were at least three other apartments as well as a tiny kitchen, and the main room was decorated with the finest pieces of furniture and artwork. However, none was as impressive as the grand piano that sat near the bay window that overlooked the gardens of the hotel.

Erik led me to the chair he had already placed for me by the piano and took a seat on the bench. We began with a few warm-ups and then he taught me a breathing technique to ensure I would not lose air if I was holding out a long note. Once those were done, Erik handed me a scorebook.

"Go to page fifty and we will start there."

I flipped to the page and saw it was _Faust's _"The Jewel Song."

"Oh Erik… I don't—"

"Nonsense. You can sing it. Do not fret if it's not perfect the first time. We will make sure that the second time is. Now, on three."

He played the first bars and I opened my mouth:

_Ah! _

"No!" he barked and I started. "This is the very opening note you sing and it needs to convey Marguerite's surprise when she looks at herself in the mirror. You do not sound surprise or thrilled, now again."

My second attempt was infinitely better as he did not stop me.

_Je ris de me voir si belle en ce miroir,_

_Ah! Je ris de me voir si belle en ce miroir,_

_Est-ce toi, Marguerite, est-ce toi?_

I finished the song and he went over all the parts I made mistakes on: mispronouncing various words, breathing at the wrong time, not taking enough breath, the note was too high when it should be lower, or the note was too low when it should be higher, etc. I seemed to have made so many errors that I wondered if this was even a good idea after all. I did so well last night with that simple folksong. Why was this song becoming so difficult for me? It wasn't the first time I sang it. My mother had taught it to me and I had performed it once years ago, but with only Erik as my audience, I knew I sounded like I never sang the song before.

It was heartbreaking.

Not only was I letting down Erik, but my parents as well.

I started to close the book when Erik rounded on me. "What do you think you're doing? We're not done yet."

"I thought… I'm not doing well. Perhaps, we should stop."

"Stop?" he echoed as if the very thought was absurd. "No, there is no stopping. We will start again. Now open the book."

I wanted to argue that he was wrong about me, but a little voice in the back of my mind whispered, _you said you wanted to sing at the Paris Opera House and you know that _Faust _is one of the big productions they put on. How can you sing the lead when you cannot do the aria right? Giving up isn't going to make you better. Now stop being a coward and sing!_

The voice of reason won and I opened my book. We continued on well until the afternoon. I did make some progress, which renewed my self-confidence, but it still wasn't perfect. Yet, Erik seemed please with the little improvement and as a reward he did play his music for me.

I suppose when we made our agreement I should have specified that it was his latest piece I wanted to listen, and judging by the look on his face, I knew he knew I thought the same. While I was little displeased at his devious trick, I could not be upset for long when his music was unlike anything I ever heard.

I doubt I could do justice to describe what his music was like, but I know my emotions would do it for me. It was a roller coaster of highs and lows, especially lows, as I felt my heart lift with joy only to fall as sorrow ripped through the air. It was so distraught and stunned that hope was no where to be found. It was like life had started and crashed so suddenly without warning. I wiped the tears with my fingers and I wondered what had happened in this man's life that caused him to write such a despondent song?

"I take it you like it?" Erik asked softly and I nodded. "It was so beautiful, but so sad."

"Yes." And that was all he offered to say on the matter.

"Could you play another? Perhaps one from your masterpiece?"

His answer was to play a single note. "There you go."

"Erik!" I exclaimed. "That's not what I meant."

"I feel like going for a walk right now. Would you care to join me Christine?"

He was changing the subject, which bothered me, and I did not understand why he could not play it for me. Surely, it could not be that secretive.

"Do not look so cross. You should be thanking me. This particular score is… not suitable for delicate ears. The last thing I want to do is to corrupt you."

"My ears are not that delicate," I defended. "And you are not giving me enough credit."

"Oh Christine," he sighed. "So innocent and naïve. If only you knew of the darkness that resides in me."

His statement puzzled me and I wanted to question it further, but Erik was standing and making his way to the door. He looked back at me to see if I would follow. Maybe I was a foolish child, but I could not walk away from this man even if I wanted to. I was hopefully drawn to him and I realized I would follow him anywhere… even to the ends of the world.

xxXXxx

Our walk was pleasant, although Erik did not speak much. He was somewhere else at the moment and how I wished he would tell me what it could be. We did stop at the vendors and I purchased a bright red scarf, which Erik's visible brow raised at my odd choice.

"I used to have one when I was little. I lost it to the sea unfortunately and my father was going to replace it, but he never got around to it."

I wrapped it around my neck, which was kind of silly, since it was not even cold, but I did it anyways. We continued our journey in silence and I couldn't stand it any longer.

"I wish I was thirty-six and wore a black dress and a string of pearls."

Erik fixated an odd look at me. "What the devil do you mean?"

"I…I don't know. But its how I feel."

He stopped me. "You think if you were thirty-six I would play the music that you want to hear?"

"Uh… yes." That made sense. If I was older, then I would be more experienced in the world. "I would no longer have 'delicate ears.'"

If it were possible, his countenance, including the mask, narrowed at me. "Age has nothing to do with it," he growled. "Even if you were older, I still would not play it for you. Now, don't let me hear anymore talk of you being thirty-six, wearing a black gown, and a string of pearls. It wouldn't suit you."

I was torn between dropping the matter entirely and asking what he meant "even if I was older." Did he really think that I was such a child? I knew he was older than me, no more less than twenty years, but what was I to him? Where did I stand? If only I could ask him outright without upsetting him or damaging the fragile friendship we had built. If he were to walk away from me, I truly believed I would die from heartache. He was the only piece of happiness I have felt in a very long time, not since my parents were alive. In a short period of time, Erik had become my world. My only reason to live and breathe. Without him, I would be losing a part of myself.

Once we returned to the hotel, we went our separate ways to change for dinner. I was instantly ambushed by Mrs. Van Hopper as I entered.

"Where have you been?" she shouted from her bed. "You were missing for hours!"

I stepped into her doorway. The nurse attending to her was standing in the corner, her glare piercing at me. No doubt she had to suffer for my carelessness of time. "I'm sorry Mrs. Van Hopper, but I was… I was taking lessons—"

"Lessons? What kind of lessons?" she demanded.

I said the first thing that came to mind. "Tennis."

"Tennis?" she repeated, and then nodded approvingly. "That is certainly a good skill to pick up. Very well. I'm guessing the reason for this long lesson is that you fancied yourself in love with the instructor?" I opened my mouth to protest, but she went on. "I approve my dear. Though, do take mind and not embarrass yourself should he reject you."

"I will Mrs. Van Hopper. Thank you Mrs. Van Hopper." I curtsied and ran to my room, now pleased that I have an alibi to use when I'm with Erik. This was wonderful!

I thought about sharing this insight with Erik, positive he would find it as humorous as I. I could picture him with that slight quirk of his mouth, his rich laugh reverberating from his throat. Just that thought alone of seeing him so at ease filled me with such warmth that I was too giddy to see him again soon. Although, we had parted for minutes, it still felt like it was too long.

For dinner, I chose to wear a simple white dress with short sleeves and a pale pink silk ribbon tied around my waist. I wanted to leave my curls down, but Mrs. Van Hopper would scold me for leaving propriety behind if I should venture out like this. For a moment, I did leave it down, imagining Erik in the candlelight, his hand playing and coiling my tresses around his finger. I let my daydream play out for another minute before reality returned. Sighing, I gathered it up and wrapped it into a bun, but left some short strands to frame my face.

I checked my clock and I knew Erik would be waiting for me so I left the mirror to walk out the door, but before I did, I caught Mrs. Van Hopper remarking to the nurse, "You know it's funny, but I can't believe Mr. de Winter hasn't returned any of my messages."

I bit back a smile, knowing the real reason for why he hasn't returned her messages. He told me that he could count on the hour when she would call for him. Since he found her company to be odious, he had hoped that his purposeful ignoring her would do the trick, but alas, he underestimated Mrs. Van Hopper's stubbornness not to give up!

I giggled to myself as I entered the elevator that would take me to Erik. I found him waiting in the lobby, donning a smart charcoal dinner suit with matching tie. His white mask seemed brighter in the light, especially when he smiled as I approached him. Feeling timid, I dipped my chin as I murmured a greeting.

"You look stunning Christine," he said and he pulled from behind his back a vibrant red rose. "I remember when Mrs. Van Hopper and I were discussing the rose gardens at Manderley and you had this glow about your face. I assumed you must like roses and thought you would appreciate this."

"Thank you," I said in awe that he recalled such a trifle detail at our first meeting. "Yes, I love roses. They are my favorite."

"I'm glad. Come." He held out his arm and he escorted me inside the restaurant.

I was ravenous when we went inside and the chicken was cooked to perfection. While I ate, I couldn't help but observed Erik. True, we had many meals together the past week, but I never did take notice how he maneuvered his mask. I was so strung that he would want to spend time with me that I failed to see how discreetly he would push his mask to the side to put either his fork or spoon in his mouth. Even when he sipped his glass of wine, he did so carefully not to stain the porcelain. It had to be awful and tedious to the constant moving aside in order to do something as mundane as eating.

"Wouldn't it be easier to remove your mask instead of shifting it each time?"

He set his fork down, and without looking at me, he replied tersely, "No."

"If it helps—" I persisted.

"I said no Christine. Not unless you wish to lose your appetite and those around us I suggest you do not mention it again."

What little choice did I have? I poked at my plumped potato, inwardly scolding myself for unintentionally upsetting him. Why do I say the wrong things when I mean no ill will? My expression must have showed my mental berating and Erik, gently and kindly, said, "I did not mean to hurt you. It's just my mask is a sensitive subject to me. I know you only meant it for out of my comfort and I thank you for the kind thought. It's that I'm doing everyone, including you, a favor of keeping my mask on."

I nodded and we were back to our normal rapport. I told him about my fib to Mrs. Van Hopper about my so-called tennis lesson. Like I expected, Erik did get a laugh out of the situation. "I wonder what inspired her with such musings," he said, his green eyes sparkling with mirth. "Tell me, Miss Daaé, do you have a habit of breaking the hearts of young men?"

"I'm afraid I wouldn't know," I confessed, which the truth was. Even as a young girl when my parents were alive, most of the village boys did not seem to share any interest in me. I did not mind for I was not interested in them either. No… my heart was already given to my Angel of Music. Now, I was wondering if I missed something important in that possible experience.

"'Tis a shame," he mused aloud, "Then again… I can be very selfish and I find it refreshing. You are truly an innocent."

His words caused the blood to rush to my face. Then, I thought just how truly innocent I was compared to him, to Mrs. Van Hopper, and to nearly everyone in this very room. Innocence meant childish and once again I was only seen as that. How could I get Erik to see that I was a grown woman? And that I was not some naïve, country chit who did not understood the ways of the world.

As I contemplated this it was time for dessert. Normally, I would not indulge as Mrs. Van Hopper would eat all the sweets and I was left nothing. Yet, this was not Mrs. Van Hopper and I could not stop smiling that I would be able to partake in this delicacy. The special tonight was a raspberry sorbet with a sugar coated top and a slice of chocolate. We ate our scoops and when I picked up the chocolate to nibble on, Erik said, "I have another present for you."

I swallowed hard. "For me? You didn't… the rose was enough Erik."

"I should rephrase that. The present will help with your singing. Now finish your sorbet and I will take you to my room to give it to you."

The rose alone was thoughtful and I had not expected anything else from him nor from any other person. Yet, I had to wonder what this present could be that would aid in my singing.

When we were done, Erik led me to his room and he went to the piano and picked up a rather tall, long book he had set on top. He turned and held it out to me. I gasped as I accepted the leather-bound book… but it was not any book. It was a collection of folk songs, ballads, hymns, poems, and stories from England, Ireland, and other various European countries, including Sweden. I tenderly traced the golden engraved title as I looked up at Erik.

"Oh Erik. I don't think I could accept this generous offering."

"And why not?" he scoffed. "Do you find it improper that a friend cannot give another a present?"

"No. That's not what I mean," I said hurriedly. "You have done so much for me and I feel like I have nothing to give in return, let alone deserve it."

He clicked his tongue, chiding me softly, "Christine, your company and your voice is all I ever need. Be a good girl and smile and thank me for the lovely gift."

I couldn't help but do what he said. "Thank you Erik for the lovely gift."

"See? It wasn't that difficult. Now, I warn you I am a strict teacher and I do have high demands and expectations, especially after hearing that voice of yours. We will continue with 'The Jewel Song,' though in the meantime, we could also work on these simple songs that you do seem to be fond of. All of them will assist in flexing your range and learning about the basic emotions. When we do not meet, I do expect you to remain diligent in your study and practice. I do not tolerate laziness or slacking off and I will know whether or not if you practiced."

"Don't worry. I will at any waking moment."

That satisfied him. "Good. Then tomorrow shall be the first time you practice on your own. I have some business to attend to and should return in time for dinner. Now, off to bed with you, and rest your voice."

My heart fell that I would not be seeing him in the morning, but I clasped the book to my chest, knowing I had something of his to keep by my side. I wished him a good-night and headed back for my room. Mrs. Van Hopper was already asleep so I could sneak to my room without alerting her.

Once inside my own privacy, I fell to my bed and opened the cover, half-hoping he left a dedication. To my delight, I found there was one and as I read it with a pounding heart, I dropped it in my lap, staring at the words.

_No_, I thought. _It couldn't be… _But it was and plain as day too.

_To my beloved Erik. You're the music to my heart. Love, Luciana. _

TBC…

Oh… I can be so evil.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Hi everyone! Wow, thank you so much everyone for the great feedback! I feel like I say that a lot, but it is very true. And… well, today's my birthday and I thought why not update a day early. And I know many of you will love this chapter as well. I know it's a little short than previous ones, but you will see why I stopped where I did. *evil grins*

**Chapter 5**

His wife. His _dead _wife. How could I have forgotten?

Now, I knew this had to be a mistake. He clearly didn't mean to give me the book to keep. Not when there was a personal message for him. He either forgot or—_Don't be silly. He couldn't possibly forget his wife gave it to him._ Yet, the message of love glared back at me. How did he react when Luciana presented this to him? No doubt he would be sitting at his piano in the grand music room in Manderley, composing his latest song, when Luciana entered with a secretive grin.

"I have a surprise for you, my dear husband," she said and pulled out the book to hand to him.

"My love, this is a wonderful surprise, indeed," Erik said, placing a gentle kiss on the cover.

"Open it Erik," she urged him. "There's one more surprise."

He does and reads the endearing inscription aloud, and then pulled her to him to give her a kiss—

I closed my eyes to block the pictures out of my head. I couldn't. I couldn't read this book knowing the history behind it. I had to return it to him, tell him I couldn't do what he had asked, not when it had been a gift from his dead wife.

However, if I did, then Erik would be hurt and I couldn't bear to see him so. I didn't want to drive him away and he did do wonders so far with my voice. I couldn't repay him by refusing the book. So I decided I would learn and then I would return it. That was a better solution. Yet, it did not ease my troubled mind and my dreams were plagued with the images of Luciana and Erik—together, happy, and in love.

I woke the next morning with a horrid headache and a heavy weight on my heart. The only thought that seemed to lift my spirits was seeing Erik again, to have him in my company. Then I remembered (oh such cruel memory!) that Erik had business to do and would not return until evening. I was in utter despair that even Mrs. Van Hopper took notice when I came out of my room.

"Come in, child. Why the long face? Did your tennis tutor break your heart already?"

"He had to leave for awhile," I said truthfully. "He had another affair to attend to, but he is to return." She shrugged.

"That's what they always say. But go ahead and let your naivety believe your love's words."

How I wanted to slap her right there! She didn't know Erik. He always kept his word. Well, perhaps, when it came to his music that was an exception, in particular that unobtainable score, but he always came back.

He had to come back. Right?

xxXXxx

Breakfast was a cruel affair. I could hardly eat when there were so many eyes on me. I contemplated whether or not to sit at Erik's (or was it ours) table and decided to return to my former table. If I had sat there, then I knew what the others would be thinking: _Where's Mr. de Winter? Why is she sitting there by herself? Did he leave her? He must have if the lovesick girl is sitting there, thinking he will reappear. What could a great man like Mr. de Winter see in that hapless commonplace girl?_

I literally fled after managing to swallow some slices of fruit and tea. I couldn't eat alone, not anymore, not after I was spoiled with Erik's company.

I was beside myself, lost at what I was to do. And it didn't help that Mrs. Van Hopper had planted doubts in my head. Why did he wait until the last minute to tell me he had business to attend? Why didn't he tell me sooner so I could better prepare myself? Was he trying to avoid a scene of my broken heart? Was this an easy escape? It didn't matter that we had a couple of lessons. What if he realized I was a hopeless cause? What if he thought teaching me was a mistake? What if giving me the book was his way of telling me he still loved his wife and I would only be seen as the student? What if he gave it to me—knowing that I might not sing up to par—just to remind him how Luciana had sung it perfectly? Did not Mrs. Van Hopper say that Mrs. de Winter had the voice of an angel? Was I a poor substitute?

All these fears troubled me and I spent the good part of the morning, pacing in the hotel's gardens. I knew I loved him. There was no denying that what I felt attributed to my insecurity of his feelings. I wanted him to love me, and only me, which yes it was selfish, but I feared of losing him forever. I had to do something. I had to prove myself worthy of his love! That I was the better singer than Luciana!

The book!

Erik had wanted me to practice so I shall! I ran to my room, thanking God Mrs. Van Hopper was indisposed at the moment, and returned to the gardens with the scores. I warmed up with a few notes and breathing exercises before opening it to the first song—"Last Rose of Summer." It was Irish by the looks of it and I instantly fell in love with the words.

'_Tis the last rose of summer, left blooming alone,  
>All her lovely companions are faded and gone.<br>No flow'r of her kindred, no rosebud is nigh  
>To reflect back her blushes, or give sigh for sigh.<em>

_I'll not leave thee, thou lone one, to pine on the stem,  
>Since the lovely are sleeping, go, sleep thou with them<br>Thus kindly I'll scatter thy leaves o'er the bed,  
>Where thy mates of the garden lie scentless and dead.<em>

_So soon may I follow when friendships decay;  
>And from love's shining circle the gems drop away<br>When true hearts lie wither'd and fond ones are flow'n  
>Oh! Who would inhabit this bleak world alone?<em>

I spent a couple of hours working on it and then I moved on to another song. By four, I had three songs memorized and the pitch and melody perfect. I couldn't wait for Erik to return so he could hear my progress!

I went to the lobby to see if Erik came back, which he had not. I debated if I should see more of Monte Carlo or stay close if Erik should return early. I didn't want to miss his arrival so I sat in one of the chairs in the lobby and read more from the book. When it was quarter past six, my stomach was calling for sustenance. I could not leave to eat just yet. It was seven, the chimes ringing to signal the new hour, when at long last there was Erik!

A rush of unparalleled delight and ecstasy coursed through me as my eyes feasted on the sight of him! I could scarcely believed it had been only a day since we had saw each other as it felt more like years. I jumped to my feet, my lips stretching broadly in a smile, when Erik saw me. My first instinct was to run to him and throw my arms around his neck. I would bury my face in his shirt, feeling safe and un-lonely once more in his embrace. He would tilt my up chin up so I could stare lovingly into those green eyes as he said the words I longed to hear—

"Have you been waiting this whole time for me?" he asked as I blinked away my fantasy. My stomach rumbled in return and I blushed from embarrassment. The look on his face was incredulous. "You're practically starving I can hear! You silly thing! Why didn't you sup?"

"I missed you," I confessed. "I hoped we would dine together and talk about your trip."

His eyes widened in surprise and then a faint tiny grin passed over. "You little fool. You should not have waited." He wasn't mad but the teasing in his tone didn't mask the seriousness in his expression. Then he took noticed of the book in my hands and nodded approvingly. "Good, I knew you would like it. Now let's get something in that stomach of yours before you faint away. I don't want a student passing out during our lessons."

It was back to business, not at all the type of return I had hoped for, but Erik came back to me. That made up for everything else.

xxXXxx

I could not believe a whole month had passed. One glorious, splendid, heavenly and happy month right here in Monte Carlo. And I had spent every waking moment with my Erik.

I don't think I ever known such happiness before! Could one die from such gaiety? I could count the times where I came close!

Our singing lessons have been a highlight of this trip and I know I made Erik proud. We went through the book in most of its entirety and I also managed to master "The Jewel Song." There were still some rough parts, but it was a vast difference since the first time I sang it for him. He had been everything I could have wanted in a teacher, a true Angel of Music. I had often wondered if he was sent to me by my parents or if it was a coincidence. Either way, it didn't matter how he came in my path. Erik gifted me with a voice I only dreamt of possessing, and my repayment was to sing for him.

It wasn't much to offer, but it did grace a handsome smile on his face.

I was also fortunate that Mrs. Van Hopper had been ill the whole time so I could continue the charade of having tennis lessons. My only worry was if one of the staff would report to her about my spending time with Erik or one of her friends seeing us. But as she was quarantined, she did not receive a single visitor.

Fortune was favoring me and I dared not waste a second.

Consequently, my love for Erik deepened and he was now imprinted in my very soul. A moment away from him was torture and at night I would die a slow death until the sun would rise and I could see him again. I hunger for the sight of him, to hear his voice, and to bask in his tutelage. I knew he thought of me as more than a friend, although I could not lift my hopes if he thought me as a potential lover. However, I became his confidant and he to me. He shared stories of his youth in Manderley, the pride showing about his home. He loved to talk about the priceless treasures Manderley had to give with the many gardens, the rooms, artwork, and of course, the music room which housed Erik's collection of various instruments from around the world. He played all of them that I doubt there was a single one he hadn't mastered yet. Yet, whenever the conversation would lead about the sea that Manderley was built above, a dark humor would come over him and he refused to talk any more on the subject.

Whenever Erik was in that mood it meant our lesson was done for the day and he would bid me to leave so he could work. I knew he was working on his opera _Don Juan Triumphant_, which was as much as he would share with me. He still would not play for me from his opera and I had been tempted on numerous occasions to stay at his door when I would leave so I could listen. However, I knew I would be intruding on his privacy and disobeying his wishes. As much as I longed to hear it, I could not betray him so. I had too much respect and love for him, but it didn't stop my heart from hoping that he would one day share this part of himself.

As much pleasant memories we created, there were the sour ones. Whether it is a mere thought on Manderley or when I had asked him to sing. That was the first and last time I brought it up. I suspected it had to with Luciana, but I didn't want to think about her or mention her. I could not.

But… I was such a child. I should have known that things would not last and on that one fateful morning, Mrs. Van Hopper received a telegram from her daughter, announcing her engagement. With a shrill shout, Mrs. Van Hopper was issuing orders for us to be ready to leave for New York this very afternoon.

That news, which should be joyous, was devastating. I felt like the floor had been pulled from under me, swallowing me whole with the twisted agony plunging into my heart.

Leave? LEAVE? How could I when I found Erik? He was my Angel of Music and I loved him and I could not leave. I had to see him! I had to—

"Stop standing there like an idiot! Call the desk to send someone up to pack our bags, then call the porter to get us tickets to the earliest train out. Step lively! It's not everyday I have a daughter about to be married!"

It would also seem the news was the cure for her sickness as Mrs. Van Hopper was up and moving about. I scurried to my room, and with trembling fingers, dialed the desk. "Mr. de Winter's room, please," I gasped, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

What was I doing telephoning him the news? I should see him in person! But he wasn't answering. With a cry, I hung up the phone and buried my face. I was not able to suffer in my woes as Mrs. Van Hopper was impatiently knocking on my door.

"Did you get the tickets?" she called.

Keeping my tears out of my voice, I shouted back, "I'm doing it right now!"

With a bleeding heart, I called to make our reservations.

xxXXxx

As I didn't make it down to our breakfast date, I had hoped Erik would come looking for me.

He did not.

I tried calling his room a couple more times, but there was still no answer. As the hotel staff started carrying our suitcases and bags out, I was panicking.

Where was Erik? I had to see him for one last time. I didn't want to leave without a goodbye, but if I told Mrs. Van Hopper then I would have to tell her how I deceived her this whole time and she will surely make my life more miserable than what it already was.

No!

I had to leave secretly to find him. To tell him…

My eyes settled on the book he had given me and I immediately grabbed it. I made a quick excuse I had to return a book I borrowed from an elderly guest and would return shortly.

"Hurry up," came the stern order and I ran out. I prayed I would find him in his room and the ride up to his floor kept me at edge. At last, I burst from the elevator's doors and ran down the hall to Erik's room.

I held my breath as I knocked.

"Come in! It's unlocked!" I heard him answer and I sighed in relief. It wasn't too late. I found him.

I opened the door to find him… not there. I looked around and saw the washroom door closed.

"Go ahead and leave the tray behind." Tray? He must have ordered room service.

"It's Christine, Erik," I said, my voice choking. "I—"

The door flew opened and there Erik stood, clad in a towel, his black hair glistening wet. His mask was slightly crooked after putting it on in haste. Yet, I couldn't look away from the trails of water that fell down on his lean, sculpted chest. It was the most improper sight for a single young woman to gaze upon a naked man, but now was not the time for proper convention.

"I came to tell you… goodbye," I said, shocked by the steady calm in my voice when, in truth, my body was quite the opposite.

"Goodbye?" he repeated, frowning. "What the devil are you talking about?"

"Mrs. Van Hopper's daughter is engaged," I continued, my courage unwavering. "We are to leave for New York immediately. In fact, Mrs. Van Hopper is waiting for me this very moment downstairs to go and I had to see you. I had to come to tell you goodbye and—"

My voice cut off as Erik stormed past me to go into his room to grab a pair of clothes he had laid out.

"Stay there," he barked. "I'll change in here."

Out of sight, my knees shook and I moved to grasp the edge of a chair to keep from collapsing. In minutes, Erik emerged fully dressed with his mask righted. He stopped a few inches away from me.

"Why did you wait until now to tell me? When did this happen?" His voice was eerily calm.

"T-this morning… a telegram came. We are to leave now! Believe me when I say this wasn't how I imagined us parting…"

He turned away, mumbling under his breath. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but I knew I was gone for too long already and it would be a matter of time before Mrs. Van Hopper searched for me. I took a deep breath; relieved he was not facing me, and said my final words.

"Here's the book you gave me. Thank you, Erik, for all you've done and I will never forget our time spent together. You restored the confidence I once had and I will eternally be grateful. I hope we will meet again soon and resume our friendship. Thank you and I will miss you so much."

During my little speech, I started to cry again and quickly dashed for the door lest I make more of a bigger fool out of myself. My hand rested on the knob when Erik's words caused my whole body to freeze.

"Walk out the door and leave me forever or stay and return to Manderley with me—as my wife."

TBC…

The song Christine sings is "The Last Rose of Summer" and it is a very lovely song to hear. I don't own the lyrics of course. Just borrowing them because I liked it.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: Here we go! Hee hee! The moment you have been waiting for…

**Chapter 6**

I remained shellshock. This had to be a trick! No doubt my ears were playing games with me, making me believe that Erik said what I had dreamt of hearing. This was too cruel, indeed!

As I began to turn the doorknob, Erik's voice halted me once more. "Do you truly wish to leave for New York? Would that make you happy?"

I whirled around while Erik stood in the same spot, his hands clasped behind his back, his visage unreadable. What was in his head?

"I shall be miserable," I declared. "How could you think I would be happy?"

"Were you not about to go out the door?" he pointed out. My heartbeat quickened.

"Y-you mean it?"

"Christine, during our whole acquaintance, did I strike you as a man who does not mean what he says?"

It was real! It wasn't my imagination! Erik did propose!

"Well?" he said, his tone growing impatient. "Make your choice: will you stay as my wife or will you continue to be Mrs. Van Hopper's companion?"

I did not have to think twice about my choice.

"Yes! I will marry you!" I couldn't believe it. This had to be a dream I never wanted to wake from. I pinched my arm to make sure I was in fact awake. I winced but the pain was very welcomed. Me! I'm going to marry Erik!

I was beaming and I looked now to my fiancé's face for the same happiness that sure to be mirroring my own… but there was none. Erik turned away from me and strode over to the phone. I watched as he dialed the front desk. "Yes? Hello? Could you phone Mrs. Van Hopper and tell her to come to my room? Thank you." He hung up and said to me, "Would you like to tell her or shall I?"

There was no point in hiding anymore. Yet, I did not think that Mrs. Van Hopper would have to know. As much as she grieved me, I was absolutely petrified to tell her of our engagement. That meant I had to admit to deceit and I am not a deceptive character. This was the most I ever had lie to another human being, and despite her faults, she always had been honest in her words. Even if the truth was ugly. As for I… I led her to believe a falsehood and here it was coming back to me in the form of bliss. I was ashamed. Not for falling in love Erik, never! But I was ashamed to see the disappointed look if I were to tell her. No… it would be better if Erik told her. Then she may not be as mad.

"You can do it," I told him, my hands wringing nervously. I took a step closer to him and I hesitated for a brief second. I had to know how he felt. "E-Erik? Are you happy?" His lack of emotional response had me wonder if he was regretting his proposal. After all, I had always expected that my intended would celebrate with me, but he didn't even try to kiss me…

"Of course." He said it so matter of fact like I asked if the sky was blue. He moved away to get to the door. I moved around to the other side of the chair, but it was only the room service Erik had ordered. The waiter pushed the cart with a tray of two platters and tea into the room, not sparing me a single glance, and took his leave. "Hungry?" Erik asked as he lifted the cover of the platter. I don't know how he could possibly eat when I was full of butterflies. I shook my head, which he shrugged and went about to prepare his meal.

I could only look at him as he pulled a desk chair to the cart to eat. His nonchalance baffled me and I was not sure what to do with myself. Should I initiate a kiss? Should I tell him that I loved him? Would that be too forward of me? But… we were engaged now so it should be all right for me to say I love him. As he buttered his toast, I wondered what happened when he proposed to Luciana. Did they kiss? Or did they continue their routines as before? Then again… this was his second engagement. Perhaps, the excitement was not as appealing now.

I didn't have the chance to ponder this further when the door opened and in came Mrs. Van Hopper… or should I say bounding in.

"Oh Mr. de Winter!" she cooed. "I was so pleased to hear you wanted to see me. I was afraid you did not get my messages since you never called back, but you knew I was sick, didn't you? So I understand if you did not want to visit an old sick lady in case you should catch it. And I would not forgive myself if you caught ill. But I'm feeling better as you can see and I hope you don't think me rude for about to leave without a moment's notice, but my daughter is to be engaged. Isn't that exciting?"

"Yes, indeed," Erik said, standing from his chair. He walked around the cart, his hands still behind his back. "That is good news. And I must tell you of mine as well. For I am too engaged."

"Really?" she replied and I could see her mind was whirling about on who the possible bride might be. Little did she know… "Well, you must tell me who the lucky woman is!"

Erik gestured with his hand and Mrs. Van Hopper acknowledged me for the first time upon entering the room. The color seemed to have faded away, leaving her completely white. "Her?" she said disbelievingly. "Christine Daaé? My companion?"

"Is there any other Christine Daaé that you know?" Erik questioned. "Yes. She is to be the new mistress of Manderley."

Mistress of Manderley… At the time, I did not fully understand what that title would mean. However, right at this moment, I felt like I was on displayed with the look that my former employer was now giving me. I could only imagine what she must be thinking so I meekly said, "As you can see, my instructor did not reject me."

It was a poor joke, I know, but the dawning realization appeared in her eyes. Her shapely thin brow narrowed at me and I feared that look alone would strike me down.

"I see," she said. "So that's what has been happening during my illness. You surprise me, my dear. I didn't think you were capable of doing such a thing." Her gaze shifted to my small waist and it occurred to me what she was suggesting.

Erik did too.

"Madam, I do hope you are not insinuating that my fiancée and I have done something illicit. I assure you that her virtue is completely safe."

"Of course not!" Mrs. Van Hopper exclaimed. "Mr. de Winter I know you're the perfect gentleman! Forgive me but this is a shock you see. I had no idea the two of you were in love."

Erik cleared his throat. "Yes. As my fiancée's guardian, we wanted you to be the first to know. And we wish you a safe and speedy journey to New York."

"Thank you but I feel I should stay now. As you may know, Christine doesn't have any family and no one to help her with her trousseau. I will stay and make all the necessary arrangements as well as the wedding."

I believe that was the last thing we would have thought she'd say. Stay? Oh no!

"There's no need," Erik said. "A justice of the peace would suffice and we are quite anxious to return to Manderley."

"Are you certain?" she asked. "It will be no trouble at all."

"I insist. You have a daughter who will need your wise advice and you best get to her."

Mrs. Van Hopper took his words into consideration. "You're right Mr. de Winter. Well, I offer my blessings and congratulations to you both. May you have a lifetime of happiness." She smiled a little too brightly for my tastes and moved to hugged me. "I know what you are thinking," she whispered in my ear. "You have no idea what you're getting into by being the new mistress. You weren't born into this life so you don't know what will be expected. You don't have the faintest notion how to run a manor as stately as Manderley. Stupid child." Then the last blow. "Don't fool yourself into thinking he's marrying you for love. No man forgets his first love."

She gave me one last squeeze then released me. Her smug expression resounded in me anger I never known. Did she think she could intimidate me? Of course, Erik had to love me for marrying me. Even if he had not said the words yet, I knew he felt something. And how dare she try to frighten me! I know I was not born into their world, but that did not mean I could not learn.

I straightened myself out, my chin sticking out in a proud manner as I haughtily bid, "I'll be fine and your concern means the world to me. Give my regards to your daughter."

My rejection of her attempts took her by surprise, but she covered it up. "I hope this means I will have an invite to Manderley soon."

Erik did not say a word. His silence meant it would not happen, but Mrs. Van Hopper did not see it that way as she usually did. "Splendid! I'll be looking forward to it." She gave us one last parting look before her gaze shifted on me one last time. "Goodbye my dear. The best of luck."

"Goodbye Mrs. Van Hopper," I said and she walked away. It would be the last I saw of her.

Erik closed the door and looked into my eyes with… remorse? "I'm sorry this is not how you expected your engagement to be. You would have liked a nice candlelit dinner, flowers, and the suitor on bended knee. Perhaps, you may even have liked Mrs. Van Hopper to prepare everything for you, to give you the wedding of your dreams that you have longed for since a child."

"This is fine Erik. I'm happy with a justice instead of a wedding," I told him, swiftly moving to take his hands in my own. "I'm with you now. I…" I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "I love you."

My declaration was at last released and I never felt so happy and relieved to finally say those words aloud. For how long have I kept them to myself? I waited with abated breath as he leaned closer to me. My heart began to race as he tentatively pressed his lips against mine. The mask bumped into my cheek, the cool surface shocking me as I jumped. We looked at each other and chuckled. I believed we both forgot that the mask was in the way.

Erik pushed it to the side so it did not block his mouth as he tried again; this time, lips met lips. It was a tender kiss, lips caressing one another, and when I took a step forward, to encircle my arms around his waist, Erik pulled away and readjusted the mask. He embraced me, tucking his chin on top of my head.

"Oh… my sweet angel," he whispered reverently. "My Christine…"

xxXXxx

What followed next was a whirlwind of activity. Erik ordered the staff to retrieve my belongings from Mrs. Van Hopper and transport them to his car. He then instructed his personal effects be packed as well and ready to leave by the time we returned.

When Erik said he wished for us to marry, I did not realize it was to be immediately. My soon-to-be-husband was anxious to leave Monte Carlo as soon as possible, no doubt to go back to Manderley. He never said it but I could tell he missed his home terribly. Even I was eager to see it. After listening to Mrs. Van Hopper and Erik talk about Manderley, I had my imagination to rely on what it looked like and I couldn't wait to see it in person.

I had enough time to change into my best Sunday dress, and as a quick afterthought, I left my hair down. Erik seemed please to see that and I decided that I would never pin my hair up again just to see that smile. Then we were off to the courthouse. With Erik's reputation and money, we did not have to wait long for a marriage license to be drawn up.

Although, I will confess, I had dreamt of marrying in the church that my parents were married in; I found this to be just as perfect too. I was marrying the love of my life and that was all I could ever ask for. I didn't even care if we were married in a shack. God was present everywhere and our union would be a blessed and sacred one. My only regret was my parents were not alive to meet Erik. I have no doubt that they would have loved him. As we held hands in front of the judge, I did felt a presence in the air and knew it must be them. Tears gathered in my eyes as I knew they approved of my husband.

Our vows were simple but each and every word meant the world to me. I could never imagine being with any other man and when Erik slipped his onyx ring off his pinky to my finger, I cried. He had told me ahead that he would use his ring until he could buy me a proper one, but I loved his. I had something of his that would show the world who I belonged to and I hoped I never get a new ring. As for Erik, I did not have anything to give him since I barely possessed any jewelry, but he did not mind. He assured me he will get a ring as well if it made me happy. I wanted everyone to see that he was mine as well and the sooner the better.

While we sealed our vows with "I will" I could not help but noticed that Erik hardly looked at me. The only time he did gave me contact was the exchange of the ring, and as the judge was approaching the final moment when we would truly be wed, he did turn to face me when he was told to kiss the bride. A flicker of emotion passed in his eyes and before I could register what he was thinking, he was kissing me. It was like the kiss back in the hotel room—chaste and comforting, but I could feel him trembling from our touch. We parted and were now husband and wife.

Mr. and Mrs. Erik de Winter.

I was Christine de Winter.

We left the courthouse and it started to rain. Cursing, Erik gathered me close, lifting his coat to give me some protection. I hugged his waist tight and ran to keep up with his long strides to the hotel. He was not happy by this sudden change in the climate, but I laughed. I did not care we were getting soaked and all probability my dress was ruined. None of that mattered. My laughter caused Erik to crack a tiny grin, though his gaze was still serious.

We made it back to the hotel before the storm could hit. Then thunder clapped as the winds howled with such ferocity that I thought it might be a hurricane. I knew this was going to delay our leaving, but Erik insisted that we will leave as planned. Storm or no storm. He ran back out against my protests to get my bag so I could change. His room was still available and we were allowed to go up to freshen ourselves. Unfortunately, my dress did not survive the rainstorm as I presumed. I had no choice but to leave it behind for it to be tossed out.

I was not upset but Erik promised he would buy a fleet of dresses to make up for this one, and while I thought that was an exaggeration, it was strange to say farewell to the gown. It was not one fit for a lady in my station now.

Now dressed in dryer and warmer clothes, Erik carried our bags back out to the car, which was waiting for us. The rain continued to fall, but not as hard as it did earlier. It was not before long, we were driving away from Monte Carlo where my dreams came true. I looked into the side mirror, watching as the city faded in the distance, and I could not help but anticipate my future. Everything changed in a split second when Mrs. Van Hopper hired me to be her companion, and once again, Fate changed it as quickly with Erik.

I was looking forward to our happily ever after.

TBC…

Next up… the wedding night.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! This is a very short chapter, but I was insanely busy this past week and managed to get this part done. And I will try to get chapter 8 out later this week, instead of next Sunday to make up for the length. As for the wedding night, I am maintaining the T rating. Now, enough of me talking. Let's see how Erik and Christine's marriage is doing…

**Chapter 7**

I still had a hard time believing I was officially a married woman. I kept expecting to wake in my dreary hotel room with Mrs. Van Hopper ordering me around, thinking I had made up my wedding to Erik and our leaving Monte Carlo. But the room I was now in was my new reality. Never again would I have to go back to that life and be under the thumb of Mrs. Van Hopper.

I was Mrs. de Winter.

The words still felt odd on my tongue, but the more I said it, the more I loved my new name. Yet… I was adjusting to what being a wife meant.

I did feel different even though I was still the same person reflecting back in the mirror. I was thorough in my examination of my person, looking for a sign that would reveal this difference. As I continued my perusal, I was swept back to last night…

We drove a good portion of the way before stopping at another hotel for the night. As we entered our room, I became instantly aware of how alone we were. Indeed, we had spent copious amounts of time alone in his room, but that had been under the guise of teacher and student. Now, we stood as husband and wife—two new roles. Well, my new role. Erik was a husband before I had to remember. Then thoughts of he and Luciana flitted through my mind. Was she scared like me? Or was she bold, unafraid on what to do next? I feared I was at a loss on what to do and I looked to Erik for guidance. I could only hope that I would not have to rely on his knowledge for everything. I wanted to prove that when he married me he made the right choice and I was not some incompetent child.

Erik sensed my trepidation and tenderly stroked my cheek. "Don't worry my angel. I promise not to hurt you."

Hurt me? Whatever did he mean…? Then a very uncomfortable conversation came into remembrance from Mrs. Van Hopper and me. It had been right after that nightmarish tea with the young lady who had a child out of wedlock. She had felt it was her duty to educate me on the ways between a man and a woman since my mother did not have the chance to tell me. Afterwards, I was terrified and never wanted to be in a situation where I had to do _that_. But I am a wife now. It was expected of me, and as much as I loved and trusted Erik, I was apprehensive.

He continued stroking my face, and then slowly skimmed my shoulders to rub my arms up and down soothingly. His light touches started to ease my tension, but I was still rather stiff. The next thing I knew… I heard this heavenly sound echoing in my ears. I gasped as I looked up into his eyes as my husband began to hum a soft melody. When he spoke… his voice always captivated me and his humming… I knew his singing would forever imprison me to his will.

I was becoming pliant beneath his touch, my breathing quickening, as I swayed in his embrace. My eyes slipped closed as his caresses grew ardently and I leaned into him as his fingers brushed against my breast. That soft touch sent me reeling as I moaned quietly. He did it again and this time a spark of heat traveled through my veins to my belly.

I was shaking, my knees hitting against the other, and I reached out to hold myself up by clinging to his shoulders. If his torturous touch was not enough, Erik was pressing kisses down my throat, which the heat ignited into flames. He scooped me up and gently set me on the bed before he started to turn off the lights. Now we were engulfed in complete darkness and I reached out for him, calling his name softly.

This was a silly fear I had, but the dark was not a friend to me. It bothered me that it could leave a person feeling completely blind and not know of the dangers that lurked around. I trembled again and instantly relaxed when Erik was beside me, starting up his humming and sweet touches.

One by one my buttons were being undone and the fabric melted away as my flesh came into contact with the cool air. Yet, I was not cold for long when Erik gently laid me down on the mattress, his body partially covering my own. He was still dressed as I ran my hand up his chest and down his back. His groan surprised me, stopping the music from his lips. He recovered and was back to his song, humming now in my ears. My clothes were gone and I blushed even though I knew he could not see me. It did not matter the darkness covered us. I was naked and alone with a man. Right away my insecurities flooded my head. What if he thought I was too thin? What if my body disappointed him? I could not bear if he turned away from me and I did not want to fail at being a wife.

For a second, I thought I did something wrong as Erik moved away. I let out a whimper but he joined me once more, his body lightly touching my own, as I realized he was also undressed. I don't know why but the idea frightened me and I felt myself tensing up. However, Erik took his time as his voice flooded my ears and the song returned me to a calming state. Oh! How I wanted to see his face… his eyes… I reached to touch him and I felt a soft cloth where the porcelain should be. I realized he changed masks.

Erik pressed a kiss to my mouth, gathered me in his arms, and then I was fully his.

I will not lie and say it did not hurt. It _stung_!

I seized up, my body jumping up as if it was on fire, as tears gathered. I thought for sure that my pathetic behavior would disgust him and he would leave me. After all, a good wife should be able to do what was required of her without being scared. Yet, he did not leave me. Erik continued his humming, his hand brushing my brow and hair, as I slowly grew accustomed to us being joined. Eventually the pain faded as pleasure washed over me. And before long, I was clinging to him, pressing kisses to anywhere I could reach, as he held me tight. I was climbing… reaching for something… and the moment the peak came… I cried out his name. Erik also gasped and moaned as he fell against me, his arms holding him up to avoid crushing me under his weight.

We were both quivering from the sensations that were coursing through us and I tenderly stroked his unmasked side. To my disappointment, Erik rolled to the other side of the bed. I mourned the loss of him, the intimate connection that bonded our bodies and souls. I wanted to feel him again, to have him hold me as lovingly as he did, but Erik did not. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw he had his back to me and I was dejected.

I do not know what I was hoping for after. This could be normal for all couples to separate themselves after making love. But even I had to bitterly laugh at that naïve thought. I don't know when or how, but I knew I did not please Erik and that hurt me. Was it my innocence? It must have been as I did not know what I was doing, but I did go with my instincts. Apparently, they were wrong as well.

I settled back down on the pillow, trying not to cry as to alert my husband. I don't think I could handle the humiliation of telling him I knew I wasn't good. Best to let myself wallow in that despair.

Somehow, I managed to fall asleep and later awoken to a sob.

Erik!

I sat up in bed and looked to his sleeping form. His hands were twitching and all I could see was the mask blocking his face. However, hearing his whimpers and seeing him shake, I knew whatever he dreamt was unpleasant and I was instantly overwhelmed with the urge to comfort him. I carefully slipped my arms around him and pressed my face to his back and held him. I don't know how long I held him like so, but eventually his shaking ceased and his whimpers turned to mutterings. I could not make out what he was saying so I pushed myself up so I could listen clearly.

"F-forgive me," my husband murmured. "No! Don't leave me _please_!"

My brow furrowed in concern as I inched closer. Forgive? Who was leaving him? He couldn't mean me as I was in bed with him.

"Forgive… my love… Luciana."

TBC…

*dodges knives and tomatoes* The angst is not over… not even close. *runs for cover*


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry guys for not getting this up sooner! This chapter was longer than I expected it to be and with working three jobs at the moment… I'm afraid I didn't have much time between working and filling out applications. I'm looking to teach at schools out of state since there is literally nothing open in Michigan. At least not with my certifications. I guess with all the talks of wanting to improve reading and writing skills there's nothing available for an English teacher. Think on that one Snyder! Sorry… when it comes to politics it is a touchy subject with me and I can get carried away, lol. Good news is that school is done in a couple of weeks so that's one less job to worry about. So more time for writing and updating! And this will make up for the wait! Don't forget to review please!

**Chapter 8**

I pretended that I did not hear my husband's words of love to another woman, in particular, his dead wife. In fact, it left my mind when Erik woke with a smile when he saw me. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and got up to order us room service. As he did that, I attempted to get out of bed but I winced at the pain between my legs. I did not think I would be sore, but as I looked down… I saw the evidence on the sheets.

I was mortified. Did I do that? What would Erik think?

I did not have long to wait as he was at my side with a cloth and a bowl of water. I tried covering myself up and the hideous spot from his sight, but my childish attempts only amused him as he batted my hands away to pull down the sheet. I looked away, not bearing to stand the judging look in his eyes, when I felt the cloth—now damp—on my skin. I opened one eye to watch Erik clean my legs and if it were possible… my heart swelled with more love for this man.

"I hope I didn't bring that much pain," he said. "Are you all right?"

I nodded wordlessly. When he finished, he went back into the bathroom and came out to tell me he drew me a bath. I found myself tearing up and I felt guilty for my thoughts last night. Perhaps, I was mistaken. I could not have disappointed him if he was being so very thoughtful. He did care!

Erik helped me into the tub, tending to me like I was a fragile doll. Once I was emerged in the heated water, I assured him I was fine to bathe on my own.

"I'll order us something to eat. Anything you would like to have?"

"Whatever you ask is fine with me."

"As you wish." He left me as I washed myself. The water was so soothing and my aches were going away. I was pleased to see my legs did not quiver as I stood to get out of the tub. I grabbed a towel and started to dry. While I did so, I took the time to scrutinize myself in the mirror.

I frowned. I could not find what it was and I knew I spent enough time in here as it was. My stomach was rumbling and I knew breakfast was going to come at any moment. I found a pair of clothes already laid out for me as well and I quickly dressed in the skirt and blouse. My hair was still pretty damp, but there was not much I could do right now. I stepped out just as Erik was tipping the worker for our meal. I sat on the edge of the bed as Erik rolled the cart over to me.

There were eggs, fresh fruit, ham, and orange juice and tea. I poured us our tea and we sat next to each other and ate. I knew he was watching me and I ate half on what was on my plate. I knew he was worried about my eating habits, but I did not have the heart to tell him that I only lose my appetite when I was nervous. As I sipped my juice, Erik brought up the idea of a honeymoon.

"Since I depraved you of a proper wedding, I will not forgo the honeymoon. Unless, your travels with Mrs. Van Hopper have been enough…?"

"No! A honeymoon sounds perfect." I smiled.

"Excellent. Tell me, my young bride, where have you always wanted to go?"

There were so many places I had yet to see, but there was one in particular that I had my heart set on.

"Paris. I have always wanted to go there since I was a child. My mother was from there and she told me such wonderful stories about the city… Could we also go to the Opera House as well?"

Erik chuckled. "Then Paris we shall go. And if you like the opera, then we will go every night."

I clapped my hands with glee and kissed his masked cheek. "Good. I will make the arrangements." He patted my leg and stood to go to the phone.

At last, all my dreams were coming true.

xxXXxx

We arrived in Paris and truly thought I had die and went to heaven!

The city was better than what I could ever imagine it to be! Pictures did not do it justice. I wanted to see everything! Notre Dame, the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the gardens, the Latin Quarter, and the Opera House!

My excitement amused Erik and he chuckled at each gasp and exclamation of every building we passed to our hotel. When he asked me what I wanted to do first, I did not know! I had so many places I wanted to visit, but I did ask how soon we could take in an opera.

So on our first night in Paris, Erik took me to the Opera House where the performance was Charles Gounod's _Faust_. I remember bits and pieces of the story beforehand, but I did not realize how it was a tragic romance. The actors were splendid, their voices filled with such emotions, and I was swept up in the music.

I must admit… I believe Erik's influence was rubbing off on me for I thought the singer who played Marguerite… well, she wasn't awful, but her "The Jewel Song" was semi-adequate. She did have a lovely voice, but there were parts where she fell flat on and I caught her breathing when she shouldn't. Sometime ago that had been me making those mistakes, but now… now… I knew better.

I turned to Erik to say something about her performance, but he was not watching the stage. He was staring at his program booklet, his knuckles very white. I could not see his expression for his mask was in the way. Tentatively, I reached out to touch his right hand, and that slight brushing caused him to start. He looked over at me and I whispered, "Are you all right Erik?"

He cleared his throat. "I'm fine, my dear. How do you like _Faust_?"

"I love it but Marguerite could be better. Did you see her breathe in the middle of the third _C'est la fille d'un roi_?"

"Yes…" But he was lost in his thoughts once more. Yet, before he looked away from me, I did catch a glimpse of the anguish in his green eyes.

When the opera was over, Erik escorted me out of our box and as we made our way through the crowds, we heard a voice shouting over the noise.

"de Winter! Erik de Winter!"

My husband stiffened, and then politely turned around to address the speaker. He was a tall man, about Erik's height, with dark hair and brown eyes. Next to him was a woman, who I presumed was his wife, who looked strikingly in her shimmery pale pink gown. When they saw me, their eyes widened in astonishment and right away, I could feel them scrutinizing me very closely. I clutched Erik's arm and took a step back to shield myself from their questioning gaze.

"Why… who is this enchanting creature you have there de Winter?" the man asked. "When my Lucille said she saw you with a girl, I had told her she had to be mistaken, for de Winter hasn't been around to an opera since Luciana died."

"Yes but as you see… I am here," Erik responded, his tone taking a cold edge. "Philippe, allow me to introduce to you my wife, Christine de Winter."

"Wife?" Lucille repeated, and then smiled tightly at me. "Why! She's no more than a child."

"You devil you," Philippe said, clapping my husband on the back. "I didn't think you had it in you."

I looked at my husband, completely confused, by what the man was saying. Yet, Erik kept a tight expression. "I don't know what you mean, but I suggest you keep your comments to yourself. My affairs are my own business."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that old man. But you must know that this will stir talk among the others. Why, I don't believe we saw an announcement—"

"There wasn't any," my husband answered stoically.

"A whirlwind romance!" Lucille exclaimed. "How exciting!"

"Yes," my husband said. "We are on our honeymoon."

"We shan't keep you long then. It is good to see you up and about de Winter. For a while, we thought you'd become a ghost or something. Now, don't be a stranger de Winter. I expect to see you again."

"Yes," his wife replied. "Do take care and you must tell us when you have your next ball at Manderley. Those were always the highlight of the season."

"I can make no promises." Erik shook Philippe's hand, and kissed Lucille on her cheek. "It will depend on my wife."

At mention of me, the couple looked at me once more. Lucille regarded me and loudly stated, "Why… she is nothing at all like our Luciana."

Erik was already pulling me to move away and my head was spinning with thoughts about what the woman meant by 'she is nothing at all like our Luciana.' Yet, Erik refused to speak about the couple when I tried asking who they were and how he knew them. I knew they had to be friends, but my husband would not provide any information. He looked out the window of our car, his body tensed and unyielding.

When we got back to our hotel room, Erik undressed me and then we made love. But everything about his touch, his kiss was distant. He would not look at me in the eyes. And like our first night as husband and wife, he rolled to his side and kept his back to me. He did not speak one word and he fell fast asleep.

Clearly, that meeting of old friends distressed him so. As a wife, it was my duty to make my husband feel better and comfort him. But… I didn't know how. He was asleep before I could even have the chance to make things right for him. Should I wake him? Should I have said something when we got into our room before making love? I had tried in the car… but his silence on the subject kept me from pursuing it further. Perhaps I should have been assertive about it, instead of being a quiet mouse.

I failed him again.

I knew I did. And thinking back to that moment… I should have kept my ground and said something. I should have introduced myself; I should have stood up for my husband when he was so clearly agitated. But I chose to keep quiet and hide behind him. I was not a woman, I was a child. An immature child.

Oh, why was I so weak? Why couldn't I be stronger?

Surely, Luciana would not have taken their words as I did. She probably would have said something in response, something witty or clever that would make them all laugh and forget about the tense moment.

And… as I dreaded… Erik was murmuring in his sleep… Luciana's name on his lips as he begged once more for her forgiveness.

I could not stop my tears.

xxXXxx

We spent two months in Paris. Erik took me to every place I so desired to see and explore. He even taught me some French so I could read the signs and understand the people. When my mother was alive, she taught me the basic French words, but after she died… I had no one else to speak French to and my past lessons were forgotten. Yet, with Erik, my memory returned and I was able to speak it very well. It would be sometime before I became fluent as he, but I was determined to prove to him that I was the woman he married back in Monte Carlo.

As strong as my resolve was, it was very quick to crumble. I was not as sensitive to my husband's feelings as I thought I was. I thought I would know what would set him off and how to read his body language, yet I was ignorant. I did not see the signs when we saw _Faust _that night. I did not see how tense his jaw was when I begged him to stop at this outdoor café _La Mer _for lunch. I did not realize the meanings until much later, but as I recall this, this was not as hurtful or the worst then when it was at night. Those were the times I dreaded the most for night after night I had to listen to Erik call out for Luciana, always asking to forgive him and then he would always say "I love you."

For not once in our married time did he say these words I so longed to hear from him. I told him I loved him back in Monte Carlo, and several times since then. I hoped he would say them back, but after my sweet vows Erik would smile and kiss me on my forehead. I knew I was fooling myself into believing he was madly in love with me with his swift proposal; although, part of me had believed he did love me to offer such a commitment. My only fears were Mrs. Van Hopper being right that Erik would forever love Luciana, and I being a poor substitute to take away his loneliness.

Even though Erik never knew of the horrible anguish in his young bride's heart, he was a doting husband. In the mornings, he made sure I had a freshly hot bath ready and we would eat breakfast in bed. Then he held me as we planned out our day of sight-seeing. At first, I suspected it was because of his nocturnal admissions and it was a way for him to assuage his guilt. Of course, I would be ashamed of myself for thinking such thoughts, yet it grieved me to no end. I did try once to speak to him about this and confess I knew where his heart lay, but I was a nitwit and my words stumbled together so fast that Erik did not know what I was talking about. When I managed to slow my speech, I was awfully red with embarrassment that I changed the subject to where we were going to have dinner. After that, I did not bring it up again, but I continued my torturous observations and discovered he had no memory what he dreamt; and therefore, was not aware of the pain I was in.

How did I come to this startlingly conclusion?

Well, whenever Erik dreamed of Luciana… the part of his cloth mask that covered his nose would flare as he breathed harder, a frown would crease on his countenance, while his chin quivered. His fingers would tremble and he would stretch his arm out just slightly as if he was reaching for something… or someone. His body would be full of tension and his legs would curl a little towards himself. It had to be a very unpleasant dream and I often wondered if he was reliving her death, which made sense. However, where he would ask for forgiveness I did not understand. Perhaps, he felt responsible? Maybe he was too late to save her? For whatever reason he desired forgiveness, he never revealed not in his slumber.

Then when he woke, he would be refreshed from the night before and not a trace of whatever ill dreams he had would be found on his face or in his eyes. And when we ate breakfast and planned our day, I could not find any guilt that would suggest this was his repentance. He earnestly jested with me and fed me and told me stories and I knew I was being irrational to assume I did not mean anything to him.

Yes, he did tell Luciana he loved her, but when I looked into his eyes… I saw the adoration for me shining within. And that counted for something. Adoration was close on its way to love. It would take time for him to say he loved me, but I could wait. I waited this long for him, and I would wait longer for him to feel the same as me.

Besides sight-seeing, Erik made sure I did not fall behind in my singing lessons. So for an hour everyday, we dedicated it to my voice. If Erik had it his way, he would have two hours, but I persuaded him that would not allow us time to enjoy the sights completely. After all, this was my first time here and I did not want to miss a second of it. I knew it had to be a bore for him. He has been to Paris plenty of times, but he did confess that this was the truly the first time he took to see the city in a new light. My eagerness and excitement brushed off on him and he saw the wonderment through my eyes.

As we explored the city, Erik also immersed me in the world of opera. Ever since _Faust_, I was hungry for more. This pleased him immeasurably and he always found an opera or a play in a different theatre to take me to see. Each experience was breathtaking and how I longed to be a part of those stages with the others. And Erik, being a magician and a wonderful husband, would find those songs for me and he taught them to me in our hotel. I had hoped he would eventually come to sing with me as well, but whenever Erik taught me a duet, I had to imagine my partner's voice. It was not always easy, but his criticisms pushed me to strive for those rare compliments if he felt I deserved them. This may not always happen, but when it did, oh… it was worth every harsh comment and his temper.

So while Paris did prove to be agreeable for me, there was another dark cloud that hung over us.

Philippe and Lucille Savon.

After our first meeting, I thought Erik wanted nothing to do with them. But he was friends with them and there were many encounters that followed with the couple.

I knew how I looked at our introductions, and I wanted to show that I could be on the same level as they. For Erik's sake, I had to overcome my timidity. When the Savons invited us to their hotel for dinner, I was prepared to show them I was worthy of the title de Winter.

The evening started off well, which I was very satisfied with myself, and the meal was excellent. It was not until the men left us women alone for a smoke that I shattered.

"I hope you do forgive me, my dear, for the horrid comment I made," Lucille said, as she looped her arm through mine, as we walked along the hotel gardens.

"Oh?" My memory wandered over dinner and I did not remember her making any kind of remark that would need her to apologize. But, I assumed she knew she did something and I wanted to make a friend at the very least. "It's all right. I forgive you."

She smiled and I knew I made the right decision in accepting whatever transgression she made. "You are a dear! I felt awful that here you are on your honeymoon and I had to mention Luciana. I'm only too happy to see that it did not put a damper on the newlyweds."

My face paled. Luciana…

Yet, Lucille continued to prattle on, "Don't get me wrong. You're a lovely person and I know you will do Erik well. You're such a meek creature that his temper would not ire. I was just so surprised he chose you after _her_. Frankly, you two are nothing alike in every way. You are pretty to be sure, but Luciana… she was not of this realm. I will admit I was jealous of her looks, as we all were, but she was someone you never forgotten. I know Erik never did when they first met. Why, I heard him tell Philippe that she was an angel! In fact, that might be the best way to describe her… an angel. They were so happy together, so much in love. It broke my heart that he lost her, and so young too. What a tragedy. To think that she drowned alone was terrible. No one heard her cries."

"S-She drowned?" I repeated.

My companion paused. "You did not know? Surely, you must have!"

"No… I'm afraid I don't."

"Yes right off the bay at Manderley. There had been a storm approaching, but that didn't stop Luciana from going out to sea. She was very fond of sailing. She always said sailing was best done at night underneath the stars and moon. It was when the world around you was sleeping and you could bask in the solitude. Erik did tell her that it was dangerous for a woman to go sailing by herself, especially during the night, when no one was around in case of trouble. I'm sure he wished he didn't say that, but who could predict it to be true? She was an expert and she loved the sea… but the sea took her regardless."

I could only imagine the worry Erik had for his wife as she went sailing at night. Then the horror knowing she had drowned and he wasn't by to save her or hear her screams…

My heart clenched knowing that was the reason Erik was asking her for forgiveness. She drowned alone while he slept in their room at Manderley, never knowing she was in trouble. My poor Erik! He must have blamed himself!

Now, I knew I was risking my emotions, but I had to know more about that night of Luciana's death. I reasoned it would help me understand Erik better and to avoid any accidental slip-ups that would remind him of her. "What happened after?"

"Erik didn't tell you… I suppose it's truly none of my business, but you should know what you are getting into child. You see, Erik was downright devastated over Luciana's death. The man was a walking skeleton for days! He wouldn't see any of his friends nor permit them to visit and he refused to eat. I don't know who got through to him—probably old Anthony or that Khan fellow—but Erik did start to eat again and he did allow some visitors. Philippe was one of them. He was a frightful sight what my Philippe said. He could barely recognize him were it not for his mask. Luciana's death took a heavy toll on him. He was so… so broken… would be the word. Then after two months… the body was discovered near Edgecoombe, about forty miles up the channel. The poor man had to identify her! Just when he was getting better he had to relive those memories all over again! Thankfully, Erik did not do anything inconsequential, but we were all so very worried for him. I believe our biggest fear was that he would give up on living. Once his beloved Luciana was gone, what else did he have to live for?"

I was silent as I mulled over this revelation. Part of me wanted to leave Lucille and find my husband so I could embrace him. I knew of the pain he went through, I did lose both of my parents, and perhaps a parental love was not as great as a lover's, but to go through such sadness alone was a miserable endeavor. I was grateful that Erik did not do anything impulsive for I would not have met him.

I wanted to thank Lucille for confiding in me. She only deepened my love for Erik knowing the true events surrounding Luciana's death. I felt stronger that I could handle his sleep-talking and not feel at all despondent. I knew if I wasn't there for my parents at the time of their deaths I would feel remorse and have dreams about them too. So, I could not fault Erik for this.

As relieved as I suddenly was the conversation turned to me.

"You haven't told me yet, my dear, but how did you come to meet Erik de Winter?"

I blushed as I recalled those glorious memories. "In Monte Carlo. I was a companion to Mrs. Carlotta Van Hopper, and when she became ill, Erik and I spent time roaming the city together."

Once those words left my mouth, I quickly realized I made a large mistake as Lucille's countenance all of a sudden took on sly look, eager for the morsel of gossip. I don't know why I told her about my former status as companion. I knew Erik felt no shame in what I did, although he complained that it had to be Mrs. Van Hopper. I knew that to everyone else it was frowned upon with our difference in age and class, but I had no censor that night and I wished I could take back those last two minutes. I could have made up a fantastic story that was so dull that it would not be exciting for a woman like Lucille Savon.

"A companion? Why, that's so… interesting. And your employer did not mind that you and Erik were alone?"

I looked away, nervously licking my lips. "N-n-no," I stammered. "He was kind and we were friends."

"Now I understand," she replied, her eyes twinkling, which only filled me with a sense of trepidation. There was something in her tone, like amusement, but ominous and how I wished Erik would return for me! She noticed my change in disposition and clicked her tongue. "Don't fret Christine. Your secret is safe with me. I know Erik is a gentleman and would not do anything… compromising."

Her assurance did nothing of the kind. I was a bit fearful on how Erik would react if Lucille knew the truth of our relationship. The last thing I wanted was to be the cause of unneeded gossip that would turn against him. Stupid girl!

We turned around and continued our stroll back to the hotel. Nothing else was said, for nothing else needed to be said. I was anxious to be back within my husband's presence, and I was also preparing what I would say to him about the exchange between Lucille and me.

We were entering the lobby when Erik and Philippe emerged from the smoking room, both of them smiling and laughing at some private joke. They caught sight of us and I tried to bring a smile on my lips, but I knew it did not reach my eyes. Erik raised his visible brow at me, but he did not question my queer look. I knew he was going to want to know when we were alone, and I hoped I would be able to tell him without breaking down in tears.

Goodbyes and good-nights were shared between us four, and Erik hailed a taxi back to our hotel. It seemed like the longest drive to return and when we were finally in the privacy of our room, Erik asked me what was wrong.

"Oh Erik! Please forgive me!" I cried, clasping his hands and peering into his eyes. "I did something so foolish!"

"What could you have done?" he asked with mild astonishment. "I did not see any incidents."

"No… it was with Lucille when you were with Philippe. S-She asked me how we met and I told her how I was Mrs. Van Hopper's companion and—Erik why are you laughing?"

"Do forgive me," he chuckled as he raised my hands to press a kiss on the back of each one. "Silly girl. Why would you ask me for forgiveness?"

I stared at him, my eyes blinking. "Y-you're not upset?"

"Oh goodness no! What the devil made you think I would be upset? It's the truth isn't it?"

"Yes," I said, "I thought because… well…"

"Well what? Now, don't get shy on me Christine. Speak."

My cheeks flushed scarlet and I tried to look away, but Erik took my chin in his hand and held me where I could not look away. The mirth was gone and he looked upon me with such affection that I felt silly for bringing it up.

"I suppose it's nothing, but I thought since you were above me that it would be embarrassing."

"Above you? Why the devil would you think that?" He frowned.

"Let's forget it. I was being foolish." I wanted him to stop looking at me so I could retreat to the bathroom to soak the night away. Perhaps, I would slip into bed once he fell asleep.

"Christine," he sighed, and drew me closer. He rested his chin on top of my curls and breathed deeply. "Don't ever say that. I am not above you. If we are to place status in our marriage, then it is you who is above me."

Erik then looked down and gave me a small grin. "I would not worry so. There are other matters that require more concern than how we met."

"Your friends—" I protested and he placed his finger over my lips.

"If they claim to be our friend, then it does not matter. However, if this distresses you so, I could speak to Lucille. I daresay I cannot promise if that woman will hold her tongue, but if she cannot, then we will never have to see them again."

Never see them again? "Erik, they're your friends!"

"_Our _friends," he corrected. "And if they are then they will wisely keep it to themselves. As I said, if they do not, then we do not have to see them or invite them to any gathering. All you have to do is say the word and it is done."

The notion of turning Erik's friendship with the Savons away was not appealing. He knew them longer and better than I did, and I could not ask him to do that. There was a history among them and I did not want to be the selfish intruder. Yet, the intruder part could not be helped, but I was not going to do something so drastic that would eventually lead to regret.

"No. Let's not part with their friendship," I said, deciding at last that was the better course.

"Are you sure, my dear?"

I nodded. "Yes. I'm certain."

"Very well. Now, let's get ready for bed, shall we?"

We did our nightly rituals, and I could not help but observe, how in sync we had became with one another's habits. It was a moment like that; that I felt this marriage was perfect. Once our night clothes were on, Erik pulled down the cover and we climbed in the warm sheets. The evening was exhausting for me so we did not make love, but Erik did hold me until I fell asleep. Nestled in his warm embrace, I felt so peaceful and safe, and I wished we could remain like this forever.

xxXXxx

As dawn approached, I woke to a chill in the air. Still within sleep's embrace, I moved to catch my husband's warmth… but met emptiness. I pushed myself up so I could sit against the pillow.

"Erik?" I called but received no answer.

I rubbed my eyes to wake myself up and squinted into the darkness. As my sight adjusted, I could make out the outline of my husband sitting over in the corner. If he was sitting there… why didn't he answer me?

"Erik?" I repeated again, this time louder, in case he did not hear me the first time. There was some movement and I saw his hand covering the right side of his face. He moved over to the dresser and the white of his mask glowed as he put it on. Then he took small steps to where I was and sat upon the edge of the bed. Erik was looking down at his hands, and then finally he met my own gaze.

"Christine… do you love me?" he whispered, his voice unrecognizable.

"Of course I do Erik," I said, reaching for him. "Why? Tell me what inspired this."

He sighed and gently squeezed my fingers. "You are an angel. So young, so beautiful… You don't have the slightest clue about the cruelty of the world. Your innocence blinds you thus." Erik shook his head and removed himself from my grasp. I shivered but he did not notice.

"Erik…" I began, waiting for him to look at me. "I don't understand."

His lips pressed into a thin grin. "No. You don't."

"Tell me," I said desperately. "Tell me what grieves you so."

"Christine," Erik said my name with emotion. "I believe it's time we return home."

"Home?"

"Yes. It's time I introduce you to Manderley."

TBC…


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: Here we go! We finally arrive in Manderley! But before I let you go there is something I want to note…

As you can see, I'm using the _Rebecca _characters and replacing them with their perspective Phantom counterparts. The only person I couldn't place was Madame Giry. In all of my stories, I have used Antoinette as her first name so sticking with that fashion, I decided that the Madame Giry character is going to the butler Frith, but will go by the name Anthony. Antoinette… Anthony… you see? Now, some of you might not like that, but to fit with the story that's what I decided. And the Giry character will still be a parental figure in Christine's life. That is the only character where I changed their gender.

Now, without further ado… Manderley…

**Chapter 9**

My stomach was full of butterflies as our destination became closer. Finally… after hearing so much of Manderley I was going to see it for myself. Erik took it upon himself to inform me of the servants would be attending me as well as those who I will have day-to-day business with. As mistress, I was responsible in making sure the household was kept in line and to make any final decisions on meals, gatherings, decorations, etc.

"I know it seems a lot, my dear, but do not fret. Mrs. Danvers will be there every step of the way to help you. She has been at Manderley for many years and she knows what needs to be done. She is a hard woman, but she has done Manderley well and she is well-respected. I'm sure the two of you will become fast friends in no time."

His assuring words did not calm my nerves. I never was in charge of a staff before, especially as large as one that Manderley required. I did not know the first thing to run a household. I was not sure if I knew how to make the right decisions.

Yet, I could not confide my fears or my insecurities to my husband, not when he was so excited to be returning home. I could only hoped that when we arrived I would feel more at ease and everything will fall into place. Perhaps with the help of Mrs. Danvers, I will know the routines of Manderley quickly and I could laugh at these doubts later. Although, for now, I could only fold my hands into my lap and wait as Erik directed the car towards the iron gate that would take us up the winding driveway to Manderley.

"Hello Mr. de Winter! It's good to have you home," the gatekeeper said, coming out to greet his master.

"Thank you Charles. I'm always happy to come back to Manderley."

Charles cocked his head at me. "Hello to you too Mrs. de Winter."

I nodded, my voice not working at the moment. Charles turned around and opened the gate to let us in. Erik started the car up again and we were on our way.

The first thing I noticed was the trees and flowers that lined the path. The leaves were brightly green; the branches intermingled with one another forming an archway as we drove. Thin rays of sunlight broke through the trees, scarcely lighting the drive, and it appeared darker despite the time of day being early. I recognized the oak trees and beeches with their white stems so close that I could almost reach out and touch them.

The road curved and we drove over a tiny bridge with a lovely stream below and I was already storing that in my memory for a place for me to sketch. Each bend of the road was twisted and it felt endless with each passing second, even the gates that we passed seemed miles long. I could not help but notice how eerily silent the woods seemed to be. There was not a wind blowing, not even the chirping of birds or the scurrying of tiny creatures. I found that very odd as we had a forest near my village where I grew up. There was always some mischievous animal that would lurk about making some kind of ruckus. Yet, I could not see or hear anything resembling life out in those dark woods.

Erik took a sharp turn and I gasped as we came towards a red wall that was on either side of us; bright crimson plants that hid any green from sight.

"Rhododendrons," Erik replied with a hint of pride. "Lovely, are they not?"

Breathlessly, I stammered out a "Yes" and sank deeper into the leather seat. Erik twisted his face to look at me and he laid his hand in my lap.

"Don't worry. I know this appears daunting, but trust me, just be yourself and they will adore you as much as I do. Of course, they will be curious, mind you. You are their new mistress and they will want to know everything there is about you. But don't let that intimidate you. My staff is harmless and will do anything to please you. All you have to do is ask."

Curious… they will be curious about me and the butterflies multiplied. Immediately, my mind was clouded with despairing thoughts of disappointment. What if they don't like me? What if I was not what they expected? What if I make a mistake and I lose any credibility and respect? I was a mere commoner, a former seamstress and paid companion… I did not have the kind of class that a mistress of Manderley should have. Mrs. Van Hopper's parting words returned to haunt me and I knew I was way over my head. She knew I could not handle this… And I was so naïve and foolish to think I could prove to her how wrong she was.

We were getting closer. The boyish glint of excitement was showing in my husband's eyes and I wondered if it was too late to ask if we could turn back. All I wanted to do was go back to Paris or even Monte Carlo. At least… I could live the fantasy and imagine what Manderley was like.

My mouth was dry and my hands were wet from perspiration. I wiped them on the folds of my dress and then ran my fingers through my hair, making sure that I did not have a loose strand in my bun. My heart pounded loudly in my ears and I swallowed hard to retain some moisture in my mouth.

I could see straight ahead the path breaking up, the trees and shrubs thinning out, as a tall structure loomed. I took a deep breath, the air now carrying a salty taste. I could hear the waves of the sea and Manderley was now coming before us.

The lawns were an emerald green that was luscious and glossy, sloping down to the gardens. We pulled along the wide stone steps as a large crowd of people were gathered in front of the open doors, trickling down the steps, and partly on the road.

I heard Erik uttered an oath and I turned to him. "Damn the infuriating woman. She knew very well I did not want this kind of thing."

"Who are they?" I asked quietly, the panic building up within my chest.

"I suppose there's no avoiding this," Erik said on a sigh. "They are my staff… now yours too. I had hoped to gradually introduce you to them so it would not be overwhelming; alas, Mrs. Danvers had other plans. Well, best to get it over done with so we can move on."

I felt incredibly sick to my stomach, but Erik was right. There was no way I could enter Manderley without avoiding all these people. My palms were sweaty once more as I fumbled for the latch on the car door, and I nearly lost my balance, when the butler came to open the door for me.

He held his hand out to steady me and I regained my composure to look at him. He had a kind face, his gray eyes warm with welcome. He looked to be in his fifties, certainly older than my husband, with dark gray hair. He had a regal stance, his posture painfully straight, and he had the sort of air that demanded everyone's attention. With one look, I knew he was a kindred spirit.

"Ah, Anthony," Erik greeted. "I thank you for catching Mrs. de Winter."

"My pleasure, sir, and its good to have you back. We have all been anxiously awaiting you and the new Mrs. de Winter."

Erik appeared at my side and shook Giry's hand. "Anthony Giry has been with my family for many years. Besides Mrs. Danvers, Anthony knows the inner workings of Manderley and will assist you if need be."

Anthony bowed before me and my shaky knees attempted to curtsey. "Hello," I said, which sounded more like a squeak. He raised a brow to me, and then looked over to my husband when Erik spoke.

"Now, who arranged this?"

"Mrs. Danvers' orders, sir," Anthony replied and Erik nodded in confirmation. "Of course she did. Thank you Anthony."

Erik took my hand and led me around the car to face Manderley and… the staff. Thank God Erik was holding my hand or I would have collapsed from fright. There were so many of them standing around, dozens and dozens and dozens of eyes all on me. I felt faint as they gazed at me with scrutinizing and curious looks. Several turned to the person beside them, their mouths silently moving at a rapid pace.

They were talking about me. They were comparing me to… _her_.

The color drained completely from my face and I clenched Erik's hand tighter as he moved us closer. I was trembling terribly, my heart was racing, and I knew how it must have felt to be thrown into the lions' den. Those judging expressions were to be my trial and execution. I wanted desperately to beg my husband to leave, but it tore me to pieces to see that unadulterated look of happiness on his visage. I couldn't take him away from Manderley. Not when he clearly missed his home after all these long months abroad. I couldn't be that selfish. But, oh! I was so afraid and I clung to my husband for support.

"Everyone! Let me present to you your new mistress of Manderley—Mrs. Christine de Winter. I trust you will do your best to ensure that Mrs. de Winter settles in nicely. Now… where is Mrs. Danvers?"

From above the steps, the servants parted like the Red Sea and on top, standing in the open doorway, had to be Mrs. Danvers. She was a tall, thin woman clad in a straight gown of black with a white collar and buttons down to her waist. What struck me the most about her was her features: her chin was angular, her cheekbones sharp and small, and her protruding nose had a peculiar upwards curl; her complexion was very fair, her coal-like eyes standing out below her thinly arched brows, and her black hair braided tightly in a bun.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled as she proceeded to glide down the steps, the skirt of her dress barely ruffled with each movement. Her countenance was unreadable, her lips pressed firmly together, to avoid a trace of any emotion or betrayal to her thoughts. Her lashes flicked languidly as she looked from me to Erik.

"Mrs. Danvers when I wrote to you to tell you of our impending arrival, I was not expecting any ceremony to take place."

"I took the liberty sir," she answered, her voice cool and clipped. "I presumed the new Mrs. de Winter would want to meet her staff."

"Yes," Erik said, although his expression did not soften. "In the future, Mrs. Danvers, no more of this unless either I or Mrs. de Winter specifically say so."

At the mention of my name, her eyes landed on me and from that one piercing look, I shrunk back.

"Yes Mr. de Winter," she said, bowing her head to Erik. Mrs. Danvers stepped to the side so Erik could lead me up the stairs. Even though my back was to her and the others, I could still feel the jabbing stares.

However, all that left when I was in awestruck over Manderley's grand entrance. The foyer had checkered black and white tiles, the ceiling extending to the heavens, and a grand sweeping staircase. I remember seeing one of the doors opened that led into the gallery—the portraits of all the de Winter family members. That had been one of the first rooms Erik took me through. Each frame varied with some as long as twenty feet and some short as five feet. Every painting featured one or two of the de Winters dating far back as to Erik's great-great-great grandfather. Yet, the one portrait that caught my interest was of a woman wearing a flowing white gown; a wide, white sun hat upon her head of black coiled curls. I never seen someone so beautiful, but looking closely… I could see Erik's eyes reflecting back to me.

"Caroline de Winter," he said from behind. "She was my great-cousin."

"She has your eyes," I murmured softly.

"The de Winter eyes," Erik spoke proudly and reached for my hand. "Come. There's more to show you."

He pulled me away from the gallery and back to the foyer. The door was closed; no doubt all the servants were back to their daily chores and routines. I wondered if any felt I disturbed their timely scheduled and scolded myself that I must have. After all, it is not everyday they were gathered to greet Manderley's new mistress. Then my thoughts drifted to Mrs. Danvers. She was a queer sort of woman with her rigid stance and inscrutable hollow eyes. I don't know how Erik ever felt that we could be friends. There was not a trace of friendliness or kindness that I could have seen, but I knew her role among the staff. She was the housekeeper and manager. Everything ran smoothly due to her rule and I had to admit I could certainly learn a thing or two from her. Perhaps, her coldness was a sign of shyness? It was going to be a difficult task to thaw that frosty exterior, but for Erik… I was willing to try.

Erik showed me the library—a very impressive, large room with shelves lining every wall and filled with all kinds of books. I knew there was enough for me to read in five lifetimes!

From there, he pointed out some various rooms that were specifically for me. The morning room and sitting room were two places I could entertain guests if I so wished and he suggested that the sun room might be a good place for me to get some air and take in a sketch or two. That room overlooked the rose garden and I was already envisioning the masterpieces I could recreate.

We then traveled to the dining room, another wide and long stately room that could sit at least sixty people. This was where they held parties as it was the largest room to house that many guests. The table could be taken apart and transported elsewhere so the room could turn into a ballroom as well.

It was getting close to dinner and Erik led me to the second dining room. This one was appropriate for a small setting and where we were to have all of our meals. Tea could be taken in any room that I desired.

I was so dizzy from the overwhelming beauty and grandiose that Manderley provided that I found my appetite to be lacking. I practically felt guilty when I saw a fine feast already prepared for us. Erik held my chair out for me and took his seat on the other side of the table. Although it was not very long, I felt the distance between us and I did not like that he was not close by to me. I was so used to us dining close to one another, so close our shoulders could touch. But… we were at home now. And it was expected of us to sit at our respective ends of the table.

I sipped some of the soup and nibbled very little on the cold ham and cranberries and carrots. Erik frowned and said, "Don't tell me you have gone back to your old habits, Christine."

"Oh no…" I exclaimed. "I am not all that hungry." With that little blurt, I blushed scarlet. "Of course, I do not want to offend the cook. It is very delicious and I will try to eat more—"

"Christine!" Erik chided, shaking his head. "Silly thing. You are not going to offend the cook. If you're not hungry, you're not hungry. There is no need to eat yourself sick."

"But—"

"Not another word. I'm sorry I brought it up. Since you are finished, I'm sure you are exhausted from our trip and would want to retire. I will finish the tour tomorrow and I will show you the grounds of Manderley."

If there was anything about Manderley I was eager to see… it would be the grounds. That was the one particular area that people boasted about. Now that Erik mentioned, I was feeling rather fatigued. I wanted nothing more than to rest my poor head, but there was one thing that bothered me.

"What of our singing lesson?" I asked.

Erik clicked his tongue. "We will continue tomorrow evening. For now, I want my wife to go to her rooms and sleep as much as she can. You will need to replenish that energy for the rest that I have to show you."

My face was crestfallen as he referred to the rooms being my own. Was Erik not going to share a bed with me? After all those nights spent together… I assumed we would continue that in Manderley. I found myself very fond of Erik being so close and it helped make me feel safe. Oh, how I badly wanted to ask if he was going to stay with me! But I could not bring myself to ask him that and Erik guided me to the east wing.

As we approached the room, Mrs. Danvers was coming out of it. She saw us and bowed.

"Mrs. de Winter's belongings are already arranged. I have everything prepared so Mrs. de Winter can rest if she needs after a long day of traveling."

"Thank you Mrs. Danvers," Erik said. "That was very thoughtful of you, and yes, that is so true. We are both very tired from driving and turning in is certainly needed."

At his comment, I saw a sudden turn of surprise crossed over her face. "Mr. de Winter, you are not going to your room?"

"Of course I am. Mrs. de Winter's room is my room now. Go and fetch Anthony and make sure that by tomorrow night, all of my clothing and things are situated in with Mrs. de Winter."

"Yes sir." Mrs. Danvers took her leave not before she stole a glance at me. I could not make out what it was, but I did not care. No… I was too deliriously happy to know my husband was to share a room with me after all.

I did not have much of a chance to inspect our room for once our door was shut, Erik swept me up in his arms and pressed an ardent kiss on my lips. We may have been tired, but that did not stop us from reaching for one another and making love on our bed at our first night in Manderley. As we lay beneath the covers, Erik's hand curled around my waist as he held me.

The homecoming would have been perfect were it not for Erik being plagued once more of dreams of Luciana… her name an anguish cry roaring in my ears.

xxXXxx

My first morning at Manderley was a cold one as Erik was gone by the time I woke. I should have been used to it since it was not the first time Erik left me, but we were home now… Wouldn't that have changed? I sighed and pulled my knees to my chest. _You silly nit. Erik hasn't been home in months and there would have to be things done that only he can oversee. How self-centered can you be? _

Of course, Manderley was going to require his attention until we settle in. My remonstration thoroughly put any sadness away for the moment and I knew Erik would come back to me—he always did and I was content with that thought.

As Erik was not here, I was able to survey our room. It was quite charming with soft pastels and floral wallpaper and long, draping curtains over the one large window. To my right was a wide, white dresser with mirrors and privacy changing wall in the far left corner. There were two small tables on either end of the window, both with a glass vase that contained a prettily arrangement of redbud blossoms, white daisies, and lavender. The flowers permeated the room with its natural perfume and it gave me a warm feeling inside. Everything about the room was inviting and full of warmth and comfort. Even the four-poster bed with its cream-colored hardwood and ivory canopy was heavenly.

The styles suited me very well, and my cruel mind conjured images of Erik and Luciana waking together in this room. However, I did pause… remembering how surprised Mrs. Danvers was that Erik chose to sleep with me in this room and not his. Did he and Luciana sleep separately? It did not paint the idea of a couple very much in love and, he, a grieving widower.

A swift knock interrupted my thoughts and the door opened, revealing Mrs. Danvers and a girl who appeared to be a few years older than me.

"I see you're awake," Mrs. Danvers said nodding, and turned to the girl beside her. "This is Alice. She is to serve as your personal maid until yours arrives."

"I… I don't have a maid," I replied, my voice quiet as I knew this revealed I was not a lady of high class. Mrs. Danvers' expression did not waver nor change at my words, almost as if she was expecting that, and I hurriedly added, "I'm sure Alice will do fine as my maid."

Mrs. Danvers raised that thin brow and lifted her chin higher. "Alice is a _chambermaid_, not a _personal maid_." She said it like there was a distinct difference, which I did not know there was. "She will do temporarily until I find you one. Or do you have someone preferably in mind?"

"No, no," I answered, feeling rather stupid for not knowing this. "I trust your expertise Mrs. Danvers. Mrs. Danvers?"

"Yes Mrs. de Winter."

"I—" I could not lose my courage now. "The room…"

"Yes. Is it to your liking?"

"Very much," I told her. "I love the colors."

"I'm pleased. It was Mr. de Winter's specific instructions that the east wing was decorated for you."

"It wasn't like this before?" I frowned. "I hope you didn't go to too much trouble."

"Not at all Madam. This room was used for an occasional guest of the de Winters."

"So… Mr. de Winter and the late Mrs. de Winter did not share this room?"

At this, Mrs. Danvers bristled. "No. They had the room in the west wing. That is the grandest room of all in Manderley and it has a very lovely view of the sea below. The east wing overlooks the rose garden."

"Oh." I was naïve to think Erik would want to share the same room with me as he did with his late wife. Of course, he wouldn't. "I can't even hear the sea."

"No you can't."

I bit my lip. The way she said it… It was evident that she thought this room was inferior and it made me wonder why Erik would want me to have this room at all.

"If that's all, then Alice will dress you. Breakfast is in the dining room. I will discuss with you later about the menus."

I meekly nodded as she left the room. I looked over to Alice who stared at me with impatience. "What would Mrs. de Winter like to wear?"

xxXXxx

Once I was dressed, I made my way down a small flight of stairs that took me to a huge door and down the hall that eventually took me into the main corridor. In a brief moment of panic, I forgot where the dining room was and all the rooms were closed and the doors all looked the same to me. A couple of maids walked past me, both stopping to wish me a good morning. I did the same and I wanted to ask where to go, but my tongue felt heavy in the mouth. How could a mistress not know where her dining room was? I was positive the late Mrs. de Winter knew exactly where to go and she would not carry the thought of asking any of the servants.

I kept my head held high as I walked down the hall with such confidence in where I was heading. Their footsteps echoed behind me and I instantly relaxed as I was now alone. I looked from door to door, wondering which one I should try first. I chose the closest one to my left and I heard Anthony saying, "That'll be the library Mrs. de Winter."

I blushed, my hand falling to my side as I turned around. Anthony then lifted his arm and pointed to an entry to another hall. "The dining room is this way." He proceeded to step in that direction and I followed, knowing I had to. Sure enough, there it was. I mumbled a thank you too embarrassed that I did in fact walked past it.

Erik was already there, reading the newspaper, and drinking his coffee. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Anthony announced in a booming voice: "Mrs. de Winter, sir."

My blush only deepened when Erik looked up at me. "There you are my wife! I was wondering what delayed you."

"It appears Mrs. de Winter was turned around looking for the dining room," Anthony supplied for me and I couldn't help but lower my chin. Why did Erik have to know? I heard him fold the paper as he chuckled.

"She did? Well, I suppose that was my own fault. Thank you Anthony."

The butler nodded and walked out. I continued to stand, my face too red to look at him.

"Christine?" Erik's melodic voice called to me and I couldn't help but obey as I lifted my eyes to him, finding him right in front of me. There was no teasing or mocking in his eyes and he gave me an affectionate grin. "I'm sorry for that. I should have gone up to get you, but I lost track of time. You poor dear. I bet you were quite lost."

I didn't have to say anything, my silence and red cheeks did that for me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "Good morning," he said huskily, tilting my chin to give me a kiss. I forgot why I was upset in the first place when I drew back and said the greeting back.

"You must be hungry," he said, leading me over to a long table that was covered in silver platters and trays and dishes. He lifted the lid of each one to show me the scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, French toast, assorted pastries, fresh fruit, and biscuits. "I already ate but go on and pick whatever you like."

I was baffled with the amount of food. There was enough to feed ten or more people! Surely, this could not be all for just us two!

I reached for a plate and added a scoop of eggs, a couple slices of bacon, a sausage, and some fruit. As I turned towards the table, Erik was pouring me a cup of tea. He returned to his seat when I was settled, and picked up his paper to continue to read. I picked at my eggs, my gaze flicking up to my husband. It was too quiet and I longed for his conversation, but he seemed engrossed in his paper that I could not interrupt.

The minutes ticked by as did half my eggs. I felt I couldn't stomach another bite. Another minute went by and I finally blurted, "When are we going to see more of Manderley?"

Erik glanced at me, remorse flashing in his eyes. "Oh Christine," he murmured. "I'm afraid it will have to be later. I forgot but I need to visit my tenants. I should be back before six and we can continue our lessons."

"Could I come with you?" The idea of being in Manderley alone… it was not a pleasant feeling.

"I'm afraid this is something I need to do myself. Perhaps next time you can and meet them. I know they would be interested in meeting Mrs. de Winter," Erik said gently, trying to cheer me up with the compromise. "If you need anything, you can call on Anthony or Mrs. Danvers."

I didn't want to call on them, especially not Mrs. Danvers. There was something about the woman that unnerved me, but I couldn't explain why. I didn't want to tell Erik that since she had been here at Manderley for years and he had to have good reason to keep her on. I knew I was being childish and I wanted to do better, but I could not find a decent thing about that woman.

"All right," I conceded with defeat.

"Now, now," Erik chided. "You will have a splendid time without me. There are many spots for you to draw and I know you will not find yourself bored. I must go but we will have dinner together." He kissed me and before he left, he added, "Do not starve yourself waiting for me."

I knew he meant it in jest, but I hadn't the heart to tell him that the reason for my lack of appetite was due to when I'm anxious or when I'm despaired. With Erik gone, the delicious aromas were sour to me and I could not finish what was left on my plate.

Anthony came in and he halted when he saw my plate. He went over to the table and checked the food. "Was it to your liking Madam? If not, I could see if Cook—"

"No!" I exclaimed. "No… it's all very good and there's nothing wrong. I'm… I'm full."

He gave me an odd look, and then nodded. "Would Mrs. de Winter like to go and write her letters?"

A distraction of any kind was welcomed and I eagerly responded, "Yes. Thank you Anthony." Of course, I had no one to write to and the only possible person I could think of was Mrs. Van Hopper. Anthony did not know and I was not going to volunteer that tidbit to him.

I stood and walked out to the hall. I paused, not sure where I should go, but I didn't want him to catch me in hesitation or anyone else. I wandered down and came across a door made out of shining ebony.

Intrigued, I pushed it opened and gasped.

TBC…


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: Wow… it has been three weeks since I last updated. I'm so sorry guys! I was down with the terrible case of writer's block, work, and I did score an interview, but no call backs. And I am leaving for vacation tomorrow so I'm going to try and write in another chapter this week to post on Sunday. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait!

And again thank you for the wonderful and incredible feedback! I hope I didn't lose anyone with the wait. You guys are awesome and thank you for being patient!

Curious—As for your question, the Madame Giry character is Anthony the butler (really Frith in _Rebecca_) and he will have a sister (not going to say who yet!). Meg will certainly come in later as well as Raoul.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 10**

I found the music room!

I know Mrs. Danvers had said the west wing had the grandest room of all Manderley, but she had to be mistaken. This… was truly beautiful and magnificent! The best room in all of Manderley!

Instruments of all shapes and sizes were in glass cases against the wall, including those of exotic and foreign appearances. Drums, flutes, trumpets, violins, pipes, and there was even a harp! However, it was the grand piano that drew my attention, standing proudly in the middle of it all. The wood was a polished black, the keys pure as snow. I gently ran my hand over it, gasping at the cool texture and the pulsating music as my fingers danced along the keys. Score-sheets were laid out, ink blots and scratches all over the measures, evidence of hasty corrections. As I looked around, the room was… disheveled, especially the score-sheets, which there were bounds and bounds of leather books with papers in shelves, on the floor, in stacks, all over. The instruments were well-polished and other parts were clean, which the chambermaids were careful not to disturb their master's works.

It seemed odd for the room to be disorganized, especially when Erik did not strike me as one to leave a mess. All of his clothes were neatly folded in his suitcase, which was not always done by a worker. Perhaps, it was a chaotic organization when it comes to music.

I scrolled through the papers that were on the piano and hummed a few bars. The music was… unlike anything I ever seen. There was no title to the song, but the heat of the piece was tantalizing, but something was missing. I did not know what, but I hoped Erik would play it for me when it was finished.

As I continued my exploration, the chill in the air began to settle over me. I rubbed my arms together as I moved to the fireplace. There was wood already in place, but no matches. I frowned and searched the room for them, but none could be found.

I had to find Anthony then and I only prayed I could find him without getting lost. To my luck, I found Anthony coming towards me as I stepped out of the music room.

"Anthony! Do you have any matches?"

"In my pocket, Mrs. de Winter. May I ask why?"

"Yes of course," I said, "I wanted to start the fire in the music room. It's awfully cold and—"

"The morning room's fireplace has been lit. We won't get to the music room until later, especially with Mr. de Winter gone out. But, if you like, I could fetch Robert to start it for you."

"That's all right. There's no need to bother Robert," I said quickly, and berated myself for not thinking that there would be a set schedule for the fireplaces. Naturally, they would continue as the way it always was and I was not going to disturb it. "The morning room you said? I'll go there."

He nodded and once again I was in a dilemma over to where to find the morning room. Anthony was watching me closely as I took a step to the left and he cleared his throat. "The morning room is over there. You need to cut through the drawing room and it will be on your left." He gestured with his hand and I scurried off in that direction without thanking him. Once I reached my destination, I closed the door that it shared with the drawing room so I could be left alone. Right off to the side, I saw the fire burning bright, its heat enveloping me. Then I scanned the room and found a small Cocker Spaniel resting in a basket behind a fainting couch.

The dog lifted its head, staring at me, and then slowly thumped its tail. A smile broke across my lips and I went over to pet the dog's sandy brown coat. "Hello to you too! Who might you be?"

"Sasha, madam, or truthfully, Sasha the third."

I jumped at Anthony's voice and he apologized. "I did not mean to startle you Mrs. de Winter, but I forgot to tell you… when you're done with your letters you may leave them on that tray there," he pointed to the writing desk where a small circular silver tray sat on the edge. "Robert will mail them for you."

I nodded and I was again left with Sasha. I stood on my feet to look around the room and noticed that it overlooked the rhododendrons that I saw on our way to Manderley. The monstrous crimson heads seemed to encroach upon the window, their stems twisting with the ivy, choking the outside wall. From up ahead, I could make out a thin patch of untouched green, which was one of the lawns and in the center was a statue of a lion, its mouth open wide in a roar, to mark Manderley as its territory.

I turned away from the window to inspect the rest of the room—and it was obviously decorated with a woman's touch and a lot of thinking put into each selection of furniture. Each piece was beautifully made from every table, every chair, vase, and lamp. All of them seemed to compliment one another with such perfection, including the rhododendrons that were scattered across in vases. They were not an angry red as the ones outside, but they were white with the petals stained in pink, and vibrant with life. I knew that every room contained an arrangement of some kind, but all the other flowers were smaller and subdued in color while this room contained bigger than life qualities. I had to ponder if this was done on purpose, and I had a feeling that it must have been. The only object in the room that seemed out of place, although it made a fine conversation starter, was this china cupid on top of the mantle of the fireplace. Its round, chubby cherub face was looking straight out, his arrow in place to shoot an unsuspecting lovesick victim, his wings long and proud in mid-flight, while those eyes stared out at me. It was an ugly piece, complete contradictory to its ideal belief, and I would have to guess it was a fashionable work of art.

I shivered as I felt those statuesque, cold eyes on me as I walked around the room.

I went over to the writing desk and this was not some simple desk that would do for a great lady and her demanding life. No… this writing desk was intricate in its carvings and the top was tidy and clean, not a trace of ink blots or scratches. Besides the tray, there was a telephone and next to that was a long, thin book with the monogram _**LdW**_ written boldly in cursive. I traced the loops and then instantly jerked away as it stood for Luciana de Winter.

This was _her_ address book.

I sank into the cushion of the chair; my sight transfixed on every detail that contained that same bold signature that marked this was _MINE_. The stationary that was in neat pile in the center had _**LdW**_ in the top right corner; even the container with pens had that same inscription.

This had been _hers_.

_She _had sat on this very chair, touched that very same address book, flipping through each page until the receiver was found, touched those pens as she wrote her letter.

Yet, my insatiable mind would not stop. I opened drawer by drawer—finding neat little scribbles of that same handwriting, labeling "letters—unanswered," "letters—answered," "estate," "menus," "miscellaneous," and so forth. The last drawer at the bottom revealed a small box and I picked it up, removed the lid, and found a note on top that read:

_**To Mrs. Erik de Winter**_

I quickly closed the lip and shut the drawer, my breathing in short gasps.

Everything was _hers_.

At one point, she would plan her daily schedule at this desk with Sasha at her side. Anthony would come in and announce a well-known neighbor and she would rise from her seat, her arms open wide in salutations, and they would sit upon the furniture, sharing and gossiping the latest stories. Then Robert would enter and collect her many letters for the post office…

I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing I was an intruder in the midst of all the happy memories collected and stored in this room. I was a stranger who had no right to claim what was once _hers_. I could not use this writing desk and stationery. I could not—

The phone rang causing me to jump, and for a second, I stared at it stupidly not sure how to make it stop. Then sense returned and I lifted the handle to put to my ear.

"Hello? ... You must be mistaken. Mrs. de Winter has been dead for over a year."

I hung up and immediately recognized my error. I was Mrs. de Winter! Not Luciana! This was a horrid blunder to make and I sat there with tears in my eyes, completely petrified that I had been so careless with my words.

The door opened and to my amounting horror, Mrs. Danvers entered. Her gaze was immediately on the phone and then to me.

"That was the household phone. That line connects to all the phones to all the servants here. That was probably the gardener calling for your instructions."

"G-Gardener? I-Instructions?"

She nodded slowly as if I was a dumb child. "Yes. The late Mrs. de Winter was particular in how the gardens were managed. Each room, I'm sure you have noticed, has flowers all different and unique to Manderley. Some are from our gardens, the rest from the surrounding wild fields. They're always fresh which is what Mrs. de Winter liked."

"Oh," I stupidly replied.

"If you wish to make any changes, then you need to let Oscar know."

"N-no. That's all right. I rather liked the idea of fresh flowers. It can stay the same."

"As you wish. And was the menu to your satisfaction?"

"Menu?" I echoed and looked down to find a long, rectangular parchment off to the left of the stationery. It contained the day's menu for lunch and dinner. Without looking closely, I picked it up and held it out to her. "I approve it."

She gracefully moved to the desk, her outstretched hand taking the menu, and accidentally brushed against my hand. The sudden contact caused me to drop the menu as it fluttered to the floor. I looked up with a frightened expression as she bent down to retrieve it.

Her hand was ice cold!

Mrs. Danvers straightened up and perused the paper. "You didn't select a sauce Madam."

"Excuse me?" I whispered.

She gave me an impatient glare. "I left a blank spot for your choice of sauce next to the veal. Mrs. de Winter was a connoisseur of sauces and was very particular in what she wanted serve, and I always refer to her."

Sauces? I hadn't the faintest clue that there could be as many sauces to choose for a meal. She was awaiting my answer and the last thing I wanted to sound was incompetent over a simple decision.

"I'll have whatever Mrs. de Winter would have chosen."

That seemed to please Mrs. Danvers and she nodded. "Very good Madam. I'm sorry if I disturb your writing."

"My writing? No… you did not disturb me, Mrs. Danvers. Mrs. Danvers?"

"Yes?"

"I—" I swallowed hard and rushed, "I hope we can be friends, Mrs. Danvers. You must forgive me. I'm new to all of this and I want to do my best to make sure Manderley runs smoothly and of course, to make Mr. de Winter happy."

She did not reply so I continued. "You have been here long?"

"Not as long as Anthony," she answered tersely. "I came when Mrs. de Winter married Mr. de Winter. Now, is there anything else you need?"

"No. Thank you Mrs. Danvers," I said, and released the air I was holding when she took her leave.

So she did not stay at Manderley as longed as I thought. Then it occurred to me that throughout our exchange… she addressed the late Mrs. de Winter in the present tense, and to my growing alarm, as did I.

xxXXxx

I did not stay in the morning room long for I did not have any letters to write. And I wanted to avoid another meeting with Mrs. Danvers in case she should find me there with another request for instruction. I did not fare well with the first two and I would be blustering like an idiot if she were to ask me what sort of wines I favored for dinner.

Sasha trailed behind me as I thought I would do some exploring of Manderley on my own since Erik was out. His suggestion of me doing some sketching sounded appealing and I did have some ideas of where I would like to draw. I was quite proud of myself that I was able to return to my room without getting lost to pick up my sketchbook.

Once my book was securely tucked within my arms, I chose the rose gardens to start with as my room did overlook them and it seemed like it would be a secluded enough spot. The only company I found welcoming was Sasha, only because I believed I intrigued her. At least, I knew the dog could not judge me.

I managed to find my way outside without running into Anthony or any of the other servants. I kept close to the stone wall where I believed my room to be and followed it until I came upon the path that led inside the rose gardens. Sasha barked happily and scampered off into the maze, and I followed behind, making sure I did not lose her. Like everything else I had seen so far at Manderley, the rose gardens were truly an impressive sight. No wonder Mrs. Van Hopper had been in awe!

Erik had roses of all types and colors—miniature, cabbage, tall, yellows, pinks, whites, reds, mauve, and striped—and some grew along bushes, others were on the ground, some had thorns, some had twisting stems, but no matter how they grew or what they looked like… the garden was like stepping into an enchanted story. I knew roses could be difficult to maintain, but the gardening staff took good care of the roses and there was not a single one that was black.

I found Sasha lying down next to a wooden bench that had a lovely fountain in front of it. It was a wall fountain with rose bushes reaching across, its branches skimming the blue-green water. There was even a frog that stood atop a fallen leaf in the water.

I knew I found my first subject.

I flipped my book to a new page and began to draw. I lost track of time but I knew I was there for some time if the number of pages I finished was an indicator. I sketched the fountain with the frog, then I focused on a couple of isolated roses, a bird perched on top of the wall, and Sasha standing on the fountain looking down into the water. When I was done, I went back to my drawing of Erik I started in Monte Carlo.

I could only count the number of times I had changed his portrait from Monte Carlo and even in Paris. I felt no matter which angle I tried, I could not capture Erik as well as I wanted to. He kept insisting that what I drew was a masterpiece and a good likeness, but I did not think so. Something was missing and my pencil tapped against his mask.

I sighed and closed my book. If I were to work on Erik's portrait, then I would go mad once more with missing him. As I did not want to go back to the house, I remained outside with Sasha and soaked in the sun's rays. It was a nice day out and it felt good to be out with Mother Nature.

I enjoyed Her company too until Sasha began to whine and pace in circles. I took that as cue that she wanted to leave, and though I was loathe to, I assumed she must be hungry. After thinking that, my stomach also began to grumble, and I wondered if I missed lunch.

We found our way out of the maze and back into the manor. I had to rely on my memory on where the dining room was, and I did find it. When I entered, I found Mrs. Danvers and a young man going about in cleaning up lunch.

At my footsteps, Mrs. Danvers turned and her look upon her face was anything but approval.

"There you are. We had lunch prepared but no one could find you."

I sheepishly lowered my eyes and said, "I was in the rose garden drawing. I'm afraid I lost track of time."

"Robert," Mrs. Danvers said, getting his attention. "Could you find Cook and see if she can fix something for Mrs. de Winter."

Mortified, I hastened a quick decline. The last thing I wanted the Cook to hear was how I was not present for the lunch she had prepared originally. Of course, I knew that thought was pointless as word would either get back to her some way. Instead, I opted for my tea to be ready.

Mrs. Danvers bowed and was gone leaving me with Robert. I had not met him beforehand, but he looked to be about the same age as I with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He was a tall, lanky fellow and he moved about with such awkwardness I wondered if he was fearful if he should disrupt his duty. Yet, he seemed like a nice enough man and I did not want him to think he needed to be frightened of me.

"Robert right?" I asked and he suddenly whipped his head at me, amazed that I would address him, let alone with his name. "I'm… well, you probably know who I am."

He nodded, his wide-eyed expression not going away. "Y-yes Ma'am."

"You can call me Christine. Ma'am seems a little formal."

"Yes Ma'am."

I winced but continued anyways. "I'm sorry you had to clean this up because of me. It looks like there is a lot and I can help."

The idea of me helping him only caused his puzzled look to become even more puzzled and worried. "It's all right Mrs. de Winter. I'm almost done and I will be out of your way."

Before I could say more, Robert was gone. I looked back down to Sasha who pressed her wet nose against my hand and gave my fingers a lick. "I guess I'm doomed from making a friend. Well… I have you."

I scratched behind her ear and thought I would take my tea in the library. The fireplace was set when I went inside and I crawled into the tall chair and took a deep breath. It smelled of Erik's cologne and assumed this was his seat. Once again, I was heartsick without him here and I wondered if he was thinking of me as he conducted his business. Did he miss me as much as I did him?

Robert entered with the tray for tea as well as a plate of mini sandwiches. He set it upon the table and bowed before he left once more. I fixed my drink and ate two sandwiches. I gave one to Sasha who gobbled it up with a ferocious force. I gave her one more and ate the last one for myself.

I nursed my tea and becoming bored with the sitting around… I stood to pick a book to read.

Erik had such a vast collection from history books, science texts, philosophy, religion, music, art, biographies, and novels. I did not where I should start so I picked up a hefty book that was about physiology, but the text was too advanced for me so I put it back and decided perhaps anything on science was not ideal for me.

As I scrolled through the titles, I did find one that caught my interest. _Jane Eyre_.

I heard about this story from one of the women I had to endure tea with when I worked for Mrs. Van Hopper. All the other women were aghast over the contents of the novel and after I always wanted to read it to see what upset them so.

Eager with my new find, I returned to my seat and started—_There was no possibility of taking a walk that day…_

xxXXxx

The clock chimed when six came along and I was about a third done with the book. I was so engrossed in Jane's and Mr. Rochester's tragic romance that it did not occur to me that Erik had not arrived yet.

I looked for something to mark my spot, but when I could not find one, I folded the edge of the corner over so I could continue where I left off. I stepped out into the great hall and began to look for Anthony, Robert, or even Mrs. Danvers. I found the former in the drawing room as he fussed over a painting that had been crooked.

"Anthony?" I gently called and he looked over his shoulder at me.

"Yes Mrs. de Winter?"

I took a couple brave steps forward, my hands clasped together. "I was wondering if you knew if Mr. de Winter returned."

"No, I'm afraid not, Mrs. de Winter," he answered.

I tried to cover up my disappointment, but failed miserably. "Do you think he will be gone long?"

Anthony gave me a pitying look. "It's hard to say madam. Mr. de Winter has many tenants with families, and he usually dines with one of them if he's gone late."

"He said he would be back by six."

"Then he might be on his way. If you like, I can check on dinner for you. It should be ready by now."

I thought about waiting for Erik, but his earlier words came back to me. He told me not to wait for him and he would be angry if I did again. And Anthony seemed quite sincere that Erik would be having dinner with his tenants. As the butler knew Erik's business better than I, I knew he had to be right.

Erik was not coming home.

"I appreciate that. Thank you."

I stayed in the drawing room when Anthony returned to inform me that dinner was in fact ready. I followed him into the dining room where I was greeted with another feast. Dinner was veal with a white wine and caper sauce, asparagus, roasted potatoes, and curried prawns. I took my seat as Anthony prepared a plate for me. Once I had everything I needed, he told me if I needed anything else then I all I had to do was pick up the phone and asked for him.

I thanked him and then I was alone. I looked to my husband's empty chair and prayed he would come walking through that door. I even held off eating for a few minutes, but when it became apparent that Erik was not going to be home, I did eat.

Like breakfast, there was too much food and my appetite was gone. I ate as much as I could to avoid suspicion and pushed the rest over the plate to make it seemed I ate more than what I did. Anthony and Robert returned about thirty minutes later to clean up my plate and deliver dessert—cold chocolate mousse. It was sweet and it felt good to have it slide down my throat, but not even the appeal of chocolate could take away my agony.

I was able to leave the room and I wandered the halls, not sure what to do with myself. Everyone was off doing what was expected of them. All had a chore that needed to be done before retiring and I… I was mourning for my husband. I purposefully stayed close to the main door so I could catch him coming in, but as it grew late, I feared that our singing lesson would also not come to pass.

Anthony found me back in the library, but I was too despondent to finish my book and I did not care how I may have looked in front of him. I missed Erik. I wanted him to come back to me soon.

If Anthony wanted to lecture me on the propriety of a lady and keeping her emotions in check, he could all he wanted. All I wanted was Erik to be back in my arms. In fact, I thought he was going to do just that when he said something to me that astonished me.

"You're exactly what Mr. de Winter needs."

I stared at him, not sure if I heard him correctly. "What?"

"Forgive an old butler, but I have watched Mr. de Winter from a lad to a young man. He has had a hard life and he has suffered the kind of pain that most men would not face in a lifetime. I know I am being forward and out of place, but do not give up. You have a lot to learn about Manderley, but you have the spirit and strength to handle its darkness."

"Anthony—"

"I also noticed that you must have suffered some tragedy of your own. Perhaps, you will heal as well."

I never heard something so kind and thoughtful and I wanted him to say more, but he excused himself.

"I believed I have said too much and it is growing rather late. Would you like me to send for Alice?"

"Not yet," I told him. "But thank you. Anthony?"

"Yes?"

"You said earlier that Sasha's name was Sasha the Third, why is it?"

Amused, he chuckled. "When Mr. de Winter was young, he had a dog named Sasha and the two were inseparable. Unfortunately, like any pet, old age caught up to her and so Mr. de Winter got himself a new dog and named her Sasha too. Always a Cocker Spaniel, always female, and always Sasha."

I thought that was rather sweet of my husband to keep doing that. "He must have loved her."

"Yes he did. He always said Sasha was the only one in the world who could understand him. Maybe he's right, but I doubted it. Mrs. Danvers said you do not have a personal maid. Is it true?"

I nodded and he smiled. "Well, it so happens, I have a niece who is looking for work. She lives in London, but I can write to her and see if she would be interested in coming to Manderley."

"I would like that very much." I grinned back at him, and for the first time here at Manderley, I felt like I made a new friend. "Will you tell Mrs. Danvers?"

"I will at once. Good night Mrs. de Winter."

"Good night Anthony."

I looked down at Sasha and said, "I guess this might not be as bad as I thought. Shall we go to bed?"

Sasha barked and trotted out of the library and down the hall. "Sasha!" I called but she was out of my sight. Sighing, I knew I was to be on my own to my room. I turned around and began to walk in the direction of the east wing when I heard the main door opened. I whipped around and there he was!

Erik!

I ran to him and hugged him fiercely. He laughed as I clung to him. "I see I don't have to ask if you missed me. It seems like you didn't at all."

I blushed and buried my face into his warm chest. "I thought you would be back sooner."

"As did I but I'm afraid my agent, Nadir, found me and there were some things he needed to go over with me. I ended up having dinner at his house."

"You're back now," I said. "Could we have our singing lesson?"

"Now?" At my assistance, he agreed. "All right. But not too late. Tomorrow we will have a lesson at a more suited time."

He took me to the music room and I shyly told him how I found it earlier today. "And what do you think?"

"I love it," I confessed. "Manderley is beautiful."

The look on his face was full of boyish glee. "You have no idea how that pleases me to hear."

It was a short lesson but I loved every minute of it. I felt this was how everyday should end—Erik and I, together, and with music surrounding us. He continued to play as I curled up against him on the bench, my head resting against his shoulder. I was growing sleepy and as I shut my eyes, I uttered:

"How I love you my Angel of Music."

TBC…


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: Here we go! I want to get this up before I have to go into work today. I just get back home from vacation and I have to spend a whole day working. Argh. Life sucks sometimes. Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing! I assure you… this chapter was my favorite to write and you will see why.

Now, I do want to make a note. I changed the gender for Madame Giry to fit in this story and Erik needed a sister… so I took a character from Susan Kay and made her human. Erik will give you cookies if you can guess who it is before you read it.

**Chapter 11**

I woke the next morning in bed, and for a second, I wondered how I got here. I knew I fell asleep in the music room… _Silly girl. Erik was the one who brought you back. _And to my delight, Erik was still in the room with me.

He was standing before the mirror of my vanity, adjusting his tie. He saw me and smiled, but this smile did not contain any warmth at all. If anything, his expression seemed distant. Inwardly, I frowned and wondered what brought this upon him.

Erik came over to the bed and sat on the edge. He took my hand in his and pressed a kiss on the back. "I never had the chance to ask… how do you like the room?"

Part of me was disappointed that Erik would not confide in me and chose to ask my opinion on the room. Yet, like an obedient wife, I answered.

"I love it Erik. You did not have to go to the trouble for me."

"Nonsense. I always loved this room. I knew there was so much potential and I never fancied the idea that it should be used as a guest-room."

"Do you have business to attend to?" I questioned bluntly, half-fearing his answer for the reason he was dressed so soon.

"I'm afraid I do, but it won't be like yesterday," he vowed vehemently. "Just some tedious paperwork and overseeing on my part, and then I will be with you for the remainder of the day. We will have a much longer lesson than last night."

I was forlorn to hear he would have to leave again, but I hoped that he would be diligent and return soon. Erik kissed my forehead and promised he would see me after lunch as the latest. I watched him go with regret and I wished I was strong enough to ask him to stay. Yes he was my husband, but I still did not have enough confidence in myself to be the type of wife he deserved.

I was fated to dine alone and I did my best not to show how this affected me in front of the servants. I'm sure _she _had mornings liked this with Erik leaving, and she handled it better than I. At least, Sasha found me and she spent the whole time with her head in my lap, waiting for scraps to fall.

After breakfast, I took my leave to the morning room where Mrs. Danvers already had the menu for today waiting for my approval. This time I actually did take a look at what she planned. For lunch, it was to be barley soup and a green salad; dinner was rosemary chicken with scallions, quiche, assorted vegetables, and dessert was a raspberry tart. Thankfully, there was not an empty spot for a sauce.

I looked at the phone and knew I should call to inform Mrs. Danvers it was all right, but I could not pick it up. Then, a miracle of its own, the phone rang and it was Mrs. Danvers inquiring about the menu. I told her I approved it and asked her if Anthony told her about my choice in a personal maid. She replied she did and asked if she should have everything prepared or would I like to. I told her to go ahead as she will know better than I. She said she would and the phone clicked.

I returned the handle to the set and sighed. I'm sure _she _would be able to have a longer conversation with Mrs. Danvers and _she _would assist on any arrangements that needed to be done.

What did I get myself into?

My lamenting was interrupted when Anthony and an odd-looking man entered the room. He was foreign that much I could tell with his lightly brown skin, hazel eyes, and when he removed his hat I saw he had tiny brown curls. When his gaze settled on me, his eyes widened just slightly, only for it to retreat when Anthony made the announcement of this visitor.

"Mrs. de Winter, may I present, Mr. Nadir Khan, Mr. de Winter's solicitor."

Ah… so this was Nadir, the man who kept my husband late yesterday. I rose from my chair and came around to greet him properly.

"How do you do?" I politely asked and held my hand.

"I'm well thank you, Mrs. de Winter," he replied and shook my hand. "So you're Erik's new bride. He failed to mention how lovely you look."

I blushed and my hand fell to my side. "If you came to see Erik, then I'm afraid you missed him."

"Actually, it was you I came to visit. I apologize if this sounds crass, but I had enough of a visit with your husband last night."

His tone was light and teasing, and I found his smile contagious. Anthony mumbled he would get tea for us and left us alone. For a minute, we stood there awkwardly. Finally, remembering my place, I offered him to take a seat.

"Thank you." He took a seat on one of the chairs while I sat on the fainting couch. Silence settled over us and I was the first to speak.

"You said you came to visit me Mr. Khan. I'm afraid I do not have much experience with solicitors."

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Please call me Nadir. Mr. Khan is my father."

"All right… Nadir," I said, carefully testing it out. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Well, I just wanted to meet the woman who swept my good friend off his feet. Erik told me the two of you met in Monte Carlo."

I nodded. "We did. I know it seemed rather sudden, but there you have it."

"He said you were a paid companion."

I looked down at my hands. "Y-yes."

"There's nothing to be ashamed. If you forgive me, Hell, Erik did not seem to mind."

"I know but it's something I'm getting used to. Being Mrs. de Winter. I'm afraid my occupation had not prepared me as well."

"No job ever does." Nadir crossed his legs and leaned back in his seat.

"How long have you known Erik?"

Nadir smirked. "Some would say… too long. Your husband and I do go back and it appears we can never be parted. We have gone to school together, traveled, and when Erik got married… he asked if I would be his handler of his affairs."

To me, what Nadir said… meant he knew Luciana. He had sat with her, conversed with her in this room. He seemed like a pleasant man but my insecurities had the best of me and I knew he had to be secretly comparing me to her and gauge my reactions to see if I could handle the pressure. Determined not to make a fool out of myself, I asked him some general questions about his position and we engaged in small talk while Anthony brought in our tea.

I reached to prepare it, but Nadir was quick and handed me my cup first before he made one for himself. I did not drink instead I cradled it in my lap while my visitor took languid sips. Finally, he leaned forward and set his cup back on the tray. He interlaced his fingers and gave me a pensive look. Then…

"I must be frank with you Mrs. de Winter for my visit. You see… I did come to see you and introduce myself, but also… I wanted to see what kind of woman Erik married. He's not the type of character to make impulsive decisions, especially of this magnitude. So when he wrote to me of his nuptials, I was _concerned_. I'm sure you may have heard or known that his first wife passed away last year."

"I have," I said quietly.

"Erik was a wreck. Although, 'wreck' may not be the best choice of word. The point was… he was not himself for a very long time. His friends were worried as you can imagine, and the last thing any of us wanted was for him to do some bodily harm. I was the one who proposed he leave Manderley. This place was making him ill despite how much he loves Manderley… I feared it was slowly driving him mad. Erik assures me that he is better thanks to Monte Carlo and I can see why. However, I do hope that this has nothing to do with his money."

"What? No! I love Erik!" I cried defensively, aghast he would suggest that I was with Erik for his riches. "I would never be that shallow."

"I apologize. I did not mean any offense, but as a friend, you may see why I jumped to this conclusion. You are young… awfully young. So I am rather astounded of this coupling altogether."

"Why? Does age really matter? I love Erik. I always have and he is a good man. He's more than what I deserved."

Nadir raised his brow. "Then madam… you have convinced me. You don't seem the kind of creature to manipulate someone and I am truly sorry for upsetting you."

"I understand your intentions," I said softly. "You must know that I will never do anything to hurt Erik. I care too much for him."

"Indeed." He smiled. "It's not very often one comes across a person like you. As I said, Erik has a rough life and most of his friends are blinded by his connections and wealth. It's a vicious circle and he loathes it with such a passion, but it is what is required of him and his family. He will do anything for Manderley."

"I know. He has told me such wonderful stories of Manderley and what I have seen… this place is breathtaking."

"Ah yes. Many do when they first come. I must admit I was overwhelmed when I first came to Manderley. It grows on you and you will soon find yourself doing anything to protect it as well. I believe that is the charm and magic of Manderley."

I giggled. "I can see that. Mr.—Nadir… what else can you tell me of Erik? He doesn't speak much about himself and I would like to know what his dear friend thinks."

"No. He would not. I suppose there's no harm to reveal a particular secret of his, although he is a fool to hide it. You know he composes?"

"Yes. Erik has been giving me singing lessons since we met and he would play one of his originals for me. I told him once he should consider publishing them."

"He has."

I looked surprised. "He didn't say he did."

"That's because he publishes under a pseudonym. He uses the name _the Phantom_."

"Why?"

"He has his reasons, but I know a part of it has to do with the people in his circle. Everyone knows he dabbles in music but most of his friends find that music is not exactly a financial security. Erik is quite sensitive when it comes to his music and the last thing he wanted was for them to mock his work. He can take quite a bit from them and give as good, but with music… that is his Achilles' heel. In fact, he never would have the nerve to publish were it not for Luciana. She was the one who persuaded him and the one to come up with _the Phantom_."

Of course she did. It hurt me to hear that Luciana was able to break him from his shell to publish his music. I could not understand why he did not simply tell me he did when I mentioned it. Now I knew… this was his link to her and he did not want to share that knowledge with me. Not when it was _theirs_.

"Luciana must have been good for him," I said, albeit shame with myself that I was envious of a dead woman.

A look flashed through his eyes and when he opened his mouth to speak, Mrs. Danvers entered.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but we have received a message that Mr. de Winter's sister and husband will be coming to join you for lunch today. I hope you do not mind Mrs. de Winter, but I took the liberty to change the lunch menu to duck a l'Orange, a favorite of Mr. de Winter's sister."

Sister? Erik had a _sister_?

Realizing Mrs. Danvers was waiting for a reply, I told her that was fine with me. All the while, Nadir kept a steady eye on me as I took in the unexpected news.

"I take it Erik did not tell you about Ayesha."

My bewildered silence was all the answer he needed. "Damn the man. He could have at least told you of his relation. Well, I should take my leave and find him. Knowing Ayesha as I do, she would demand to see her brother once she arrives."

Seeing my frightful countenance, Nadir continued, "Do not worry Mrs. de Winter. She's not as bad as she would like to think, but as a warning… Ayesha Lacy is not afraid to speak her mind. If she doesn't like you, then she will not keep it a secret. No doubt she will be upset that her brother did not tell her, and like me, she is very protective over him. But you will not have anything to be worried about. I know she will adore you."

However, I did not find comfort in Nadir's words. All I could replay in my head was _If she doesn't like you, then she will not keep it a secret_. Oh dear! What if she thinks I am a horrible choice for Erik? What if she convinces Erik to leave me? I couldn't meet her! I couldn't!

Frantically, I thought about what I should do. Perhaps feign some illness? No… Nadir saw me and he would know it was a lie. What? What could I do?

I had to avoid her.

I had to hide.

I left the morning room and began going room to room. I thought if I could confuse the servants if they saw me enter numerous rooms, then there was a less likely chance I could be found. Maybe it was not the best of plans, but at the moment, it was the best I could think of and I would not have to visit Erik's sister. Yes, I was disappointed that my husband failed to tell me he had a sibling and it made me wonder if there was reason for it. Was he that truly ashamed of my background? I know he had said repeatedly he did not care that I was a worker, but the cynical side of me could not help but wonder what he ever saw in me in the first place. I was a nobody with no money, no connections, nothing of value to my name. Yet, he married me.

_Everyone said how terrible Erik was last year. How they were worried he would do something drastic. Lucille, Anthony, and Nadir all confirmed that there could have been a possibility that Erik would have harmed himself. Why would he do that or even think of the idea if not to be with Luciana again? And does he not call her name every night? He loves her Christine. He still does. He will never love you. _

_But why married me?_ I asked the cynical me. _What could be his purpose?_

_It's obvious. He doesn't want to be alone anymore. Look at the size of Manderley! Do you possibly think a person could live here for the rest of his life without some kind of human companionship?_

I did not want to admit that could be true. Hard as I tried, I knew there was no refusing the logic. He only wanted me so he would not be alone. If he cared… he would have told me he had a sister. If he cared… he would not constantly leave me.

But God helped me! I loved him no matter what. I could not abandon him even if he did come clean and admit the truth to it all. I was cursed with my love for him, and he knew. I would do anything for him, I would die without him.

My wanderings took me to a part of the house I had not been to before, and one that was not often visited if the damp cool air had anything to do with it.

I shivered as an uneasy feeling crept over me. The halls were bleak, dark, and in the distance I could hear the ocean.

Ocean…

I was in the west wing. I had to be… only this wing was near the sea and each step I took I could hear the waves getting louder and louder.

Odd, I did not hear any of the maids cleaning in any of the rooms I was passing. I paused in front of one and saw that it was empty, but I could not detect any dust so they must have cleaned in here earlier. However, the fireplaces were not lit and there appeared to be no wood at all to be ready. The drapes and curtains were all shut, casting dark shadows all around that it made it difficult to determine what time of day it was.

It was cold, lifeless.

Yet, nothing seemed out of place. Furniture stood where it was without a covering so the rooms had to be used by someone… but whom?

I opened the door to another room and like the previous one… it was covered in darkness. This time… the air was stale and I felt around until I reached a window. I pulled the drape to the side just enough to let in some sunlight. I gasped as I saw the sea below me. As I looked down, I saw the spray of the mist catching on the glass and I knew if I could reach out… I would be almost touching the foam.

I pressed my forehead to the chilly glass, and peered out as I could make out part of the bay that was close by. I now knew for certain that I was in the west wing. Luciana's west wing.

I do not know what I was expecting since I came in here, but I found the view to be absolutely spectacular. It took me back to a fond childhood memory when my family traveled to Sweden one holiday. We had stayed in a cottage that was on the sea, which was where I had lost my red scarf. I was upset that it was gone forever, but I could not think badly of the sea. If anything, I loved the sea and thought one day I would go back and visit it. I wondered if the cottage was still there too…

Lost in my happy musings, I did not notice a cloud had come and shielded the sun. When I opened my eyes, I saw that the sea lost its lovely shade of blue and looked black and angry as the waves seemed to hit the turf with such abuse. The scene was no longer welcoming or friendly. For a moment, the sight frightened me and I feared that Luciana's ghost might jump out of the shadows at any given second.

I pulled the curtain back and began to turn around when Mrs. Danvers was suddenly in the doorway. We stared at each other without speaking, either out of shock or fear, although the latter was more on my end. I knew I was committing a horrible sin in being in here. This was Luciana's and here I was the intruder once more. I lowered my eyes to the ground both guilty and ashamed for trespassing and right away I was offering apologies for my presence.

"Did you touch anything?" Mrs. Danvers asked me, ignoring my hapless apologies.

"No," I answered. "I only opened the curtain to let in some light and I saw the sea…"

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" she commented, but I felt she was not expecting a response from me. "If you wish, I could open the rooms for you. They are all furnished as you can tell and can be ready for visitors."

"Oh no…" I said, shaking my head. "That's not needed. I didn't mean to imply—"

"Or would you like me to show you around? The rooms are so pretty."

I don't know why but her comments made me feel uncomfortable. There was something not quite right and I could not put my finger on exactly what it was. There was nothing sinister in her expression… how could there be when she gave me no indication of emotion at all? Her tone was neutral, flat. Again, nothing to give me reason to be uneasy, but I was.

"I rather not," I told her, stepping around her. "I should go."

"If you ever want to see the rooms Mrs. de Winter, then you may ask. I would be more than happy to give you a tour."

"Thank you Mrs. Danvers. I will remember that." I was out in the hallway and walking in the direction I came from, but Mrs. Danvers was at my side. She followed me, practically guiding me to the main part of the house, and I was again struck by how uncomfortable this situation was. It was like she was the mistress and I, the lowly servant who overstepped her duties. I got the impression I was not wanted in there and her offering to show me around was only done out of politeness. I doubted she would actually show me if I had accepted. Or if she did… it would not be a long tour.

She led me through a way different from where I came and she remarked, "I wonder how you seem to wander this far. The doors to the west wing are very much different than these."

"I did not come this way."

Mrs. Danvers nodded. "So it was the back way you came. Through the stone passage?"

"Yes." I looked away when she added, "Mrs. Lacy and Major Lacy have been here for some time now. I saw their car pull up after twelve. I believe Anthony escorted them into the morning room."

I could not believe I wandered for that long. It did not seem like I did. However, I could not meet Mrs. Danvers' eyes, for I knew there would be a question in them, wondering why I was not there to greet my guests. How I wished I could think of something plausible to excuse my absence and my attempt to flee. For I knew she would see through anything I would say as an explanation.

She stood there, waiting for me to make the next move, probably making sure I would not "lose" myself again. Then, she said, "You do know how to get back to the morning room, do you?"

"Yes, I do," I told her, and with my head bent, I went to the morning room. I could feel her eyes watching me as I walked and I knew there was no way I could avoid the inevitable now. I could only imagine what they would be thinking of me now… I kept them waiting and I knew that would not bode well for me.

Swallowing what little pride I had left, I made the final push for the door to swing open and entered the room.

I thought my entrance would bring attention, yet no one in the room seemed to notice that I just walked in. There was Erik and Nadir already talking to a couple, which had to be Major and Mrs. Lacy. From where I stood, I was able to inspect them. Major Lacy was a jovial looking man with a round face; very light hair, and a pair of twinkling eyes. He was rather big in height and as he gestured with his hands as he spoke… they were like two huge paws!

Then there was Ayesha Lacy. At first, I could not believe she was Erik's sister. She was medium-height with long honey blonde hair that cascaded down her shoulders and she appeared to be dressed in the latest London style. Her voice was musical like Erik's and when she turned… I saw that she was very beautiful. She looked like one of the golden goddesses I saw in a painting back in Monte Carlo with a mischievous glint in her large blue eyes.

"There she is," Ayesha said, and turned back to Erik. "Well, brother, I do owe you an apology. She does exist."

"Christine," Erik said, walking over to me and I shakily lifted my face to his, fearful of finding disapproval for my tardiness, but found none. "Allow me to introduce you to my sister, Mrs. Elizabeth Lacy."

"Oh please, let's forgo the formalities. We're family now. You can call me Ayesha, all my friends do. So you're Christine. Quite elusive now are you?" Her long lashes flicked at me and she was not hiding that she was looking me up, determining if I was fit for her brother. I stood my ground and met her stare, knowing I would have to put aside my fears to show I was worthy of Erik.

It must have worked for her scrutinizing gaze softened and she nodded slightly. "My… you are a young thing. Where in the world did you find her Erik?"

"I believe that is none of your business Ayesha," my husband said coolly. "You would not want me to share how you and Giles met, now would you?"

Giles guffawed. "I believe he got you there my dear," he winked at his wife and then me. "We don't want to start a scandal."

"Pish-posh," Ayesha retorted, flicking her wrist at her husband. "It's not like we were the only ones to do such a thing."

The three of them shared a knowing smile and I was lost to what the implication was or the story behind it. Thankfully, the topic quickly changed and we were sitting down having tea.

"I hope you forgive me for the hasty visit, but I did not realize you two returned only a couple days ago. Had I known I would not have come right away, but unfortunately, my brother has this annoying habit of not telling his only sister anything. I found out he was married thanks to Nadir. Let me tell you that was not a very brotherly thing to do. Of course, I'm sure you might know how it is with siblings, but I doubt they would be as cruel as Erik." She sent him a glare, which he returned right back.

The exchange made me smile and I replied, "I'm afraid I don't. I was an only child."

"Then you are very fortunate, indeed. You were spared the humiliation and the suffering behind a relation. Honestly, Erik, you would think Mother and Father raised you to be a heathen."

"You have the audacity to call me a heathen? Giles, I thought I told you, you need to keep your wife's tongue in check."

"Yes but you know Ayesha. She cannot be tamed and I hate to be the one at the end of her claws."

She turned to me with an anguished look in her eyes. "See what I mean Christine? Look at how these men treat me! I wonder where they come up with these outlandish ideas."

"I believe I have a scar that proves it," Erik said, lifting his arm and pulling up his sleeve. She took one look at him and narrowed her eyes.

"Yes, well, that was well-deserved. You did kidnap Dolly and demanded a ransom."

"I was only nine!"

"Yes and I was six!"

"Children, please," Nadir interrupted and sent me a sympathetic look. "You can see what you have gotten yourself into. I do not blame you if you want to leave now and not look back."

"Shut up Nadir!" Both siblings turned and gave him such a heated glare that I had to laugh that he didn't disappear from his spot!

"You will get used to their squabbles," Giles told me. "Despite what they say, they do love each other and… it does make good entertainment around the holidays."

"And who says we will be inviting you two over?" Erik asked, but there was no mistaking the teasing look on his face.

"Just admit it Erik," his sister said. "If I was not around, you would die of boredom."

"I highly doubt it," he mumbled and I giggled again.

"Now that's out of the way," Ayesha said and she turned to me. "Tell me Christine. How do you like Manderley?"

"What I seen so far… I love it. But I'm afraid I have only seen a limited portion of Manderley."

She clicked her tongue. "Growing lazy in your age brother? That is something that needs to be rectified soon."

"I don't know," I went on. "I seen the spots I wanted to see. In particular the music room. That has to be my favorite room of all."

"Ah, the music room," she repeated, nodding along. "Erik mentioned that you have an interest in music. Do you play?"

"She sings," Erik answered for me and this grabbed her attention.

"You do? We must hear you then!"

I don't know why but this filled me with dread. Sing… in front of them? The only person I had sung to so far was Erik and I knew I had a long way to go before I could perform, but I was terrified of the notion. Ayesha saw my distress and she quickly mollified, "Perhaps another time. Lunch should be almost ready, yes?"

On cue, Anthony was there to announce lunch was served and I was saved. Our conversation continued into the larger dining room, which I noticed the table had been shortened to sit the five of us. The duck was very sweet and tasty and I was able to enjoy it as the tension that once filled me was evaporating. Ayesha and her husband were not as bad as I thought. Yes, she did have a tongue on her that was loose and she did not care who she offended, but there was no way you could deny her love and admiration for her older brother.

I felt comfortable enough to ask her about her name, how she got the nickname Ayesha.

"That is certainly an interesting story and one that should not be heard in polite company, but as I said, I don't give a damn what polite company thinks. Our parents were on vacation once in the Middle East… a spontaneous trip and it was there I was conceived. Of course, I was christened with an English name, but there was a story that Mother heard about Muhammad's favorite wife, Ayesha, and how her strong will and determination inspired many people. She even got involved in a battle to overthrow the caliph Umar, but although she was defeated, there was no denying she was a fierce warrior. Mother sensed I had a spirit like hers and so was given the nickname Ayesha. As you noticed, it suits me very well, don't you agree?"

"Yes it does." I agreed.

"I must say Erik," she said, turning to look at my husband. "You are certainly looking well. Better, I must add, in a long time."

I noticed Erik's jaw clenched. "I don't know what you mean."

"Come now," Ayesha continued. "Last year you were wasting away, now I see you have color in your face, and you put on some weight."

"You think anyone who is not as fat as Giles is not healthy," Erik rejoined, his green eyes glittering angrily and I saw he was trying to keep his temper in check.

"The last time I saw you, you were on the very verge of a breakdown. Remember Giles? I told you Erik was on his way to a breakdown if he did not leave Manderley. Thank God Nadir knocked some sense into you and forced you to leave."

"I can't take credit for forcing him," Nadir said, correcting her but Ayesha waved him off.

"Now you're being too kind. It is good to see you looking more human again. I was afraid I never see that after—"

"How far do you live from here?" I interrupted suddenly, knowing this conversation was only upsetting my husband even more than what it originally intended. "I hope you two did not have to leave at such an early start."

"Not at all," Ayesha said, distracted by my question and taking the attention off of Erik. I felt his hand reach for mine and gave me a light squeeze in gratitude. "We are fifty miles away in the next county. We do have the best hunting grounds in England. You must come if Erik can spare you and join us. It would be good fun."

"I never hunted before, let alone ride," I admitted, which caused her brow to be raised in shock.

"Never? Why that's a crying shame!" she exclaimed. "That is a wrong that needs to be righted. Yes, you must come so I can teach you. You will find that exercise is quite invigorating and an incredible rush."

"Only if the hunt is good," Giles reminded her. "But if you go hunting with Ayesha, then you will have one jolly of a hunting experience! My wife can out ride any man and take down any creature in her way."

"It's the warrior in me," she said, winking at me.

"Not everyone has the same predication as you do Ayesha," Erik said.

"You mean you. Not everyone can take pleasure in walking around Manderley's grounds as endlessly as you do."

"I don't know. I do enjoy walking," I said. "In fact, I don't think I could ever be bored walking around the gardens here at Manderley. I'm sure each one will be different than the last."

"Such an optimist you are. No. I think you will find the sights to become tedious after some time. Then what would you do?"

"I suppose if that should happen then I would find something else to occupy my time," I went on. "I do like to swim. Is it safe to swim in the bay?"

At my innocent question, the whole room grew unbearably silent. Even Erik removed his hand from mine and at first I wondered what it was that I said. Then it came to me. The bay… Luciana drowned in the bay.

Ayesha cleared her throat, breaking the tension. "Yes, well, it can be as long as the tides don't get too high or rough. Erik tells me you also sketch."

I was thankful for the reprieve and I nodded. "Only a little and not very good."

"I should be a judge of that. I'm a skilled drawer myself."

Erik snorted. "You think you're skilled at everything."

"That's because I am, dear old brother," she shot back. "Do not favor yourself into thinking you're the only genius in this family. If I recall correctly, I was the one who taught you how to draw a decent circle."

"Ayesha!"

"The man can do anything, but circles evade him. I cannot explain how that is so."

Lunch went on without another blunder from me and as the time grew later, Ayesha and her husband announced they should take their leave. We were standing by their car when Ayesha looped her arm through mine, telling the men that us women needed a moment alone to bond before she could leave.

We moved so we would be out of earshot from the others, and she stopped. "I suppose you were wondering how you fared back there, and I must say, you are a remarkable young woman. I can see why my brother married you and you are in love with him, yes?"

I nodded.

"Good. He needs the support after… well; Luciana's death was anything but easy on him. I hope you don't think I was at all upset that you two are married. On the contrary, I'm delighted. I know you and Erik will be very happy with each other, I hope anyways."

"Thank you Ayesha," I said, wondering what she meant by "I hope." Did she know something I didn't? Or does she know that her brother is still very much in love with his late wife than me?

"Yes and you can imagine my surprise when I first saw you. When Nadir said you two met in Monte Carlo, I was expecting a social butterfly or the very least a well off widow. But when I turned and saw you in the morning room… well, you could have knocked me over with a feather!"

She laughed at the thought and I nodded politely, although I did not find it funny in the least bit.

"As you have noticed, Erik and I are quite different and yet very much the same. We both have tempers that can be explosive, but I would not worry. You are a placid little thing and I doubt you could do anything that would make him angry. Not that a little rebellion isn't bad, and do not feel like you should hold back because he is your husband. If Erik does anything to displease you, then you make sure you let him know. There are times called where you can be docile, and there are times where you must lash out. I'm sure you will have Erik groveling at your feet in no time for forgiveness. Now, where is your room?"

"In the east wing, above the rose garden."

"Oh?" She sounded surprised. "Not the west wing I take it?"

"Yes. It was Erik's idea."

She nodded. "I could gather. And do you get along with Mrs. Danvers?"

"She's… she's not unlike anyone I ever met," I confessed. "She scares me sometimes."

"Yes, she does have that way about her. But I would not be scared of her. She is, after all, only the help. Tell me, is she friendly?"

"I…no. Not really."

"If you want my advice, then you could always fire her."

"No I couldn't!" I exclaimed in horror. "She does a perfectly fine job in running the house and Erik regards her so highly. I couldn't fire her even if she is unfriendly." I looked down at the ground. "Plus, I could not interfere."

Ayesha shrugged. "Very well. That is your decision. And, no, I don't think she would mind if you interfered. You are the mistress of Manderley."

Somehow, I didn't think she was right about that. The last thing Mrs. Danvers wanted from me was to meddle in the affairs of Manderley, not when it has been running the same way for a long time.

"Then again, she might mind for a while. She is insanely jealous to be sure."

"Why?"

"Erik didn't tell you? Well, she simply _adored _Luciana."

"Oh," I said.

"I wouldn't fret. You are Mrs. de Winter now and you mustn't forget that."

I shook my head. "No, of course not."

"Good." She smiled. "I know I asked plenty of rude questions and I am sorry for that. You can forgive a sister for being curious and all. Like I said, you are not what I expected. You are nothing at all like her. You are so very different from Luciana."

And there it was.

Anthony said the same thing and Erik's sister thought so too. I could not help but wonder what kind of person Luciana was to merit such a comment.

We turned and headed back to the vehicle. Giles helped his wife into the car and went around to the driver's side. The five of us waved to one another, calling out that we should do this again soon, and the Lacys were off. As their car was out of sight, I still could hear Ayesha's voice echoing in my head.

_You are so very different from Luciana._

TBC…


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: Hi everyone! I don't know if anyone else is following my other story, _The Blood's Desire_, but the reason I didn't have this done in time was the crazy storms and power outages I had. So I'm happy to have this chapter done for you for today.

Also, I have been getting reviews about people asking me if I'm going to do something different in this story because it sounds a lot like _Rebecca_. Essentially, I am following the plot of _Rebecca_, but I have included parts that are not in the original story to make this Phantom.

**Some major differences**: the narrator's background- we don't have that in _Rebecca_, but for my story I included it so we know Christine better and how she meets Mrs. Van Hopper, which is all made up by me.

**Mr. de Winter**- Erik wears a mask. The original Mr. de Winter did not.

**The singing lessons**- the original Maxim de Winter does not teach her to sing and therefore anything involving music and the music room is made up by me.

**The honeymoon**- in _Rebecca_, they go to Italy. I put my de Winters in Paris where I introduced Philippe and Lucille Savon who do not exist in _Rebecca. _I also included some information about the first Mrs. de Winter's death earlier than the novel. The second Mrs. de Winter doesn't find out until she arrives in Manderley. And I do have to add that I did include a love scene, which is not in the original storyline, and the fact that Erik is calling out his dead wife's name. That was not in _Rebecca_.

**Maxim's sister**- in this story, we have Ayesha in the role of Beatrice. All the banter going on was made up by me, except for a few lines that were in _Rebecca_.

Now, I have several other characters that have not been introduced yet, and two of them are not in _Rebecca_. The other two—Meg and Raoul—are going to have more scenes in this story to show the development of friendship and drama that was not in _Rebecca_. That will be later.

Also, I wanted to include more rationalizing on Christine's part because even though the narrator explains the events, we don't always have the reason for why she does or says the things she does. That bothered me so this is a way for me to do that and make her decisions realistic as to why she is doing them.

Now, as for the rest of the story, including dialogue, I am pleased a lot of you find that it echoes _Rebecca_. Some lines do because they are fantastic and brilliantly written. The rest is my imitation of the author and the time period. I am a history major and I love to read period books so I feel that I have a good grasp on how the people talked back then. Trust me, it takes me a long time to make sure that every piece of dialogue said fits accordingly and not at all modern. Sometimes it can be easy to add in slang and other words of this current time, instead of the past. So I do go over it and make sure that it blends in nicely. Do I catch every mistake? No… but I feel that I'm doing it justice to make it a good story.

That said, if for some of you, you don't like that, then you don't have to continue reading. I'll be sad that you stopped, especially since I have other things going to happen as well as some event changes and such, but I'll understand if you're looking for more Opera Ghost. But… if you do like this and these things are all right, then please continue.

There! That is all said and off my chest now so I hope if you stuck around long enough, please enjoy this new chapter!

**Chapter 12**

Nadir said he needed to go too and wished us a good day and told Erik he would be calling him later about some other business that needed to be done. Erik nodded, waving him off. As soon as he was gone, Erik turned to me and said:

"I don't know about you, but I could go for a walk."

I eagerly agreed. Finally! Erik and I were alone and we will walk the grounds of Manderley just us two…

"Sasha! Come girl!" Erik called as he stood in the doorway. I heard an excited yap and Sasha came bounding out with her tail wagging. Erik then said, "It looks like it might rain. You will need a coat."

"Oh no. I'll be fine—"

"The devil you will be. Robert! Go fetch a mackintosh for Mrs. de Winter in the flower-room and grab one for me as well."

Robert returned quickly with our jackets, but the one that he handed me was too long in the sleeves and big in general. Thinking I was handed Erik's, I saw that my husband's jacket fitted him well and he stood waiting for me to hurry with fastening the buttons. I didn't want to make Robert bring me another one and Erik was growing impatient.

"Don't worry about the blasted thing. Let's have our walk before it rains."

I ceased my fussing over the jacket and quickly ran to catch up with Erik and Sasha. He did slow his pace down and quietly asked, "What did you think of my sister?"

"I like her," I said, speaking the truth. Ayesha was unlike any woman I ever met, and while she did have a sense of bluntness and forwardness that I was not used to, I did enjoy spending time with her. I was even considering her invitation to go to her home to learn how to ride. It sounded like it would be fun… flying through the fields, the wind at my hair. Of course, I would like Erik to be there with me too. I do not think I was comfortable to go on my own. "She was very nice to me."

I stole a look at my husband, grateful I could see his left profile. There was a small uplift of his lip to show he was pleased to hear. "May I inquiry what you two talked about before she left?"

"Oh… nothing at all important. She did most of the talking and she said I was not what she was expecting."

"And what the devil was she expecting?"

"Probably someone prettier and smarter than I. Either a social butterfly or a well off widow."

Erik scoffed. "She did, did she? It goes to show you that despite her intelligence she can be very unintelligent."

I frowned. "I don't know. She is well learned than I. And she has more talents than I could ever hope to have."

"My dear do not ever compare yourself to her. I married you, not my sister. If I wanted someone like her… no. I would not consider it. One Ayesha is enough in this family. I would be damning myself if I married another one."

I took what he said and locked them away in my little safe of memories. How my heart soared with those precious words! He could have had anyone he wanted for a wife and he chose me. It made me happy to know that though my accomplishments were lacking, Erik still found me compatible to be with him.

We walked along the drive when Erik turned to cross over the grass banks and into the woods. It was as dark as I remembered when we drove through them on our way to Manderley, the trees standing very close together, blocking the sun from breaking through. Sasha barked and jumped over the fallen branches and twigs as our feet crunched upon the leaves.

I kept close to Erik, my arm looping with his, so I would not get lost. Erik gazed down at me with an affectionate grin. "Don't tell me that darkness frightens my angel?"

"N-no," I said. "I don't like this kind of darkness."

Erik chuckled. "My… you're a peculiar thing. I did not realize there were than one kind of darkness."

He teased me but I did not know how to defend my statement. How could I begin to explain that there was something about these woods that were supernatural-like? I was expecting a specter to come out from behind a tree and lead us to the darker part of the woods where we will forever be lost to roam for eternity.

"There we are," he said, interrupting my thoughts of our ghostly demise when we came upon a clearing. There were two paths that led in opposite directions. Sasha was trotting to the one on the right without hesitation, like it was the natural one to take.

"No Sasha," Erik commanded. "Not that way."

Sasha stopped and looked at us, waiting for us to join her. I looked up into Erik's face and asked, "Why does Sasha want to go that way?"

He shrugged. "She's probably used to it. Come let's go this way. Sasha will follow."

"What's down that way?" I inquired as we took the path on the left. Soon enough I heard the crunching of leaves behind us and then Sasha flew past us.

"It leads to a small cove where we used to have a boat. Nothing at all worth exploring _ma petit_."

We didn't speak and I wondered why Erik had been so quick to dismiss that path. A cove would be a marvelous place to explore I would imagine. But the way his expression changed… the green in his eyes darkening… I knew it was best I left that topic alone. For now.

"There," my companion said all of a sudden. "Look Christine."

I gasped in amazement. We were standing on top of a hill, the path wounding away to a valley where a stream ran along the side. There were no specter-filled trees or darkness. Sunlight penetrated the area with its warm embrace, and growing on either side of the pathway were azaleas and rhododendrons—not the red ones—but they were white, gold, and pink. A myriad of wildflowers covered the grassy fields in yellows, blues, reds, and purples. They were the loveliest colors I had ever seen and I breathed in their sweet scents, knowing this had to be what heaven smelled like.

Erik came to stand behind me, his hands barely touching my shoulders, as he bent his lips to my ear to whisper in a voice so low, so husky as if he didn't want to disturb the quiet scene.

"Welcome to the Elysium."

Then, as to welcome us, we heard a blackbird singing and in response, his friends joined in on the chorus. This was a place of enchantment, a place from out of my dreams. As I was the first to move, I was swept up in the beauty of this valley as I was already envisioning spots where I could sit to sketch the flowers and stream. It was so serene and magical that I couldn't stop myself from clapping in childlike joy.

Erik gazed at me fondly, his smile becoming wider, as I was telling him my plans to draw this and that. I didn't even notice when he tapped my shoulder and held out one of the azaleas to me. The petals were a bright shade of pink and its fragrance was the sweetest I ever inhaled. I blushed, taking the gift.

"I see I do not have to ask if you like it."

"It's very beautiful Erik. Thank you." I knew right then that I will certainly love Manderley as much as Erik did. This place… the Elysium was the very crux of his home, _our _home. This was a safe haven full of beauty and light and life. Here… we could be ourselves without the weights of servants, business, and society. We were free.

Finally, I was under Manderley's spell and everything from before was long forgotten. The drive, the maze of corridors and rooms, Mrs. Danvers… This was the real Manderley. This was the Manderley where I would grow old with my husband.

For the first time, I did not feel like an intruder or an interloper. The Elysium did not know such words. Here… anyone was welcomed.

Erik continued ahead and I trailed behind him watching as the path of flowers disappeared and I knew we left the valley. Then we were standing on a narrow cove with the sea touching the shore beyond us.

It was so unexpectedly that Erik laughed at my baffled visage. "I know, shocking isn't it? Most people feel the same way as there is no way to prepare for the new contrast." He bent down and picked up a stone and threw it across the beach. "Go get it girl!"

Sasha barked and took off running for the stone, her tongue hanging out. I had to laugh and I looked up at Erik.

"Anthony told me that her name is Sasha the Third and that I had to ask you why you named your dogs Sasha."

Erik smirked and leaned against the rock wall. "He did? I suppose I could tell you. Promise you won't laugh or tease me?"

I nodded, anticipating the story about my husband. "I promise."

"Very well. I'm sure you might have heard some rumors about me from my staff. If you did, then it's all right. I know they speak about me, but they know not to say it in front of me."

This was not true. I have not heard anything about him, but I nodded anyways for him to go on.

"Christine, there's a reason why I wear this mask. It's not because I liked to, it's a must. Do not ask questions. Let me explain. My parents were good people. They were highly respected, loved, and charitable among the staff, neighbors, and their circle of friends. My mother, Madeline de Winter, was known throughout the land for her beauty and her generous soul. It was one of the reasons why my father fell in love with her. She did not mind getting her hands dirty and helping to work the fields if someone was injured or too ill to work. She always visited the tenants and their families, making sure that all the children were well fed, clothed, and she would teach them the basics for reading and writing. An angel, they called her. Sent from the heavens to help those in need.

"Of course, not too many women in her class would do such a thing. They were expected to perform some acts of charity, but they never were heavily involved as my mother. She loved Manderley and everyone in it. As for my father… Charles de Winter was a gifted man and he loved to draw. In his spare time, he would do a job here and there as an architect. He helped to design the chapel that's in town to withstand harsh winds. He was also a charitable man and would often be at his wife's side when she worked in the fields. And he was also a very handsome man. It was a match made in heaven for them to meet.

"When my mother was pregnant with me, she had an easy pregnancy except for one time where she fell ill with pneumonia. She was strong and healthy so recovering was not an issue, but she was ordered to bed-rest for the remainder of her confinement. However, when she did go into labor, it was a laborious one. She endured it and I was born. You must understand Christine… everyone was expecting the baby to be as beautiful and handsome as its parents. I was not.

"Regardless, my parents loved me and kept me despite the advice from their 'friends' that I should be sent away. They did lose some connections among society, and it was a bitter sting, but they bore it well. When Ayesha was born, those friends wanted to patch things up, but my parents would not renew their former friendships. If they could not accept me, then they wanted nothing to do with them. Even though they were caring parents, they could not protect me from the world. And the world was determined to hate me. The only friend I had was my dog Sasha. She loved me and we went on many splendid adventures together, her and I, through Manderley. We spent hours in the Elysium, swimming in the stream, chasing the wildlife, and sitting upon this beach and watching the tides.

"Do not get me wrong. I love my sister and she did partake in some of those adventures. However, she did not understand what it was like for me. So while she made friends easily, I did not. The attention I received was anything but friendly. My parents were concerned and so at six, I was given a mask. It was for when I went out in public, but I chose to wear it around the grounds. The only place I would remove it was in the Elysium. You saw how it was, how it felt. There I was a normal boy and did not have to hide.

"Some years later, Sasha grew old as dogs must do, but her end did not come due to old age. Some of the village boys found us playing in the valley, and… well, I do not have to tell you what happened. My brave girl, my Sasha, fought those boys off until one of them… I do not remember much, but I do remember carrying her back to Manderley and my father sending for a doctor. My injuries were treated easily, but Sasha… it was too late for her.

"I buried her in the Elysium as that was her favorite spot in the world. I was miserable without her so on my tenth birthday, my parents got me a puppy, a Cocker Spaniel like Sasha, which I named her Sasha the Second. Now she lived to a long, ripe old age and natural causes took her away. Then I got the current Sasha.

"I suppose the name is a comfort to me. In many ways, it feels like Sasha never left me. I will always have her by my side. Oh… do not cry please, Christine. What's done was done. It's all in the past."

I sniffled, wiping at my tears from his story. I can't believe that someone would be so cruel as to hurt a poor boy and his beloved animal. As upset as I was, I was also ashamed that my curiosity wanted to know more about Erik's face. What did he look like that would spark such a reaction? And most of all, why was he continuing to hide it from me? He spoke of how in the Elysium he could take off the mask, but he did not when we were there. I knew it had to be because of me, but I wanted him to know he did not need it. I loved him and no matter what he looked like that wasn't going to change.

Was he planning on hiding from me for the rest of our lives?

I hoped not and I wanted to say something right there about it, confront the issue once and for all. I was ready to say something, the words were in my head, but Erik changed the subject and that ended his story about his past.

"Now it is your turn," he said to me as I looked at him with confusion. "Last night you called me the Angel of Music. What is that?"

I did not realize I had said that and I sheepishly looked away. I knew there was no need for me to be embarrassed for I knew in my head that Erik was the Angel of Music that was sent to me by my parents. However, I was suddenly shy about sharing that with him.

"You promise you won't tease me?" I asked, having him make the same promise to me as I did for him. When he consented, I sighed and told him about my parents, Little Lotte, and her Angel of Music. I told him how it had been my wish to meet the Angel of Music and to perform on stage. I told him everything and what it meant to me, except I did not share about the dreams I had about the shadow in the box who would applaud for me and toss me a rose. I kept that to myself.

As I finished my tale, Erik was looking back out to the sea where Sasha was being chased by the waves. He did not say anything for a minute and I could not help but wonder why that was. Did I say too much? Did he think I was a foolish child for believing in such wild notions? Then, Erik took in a ragged breath and what he said next shattered my heart into millions of pieces.

"Do not refer to me as the Angel of Music Christine. I am no Angel."

"But Erik—"

"I said, no!" His harsh command stopped me and I hugged myself as the tears stung my eyes. This was not the reaction I thought would happen. I thought Erik might be… pleased or thrilled or something that I would regard him so highly. Instead, he did not want me to say those words again.

I choked back a sob and it caught his attention. His gaze softened and he came towards me, his arms wrapping around my shivering frame.

"Forgive me," he whispered, pressing a kiss on top of my head. "I am flattered Christine that you think that. I am. But you must understand that I am a man, not some heavenly being sent for you."

"I know," I replied. "But why can't I call you that if that's in my heart?"

"I have my reasons," he responded. "Do not compare me to this Angel of yours that's all I ask. I do not deserve such a title. Not from you."

His cryptic tone sparked only more questions, but I held my tongue. There will be a time later where I can ask what he meant by that. As of now, I vowed I would not call him my Angel of Music on that cove. Of course, I did not say I would stop thinking about it. I may not be allowed to voice it, but I would still refer to him as my Angel of Music in my mind.

Erik took me by the hand and led me down the beach. As we walked along the sands, we took turns playing fetch with Sasha. My tears dried and we were able to laugh and play games. I'm not sure how long we were out there, both of us lost track of time, but the clouds above were becoming dark and gray.

"It's coming," Erik said. "We should head back."

But Sasha was nowhere to be found.

We started yelling her name, the sounds of the ocean drowning out our voices. Up and down we went, but it was no use. Sasha was not in sight and she probably could not hear us calling for her. I heard thunder in the distance and as much as I knew we should return to Manderley for shelter, I could not stand the thought that Sasha was out there.

At my nervous look, Erik assured me it would be all right. "Sasha will find her way back. Don't worry Christine."

Don't worry… how could I not?

I began walking back from where we came and then I heard her. It was a short bark past the rocks to the right of the beach. As I grew closer, the more I could hear Sasha's barking.

I broke out into the run, Erik shouting my name, but I could not stop. I had to get to Sasha. I stopped in front of the rocks and saw I had to climb them in order to get to the other side. Just as I was about to continue, Erik grabbed my hand and violently jerked me away from there.

I winced as his nails pinched my skin, but his eyes… the furious glow in them… I was never terrified of my husband… until now.

"Did you not hear me calling your name?" he yelled.

I gulped. "I-I heard Sasha," I told him. "She's past these rocks. We can get her and go back to Manderley."

"No!" He seized both my arms. "Sasha can take care of herself. She knows how to find her way back."

"But what if she's hurt?" I rejoined. "What if she's too frightened by the storm that's approaching?" I did not understand what had possessed my husband. How could he be so heartless, so cruel to leave poor Sasha behind? I knew he loved her or else why would he tell me the story behind her name? I was too stunned to think that Erik was willingly considering abandoning her when she could very well need us right at this very moment.

My husband mistook my silence as compliance and when he let me go, I took that opportunity and scrambled over the rocks. I heard him yelling for me to stop, but I did not listen to him as I stumbled and slid past the slippery rocks. The winds were getting stronger and the waves splashed against the shore, spraying me with its mist. I knew I was risking my life doing this, but all I could think about was Sasha, and how it would be a sin to leave her thus.

Erik was not behind me that much was certain. His cries for me were too far off. I slipped on the last rock, but thankfully there was a boulder there to catch my fall. I held onto it and inched around it when I discovered another cove, this one being wider and rounder than the one I had left. There was a natural harbor behind it with a buoy but no boat. Next to it was a cottage and a boathouse past it.

A man was on the beach, a fisherman I had to guess, and there was Sasha barking and running circles around him as he tried to avoid stepping on her.

"Sasha!" I shouted and she looked up at me, her tail wagging happily to see me. "Come here girl! Let's go home!"

Sasha did not come. Instead, she was interested in the man that was with her.

I had no choice but to climb down from the rocks to get her. As I approached them, I noticed the man was bending down in the sand, a shovel in his hand. He wore long boots and a very thin coat, and as I drew closer, I saw he was an older man with disarrayed gray hair; wide, childlike eyes, and a thin mouth. He smiled at me and I saw he was missing several of his teeth.

"Hallo," he said.

"Hello," I returned, smiling back at him.

"I'm diggin' for shell," he volunteered. "No shell yet. I kno shell out here."

I nodded in agreement, and tried to get Sasha. She saw this as play and yipped and danced away from me when I attempted to grab her. She wasn't going to make this easy for me and I was anxious to get back to Erik. But I was not going to leave her.

I walked back up to the man who was digging again. "Do you have any string?"

"Eh?" he asked.

"String," I repeated. "I need something to tie the dog."

He gave me a lopsided grin. "Eh?"

I sighed. This was not working either. I took another look at the cottage and figured there had to be string or something close I could use for Sasha. I gazed down at the man who was still watching me with that silly grin of his.

"I know that dog," he said. "She's fro' the house."

"Yes," I said. "Yes she is. I need to get her back to the house."

He nodded. "She's not yers."

"She's Mr. de Winter's dog. I need to bring her home."

"Eh?"

It was a hopeless cause I feared. I left him and headed to the cottage. Somehow, I didn't think he would object if I went inside as I saw he went back to his task of looking for shells. I exhaled and as I came closer I frowned to see that the windows were boarded up.

_That's strange_, I thought. I walked up to the door and found the latch broken. I looked back at the man and I knew he had no reason to mind. This was not his cottage like I thought. So why was he here?

_Lookin' for shell_ his voice echoed in my head.

I had to be quick. I did not want to stay here longer with him.

I pushed the door opened and poked my head inside. The inside was furnished as it was only one room. There was a desk in the corner, a table and chairs, and a couch with a small bed against the wall. There were bookshelves aligning the opposite wall and the floor was covered in plush rugs. My suspicions were confirmed that he could not be the occupant as there were cobwebs on the ceilings and bookshelves. Dust covered the table and the air was damp and musty from being closed up for so long. The couch was frayed and holes were over the cushions that it must have been a mouse or rats that made them.

The whole place was dark and eerily silent that a sense of discomfort crawled up my spine. Something wasn't right about this place. Something was terribly wrong.

As much as I wanted to flee and leave this place behind, I couldn't forget my mission for coming in the first place. I searched for a piece of string, and to my chagrin, I could not find anything that I could use for Sasha. Then I spotted another door that was hidden behind a dresser. The sinking, ominous feeling returned and I dreaded to look to see what was behind. But I had to find something for Sasha and saw I swallowed my fears and turned the knob.

I found it led into a small, enclosed corridor that had another door at the end. I quickly went to it and it was the boathouse. Supplies, parts, and other things for a boat were scattered all over and I found a knife and a ball of twine on top of a table. Smiling, I knew this would do. I cut a long piece of the twine and hurried back out to the beach. Sasha was standing outside the door, whining.

I got her collar before she could take off and quickly tied the twine around it. Now that Sasha was secured, I could leave and forget I ever saw this cottage and the strange-looking man. As I moved past him, his hand darted out and grabbed my arm.

Startled, I turned around and he stared right at me with those beady eyes of his. "She don't go in there now," he said.

"No," I said.

"I never said nothing, did I?" he asked, his eyes becoming watery. "She's gone in the sea, ain't she? She won't come back no more."

"No… no she won't," I said, carefully extracting my arm from his hand. He nodded to me.

"I don't want to go to the asylum."

He turned around and sat back on the sand. I pulled Sasha and we headed back to where I hoped Erik was still waiting. Sure enough, as we made the final climb over the rocks, there he was pacing around frantically.

I called to him and his head snapped in my direction. Breathlessly, I ran to him. "I'm sorry it took so long, but Sasha wouldn't come and I had to find some string… Erik? Erik!"

He was already moving away from me in a hurry and I had to run, dragging Sasha along the way.

"Erik! Erik!"

He would not slow down and it only made me even more confused. What was wrong? I knew I disobeyed him by going after Sasha, but he didn't bother to check to see if she was all right or to ask me if I was fine. Wasn't he happy to see that Sasha was safe and sound?

"Erik!"

I did catch up and I reached for his sleeve. "Erik!" I exclaimed, panting as I pulled on his arm to slow down. "Erik please! I cannot keep up! Erik!"

He abruptly stopped and I slammed into his back. I had barely a chance to recover when he viciously gripped my shoulders, his nails biting into my flesh. His green eyes flashed in a spark of golden fire and I stood, entranced, mesmerized. A chilly breeze passed through me, and I was once more struck with that same feeling of fear when he held me in the same way not too long. His teeth were clenched, his lips strained, and his pallor was so white that it nearly matched the color of his mask. Like a frightened animal, I was paralyzed.

"You… you… little idiot," Erik panted, his voice unrecognizable in a growl. "What the Hell were you thinking going over those rocks? Did you not think that you could have fallen and hurt yourself? I told you to leave Sasha be. I told you she will find her way… but no! You refused to listen! You disobeyed me!"

I had nothing to say. He was right. I knew I was disobeying him, but he had to know I couldn't leave her alone.

"Christ!" he raged. "You were gone for so long! I didn't know what to do! I didn't know if something befell you or… or…"

His head dipped, hanging past his shoulders, his entire frame wracking with his words. He was… afraid. Afraid of something happening to _me_. It was a strange sensation to have this powerful man trembling before me and I did the only thing I could think of. His grip loosened and I was able to reach around him and embraced him, laying his head upon my breast.

"I'm here," I cooed, whispering softly as I stroked the ends of his hair. "Nothing happened. I'm here Erik. I'm here."

He choked and lifted his face, his finger running down my jaw. "You fool."

I smiled and nodded. Yes, I was a fool, but I would gladly do it again for him to be in my arms like this. His mouth was moving again and he was asking me a question. I repeated what I said about finding some string. Then I told him about the man on the beach.

"That would be Joseph Buquet," Erik answered. "He's an idiot but a good man. You have nothing to fear from him. He keeps to himself."

I nodded and then going on… "There was a cottage and a boathouse."

At this, Erik stiffened. "You didn't go in, did you?"

"I had to. I thought it was Joseph's, but it was so dark and dusty… I realized no one had lived in there for quite some time."

I don't know what possessed me to mention this, but I carefully studied my husband's expression as he glanced away and continued to walk past the Elysium. He wasn't looking at me and that only created more questions in my head. There was something about that cottage I was sure of it. So I went on.

"Yes, it was untouched and it appeared that rats and other critters got into it as well. There were holes in the furniture! And the books that were left behind… the pages would certainly be damaged if left alone in that dampness any longer. Such a shame. It looked like it was really beautiful once."

Erik made a discernable sound but did not reply. Curiouser and curiouser.

"I was surprise, I will admit," I added. "I thought you would come after us. You said you didn't know what to do, but you could have followed me. The rocks weren't all that bad."

"What are you saying?" Erik said. "Speak up child. Say what you mean."

"Well, it's just… that after everything you told me, I thought Sasha meant something to you. I cannot fathom your willingness to go on. The same with me. You were distraught yet you did not follow."

"And?" He growled, quickening his pace.

"And… I think you don't have a good excuse for not coming that's all."

"What the devil of an excuse are you prattling on about?"

I swallowed hard, not even sure if I knew what I was talking about. Suddenly, I didn't know why I was trying to provoke him. He was a nervous wreck when I returned and I had no right to torment him so with my accusations. He could have been very well startled and panic-stricken that he probably did not think of coming. I should not place blame for rational not coming to him. If I were him, I would have probably done the same. I would have stayed and worried until he returned to me. I was being a brat right now and I wanted it to end.

"Forget it. Let's not talk about this."

"Not talk about this?" Erik echoed, not sure if he heard me right. "You bring it up, accusing me of neglect and more, and now you want to forget it? No! You spoke your mind quite well Madam and you will finish what you intended to say. Out with it!"

"Erik…" I said my voice weary. "I don't want to argue. It was stupid of me. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"No you're not," he told me, stopping me from walking. The clouds opened and it began to rain. A slight trickle coming down at us and I only wanted to be inside the safety of Manderley before it became a downpour. Yet, Erik would not have done of it. He prevented us from going further, holding my hand so I would not leave. "Christine?"

"I…" Where was my courage moments ago? Why could I not say what I thought? Damn me.

"Perhaps I should assist you? Maybe what you meant to say was you believed I did not want to cross over to that other beach. Maybe I didn't want to go near that cottage. And you know what, _my dear_, you will be correct. I did not want to go to that other beach and I did not want to go anywhere near that cottage. Why? Well, because, I never go to that beach or to that cottage. If you had my memories, then you would not want to go near it, or talk about it, or think about it. There you have it. The good excuse you were looking for. I do hope that it satisfies your infuriating and curious mind."

His voice was full of such venom and the way he spat out the endearment… like it was a mockery for it to be attached to me. And he had that dark look in his eyes and countenance like he did back when I first met him. I didn't like seeing him like this. This was when he would be so distant from me… As if I was not even there…

I reached my hands for him, took his hands, and held him tight. Just that touch… the brush of contact… brought Erik to look into my eyes and there was his beautiful shade of green looking back.

"I'm sorry Erik, truly I am. I promise I won't ever leave again if you ask it of me."

He gazed at our adjoined hands and in a shaky intake of breath, he uttered, "And you wanted to know why I did not want you to call me an Angel. Oh Christine… That is the reason why. My memories… there is nothing angelic about them. I was wrong to come back to Manderley. We never should have left Paris. We should have stayed… Why did we come back?"

There was no answer to his question and we continued our trek back to the manor without speaking any more about the beach, the cottage, or our fight. By the time we came to the drive, the rain was coming down harder and faster. We ran to the door where Anthony was waiting for us with towels.

"I figured you would get caught in the rain," he said, taking our wet mackintoshes and placing the warm, dry towels on our shoulders. "There's a fire prepared in the library and the music room if you wish to warm yourselves."

"Thank you Anthony," Erik said gruffly. "I'll be in the music room. Please make sure I would not be disturbed."

"Very well sir."

I stood there, dumbly, not sure what to do, but Erik made up my mind for me as he stalked to the music room, slamming the door behind him.

The slam made me jump and I looked into the sympathetic pity in Anthony's warm, gray eyes as if he knew what transpired between us.

"I would not fret Mrs. de Winter. Mr. de Winter often experiences these terrible moods. It's nothing for you to worry yourself or blame yourself. Now, let's get you into the library and heat yourself up. I will have Robert bring you some hot tea."

I could not speak as Anthony helped me to the library and into a chair. He picked up the phone and told Robert to come with the tea, and then he came around to sit across from me. It was a surprise since he never done that before and I did not think a butler could do that with his mistress in the same room.

"You're too young to understand Mrs. de Winter, and I do not mean offense, but in time I hope you do come to know why Mr. de Winter is often plagued. Although, I have my reasons to suspect his sister's visit had partial role to his melancholy."

"Melancholy? Oh, Anthony. That is the last I wanted to bring him."

We were silent as strings of music were heard down the hall. I closed my eyes, feeling the anguish and anger of the music. It was so hopeless… so tragic… As if nothing could make it bright again.

Was that how Erik felt about me right now?

"I should go. Robert will be in shortly with your tea. Might I suggest you retire to bed Mrs. de Winter?"

"Oh… yes Anthony. That is a good idea."

I didn't watch him leave, nor did I acknowledge Robert when he entered with the tea. I found I could not bring myself to go over and pour myself a cup. Instead, I got up and pulled the towel around me closer and headed to my room.

I'm not sure how long I was in there, but the sun had set and the storm continued outside the windows. I lay on my side, staring out into the night, and hating myself for the pain that I brought and the wedge that I put between us. This was not how it was suppose to go. We were supposed to be happy, in love, our marriage full of laughter and smiles and singing and music.

And I ruined it.

What have I done?

So lost in my turmoil and heartache, I did not hear the door open or hear Erik stole across the floor until his weight sank into the mattress at the end of my feet. I wiped away the tears and pushed up on my arm so I could sit up and curled my legs. For a couple of minutes, we sat in silence and then Erik said:

"You weren't there for dinner."

"I wasn't hungry," I replied, casting down at my feet.

"No… you weren't."

Pause.

"I told you I didn't like it when you didn't eat."

"I know," I whispered.

He sighed. "Christine…"

"Erik? Can we forgive each other? I know I did not make the wisest of decisions and I feel awful. I never intended to hurt you and I hate seeing you like this. And your music… how it ripped into my soul to hear that come from you. To know I was the reason for it… It drives me mad! I could not bear to have your resentment, let alone your anger. I was wrong. Terribly wrong and I wish we never went to that beach!"

I could not see his face; the mask was the only profile I could see. How I wished he would take it off so I can see his expression! Then I would know what he was thinking at this very second.

"What's done is done," he spoke very quietly, so quiet that I almost missed it. "We cannot turn back time. Believe me, I wish we could."

"Erik, you must know, I did not mean any of it. I was upset, yes, but that's no excuse. You were worried and you had every reason to do so. I do not know the land as well as you do and I should have heeded your warnings. Sasha would have found her way back. I know she would have. I was wrong. Please say you forgive me! I love you!"

"Do you?" And he raised his face so I could at last see his eyes. "Do you love me?"

I nodded fervently. "Yes I do. I love you so very much Erik. I would die if you turn me away."

He twisted his body so he could cup my face in his palms, his eyes scanning my frantic features.

We made love that night, a mass of frenzy kisses and touches. He held on to me with such dear life as if he was afraid I would slip away from his embrace. I thought that meant he forgave me for what I did and said. That we could put it behind us…

Yet, when we lay together, our bodies intertwined, Erik disentangled himself from me and muttered he had some work to do. I watched his retreating form disappear into the darkness, and I pulled the cover to my chin, my tears spilling out as I mourned the loss of my husband.

If I hadn't lost him already, then I was on the way of losing him for good.

TBC…


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews! Here we go with the next installment! I promise this one has some fluff in it.

**Chapter 13**

I cried myself to sleep, waking only once during the night, hoping that Erik would return. He didn't but I did find he left his jacket over the bed. I grabbed it and brought it closer to my mouth so I could breath in his scent and imagine that he was there lying beside me. I patted the material, feeling the warmth, and pretending that it was his arms that were wrapping me up. I did brush against something soft in his inner pocket and I reached in to see what it was and pulled out a handkerchief. What I saw sewn into the white fabric caused me to drop it on the bed.

Glaring up at me in black was "LdW" the three letters I was starting to loathe.

How I wept upon this discovery.

I didn't wake again until the morning when Alice entered my room to dress me. She stood with her hands on her hips, her foot tapping impatiently at me.

"You must hurry and get ready Mrs. de Winter. You have a lot of visitors on their way to see you and Mr. de Winter. You don't want to keep them waiting."

No… I do not.

My first caller was Nadir but he was here to see Erik and wanted to say hello first. He was a very nice man, unusual in his ways, but very nice nevertheless. I asked him if he got caught in the storm, and he said he did, and I told him how Erik and I went for a walk around Manderley. He asked me how I liked it and what did I see. I recanted the scenery of the Elysium, which Nadir nodded approvingly.

"It is remarkable to see. I must admit I was also ensnared by it as well."

"Oh yes. And then we went down to the beach and…" There I trailed off as it brought back too many unhappy memories. Nadir saw this change in me and inquired if something was wrong.

"No," I said quickly, brushing it off. "It was very breezy and started to rain."

"Yes. I know during lunch you said you like to swim… just a word of advice. If you do go swimming, you want to be careful. Sometimes the tides can be treacherous. At least it's not like the harbor in Kerrith. My Allah… that is the worst especially during the sailing races. I am never one to watch them in case something tragic happens."

As Nadir continued to speak, I couldn't keep my mind off of Erik. I did not see him for breakfast and I heard Anthony tell one of the servants that Mr. de Winter was walking in the gardens and would return once Mr. Khan finished his visit with Mrs. de Winter. It grieved me that he wouldn't be in the same room as I. Then it made me wonder why did he come back to our room last night? He had to have forgiven me…

However, the feeling of rejection stung too much for words. I knew I hurt him terribly and I still was not sure if I had intended to or not. I was befuddled and I did speak too hastily; although, I wondered if I had meant it so he would stop being so cryptic around me. For once, I wanted Erik to tell me plainly and straightforward about something instead of silence or little clues about how it affected him. If he can't tell me, then how I will ever know what to say correctly or behave? He could not expect me to walk on eggshells for the rest of our marriage. I don't think I could handle it well.

And the look on his face! That haunted look in those pitiful eyes! It always unsettled me back in Monte Carlo and on our honeymoon too. When Erik became distant, it was too heartbreaking to endure! If only he would confide in me so I could share some of his ghosts and demons!

Then he wouldn't have to face them alone…

But, of course, why would he want to confide in me now after what I did on the beach?

Yet, the voice inside kept insisting that I was in the wrong, but so was he. He was half to blame as well. Ayesha told me that if I ever had to put Erik in his place, then I should. At the moment, I agreed for the sake of agreement. As I thought about it, I realized what that was referring to and as I am not a confrontational sort of person… I failed horribly in expressing my concerns and thoughts. If Ayesha was present, then I was certain she would have handled it smoothly with her clear cut words. She wouldn't have shrunk away in fear.

As I did.

_If you had my memories, then you would not want to go near it, or talk about it, or think about it._

If you had my memories…

That was the part that played over in my mind. He said they were not angelic and that was why I could not call him my Angel of Music. What could he possibly mean?

Like a lightning bolt it became instantly clear to me.

How could I be so daft? It made sense really. Perfect sense. And it was Nadir who helped to remind me with his talk about the sailing races and accidents.

Luciana drowned in the bay. Erik suffered nightmares asking Luciana for forgiveness. She died alone.

He blamed himself and that was his memory. That was why he did not want me to go there. She drowned out there and I… I ignored it so callously. How could I forget that after it was not that long ago when I made the blunder about swimming in the bay? How could I be so insensitive to Erik's pain?

The mistake at lunch was an accident. A pure accident.

But the beach… that was purposeful. I had no excuse for my behavior in that I acted impulsively and I failed once again to notice how my actions would impact my poor dear husband.

No wonder Erik couldn't stand to be in the room with me. I couldn't either.

"Mrs. de Winter? Christine?" Nadir called.

I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry Nadir. I drifted off for a second."

"I see you did. I hope I'm not boring you."

"Oh no! Not at all. I do like spending time with you… it's… I didn't get enough sleep last night."

"You do look tired," he commented. "Well, from what I understand, you want to conserve whatever strength and energy you have. You have many people who want to meet you."

"Meet me? Why would they want to meet me? I'm nothing special."

"You're Mrs. de Winter and that makes you special. Plus, I wouldn't be all that worried if I were you. Most of them you will only see the one time just to satisfy their curiosity."

"And what if they want to see me again?"

"Then you better put on a smile. They're not all bad, I assure you. Just be yourself and they will come to adore you."

Adore me…

How simple Nadir made it seemed and yet… this was the most difficult challenge. How I could be myself when I was so different from the rest?

The first time I received my callers was something I rather forget. This went on for the first few weeks of my stay in Manderley. I know I would have bear it well had Erik or Nadir were with me. I wouldn't have minded if I had Anthony or Robert in the room as well. Alas, I was by myself and I had to face the endless string of people whose names I could barely remember even when they were present.

So many titles and names… I could not keep them all straight!

The nightmare of it all was I had very little to say to them. Not even my travels with Mrs. Van Hopper and the many tea sessions with her friends could have prepared me for this role I must play. I thought I would be able to draw from that experience. Yes, I was silent those times, but I did study and observe and imagine conversations that I took part in. However, that was not enough for the real world or Erik's social circle.

They talked of politics, which I had not an opinion for that. I did not understand the issues or concerns or where I stood in my beliefs. They talked of fashion, which I barely paid attention to Mrs. Van Hopper, and had nothing to volunteer. I did not know if I even owned what they were talking about. They talked of gossip, which I was not privy to nor did I know who was involved or the history behind certain families that explained why they did not get along.

With every new person I received, the more shyer and dumber I became. I spent most of my time in silence, only nodding now and then either in agreement or sympathy, and the rare times I did speak… it was only to say my name, yes Erik and I married in Monte Carlo, and it's been this long of us together, no I had not heard of Manderley before, and would you like some more tea?

I knew that every person walked in was judging me. They all wanted to see what kind of girl Erik de Winter did marry after Luciana. They wanted to see if I could be an equal to his late wife, perhaps even better than Luciana. Maybe I had better looks than she, better conversation starters, better charms, better wits, better sense of humor, all of this and more. I knew I had to be a disappointment once they did get a gander at me. Although, I did not know what Luciana looked like, I knew I was not what they expected to see just as Ayesha said. No doubt they thought the same and I would have been someone wealthy.

There would be a slight crinkle at their eyes, almost a twitch, which suggested I was nothing at all like they pictured Erik de Winter would choose after her. This would only encourage their disappointment further when I had little to talk about. I was not a very interesting creature and I knew that.

Occasionally, I was given a reprieve when Erik and Nadir did venture in to see how I was faring… they would not say so, but I knew they would check on me. The first six days it had been Nadir, but on the seventh day of callers was when Erik came in alone and I was filled with such joy and anxiety that I wondered if he forgave me. After my epiphany, I wanted to tell Erik that I fully understood his anger now and all will be forgiven. Yet, he kept to himself and he made it difficult for me to find him. When Nadir told me of his nickname, the Phantom, I now understood why Luciana would have given him the gimmick. The man was a phantom! He could simply vanish and no one would be able to find him.

When I heard music playing, I thought he was hiding himself in the music room, but he was not there! One of the violins was missing and I knew that was what played throughout the house, but Erik was invisible to my sight. I tried calling for him, telling him once more of my apologies, hoping he would hear me somewhere… wherever he was. Day after day I continued this vigilance, praying he would come to me.

And night after night I spent alone… or I thought I was alone. Even though I had not seen my husband, he would come to me at night to sleep. There would always be an indent on the mattress where he slept, and when I did wake to discover it, the spot would be cold. One morning I woke to find it somewhat warm so I knew he had left recently. However, he would only come when I was asleep. I tried to stay awake, hoping to catch him, but I eventually I could no longer keep my eyes open. I had the sensation he was close by, so I knew no matter what time I fell asleep, he knew when I slept to emerge from his hiding spot.

If only I could find it!

So at the end of that week, when he came… I was overjoyed. And he did forgive me. I looked into those earnest eyes of his and I saw the truth shining in them. He forgave me for my idleness and mistakes. I wanted to cry aloud for that, but we had guests and these two women… I wished they would disappear.

I knew the moment I met them that Evelyn Andre and Regina Firmin would not be my friend. They did not come out and say so, but despite their cordial manners and polite demeanors… I knew they did not like me. Sometimes being quiet and observant has its advantages and I was able to focus on what they were not doing or saying that gave me the initial impression.

"So you're the new wife." This was said in a very sweet exclamation without any condescension. Yet, they did not call me Mrs. de Winter like the others, and as our conversation went on, they did eventually say my married name; however, they could not say it in the beginning.

When tea arrived, they would not accept it from me, claiming a slight cramp, but I did catch Regina filling her own cup when she thought I wasn't looking. Only then she would take subtle sips so to avoid suspicion on my part for not accepting in the first place. Yet, she was not very sneaky and I did catch her mid-sip, but I kept it to myself. I knew how important this was to Erik. He was their friend, as they so often reminded me, and I wanted to make a good impression to show I could do this. It was mainly something I wanted to prove for myself that I belonged in his world, but they were making it difficult for me and when Erik arrived… my masked knight in shining armor… I was not the focus anymore.

"Oh Erik, you must come over for dinner," Evelyn said, her mousy blonde hair shifted just so slightly when she raised her face to offer the invitation to him. I noticed it was a wig with frizzy gray hairs popping out from the back. I kept back a grin as she was like Mrs. Van Hopper, a slave to appearances. Of course, she did not look like she could have been as old as Mrs. Van Hopper. She still was youthful, at most ten years older than me, with dazzling emerald green eyes, and small mouth.

Regina Firmin was also very beautiful, not a striking kind of beauty like Ayesha (although I don't think any woman could rival her), with raven curls and crystal blue eyes. I estimated she was either the same age as Evelyn or a year older.

They both came from wealthy families and their husbands were business partners, owning a theatre in London. So while the men were gone during the season, the women chose to remain in the country where the air was fresher and their friends were near. Yet, I could not help but suspect they chose to stay because they did not love their husbands and time away from them was most welcoming.

As I said, being quiet and observant had its peaks and my imagination would take flight with possible stories for people I meet.

However, when Evelyn spoke of dinner, I looked to Erik hoping he would decline. He scratched his chin and answered, "That sounds charming Evelyn. Perhaps, if my wife and I have an opening in our schedule."

She giggled quite shrilly and looked back at me. "Christine, do find an opening. It's been a long time since your husband would come for dinner and cards. Of course, my sweet Eugene is off in London now and I get so lonesome without him. Isn't that right Regina?"

"Oh yes," Regina replied. "We often find ourselves bored without the stimulation of a gentleman's conversation. And let's face it… you're the only one besides our husbands who is good at cards."

"Yes I can see where that is a conflict," Erik said with a smirk. "How is the theatre's season going?"

Regina rolled her eyes and swatted her fan in Erik's direction. "Men. Always work, no play. Well, the season is going well, but Richard is currently unhappy with the star. Very demanding and she even walked off during the middle of a show because there were at least two empty seats."

"So why hasn't he fired her?" Erik asked.

Regina sighed. "Goodness knows. I said the same, didn't I Evelyn? If she's being troublesome, then she should leave. Find someone else instead! The understudy is good and she has a gentle nature so she won't walk off. However, the public wants their star and not an understudy. So instead of fixing the problem once and for all, Richard decides to stress himself even further by keeping her on. I can't help but wonder if he complains just for the attention."

"Eugene too," Evelyn agreed. "I don't understand men. Erik, enlighten us. Why do our husbands torture themselves?"

"As flattered as I am you would come to me for advice, I'm afraid I'm ill-quipped for such a question. If I find myself locked in a heated battle with another, then I would do what I have to make that person leave so I can continue with my affairs without another argument."

"See? Why can't they be like you Erik? You know your mind and you don't let them get away with such nonsense. Whenever you go to London next, then make sure you drop in on our husbands and tell them so. In fact, say that _their wives _demand it."

"I will."

It was obvious both women were enamored with my husband. Those insipid looks, the flirtatious batting of their lashes and fans, and those teasing smiles and schoolgirl giggles made me ill. Did they not know I was in the room? Did they not know he was _mine_?

How I wanted to leap from my spot and gouged their eyes out with my nails and strangle them with my bare hands. How dare they make a lewd suggestion of playing cards! And going to London! If they were so concerned, then they should go themselves and not send Erik to do their errand.

How they sickened and disgusted me. I wanted to say something, to demand they leave now, but to my shock… Erik was playing along with them! He smiled and flirted back and I could only sit there with my hands tightly clenched in my lap and my back tensed as I forced a very thin smile.

Was this how he decided to get back at me? I thought he forgave me! Did I misinterpret the look in his eyes? I didn't think I did… but now I wondered if I imagined his forgiveness and this was his way of making sure I knew how his agony felt.

What a cruel, cruel man!

And there was nothing I could do or say not with company present. Damn him he knew that!

As I was silently seething, Erik and those fawning women went on to share some anecdotes and jokes that I did not find to be particularly funny until Regina said something that caused my heart to cease beating.

"I almost forgot to mention! Christine, it would seem you and I have an acquaintance. Do you remember Lucille Savon? Well, she wrote to me after you left Paris and told me the wonderful story about you and Erik. You sly creature! You were holding out on us. Why did you not tell us that you were a companion to Mrs. Van Hopper? I hear her daughter is in engaged, is she not?"

I felt like a deer caught in a trap. This was not what I wanted Erik's friends to know about me. Yes, I made a mistake and told Lucille, but she assured me of her confidence. I guess I was a fool to naively believe she would keep that juicy bit of gossip to herself.

I knew I had to be careful how I phrased my next words. "Yes. Her daughter is in engaged and yes I did work for her."

"What a story! The companion full of dreams and longing finds romance in a foreign land! If I were you, my dear, I would be bragging to the world about that."

I glanced at my hands, a pinkish hue staining my face. "Well, it's not…"

"Not what? You must tell us. Do not leave anything out."

Helplessly, I looked to Erik to see if he would intervene, but he seemed just as intrigued as the two women to hear what I had to say. No no no no!

"It was a dream, yes. I had always wanted to see the world and-and Mrs. Van Hopper was kind enough to take me on. She introduced us and we spent time together seeing Monte Carlo and Erik asked me to marry him when I was to leave for New York."

"That is so romantic! I wish I had a romantic story to share about my husband and me, but I think it would turn out to be more of a comedy than anything!" Evelyn said, laughing out loud.

"Do go on. Please tell us more. What did you two do in Monte Carlo?" Regina pressed on.

"Well… we… Erik took me to some spots where I could sketch," I said.

"Sketch? You draw?"

"Only a little."

"We must see! Do show us!"

Before I could object, Erik did interject to my relief. "I'm afraid my wife's drawings are kept private until they are finished to be revealed. I know because she won't show them to me either." He gave me a wink and I felt my heart beat normally once more.

"Oh. That's a shame. I would love to see them," Regina said, looking at me as if I would change my mind to appease her.

"Yes but not until I am done and completely one-hundred percent satisfied."

"Well, when you are, then make sure you will invite us so we can see. I do love a great reveal from artists!" Evelyn said.

Eventually, they decided to take their leave as they had another friend of theirs to see.

"This was pleasant fun! We should do it again," Evelyn said, taking my hands and blowing air kisses on either side of my face.

Erik also kissed both women's cheeks and showed them out as Anthony came in to escort them out the main door. At last, we were alone and he turned around with a relieved look on his countenance.

"Thank God they left. I cannot stand those two, but you did well my dear. You did not give them what they were looking for when Regina brought up Lucille. They were hoping you would make a slip of some kind, maybe even a denial. That would only make the gossip even sweeter. Erik de Winter's wife refuting her humble origins. They would eat it up, but now there's nothing for them to share."

"There isn't?"

"No. Besides, I'm sure they all know by now if they haven't. And it's not a big, dark secret. You were a paid companion and there's nothing wrong with an honest living. Believe me, this is not exciting news and it won't be long before a scandal arises and they would all be in atwitter about that. You and I will be forgotten."

"Do you think so?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes I do. Now, don't worry your pretty little head about it. I told you before there was not any shame in your background and I was right. Those ladies… well, I wouldn't be concerned about them either. They are gossip flirts and not to be taken seriously. I have known them too long to know they won't cause any damage."

"Can you be certain?" I was worried even if Erik was convinced there was not a problem.

"Yes. I'm highly respected and if their husbands want my continued patronage, then they need to hold their tongues. They won't say anything hurtful about you Christine. As I said, they are not worth the trouble in getting worked up about it."

I nodded and that did make me feel better. If Erik were to pull his donations, then that would be something to talk about and it would reflect poorly on them.

Well, since that was settled and I had Erik right here with me… I had to ask.

"Erik, I'm really am sorry about before. Please, you must understand, I did not mean to be vicious or anything. It was my stupidity. I should have known that it was that bay and I ignored your wishes as if they meant nothing. I won't do something like that ever again. You have my word that I will promise I will use my common sense and judgment. Just please don't shut me out. Don't leave me alone."

"Christine…" he said, coming towards me to take me in his arms. "I do forgive you… And I should not have been too hard on you. Nadir reminded me that my temper does control my mouth better than my sense. Blast him but he's right. I do let my temper get the best of me and I say things I do regret. I know you couldn't have known. I know you didn't mean it intentionally. And it should be I begging for your forgiveness."

"Then why have you been away from me? If you forgave me, then why make me think you had not?" I pleaded, gazing desperately into his eyes.

"It was not you I was punishing. Please… do not ever think that."

"If you were not punishing me… then who were you punishing?" I knew my answer but I wanted to hear it from him. He needed to be honest with me as well, and not hide behind his other mask.

Instead of replying, he kissed my forehead. "I think that's enough callers for today. Let's take a walk and then dinner. And after we will continue your lessons."

It was not what I had hoped to accomplish, but we made progress that day. And seeing Erik in a happier, lighter mood… I was not going to tarnish it with my questions. Seeing Erik like this reminded me of the pleasant times on our honeymoon and our early courtship. This was the Erik I fell in love with.

It was those nicer memories that made the rest of the calls I received bearable. Of course, I did have to suffer at least two more calls from Evelyn and Regina. I did keep in mind in what Erik said and I did not let the two get to me. It was actually surprising that they would hold their tongues and they never brought up my services to Mrs. Van Hopper again. Of course, that did not mean they would not wag their tongues about something else.

Erik was right. I had nothing to be concerned and I worried myself over nothing. No one really cared that I was a worker. Once everyone had their fascination filled, I was forgotten. That was how I preferred it to be honest. I had nothing in common with them and I did not want to spend countless afternoons being awkward or silent. Yet, Erik had insisted I return the favor and make some calls myself.

This was something I could not do unless Erik was beside me. It was one thing to receive them, but to go on my own and request their company? I knew being Mrs. de Winter entailed that I maintain friendships and connections, but I could not do this not even for Erik. Not even Nadir's words of encouragement could persuade me to do these visits by myself. If Erik didn't come, then I would not go. Surprisingly, I did not have an argument from my husband. He seemed to be all right with my decision and would suggest calling when he had to.

I was grateful for that and it really helped keep my mind at ease.

However, I would receive a guest now and then. Evelyn and Regina being two and the other was the bishop's wife, Adele.

She was a kind woman, and reminded me what kind of woman Mrs. Van Hopper should have been if she censored her words to people. She was the only person I could call upon by myself without Erik. It was during a call I made when she asked me if Manderley was going to revive their fancy parties and balls like before.

"I don't know," I confessed. "I'll have to talk with my husband."

"Please do. I miss the Masquerade most of all. It was a pity we didn't have one last year with all thing's considering… but I did tell the bishop that the man needed a good party to put his spirits' right. You must simply convince your husband to host one so Manderley could be back in its former glory."

I remembered Mrs. Van Hopper saying something about the balls and parties being the highlights of the year in Manderley. It sounded like fun, but the task of hosting one… playing hostess to hundreds of people was daunting. I could barely host a couple of people in my house, how in the world could I throw a party?

Being polite, I did assuage the bishop's wife I would ask and consider the Masquerade most of all. I did not make any promises, but I saw in her eyes she was already envisioning her costume. However, the discussion did not end there.

"The Masquerade was held at the end of the summer, a finale of sorts, before autumn arrived. It was a splendid way to honor the change in seasons and for Manderley to give one last hurrah until next year. But that's not the only party that took place. Oh no. Let's see… there might be time for the garden party. I remember the one I went to was so beautiful. It had been in the rose gardens where we were served tea and these rose petal sandwiches. So tasty too. I never thought it would be, but I was wrong. She was very clever…"

At her slip, she sheepishly looked away from me as her cheeks reddened. "Of course, I didn't mean to imply you had to do the same thing."

I was becoming quite tired of the elephant that lurked in the room with every person who called and those I returned. It was terrible enough they were making judgments about me, telling their friends about how I looked that day, and if I managed to speak a sentence. I knew what they were saying and I knew they were saying how Luciana wouldn't have done that or this. It was always Luciana. I could not escape her shadow. Not from Manderley and not from those who knew her well.

It was these pent up emotions about Luciana that led to my rather brazen statement: "Luciana must have been a wonderful and very creative person."

I said it. Her name. In all these weeks, no one ever dared to breathe her name aloud in my presence and here I was doing the unthinkable. I defied convention and said my predecessor's name. It was no longer whispered anymore. I broke the bonds and said her name at last.

The bishop's wife nodded. "Yes. Luciana was a wonderful person. At least, what I could tell from the short amount of time we spent together. The bishop was elected in about four years ago so I did not know Luciana quite personally as our other parishioners did. However, I can say she was a lovely creature and so full of life. She had a smile that lit up the whole room."

"And talented. It's not very often you meet someone who is lovely and can have many accomplishments."

I do not know why I was pursuing this now. It was like me saying her name released a door that I did not know was even closed. I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know exactly who Luciana de Winter was and I would take anything I could get.

"I suppose she was. She had many hobbies from what I understood, but she did love sailing most of all. I could not fathom why that seemed attractive to her. I suppose none of this can explain why we like the things we do," Adele said.

"Yes you're right."

"And what of your hobbies? I hear you can sketch."

"Yes and sing as well."

"You sing? Well, then you must sing when Manderley has a party. The late Mrs. de Winter always sang. I can recall the last time I saw her. It was the Masquerade Ball and she was so beautiful in her ball-gown and her dark hair was twisted in all these little braids. As it grew late in the night, Mr. de Winter had his grand piano brought out so we could all watch and listen as he played a song he had wrote. He is a talented man himself when it comes to music. But her… oh she had a voice of an angel. So pure, so beautiful. I doubted I would ever hear someone sing like her in all my days. And when she sang… he surprised us all and sang along. Their voices… combined it was as if God's own choir of angels was among us. Let me see if I can remember the words…

_Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime_

_Say the word and I will follow you_

Oh yes, it was truly a romantic song."

xxXXxx

On my way back to Manderley, I could not stop thinking about what the bishop's wife told me about Luciana. I knew I was asking for trouble for wanting to know the intimate details and I was right. I was only torturing myself with this knowledge and it served to remind me on how things used to be when she was alive.

How deeply in love Erik and Luciana were…

That ball had been the last time the two sang together in public. It was not long after when she drowned in the bay during a storm.

As the driver took a bend, I looked out to find a man walking the side of the road. I quickly rolled down my window, asked the driver to stop, and shout out:

"Hello Mr. Khan!"

Nadir started, not at all expecting my voice, and waved to me. "Why hello to you too Mrs. de Winter! And did I not say you could call me Nadir?"

"Yes and did you not promise me the same and call me Christine?" I teased back, which he chuckled.

"Touché. Making calls I see."

"Yes to the bishop's wife. I like her."

"As do we all."

"Are you on your way to Manderley?"

"As a matter of fact I am."

"Well, come in and we will drive you the rest of the way."

"Thank you. I will have to take you on that offer." Nadir walked around and sat next to me. "How are things going?"

He would always ask me that after Erik and mine's first fight. I was embarrassed that Nadir knew what happened, but Erik had told me of his annoyingly habit of getting him to share private matters when he did not wish to. Well, annoying or not, he did help my husband and I fixed our problems so I could not fault him for that. If Nadir had not meddled, then Erik might be haunting the grounds still in his phantom like ways.

I smiled. "Very well."

We drove our way to Manderley and found out Erik was gone overseeing the tenants. I thanked Anthony for the news and asked if Nadir would like to walk through the gardens.

As we did, I couldn't help but once more think of Luciana. Nadir was Erik's closest friend and he knew her. The bishop's wife could only share so much and if I wanted a clearer portrait I could find out from one who was a dear friend.

It took me a few minutes to decide on how I should bring Luciana up and I thought about the parties that the bishop's wife mentioned.

"Nadir," I started. "While I was out, the bishop's wife told me about the grand parties here at Manderley and wanted to know if we were to host one soon. She really liked the Masquerade ball."

"Ah yes. Manderley's infamous parties. Did you and Erik decide you would host a ball?"

"Well, I haven't spoken to Erik about it. Yet," I amended quickly. "But I am considering it."

"You may do what you wish. I'm not much of a dancer and Erik… well, he's not a fan of such gatherings, but if you desired to then he would not deny you. It would be a huge affair just so you know."

"Yes. I guess there would be a lot of organization to do. I take it… Luciana did most of it?"

Nadir glanced at me in surprise. "Why… yes I think she did."

I kept my face straight ahead so he would not see my expression and he was quiet for a few seconds. "Why do you want to know Christine?"

"Well, there's a lot I'm learning about Manderley and I want to know what some of my tasks are. I know being hostess is one of them and I was curious how the late Mrs. de Winter did things. Perhaps I could draw some inspiration from her."

"I'm the wrong person to ask then. Mrs. Danvers would know better than I."

"Oh." It was not how I planned it to go. I needed to talk about something else that would get Nadir to reveal more on Luciana. But what? Without thought, I added, "You know when I went to the other beach. I met the queerest sort of man. He had wild gray hair and childish eyes…"

"Oh, you mean Joseph Buquet. He is but he's a harmless soul. Wouldn't hurt a fly."

"That's what Erik said. Well, there was a cottage on the bay. It was a pretty building but inside… everything was so old and dirty. I fear that the wetness in the air would cause further damage if something wasn't done about it."

"Erik hasn't mentioned it to me. If he wanted something done about it, then he would have said so."

"Were those Luciana's things?" I asked softly, stopping to admire a twig sticking from a bush.

Nadir's footsteps stopped and I knew he was looking at me. "Yes. They all belonged to Luciana."

"I wonder why she would furnish it. It was part of the boathouse wasn't it?"

"Yes and then she converted it to a cottage. She had another attachment made to the cottage so it could house the supplies and equipment."

"And there was a buoy not to far from the harbor."

"She kept her boat there."

"The same boat she was sailing in when she drowned?"

"Why this sudden morbid curiosity about Luciana?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I was curious that's all. It's tragic and at the same time amazing that no one was there to help her. No one heard her calls?"

"No. The storm was a fierce one. Her calls for help would have been covered up."

"And no one knew she went out." That was not a question, but I heard Nadir make a sound in agreement.

"She often did that. Erik didn't like it as you can imagine. But there was no stopping Luciana when she wanted to do something or when she wanted something."

"She must have been very brave. I don't think I could go out at night like that."

"Reckless, yes. Brave… I suppose to an extent."

"Poor Erik had to identify her. It must have been so hard for everyone."

"Yes. Now, Christine, will you tell me the real reason why you want to know this?"

I suppose there was no way of fooling Nadir. He was an astute man and like Erik said… he did have these annoying habits of perception.

"If I tell you, then you promise you won't tell Erik?" I asked and this caught his attention. With a solemn expression, he said he would. "It's just… I'm so lost Nadir. There's so much that is expected of me. I keep thinking that I will wake one day and it will click. That I would know how to be Mrs. de Winter. I would know how to behave, what to say, everything. And with the last several weeks I had to meet all these people and all by myself too. I was absolutely terrified! I didn't know them but they knew everything about Manderley, about Erik. I had nothing new to share. And I knew they were studying me. They were probably shocked that Erik would marry someone like me. A foolish, young girl who hasn't the faintest clue about what it takes to be the mistress of this grand manor. And they're right. I don't know what it takes. I don't know how to run a home or to entertain. I rely heavily on Mrs. Danvers for making sure everything goes smoothly and I need Erik to be with me so I have someone to talk to. But the worst of it all Nadir… is that they know all of this and they are thinking of _her_. They know I cannot amount to her or measure to her standards. They're wishing that it was Luciana in the room when they call.

"And I doubt myself and my marriage. I love Erik, I do. But I can't help but wonder if I should have married him in the first place. Would Erik be happier without me? I don't want this marriage to fail, but I cannot stop this uneasy feeling that we will never truly be happy. And it's all because of her. She has this strong hold over Manderley and I know I'd be a fool if I upset the balance. But I already have… being here. I want everything to be normal like it was when she was alive. Perhaps, it would keep everyone happy and they could pretend… pretend it was her and not me."

Nadir waited patiently for me to finish and when I unleashed what I kept buried for so long I felt like I could breathe. All these doubts, fears, and insecurities… they were driving me mad and when I spoke about my marriage… I couldn't pretend any longer that all will be well. Erik and I were haunted by Luciana and she would always be there. Our marriage will never be as happy as I longed it to be. Now, I knew what Ayesha meant when she said she hoped we would be happy.

"Christine," he said at last. "That is an awful lot you have kept hidden. Does Erik know about your concerns?"

"No," I replied, shamefaced.

"I promised you I wouldn't tell him and I won't. Something like this… you have to tell him yourself. He deserves to know what plagues you. But let me assure you, I'm happy that you married him. You are the best thing to ever walk through the doors of Manderley in a long time. If it's not too bold, I daresay, it's very refreshing to have someone who is not in tune with Manderley here. True, you have a lot to learn, but you can try things out and see what works for you and what doesn't. You have an advantage unlike Luciana. She knew how to run the house, yes, but it always had to be done in a certain way. Christine you can learn what your way is. Luciana never had that opportunity."

"That's awfully sweet of you Nadir. Thank you," I told him. "It does make me happy to hear you say such things and it reminds me how silly and stupid I can be. It's… I don't know how to be sociable or be charming. And it can be difficult when I lacked the finer qualities that all women should have: confidence, grace, beauty, intelligence, and wit."

"I wouldn't say that Christine. You do possess those qualities and more. If you don't want to believe me, then I will not force you. However, if you strongly believe you do not have those qualities, then fine… you don't. But you do have other qualities that are equally important and ones that I think all women should have but do not—kindness, sincerity, and modesty."

I blushed. "Nadir…"

"Do not contradict me. It's the truth."

"I wasn't. I-I guess I never realized before. You must really think I'm a fool."

"I wouldn't say a fool. You're being too hard on yourself. And if Erik shared any of those concerns like you did… then he would have told you himself."

I nodded, although I did not fully believe Erik would tell me.

"But I do want you to talk to Erik. He wouldn't like knowing his wife was so worried about appearances and believing their marriage is doomed to fail."

I chuckled quietly. "I guess you're right."

"Good. How about we turn back? I'm sure Erik is back by now."

As we turned around and walked the way we came from, I had to ask Nadir one more question.

"Nadir… before we put this whole conversation behind us forever. There is one last question I want to ask you, and I would like you to answer me truthfully."

"I don't know if I like where this might be going…"

"It's nothing horrible."

He gave me a skeptical look, but sighed. "Very well. What is your last question?"

"How beautiful was Luciana?"

Nadir paused and arched his brow. "Truthfully?"

I nodded. "Truthfully."

"I suppose I would have to say… Luciana was the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on."

I closed my eyes so he could not see the sadness within them. Somehow, I had known all along, but to have Nadir confirm this… to hear the obvious admiration and affection in his voice.

I was certainly a masochist.

TBC…


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you everyone for reviewing! We do have some more angst along the way, but I do have some good news for Christine. Here we are and don't forget to review!

AcrobaticButterfly- I had a hard time too looking for the novel. I heard about the story a couple of years ago and I couldn't find it at any of my local bookstores. Until literally like five months ago I stumbled upon it at Barnes and Noble and it was the only copy left. When you get yours, you will love it!

Curious- I have it planned out on how this story will end, and like you, I felt the same way about the ending as well. It was like bamn… it's over. You will have to wait and see!

**Chapter 14**

The next morning turned to be a dreary one as it rained the entire day. I thought Erik and I could spend more time together, but not even Erik could take a day off from the weather. He and Nadir had some contracts to go over with some investors and would be gone until evening. Resigned to my solitude, I kept to myself in the library.

I finished _Jane Eyre_ and decided on _The Woman in White_ next on to my read list. I curled up on the chair with Sasha lying at my feet, and immersed myself in the gothic mystery.

Around noon, I was interrupted when Mrs. Danvers entered the library with a young girl who was completely drenched. Her bun was falling apart as her blonde tresses stuck to her cheek and jaw. She pushed at her hair and tried to make it look presentable, but the rain ruined that possibility. At first, I wondered who on earth this poor creature could be when I realized this must be Anthony's niece… my new personal maid.

I was so relieved to finally have her come. Even though Alice did a fine job, I knew she rather clean the rooms than be with me. She was careful not to complain aloud, but she made her feelings known with her sighs and low grunts if I was not awake or I could not make up my mind what to wear or the fact that I did not know what a personal maid does. I was looking forward to have someone else in place, someone new and who could learn at the same time as me, and maybe… perhaps maybe… become friends. Yes, Anthony was becoming a dear to me and Nadir and Ayesha were good company, but I wanted a friend who did not know or have been associated with Luciana.

I had been worried and had dreams about Anthony's niece and me not getting along. I longed for a confidante, and I feared that she would not like me and would not speak to me. And now I did not have to wait any longer now she was here.

I stood up as Mrs. Danvers went on with introductions. I think I surprised everyone when I held my hand out to shake her hand. I could not figure out why this was a surprise. It was a polite form of greeting until once more… it occurred to me in my innateness that I was the lady and she was the servant. We do not shake hands. Well, I did not feel very much like the lady of the house, and shaking hands was a comfortable form of expression for me. I could tell she was not sure if she should take my hand, not with Mrs. Danvers' narrowing gaze on us, but not to appear rude or to give the wrong impression, she shook my hand.

I was able to assess her better and saw she had to be my age. Her face was heart-shaped, with blue eyes, and a fair complexion. She was striking yet shy from the way she stood with her head bowed. Her disposition was very much like my own and I knew we would get along famously and my worries fled.

"I hope we can be good friends. Meg, is it?"

The girl in questioned continued to be bewildered and I could see her eyes darting a quick look to see Mrs. Danvers' reaction. Like me, she was also afraid of her. Mrs. Danvers arched her thin brow, but kept silent.

Meg licked her lips nervously and replied, "Yes. Thank you Mrs. de Winter for having me come. I hope you will be pleased with my services."

"Please, call me—"

"I will take Miss Giry to her room so she may dry herself and change her clothes," Mrs. Danvers interrupted, the formality clearly expressed and it made me feel like a child who did something wrong. "I will show her around the house and go over her instructions. Of course, you are free to tell her what else she needs to do."

Mrs. Danvers whisked Meg away before I could say anything else, and I knew I could not keep her conversing while she was freezing her limbs off. I would see Meg in the evening and I would make sure that I make my wishes known before Mrs. Danvers could influence her into another Alice.

xxXXxx

The rain did stop for a few moments that I was able to go outside with Sasha for some quick exercise. We walked to the Elysium where I found a branch so we could play fetch. We did this for a half hour before I felt the raindrops return and we hurried back to Manderley, but we were soaked by the time we reached the steps.

I went to my room to change into something else for dinner, and found Meg already waiting for me. I smiled at her and luckily there was no Mrs. Danvers around to correct me or monitor the protocol between us. I wanted a friend, not a slave.

"Hello Meg. I guess Mother Nature got me too," I said, a poor joke to start with but it made her at ease as she smiled back.

"Yes. She can be unforgiving."

"How do you like Manderley?"

Her eyes glowed. "Very much. When Uncle wrote to me I was not expecting a castle. This has to be the most beautiful home I have ever seen! I can only imagine how the grounds look like."

"You will get your chance. I do enjoy walking the gardens. There is something magical about this place."

Meg nodded. "I can't believe how lucky I am that I'm here. I mean… I'm very lucky that you needed me… no! I mean…"

I laughed. "It's all right. I know what you mean and don't feel bad. I often cannot find the right ways to express myself either."

This was not the reaction she expected I could tell. She thought I would have scolded her for such an impertinent statement. And if I were in her position, I would have expected the same.

"I know Mrs. Danvers made it uncomfortable and she can be quite scary… but you don't have to be formal around me. I would preferred it if you didn't. To you, I'm Christine."

"Mrs. de Winter—"

I shook my head. "Christine. If I to make it an order, then I will."

"Christine," she repeated, and she grinned. "This would take some getting used to. I was told how improper it would be for me to call you anything else but Mrs. de Winter or madam."

Mrs. Danvers no doubt. "Well, if it makes you feel better, in this room we are Christine and Meg. I promised I would not let anyone know of this breach of formalities if you don't."

"Agreed. May I be frank?"

I nodded. This was going so well!

"Mrs. Danvers is very scary. I don't like her at all."

"Let me tell you a secret. I don't like her either."

We both giggled and I could not believe how fortunate I was to have someone I could talk to and who shared the same opinions as I. At least it made everything bearable. Meg advised a warm bath before dinner and went ahead to prepare it for me. When she was done, I went in and soaked for a few minutes while she took my wet clothes away to get them dried. After I was done, I slipped on my robe and took a seat at my vanity's chair to brush out the tangles and knots in my hair.

Meg returned and admonished, "I will do that for you Mrs. de Winter!" She took my brush and took over where I left off. I knew she was trying to be gentle, but it was no use when my hair would get all matted. I told her it was all right, but I knew the last thing she wanted to do was bring pain to her mistress. I had to convince her I would not be like other ladies, so I thought a safe topic would be to find out more about her. Perhaps, if she talked about herself and see my interest she would be comfortable here.

"I lived in London with my mother and my two youngest brother and sister. My father died during the Great War so it was up to me and my mother to find work. I did a few odd jobs here and there at a seamstress and bonnet shop. However, it was not always steady work and then I got Uncle Anthony's letter about coming here to Manderley to serve as your personal maid. My mother once worked as a personal maid years ago before she met my father, and she said this would be good experience for me. So, I really have no basic training or anything, except from what I was told. But I am a hard worker and a fast learner. I was always able to pick things up while watching and Mrs. Danvers did say she would watch over me until I was ready to be on my own."

"She's not here now," I observed.

"No. She didn't think I could mess the task of dressing you up. That does give one a tiny boost of confidence."

I nodded and asked, "Do you miss your family?"

"A little," she confessed. "Although, I'm actually happy to be out on my own. I do love my mother and my siblings very much, but I wanted to be independent. And it was a dream of mine to come to Manderley. I visited here once many years ago when I was younger and I told Uncle Anthony I would come here to work like him when I was older." Then her eyes widened at his admission. "Not that I didn't mean to sound presumptuous or anything… I…"

I laughed. "It's all right. I'm glad Anthony recommended you. I know you and I will get along very well."

She blushed, relieved that I was being kind about it. "This is like a dream come true."

I was happy to hear that she thought so. It became apparent Meg did not know of the dark tragedy that took place here, and I wondered why Anthony never told her. Then it again, Luciana's death wasn't his personal business and it would be disrespectful if he told everyone about Erik's loss.

I also came to realize how much of a talker Meg was. Once she started talking about herself she couldn't stop. Not that I didn't mind, of course. I am not much of a talker myself and it was pleasant to see how animated she became when talking about her siblings—Henry and Abigail. She told me about every nuance they had and their favorite games to play. Then she told me that she always dreamt of becoming a dancer one day. She had taken lessons years ago before the war and was told she had promising talent; however, the war took precedence when she was needed to work while her father fought. Meg said she was going to save enough money to continue her lessons and find a placement in a theatre.

She had a goal… very much like my own. She was so optimistic that she could make it a reality. I had no doubt she was a good dancer by the way she talked with her hands… so graceful and even her movements were almost ballerina like. I envied her as she did not have someone like Mrs. Van Hopper to damper her dreams.

"You might think it silly of me, but I do long to be on the stage," she said, and then looked over at the clock. "Oh dear! Have I been talking this long? I'm sorry Mrs. de Winter! Mother always said I had to watch my tongue because I could go on and on for hours without stopping… here I am! I'm still talking when I should stop."

"It's all right Meg," I told her. "I liked hearing about your family and your plans for the future. And please do call me Christine. I told you already you have nothing to fear and I'm not going to scold you for the length of time you spoke."

"Thank you Mrs. de—I mean, Christine," Meg amended herself. "I just know my mother told me that ladies do not like talkative maids."

"Well, I could hardly say I'm a lady," I said. At her confused look, I added, "Like you, I don't have much experience as a mistress. This is all new to me as well and I'm learning like you. I never had a personal maid before so we will learn from each other together."

"You—you haven't?"

"No. Before I married Mr. de Winter and moved to Manderley, I was a paid companion to Mrs. Van Hopper. I had worked in a seamstress shop before that."

Meg gazed upon at me with shock and amazement… and was there admiration? "You were like me?" she whispered.

"Yes."

"And you married Mr. de Winter and became a great lady. That is… that is a story come to life! You two must be completely in love for him to marry you!"

My face reddened. I knew that was true for me, but with Erik… I never could tell. Some days I would say yes… and others, I think there was affection for me, but he never once told me he loved me. Even after being married for several months now, Erik still had not said "I love you." No… that was only reserved at night when he dreamt of Luciana.

I could not tell Meg about that. She was so innocent and still believed in the power of true love; I could not tell her that my husband secretly was still in love with his first wife. That would crush any hopes she has of finding a decent husband. I was not that cruel.

So I smiled, nodding in agreement, and answered her questions about Erik and my meeting and the proposal.

"How romantic!" Meg gushed. "He couldn't stand to be apart from you forever when you were going to go to New York. Oh, if I could find a man who felt the same for me."

"I'm sure you will. When I went to Monte Carlo, I had not expected I would get married and here I am."

Meg nodded. "It was fate. You two were destined to meet and fall in love. There is no other explanation."

I thought so too… but I kept it to myself.

Meg had me dressed and I was heading to the dining room for dinner. I had resigned myself to another meal by myself, but to my astonishment, Erik was there! I ran into his arms with a childish cry, and I saw how pleased he was to see me so happy. He brushed his lips against my forehead and then a quick peck on my lips before setting me down.

"I should come home more often if this is welcome I get," he said with a teasing grin.

"I missed you," I told him with a slight pout. "You leave all the time for work. I fear I will forget what you look like!"

"Well, can't have that, can we?" Erik helped me to my chair and took his seat, as always, across from me. "I hear your new maid arrived."

"Yes. I'm glad Anthony told me about her. She and I suit each other perfectly."

"That's good. After dinner I was thinking of a singing lesson. Would that fit in your busy schedule?"

I knew he was jesting, for what busy schedule did I have? I laughed and said I could fit in a lesson somewhere.

xxXXxx

After Meg's arrival, my stay at Manderley did vastly improve. I was not under the constant watch of Mrs. Danvers, saved for the times she would stand by to observe Meg. I knew this made her nervous, and it made me nervous too. I did not want Meg to get into trouble and I did not want to do anything that would compromise her. We avoided using first names when Mrs. Danvers was watching, but when she was out in earshot, we were the best of friends without the hindrance of social class.

I was an equal to her after all… I had the same humble background as she and no matter how hard I tried to fit in with the high standing of Erik's world, I would always be the same awkward, timid girl who served as a paid companion. I could not change who I was and I knew Erik's friends knew that. They tolerated me because of Erik, just like I tolerated them because of Erik too. Their overly sweet kindness was a disguise to their real feelings. I was not fit to be Mrs. de Winter and I could not replace the true Mrs. de Winter.

The sentiment was shared as well. I knew I could not be Luciana, nor did I want to be her, even though I wished I did have her poise and her knowledge of running Manderley. Mrs. Danvers did a well enough job and I really did not have to see her everyday. She would get in contact with me over the household phone. She still needed my approval on meals and other matters, and I would always tell her yes that was fine with me, and yes that is a good idea to have that in the such-and-such room. At one point, I had told her to go right ahead and do what she has to do without having to call me.

"But I must get your approval Mrs. de Winter. It is not natural for me to make all the decisions without your input."

Of course, I never offered any input on anything so it was the principal of the nature. She needed my permission no matter what.

I was happy that I did have to engage too much with Mrs. Danvers and that was always a good day.

And Meg was really a sweet-natured girl. I knew we could not spend too much time in each other's company. It made me sad as I really wanted a friend to spend time with, and talk to. However, we both had a duty to do and when Meg was done with me… Mrs. Danvers had her employed elsewhere in Manderley. I did see her helping Robert once in lighting the fireplace in the library and the poor lad… kept blushing whenever Meg came too close.

In the evenings, Meg would tell me of her day and when I had asked about Robert, she would become suddenly shy and told me he was a nice boy and she liked his company. I had to hide my smirk, knowing the two liked each other. I wondered if it was proper for me to encourage a little matchmaking. I'm sure it had to be all right.

I did ask Ayesha one time she came over for lunch. She laughed and told me there was no harm in that. She told me how she was responsible for her cook and the local post-man in getting married and that I did have to be careful because if it should go sour… then Erik and I would be stuck in looking for new help. I didn't think it would go to that extreme, but I did take her advice into consideration.

Besides Meg, I enjoyed my visits with Erik's sister. I knew she couldn't come over as often as she would like, and when she did… it was a real treat. To my surprise, on her second trip here, she took it upon herself to get me a wedding present. I told her she didn't have to, and she responded in typical Ayesha fashion, "I know I didn't and I wouldn't if I didn't like you, but I do so you get a gift. Now, don't hurt my feelings and open it."

It had been a collection of art supplies with a new sketchbook, pencils, brushes, and paint. In addition, she even got me a couple books on the history of art and music. I was too touched for words and I felt I could not accept this generous gift, but Ayesha knew what I was thinking without having to speak.

"You will keep it and will thank me every chance you get. I do hope it's to your liking. I wasn't sure what to buy you to be honest, but when you said how much you liked art and music… I thought this would be perfect."

"It is. Oh, thank you Ayesha!"

She was very pleased and told me she would have to rub it in to her husband when she got home. "He thought I overdid it, but I told him oh no. Not for Erik's wife. She is too grateful to refuse this and now she has to live up to expectations when it's her turn to buy me a present."

She was joking, but I thought I would certainly get her a nice present for her birthday. It amazed me that Ayesha could like me, but she took me under her wing. She told me which people I should be nice to and give attention to, and who was not worthy of my company. I was a de Winter now and I could not keep hiding from the world. She was right, of course, but unlike Ayesha, I did not have an easygoing personality.

However, I looked up to her. I knew I would never be like her, but I did draw some strength from her… only when she was present. Otherwise, I was back to the same old Christine.

There had been one visit of hers that put things in a new light for me about Mrs. Danvers. It was no secret that I did not like to be near Mrs. Danvers; at least, it wasn't to Ayesha. She knew I was frightened of her and despite telling me over and over that if I was not satisfied with Mrs. Danvers, then to let her go, but I couldn't. Erik was happy with her work and there was hardly a complaint about her. She knew how to run Manderley and I wasn't going to change how things used to be. Ayesha told me I was being stupid, but it was my decision. Then that one day while we were passing a vase of flowers that were arranged in the great hall, Ayesha stopped and said, "Just like Luciana use to do. That hasn't changed I see."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Ayesha looked at me as if I grew a second head. "Why the flowers. They are still arranged in the same fashion that Luciana used to do herself. She always had a particular taste in which type should go in each room and I noticed in my visits that the same ritual still followed. If I didn't know better, I would think Luciana was still here in Manderley!"

Part of me had wondered if Luciana played a role in the location of flowers, but I just assumed it was a tradition of Manderley that she preserved. Ayesha's comments made me quickly realize that it was not so.

"Mrs. Danvers takes care of it. I did not know…"

Ayesha nodded. "Yes, I'm sure she did. Luciana had a way of wanting things done and Mrs. Danvers knew exactly what her orders would be before she could voice them. She should after all those years with her. Mrs. Danvers had been her personal maid, you know. So I should not be surprised that the flowers are done like this. Oh how she adored Luciana!"

From Mrs. Danvers' own lips, I knew she came when Luciana did. However, I did not realize it was because Mrs. Danvers had been working for Luciana before her marriage. Then everything became clear to me. No wonder she had been so cold and standoffish with me. I assumed she had respect and loved Luciana like everyone else, but that respect and love went deeper than I thought.

Luciana's personal maid!

Of course, she would be impatient with me. To her, I was replacing her former mistress. She probably thought she would serve Luciana for the rest of her days and not some lower class girl.

I actually did feel sorry for Mrs. Danvers. She was used to having to say, "Yes Mrs. de Winter," to another and being given orders by a voice not at all like mine. She must miss her terribly, especially if they were as close as what Ayesha was insinuating. I could only imagine how deep her grief was to know that her mistress had drowned…

For the first time, I thought I should try again to befriend Mrs. Danvers. I wanted it to be clear that I would never take the part of Luciana in her heart away. She was the first Mrs. de Winter and she could never be replaced. Not by me, not by anyone.

I found my courage one morning when I took it upon myself to pick up the household phone and requested an audience with Mrs. Danvers. I was in the morning-room and as I sat behind the writing desk, I thought this was not the good spot for me to receive her. It would only reinforce that I was Mrs. de Winter and I wanted us not to have a barrier between us.

I moved away from the desk and paced, wondering where I should stand. Finally, I settled on sitting on one of the chairs and as I did, Mrs. Danvers made her entrance. She always had this supernatural like way of coming into room without a sound or being seen. There was no way you could predict when she would enter a room for she would appear out of the blue.

This time I could not be startled as I kept the door in my view so I could watch as she entered. She closed the door and floated over to where I sat, her hands neatly folded in front of her; her typical uniform of a long black dress and her hair done in that braided bun. Her countenance was aloof and there was not a single trace of curiosity as to way I suddenly called her in.

"You asked to see me Mrs. de Winter?" she coolly asked as she looked down at me from her nose.

I licked my lips and stood, but I was not sure what to say first. I had a whole speech prepared in my head, but once more being in Mrs. Danvers presence caused all sense and power of speech to flee.

I unconsciously wiped my hands at the folds of my dress, and raised my eyes to look at her as she waited quietly for me to speak. Even if she did not show it, I could tell she was becoming frustrated in my lacking ability to say what was on my mind. _Don't be intimidated_, the voice of Ayesha echoed in my head. _Tell her what you need to say. You are Mrs. de Winter, not Mrs. Danvers._

_I am Mrs. de Winter_, I repeated mentally and finally opened my mouth:

"Mrs. Danvers, I know you and I did not start off on the right foot and I want to make amends for that. You see… I know you were Luciana's personal maid and I know how this must make you feel to see me standing before you. Believe me, I do not mean any ill will and I know I would never be her so please… I don't want you to think—"

"You don't want me to think what?"

"I…uh…" I forgot what I was going to say and her expression would not change to give me the slightest idea or clue if I was making it right or worse than before. I swallowed and tried again. "I want us to be friends Mrs. Danvers. I know I could never replace her in your heart or your memories, and I don't want to. I want us to start anew. Could we do that?"

As emphasis to show a new beginning, I held my hand out for her to shake, but she looked down at my extended hand with… distaste. Her gray eyes flicked in my direction and I could see the barest hint of a restrained anger in their depths.

"You are right. You can never replace her. No one could ever replace her. However, did you know there had been a Mrs. de Winter?"

"Yes…" I said slowly, which caused her to scoff.

"Then you knew. When you chose to marry Mr. de Winter you did it with the intention to replace the first Mrs. de Winter."

Once more, I said the wrong thing and I knew there was no way I could repair the damage that was made. Yes I had known about Luciana, but I did not know the details of her life or her death. I did not know that Mrs. Danvers had worked for her before the move to Manderley. I did not know and my ignorance cost me the chance to attempt a friendship with Mrs. Danvers. For I just admitted I married Erik under the pretence I would become the new Mrs. de Winter.

How I wanted to say something else. To tell her that was not what I meant, but it was too late. Mrs. Danvers turned her back on me and was gone before I could utter another sound.

My hand fell listlessly to my side and I stumbled back until my legs touched the chair. Why could I not think before I speak! I should have said no… I should have lied and we would have been on our way to reconciliation. But no… I ruined it.

I got up and began walking around the room in a rapid matter. There had to be another way for me to correct this. I could call her back and explain that I did not mean that my marriage to Erik would replace Luciana. I married him because I loved him and I was only thinking of him… Yes! That's what I should have said from the start so she would see I had not thought about Luciana. It was the truth, but my pessimistic side was informing me that Mrs. Danvers would not believe it even if it was true. She was blinded by her loss of Luciana that she would not see me as who I am, but the woman who married Mr. de Winter to usurp the former's place.

My pacing had me stopping by the fireplace and I gripped the mantle as I squeezed my eyes to keep from crying. All I wanted to do was bring peace between us… but I had to destroy that possibility with my careless tongue. Why did I do that?

I let out a frustrated growl and took my hands and slammed it against the mantle. My right hand ricocheted from the force and brushed against a cool object, causing it to totter and fall to the ground.

I jumped back, both my hands clasped to my mouth, in horror as the china cupid was smashed into pieces.

My eyes darted to the door, thinking someone heard the fall, but not a single soul came in. I looked back down at what I did and I couldn't shake away the foreboding feeling that I broke an item that was Luciana's. This was her room, she decorated it, and she had to have chosen that cupid to place on top of the mantle. I stared down at it and I could help but think how long it took her to find such an item specifically for this room. She went from shop to shop looking at all the finest antiques looking for the one that would belong in this room. And then one day there it was! Amongst other treasures, she found this china cupid and gently picked it up and said, "There. You will do just nicely." And she returned home and lovingly placed the cupid on its perch and stepped back to admire her work.

It probably took her days or even weeks to find this and it only took me a matter of seconds to destroy it.

Blinded in a rush of tears, I bent down and began to pick up the pieces as quickly as I could before anyone could come in. I gathered them in my arms and looked about to where I could hide them, no, to conceal my crime. I looked to the writing desk and scrambled over there. I opened up a drawer and saw there was enough space to stash the broken pieces inside. I did and grabbed some stationery to cover them up before closing the drawer tight.

There.

It was gone.

Out of sight. Out of mind.

Breathing hard, I gazed up at the now empty spot on the mantle and wondered if it had been an accident on my part or intentionally. Did my pacing purposely make me stop there because I knew the cupid was there? Was it my childish way to get back at Mrs. Danvers' refusal to be my friend?

I don't know. Oh God, I don't know!

But no one heard it crash. No one knew it was broken.

Only I did.

I took another deep breath and prayed that no one would notice it was missing.

xxXXxx

A couple days passed and not a single word was mentioned about the missing china cupid. I relaxed after being on pins and needles those two days. What a nervous wreck I was! I was surprised no one bothered to ask me if something was on my mind for I knew I would have surely confessed my heinous crime!

Yet, life at Manderley went on and I could loosen up that there was nothing for me to fret over.

It had been done and no one cared.

Or so I thought.

It was not until the sixth day… which I did forget momentarily about the cupid… when Erik and I were in a middle of a singing lesson.

I was working on Juliet's aria in Act 1 from Gounod's _Romeo and Juliet_ when Anthony hurried in, his brow darkened in trepidation. I don't think I ever saw him so anxious that Erik and I immediately stopped to see what was wrong.

"It's Mrs. Danvers, sir," he said, his voice rushing out. "There appears to be an incident. She thinks Meg, my niece, stole a valuable ornament in the morning room."

"Good heavens," Erik remarked, raising his visible brow. "That is serious. Why does she think so?"

"Well, it had been present some days ago and after Meg attends Mrs. de Winter; her job is to help clean the morning room before Robert prepares the fire. Mrs. Danvers went in after she finished cleaning the room and discovered something amiss. Either Meg stolen it or broke it and hid the evidence. Either way, Meg denied both accusations that were made against her. I know my niece, sir, and she would never do such a thing."

"Yes. I see. But Mrs. Danvers is positive this valuable ornament is missing? What was it anyways?"

"The china cupid on the fireplace's mantle. And yes, she is," Anthony replied, quite seriously and worried.

"Ah, the china cupid. That is one of our finest treasures, isn't it? Well, we need to find it to clear your niece's good name. Have Mrs. Danvers and the girl come here. We will get to the bottom of it."

Anthony nodded and turned on his heel and disappeared. While they spoke, all the color in my face drained and I fell forward to hold onto the piano. The china cupid… how could I forget? And poor Meg! Suffering the wrath of Mrs. Danvers and being accused of stealing! All because of me!

My lower lip quivered and I shakily murmured Erik's name. He faced me and frowned.

"What is the matter? I know you're very fond of Meg, but either she is responsible or not and besides… something like this should be handled by you my dear."

I didn't know how to say this, but I had to speak up before they arrived. Oh, I hoped Erik wouldn't be too cross with me.

"I did it," I blurted and his frown deepened.

"What do you mean?"

"The china cupid," I said as if it explained everything. "I forgot… I was standing too close and I wanted to see it… and it fell and broke and I'm so sorry Erik! I was going to tell you but it slipped my mind."

I don't think I could tell him I broke it out of anger, but this white lie seemed safer.

"You broke it? Then why didn't you say so when Anthony came in?"

"I don't know Erik. I don't know why… please tell him for me? He'll think I'm a fool for letting Meg take the blame."

Erik nodded. "You're right. He will think you a fool. As for telling him, well, that is something that you should do."

"Please Erik no!" I cried, clasping my hands. "I can't! I can't tell him. Let me go upstairs while it's sorted out."

"Christine," he sighed with a slow shake. "Listen to yourself. Why, you would think that you were afraid of them!"

"I—"

Any chances of retreating were gone when Mrs. Danvers came storming in, holding Meg by the arm, while Anthony was behind. Meg was in tears as she insisted she was innocent, but Mrs. Danvers would not hear anymore of her pleas.

"This is the culprit, Mr. de Winter! I know she took that cupid. I don't care if she's Anthony niece or not… the point is we hardly know this girl and we take her in and this is how we are repaid?"

Erik calmly looked from me and to Mrs. Danvers. "Are you certain the girl did it?"

"Quite so," Mrs. Danvers replied. "I was doing an inventory when I found it gone. I knew Meg's job was to clean the morning room after Mrs. de Winter was dressed. Of course, she sometimes goes in after if Mrs. de Winter has any business to attend to first. Anyways, I went in afterward and she had been the last person to leave the room. So I know she took it or worse… it is broken."

Erik hummed and nodded along. "Yes, well, that does sound pretty damning was it not for one thing. You see, Mrs. de Winter just confessed to me it was she who broke the china cupid not Meg. Christine, what did you do to the pieces?"

"I…" There was no use in hiding now and I shamefully lowered my eyes. "I hid them in the drawer of the writing desk."

"There you have it!" Erik exclaimed. "The pieces are stashed in the writing desk. I guess Mrs. de Winter was terrified you would have called for the police Mrs. Danvers. Now that we have this mystery solved, I believe Miss Giry can go back to whatever she was doing before this nasty business started. Mrs. Danvers, you might as well fetch the pieces and see if it can be fixed."

I didn't have to look up to know that Mrs. Danvers' eyes were boring into me. I could practically taste the tension that was building in the air. As for Meg and Anthony… I could not bear to see the disappointed looks that they must have for me. Erik was the only person in the room who did not seem to pay any attention to the awkward atmosphere.

"Go on. Mrs. de Winter and I are in a middle of a singing lesson. There's nothing else that needs to be done."

I did sneak a glimpse up only to see Mrs. Danvers still in the room with us. Her gray eyes were locked on mine… the color was dark as black and her lips and body were rigid. I could not imagine what she was thinking of me right now. Although, I knew that it was anything but kind.

"Perhaps, next time, Mrs. de Winter should come to me if an accident like this happens. That way it would save us all this trouble."

"Yes it would," Erik agreed. "But what's done is done. I'm sure we all learned our lesson, especially Mrs. de Winter. You may leave Mrs. Danvers."

Her piercing gaze did not leave me as she bowed to Erik and left. I jumped as the door shut behind her. Erik returned to his spot on the piano bench. "Now, where did they we leave off? That's right… Christine?"

"Was it really valuable?" I asked. "The cupid."

"Yes, no. I scarcely remember. It was a hideous thing that I know for certain."

"But… if it was valuable…"

"Christine," Erik said. "What's done is done, like I said. What could be the problem?"

"A number of things. It's not mine—"

"Of course, it's yours," Erik corrected me hastily. "You are Mrs. de Winter and everything I own is yours."

"That's not it. That's not what I mean." I shut my eyes in frustration. "She must be so mad at me. How will she ever forgive me?"

"Who? Mrs. Danvers? Who the devil cares if she's mad or has to forgive you? The cupid did not belong to her. Christine you need to stop this incessant need to hide yourself. It doesn't look right if the mistress is afraid to tell the staff what to do. So you broke the cupid. It happens. All you have to do is take the pieces to Mrs. Danvers and tell her, 'Mrs. Danvers, I need you to have this taken care of. Either fix it or throw it out.' It's not difficult to do. These are issues you need to take care of yourself."

"It may not be for you, but for me it is. Don't you understand Erik? I can't do this because I am more like a maid than a mistress! I came from the working class so I don't know how to give orders. Nor am I comfortable doing it. And, besides, I have a much easier time conversing with Meg and Robert and Anthony than any other lady in your acquaintance. They all know I'm not suited for this."

Erik rose from the bench and stretched his hands across from the piano as he leaned his face closer to mine. "Christine. Explain yourself."

"Erik, let's admit we are fooling ourselves. You married the wrong girl. I cannot entertain or be charming like the other ladies. I'm shy, quiet, uninteresting, and incompetent to certain topics. I'm a laughingstock! They know I do not belong in your world and I'm naïve to think that I could ever fit in! This was not how I was raised to be. You are far more suited to this than I."

"Now, wait!" Erik said, his voice rising. "You're saying because of our different backgrounds that _I'm _far better suited for this? Do you think I like calling on those imbeciles? No! I find those visits to be just as tedious as you! But I have to do it like it or not. And you are much better than any of those false women who think they know everything!"

"That's it Erik. They may be false but I'm not like them. They're constantly looking me up and down and I know they whisper about everything I say and do. They're constantly judging me!"

"So what? Let them judge you! Christine, their opinions of you does not matter. And it should not bother you. You are my wife. That's not going to change. Perhaps, the reason they are looking at you is because they are interested in or even envious of you. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Oh yes. I'm interesting all right and the only reason to be jealous is that you are my husband. Don't give me that look! They all flirt with you! I know they adore you and they hate me for marrying you."

"They can flirt all they want! I don't want either of them!"

"Perhaps not. But it doesn't stop them from saying that Erik de Winter could have chosen a better woman, a better equal than some commonplace chit. Maybe that's why you married me. You can say you dislike them all you want, but they all have something I don't and that's good for you. You knew there would never be gossip said about me."

At this, Erik stiffened as his gaze darkened. "What do you know about the gossip down here?"

"I don't know," I said, backing away as he walked from behind the piano. "I don't know why I said that. Erik… why are you looking at me like that?"

"Who's been talking to you?" he demanded, his eyes blazing once more in fury.

"N-no one," I answered. "Erik."

"Why would you say that?" he shouted, the harsh light casting a snarling shadow off his mask.

"I don't know! I don't know why! It just came out. That's all."

Erik was scaring me… more now than he did at the beach. As I backed up, he was coming closer to me, his hands at his sides but his fists were balled up. He was panting hard and he stopped only to raise his hand as if to strike… but paused and ran it through his hair instead. At once, all of his anger dissipated and he looked weary… exhausted.

"Oh Christine…" he softly said. "You are so young… You should have waited."

"E-Erik?" I spoke, stammering as my husband turned around. What was he saying?

"This is my fault. I rushed you into this marriage. I never gave you the opportunity to think your decision through."

"Don't say that," I said in one breath. "Erik. I chose to marry you because I love you. Why do you say these things?"

"There is too much between us like you said. No, you were not born into this world as I. You were not born into the burdens I must carry."

"Erik, I did not mean it. Honestly." I reached out and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I only said it because I was angry."

"So selfish," he went on not listening to me. "I couldn't let you go. I had to have you stay here with me. So I pushed the proposal. I knew you would accept and I was happy. I got what I wanted, didn't I? But it's not enough."

I tightened my embrace as tears swam in my eyes. "No Erik! I am happy. I am! Please don't say that. I was wrong. I was a stupid child. I was being resentful and I took it out on you."

Tentatively, I felt his hand lay over mine as his head bent. "Christine… you don't know what kind of man I am. I don't think I even know anymore."

I released him and quickly walked around. I cupped his face, my thumb caressing his visible cheek as I looked up into his eyes. "Erik, listen to me. I am happy. Much happier than I thought I could ever be. Do you think I would have been better off with Mrs. Van Hopper? No. I would be miserable and missing you constantly and fervently. So don't think you pressured me into this marriage. I went willingly because it was what I wanted. You are a good man. Don't doubt that."

He finally gazed at me and I smiled so he would see there was nothing wrong.

"We lost our temper that is all. But it's done now. We are happy again."

"Are we?" he said, his question softly spoken that I wasn't sure if he intended for me to hear or not. "I suppose if you say we are, then we must be."

That was not the answer I wanted to hear. "Erik. Tell me the truth. Are you happy?"

He wouldn't look at me. "Christine, you're right. We lost our tempers and it's over. So let's not talk of this anymore."

"At least tell me you know you are a good man."

"I have already said enough Christine. I am not going to say it again."

My face fell and he moved away to sit once more at the piano bench. He started to play the measure as to keep us from talking anymore on the subject. I sang for him but my heart was no longer in it. It was showing in my voice, but Erik did not comment on it. Normally, this was something he would stop me for and to correct it, but not tonight. When we were done, he told me I did a splendid job and that in no time I could sing at social gatherings.

However, I knew he was wrong. I did not sing well tonight and if I could not get over my shyness in front of Erik's friends, there would be no singing from me. Yet, that was not what bothered me the most. He insisted—without saying—he was not a good man. That he was not an Angel. I could accept the Angel part… but to say he was not a good man. That cut me to the core. Though, the worst of it was to know that my husband was not being completely honest with me.

Erik was hiding something, I know. What I was not sure, but whatever it was, I knew it could not be good.

TBC…


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: I'm glad that all of you are liking how things are developing and you all enjoyed the Meg-Christine friendship. After what Christine has gone through so far she needs someone like her to talk to. Without further ado, here's the next chapter!

**Chapter 15**

I found a letter from Erik the next morning:

_Dearest Christine,_

_When you wake I will already be on my way to London. I have been invited to a dinner with some old friends of mine and will be gone for two days. Even though I'm not there I do expect you to keep practicing your singing. And if you should find yourself in want of company I already told Ayesha you could call her and she will come over. I will call you in the evening once I am established in London. Be a good girl and don't let Mrs. Danvers bother you. _

_Erik_

There was no "Love, Erik" or "I will miss you." The unfeeling letter brought tears and I held the parchment to my lips as my tears soaked the paper. So this is how our marriage will be. Every time we fight Erik will distance himself from me. And I could not blame him for wanting to do that. I was in the wrong and my cowardliness cost me the loss of Erik's presence.

Stupid, stupid pride! Wretched insecurities and doubts and fears! Why could I not be brave? Why could I not say what is on my mind or make a simple instruction?

Looking back, I had no reason for hiding the china cupid. It was an accident, I was certain of it, and I just had to tell Mrs. Danvers it was so and that would have taken care of everything. Meg would not have been in that awful position of being accused for my behavior.

And poor Anthony!

He, undoubtedly, felt guilty that he had been the one to suggest his niece to work here and this was how she treated. If Meg came in and told me she was leaving, then I would have no choice but to abide her wish. I wouldn't want to work for me either when this could ruin any future prospects.

Damn me! The one friend I made without the influence of Manderley and she nearly took the fall because of me.

My parents would be disappointed. They knew they raised me better than this and I was doing nothing but gave their memories a dark stain. They would have expected me to stand up for myself and don't let myself be bullied by a housekeeper. They would not want me to be so silent and lie to myself about who I am. I have no reason to be ashamed for being a worker, and I knew that, but being with those ladies… it made me what to be like them so I could feel accepted.

And therein laid the problem.

Acceptance.

I wanted to be accepted and I was taking the brunt of their abuse just to feel honored that they would want me around.

I was utterly pathetic.

Meg tiptoed into my room and when she saw I was awake, she bustled around my closet for something for me to wear. I placed Erik's letter on the nightstand and stood shakily next to the bed. I held onto the post for support as I asked Meg to stop what she was doing.

She did and came over to me. "Is there something wrong Mrs. de Winter?"

There it was. I was Mrs. de Winter now, not Christine, and that only caused the tears to return. "I'm so sorry Meg. F-for what I did. I never thought Mrs. Danvers would… I understand if you wished not to be my maid anymore. I expect it and I assure you that you will have nothing to worry. If someone wanted a recommendation, then I would give a glowing review of your work and that I'm terribly sorry to have lost a fine maid because of my foolish pride."

She cocked her head, and raised her brow. "Are you saying you want to dismiss me or you think I'm asking to leave?"

I blinked. "Well… don't you want to go after this?"

"I will admit the idea did cross my mind. Only once and that was it. But, no, I have no intention of leaving Manderley."

"Y-you don't?" I repeated in bewilderment. "But after…"

"Yes, well, it's not a fond memory or something I want someone to think of me as, but Uncle Anthony explained some things to me. Why did you not tell me there was a Mrs. de Winter before you?"

"Because everyone here has some connection to her, and you were like me… you did not know her nor did you feel connected to her in any way."

Meg nodded. "Uncle was right. I guess I can understand your actions now. It must be difficult to know there was once another woman in your spot, and to have everyone watching your every step and listening to every word, comparing you and always thinking of how she would have done things."

I lowered my face as I nodded. "Yes."

"But I also know that is wrong for anyone to do that. They cannot judge you for not being her because _you are not her_. You are who you are. That can never be changed nor should it. There is a reason why we are all born different and we must accept that life goes on and tides will change."

My eyes widened at her wisdom. "Meg…"

"And I also know that I will never have another lady like you to serve to. You are kind, generous, and honest… well, except for the cupid and the first Mrs. de Winter, but you listen to me. You respect me. Not every lady will do that, especially when I can go on and on about something. You care about my life and my opinions. And that means more to me than anything else. I could never think lowly of you or wanting to leave you. This maybe is too bold, but I consider you a friend. I hope you do too."

"I do! I have always seen you as my friend!" I exclaimed. "Then you forgive me?"

"Yes," she said cheerfully. "But next time… if you do break something. Can we make sure that someone else is blamed for it and not me?"

"Of course!" I replied, laughing now that I knew I did not lose her. "You have my word."

"Good. Now, would you like to tell me what else is making you sad Christine?"

My heart felt a little better knowing that I did not have to worry about Meg anymore, but that did not replace the gaping achiness that Erik created with his leaving. I showed her the letter and then I told her about our argument last night.

Meg listened quietly as I told her how this was not the first time Erik became upset with me. The beach incident was another and how on our honeymoon that an innocent word or suggestion would instantly put him in a foul mood. The only thing I could not tell her was Erik's dreams and his sleep-talking confessions. Perhaps it was a little of my own pride that prevented me from confiding this heartbreaking news, but that was something that was private. Not just for me but for Erik as well.

When I finished, Meg shook her head. "And I thought being a newlywed should be no stress or woes at all."

"It's not," I said. "We have our good days. Lots of them in fact."

"I know that Christine. It was a poor joke. Well, I'm afraid I don't have much experience when it comes to men and husbands, but I think I would have to agree with you. It does sound that Mr. de Winter is hiding something from you."

"I wish he would tell me and be done with it," I told her with a sigh. "It cannot be all that bad. I know he does feel overwhelmingly guilty for not being there when Luciana died. Any loving husband would feel that and I cannot fault him for what is natural between a husband and a wife at the time. I just wish he would stop being so secretive and being angry when I do something unintentionally."

"Yes and the fact that he took the idea of gossip so personally. That has to be a sore spot."

"To know that your wife drowned alone in the storm while you were in the house… yes, I can see why gossip would not be kind to him." I looked into the mirror at Meg's reflection. "I wish I could take the pain away from him. I want to be the perfect wife, I do. I want to be the Mrs. de Winter that he believes I can be. Alas, I don't know how or I mess up too much."

"I think any woman would want that, not just you," Meg said softly. "You're very brave, you know Christine. For loving a man as passionate as Mr. de Winter. I don't think I could have the strength to stay by his side like you can."

"I don't think it's a matter of strength or bravery. When you love someone, you just know that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Before Erik, I had no one in my life. My parents were dead and the only one I depended on was Mrs. Van Hopper. And she wasn't a particular happy or positive influence. I lived day to day like any other and my only hope was to find a new employer who would be better than Mrs. Van Hopper. Then when I saw Erik… I think my heart actually began to beat for the first time. I knew everything would be all right as long as he was with me. I was a wreck when I didn't see him. And when I thought I was going to New York… I knew I would die without him. He is my other half, my soul mate. Without him, I'm only one half of Christine de Winter."

Meg grinned. "I think you have your answer. No matter what happens, you and Mr. de Winter were made for one another. Yes it might be hard right now, but it will work out in the end. True love always has a way of fixing everything."

Yes, true love always can fix everything. I hoped that Erik would stay long enough for that to happen… and to love me.

xxXXxx

While my conversation with Meg did make me feel less anxious, I was despondent over Erik not being here. The first day was a very long one for me. Nothing seemed to interest me that would distract me from this sadness.

Sketching did not appealed to me at the moment… and singing… well, I did do an hour of singing, but it was not the same without Erik accompanying me. Dear Robert tried to help, but the piano was elusive to him. I spent more time in teaching him how to do scales and I was not going to ask him to attempt to play _C'est des contrebandiers le refuge ordinarie_.

I did try to read more out of Wilkie Collins' novel, but the matter was too depressing to continue. Poor Marion! To love Walter Hartright and only to discover it was her half-sister he was in love with! No… it was better for me to put the rest of the book on hold until I was in higher spirits.

It was after lunch when Ayesha came to see me. She thought it best for her to come rather than wait for me to call her.

"My dear, you certainly look ghastly! Have you taken ill?"

"No." I shook my head as we entered the drawing room. "I didn't realize I looked—" My voice cut off when Ayesha seized my arm and began to pull me out of the room.

"Oh no. This won't do. We're going outside for a walk so you can get some fresh air. That would put some color in your cheeks."

I could not resist and allowed my sister-in-law to lead me out into the gardens. As we strolled through the grovel path, we fell into silence, which did not sit well with Ayesha. She let out a soft huff and said, "You miss him don't you?"

My expression was all the answer she needed. "Going off into London for a dinner. And I bet he doesn't even like the man! My dear Christine, do not mourn Erik's absence. He's not worth being upset over if he rather abandoned you for some pompous fool."

"It's not like that," I insisted, feeling obligated to defend my husband's decision. "Erik did not abandon me. I-I encouraged him to go."

Ayesha gave me a sidelong glance. I could tell she did not exactly believe my story, but she did not comment further on it. I was surprised she would not continue the matter since Ayesha did not know the meaning of discretion. However, she let it drop, for which, I must admit, was a bit suspicious. Off my incredulous look I had to have been given her, she replied in a curt tone, "Give me some credit. I know when not to push."

I sheepishly blushed since she knew what I was thinking.

"It is sweet that you miss him so. I was like that once with my Giles. Then after being married to the same person for ten years does change one's perspective on the meaning of 'missing' one. Give it time and you will be all too happy for Erik to be gone."

"I don't think I ever will," I said. "Be happy when Erik's gone that is."

"Then you are a rarity Christine de Winter," Ayesha declared. "Sometimes I forget how perfectly innocent you are. Not that it's bad, oh no! It is quite wonderful to see how much you care and love my brother. I cannot help but wonder if maybe you are too good for him."

"Erik and I are exactly the same. We may have a difference in our ages, but we are more alike than any two persons," I said with an indignant lift of my shoulder. "Not too many married women can boast about that."

Ayesha blinked, her long lashes rising in astonishment. "Well I'll be…" she said in awed wonder. "Christine, I believe you have put me in that category of married women who could not boast that about their husbands."

Instantly, I opened my mouth to object that I did not mean to refer to her, but Ayesha startled me with her laughter. "I think I see that my influence is rubbing off you! And don't you dare apologize for insulting me, because I rightly deserved that. You defend my brother so well and I can only feel regret that I do not think the same about my husband. I love Giles and we are very compatible and suited for one another, but I dare not say that we are of the same mind! Giles will even agree with me."

I was too stunned to reply that she handed it so good-naturedly. I suppose Ayesha Lacy does have the habit of always keeping you on your toes with surprises.

We remained outside for a few minutes longer when Ayesha announced that I had enough and I was looking much better than before when we headed back to the house for an early tea. As we entered the house, Robert skidded to a halt when he saw us, his breathing harsh from running.

"P-phone… call… Mr… de Winter…"

I felt my heart slammed into my chest at the mention of Erik. Oh no… Robert was going to say Erik got into an accident or something horrible of nature happened and it looked like it would be too uncertain if he would make it and then Erik is suffering all alone, feeling guilty and terrible about our fight, but he cannot speak and I have no way of getting to him in time and he's gone and I'm left to take care of Manderley all by myself and the ghost of Luciana will be laughing as she now has Erik back with her for eternity while I die bitter and old and alone.

I didn't want to hear Robert's bad news. But Ayesha spoke for me.

"Go on Robert. What did Mr. de Winter say?"

Robert took a couple deep breaths and replied, "He wanted… Mrs. de Winter to know… he arrived safely."

Thank God that was the message! I closed my eyes in relief, praying to God thank you for this good piece of news. I may not have been well prepared to be a wife, but I certainly was not prepared to be a widow. "Did Mr. de Winter say anything else?" I asked.

Robert shook his head. "No ma'am. Just that he arrived in London safe and sound."

I don't know what else I had hoped to hear. Anything of private matter would not have been left to a servant to be told to the mistress. I hid my disappointment with a smile and we went into the parlor where tea would be served shortly.

xxXXxx

It was close to eleven when the phone rang. I was in the library reading a new book when I heard it. I quickly rose and answered it before any of the servants could.

"Hello?" I said.

"Christine, my dear, is that you?"

Erik!

I sighed happily. "Erik! It is so good to hear you! Robert said you called…"

"Yes. I had hoped to speak to you, but he told me that you were with my sister. You must have been awfully bored to call her."

"No I didn't. She actually came over on her own accord," I said with a laugh.

"So you do not miss me?" Erik spoke sadly.

"Of course I miss you! I will always miss you whenever you are not with me," I told him sincerely. "I miss your voice."

"As do I," he whispered. "Christine, I do not know why I left. These friends of mine… their company is not what I yearned to have."

I put my hand to my chest as my heart thumped loudly. Could this mean he wishes for my company? "Erik…?"

"I was a fool Christine," he sighed. "Could you forgive me?"

"Always," I vowed. "Erik, I miss you so much. Do you really have to stay?"

"I'm afraid I do my angel. But I promise just for one more day. Then… I will be back in Manderley and there I will stay."

It was not the answer I wanted, but it was close enough. I had to be content with that admission and it was not hard to do. "One more day," I repeated, nodding along. "I can do that."

"As will I," Erik said. "I must go now Christine. I will call again tomorrow."

"All right," I said. "Good night Erik."

There was a shudder intake of breath, and then, "Good night Christine."

xxXXxx

The next day was very much bearable. To know that Erik would be home right beside me tomorrow was all the reason for my spirits to be lifted. To have Erik call me last night… to hear his voice… I knew how much I truly missed him, but I knew he had to have missed me. He did not say it exactly but I could tell he did. I could hear it clear as day.

Even Anthony commented on my rather giddiness during breakfast.

"Erik's coming home soon," I told him. "He called me and told me so. The poor man does not like it there."

Anthony nodded, although his expression was heavily guarded when he chose what to say next. "That's good Mrs. de Winter. But these men like Mr. de Winter… sometimes they have too much spirits and it delays their returns."

"Erik's not like that," I told him, then frowned at that statement. "You know almost better than I that Mr. de Winter does not always favor the company of those he must keep. He does so because that is his duty and that is what is expected. He does not enjoy it."

"I did not mean to upset you Mrs. de Winter, but I thought it best to prepare you for a situation in case it arises."

"It won't." I did not know why Anthony was so persisted in taking away my good mood. I knew he meant it out of kindness, but Erik said he would be back and he will be back. Yes, Anthony knew my husband longer than I, but I know _my husband_. I heard his voice… the unhappiness seeping out of the other end. He did not want to be there, it had been a _mistake_. So Erik would be home in my arms not before long.

I finished my half-eaten breakfast, no longer hungry after the unpleasant conversation with Anthony, and found Sasha whining and scratching at the front door. I opened the door and she ran out and turned to look at me, as if waiting for me to join her.

"I think I will," I said aloud. The sun was out and the warm air felt good. I did went back to get my sketchbook in case I found a new spot to draw and followed Sasha as we went to the Elysium.

While she chased after the birds, I sat on a soft grassy mound and sketched the stream with the wildflowers around it. A few minutes into my sketch, I set my book and pencil down and leaned back on my elbows to admire the sight. There was something serene about this valley, something enchanted. It could take away your doubts and leave you with a sense of purpose. I thought about Erik as a young boy and the countless times he would come out here with the first Sasha to escape his chores in Manderley. Did he sit on this very spot as I did? Did he think about his future and the type of woman he would marry?

Yes that last thought was out of jealousy. No matter what Nadir, Ayesha, Anthony, or even Erik would say… I knew that I was no where near as good of a wife as Luciana was. She probably had been raised to fit the role of Mistress of Manderley while I was singing songs with my parents. I wanted to do Erik proud and thought back to what the bishop's wife had said about the grand parties held at Manderley.

Could I do that? Could I throw a lavish party like Luciana did? Could it be better than hers?

I did not know the first thing that came to an organizing such an event. The task was daunting and I would need help. A lot of help if I wanted to be honest with myself.

I was torn over the idea. It sounded like it would be great fun, and at the same time, it was scary to play hostess to all the people I have been acquainting myself and who have been judging me and who I did not like. It would be impolite not to invite them and they were Erik's friends when it came down to it.

I sighed.

"Oh Sasha. Do you think it's a good idea for me to throw a party?" I lifted my head to see the dog, but she was busy trying to pounce on top of a frog. The sight was comical as she could not catch the amphibian. He had proven to be a cleverer foe than what she thought as he would leap away in time.

I reached for my sketch, flipped to a new page, and began to sketch Sasha's futile attempts. Eventually, she decided the frog was not worth the trouble anymore and laid down where she was.

Laughing to myself, I continued to draw the scene from memory and I was actually quite pleased with the picture. I went back to some old pages and stopped at Erik's portrait. It was the same one from Monte Carlo many months ago that I started. I still considered it to be unfinished, despite it was complete. Something was missing from his portrait and I tapped my pencil against the pad as I looked deeply at it.

I changed his slicked hair to a soft ruffle from the breeze as I loved it when the wind would do that. His eyes, shaded in, reflected the tenderness within them, but as you looked closely… you would see there was sadness kept locked away… the sort of sadness that revealed that he knew a secret and it was this secret that weighed upon his soul.

I was not sure how Erik would react if he saw this portrayal of a man with secrets, but didn't he? There was something Erik would not tell me. Something about that bay and the night Luciana drowned. If he blamed himself for not being there, then I could see how the memory would not be one he wanted to relive if he should step upon the sand there. But there had to be something else. What… I did not know.

"Does your master have a secret Sasha?" I asked her as she rolled on her back, her tongue hanging out from the side. "What happened that night when your mistress died?"

Her tail wagged and then she flipped herself back on all fours. She tilted her head, as if lost in thought, and then started pawing the ground. Then her left ear lifted as she heard something of interest and began walking towards the direction of the bay.

I did not want to leave her alone so I gathered up my supplies and went after her. I did have a crazy thought for a moment that Sasha understood my question and she was going to tell me what that secret was… but she was dog. She may understand emotions, but I don't think she could communicate something as great as this. But that did not mean if I did a little investigation then I might stumble on what she wanted me to know.

Outlandish, yes, but I was desperate.

We went over the rocks to the other side where the cottage was. This time the sea had not reached this spot yet and with the bright sun out… most of the rocks were dried so there would be no risk of slipping today.

Good. I did not know how I would explain an injury done to myself when Erik returned. He told me not to go back, but there was no danger of the sea so I thought, this would be all right. As long as I was careful.

Sasha was already ahead of me and was playfully springing on top of a rock. This time… her prey could not escape as easily as that frog!

While she was preoccupied, it allowed me some time to look around the cottage closely. It looked well intact and it was very pretty. It saddened me that this was locked up and not allowed to be enjoyed by others.

_This was Luciana's_, a voice whispered in my head. _This belonged to her. You should not be trespassing. Let the dead lie dead._

However, my curiosity would not let it be so. The door was still unlocked as I went inside. I coughed into my hand, the dust greeting me. It was still just as dirty as the last time I came in, although that had been perfectly innocent and reasonable. This time… I was intentionally entering Luciana's haven. I don't know what I was looking for, but I figured I would know when I found it.

The floorboards creaked under my weight and I surveyed the area to make sure there was not any nasty critter nearby or evidence of one recently. I could not see if there was any, and I relaxed just enough as I proceeded to walk further.

I did notice there were tiny ship models that were on a shelf. One was on the floor, unbroken it looked like, and I bent down to pick it up.

"She's gone you know."

I gasped, dropping the model, and this time… it did break as it landed on the floor. I whirled around I found Joseph Buquet gazing at me with those childlike eyes.

"Joseph!" I cried, pressing my heart to my chest. "You startled me."

He did not respond to my accusation, instead he continued: "I'm not doing nothing."

"I didn't say you did. Joseph, you do know this is not yours? Mr. de Winter would not like it if he found you here."

He stared at me as a sudden look of fright crossed over. "I don't want to go to the asylum. Please don't send me to the asylum!"

Large, crocodile tears were glistening in his eyes as he shook his head, agitated. "I don't want to go! I don't want to go!"

I reacted quick and probably not in the wisest… but I reached for his shoulders and shushed him. "I'm not going to send you to the asylum. I promise. No one is going to take you there."

He sniffled. "I done nothing."

I nodded, soothing him gently with a soft pat. "I know you didn't. You wanted someplace to rest after all that digging, am I right?"

At the mention of digging, Joseph's face brightened. "I was diggin' for shell!"

"Yes you did," I said, releasing my hands from him. "Did you find a shell?"

I figured it would have been a lost cause, but to my surprise, Joseph reached into his pocket and pulled out a shell. It was small and pink with a chip at one end, but I could see this treasure meant a great deal to him.

"Wow," I said. "You found a shell. Good job Joseph."

"I was diggin' and here it was!"

"I see. It's very pretty."

He reached for my hand, as I knew I had nothing to fear from him, he was heavier than me and I did start, but Joseph did not seem to notice as he put the shell in my palm.

Blushing, he lowered his face. "You can have it."

I looked down at the shell and was touched. "Oh Joseph. I couldn't—" But he waved me off and insisted I keep it.

"You're not like the other one," he said.

The other one? He had to have meant Luciana so he might know something about her. "What do you mean Joseph? What was the other Mrs. de Winter like?"

His face crunched up. "I never told no one. You won't put me in the asylum, will you?"

I shook my head. "No Joseph. No one is going to send you to the asylum." I was not going to get much from him as I suspected if he thought he would go to the asylum. "You're safe Joseph, but you have to promise me that you won't come into the cottage anymore."

His head bobbed up and down. "You've got angel's eyes. Not like the other one."

"Tell me about the other one." I thought it best not to say the name and I was right.

"Tall and dark she was. She gave you the feeling of a snake. By night she'd come. I looked on her once and she said, 'If I catch you looking at me again, I'll have you thrown in the asylum. You would not like it would you? They are cruel to people like you.' I nodded and said, 'I won't look. I seen nothing.' And she nodded and went away. She's gone ain't she?"

"Yes…" I said, nodding. "She's gone."

He gave me a boyish grin. "You're not like the other one."

"No," I agreed and slipped the shell into my pocket. "Thank you for the shell Joseph. I will treasure it always. Now, don't let me catch you in here again, okay?"

I got another grin with his missing teeth and he walked out of the cottage. I released my breath and pondered this new development. Luciana had threatened to send Joseph to the asylum. Why would she do that? He was not a normal man that much was clear, but he was harmless. A child that's all. Yet, she frightened him with the notion of being thrown in an asylum. This contradicted everything about her kindness and generosity to others.

I left the cottage and found Sasha. "Time to go home girl," I said.

We went back over the rocks and through the Elysium. I did not see Joseph as we left and he must have took another way to get back, but that was fine. Even though I had nothing to worry about, I did not want to have another encounter with him. I quickened my pace as Sasha trotted faster next to me. Out of the woods, I was heading up the drive and when I spotted a strange car that was parked behind the leaves of the rhododendrons with the tree branches hanging over to hide it.

_That's odd_, I thought. _Who could be here? _

Nadir typically walked over, but he did have a car. And this was not his I knew. If this was some other caller, then the car would be pulled closer to the front and not away from the house. Someone obviously didn't want this car to be seen, but the job was a poor one as I clearly saw it.

Frowning, I clutched my book to my breast, and instead of going through the front door, I went around the house. The window to the morning room was opened and I pressed myself against the wall as I heard voices.

One I recognized was Mrs. Danvers. The other was a man's.

TBC…

Now… could that be? Review!


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Hi everyone! I hope I'm not losing any of you. There is some crazy stuff going to happen soon so I hope you are sticking around! I want to give a shout out to those who reviewed last chapter- Curious, emeraldphan, belleange48, PhantomFan01, and inujisan! This chapter is dedicated to you!

Also, welcome IceCliff! I'm glad you like the story enough to read _Rebecca_. I know you will love the twists I will make with Erik and Christine.

Enjoy and please don't forget to review!

**Chapter 16**

I held my breath as the stranger said:

"Now where is that china cupid that was there on the mantle?"

"The new Mrs. de Winter had an unfortunate accident with it," Mrs. Danvers' cool voice replied. There was no hiding her contempt for that. "It's broken. Unfixable I'm afraid."

"That's too bad. I was rather fond of it. Oh well. When will I get to meet this new Mrs. de Winter? From what I hear, she is quite a mouse."

"Mrs. de Winter is out taking a walk. She won't be back anytime soon. She never does and she typically misses lunch."

"That's a shame Danny. I told you when you sent for me that I wanted to meet her. I suppose another time?"

"That may not be wise. Mr. de Winter is due back from London tomorrow and after… I don't know if he would leave Manderley again."

Could they be lovers? I wondered. Mrs. Danvers surely did not want me to be here or Erik. But the man's voice sounded young… not young like me… but there was nothing akin to tenderness or loving when he chuckled again.

"If I did not know better, Danny, I would think you didn't want me around. But you did ask me to come, didn't you?"

"Yes, I know I did. It was a mistake."

"A mistake Danny? Me? Now, that hurts my feelings."

"You need to go."

"Come now. I just arrived and you're going to send me away so soon? It's been a long time since I visited Danny. You can't do this to an old friend."

I did not know who this strange man was, but I knew I didn't want him to stay either. I thought of making my presence known by walking by the window, but Mrs. Danvers and her guest would have known I was eavesdropping and it was evident this was supposed to be a clandestine visit. Although, it would put Mrs. Danvers in her place if I did walk by. She could get into trouble for bringing a stranger into my home without my permission. Yet, I could not be so vindictive. I did want to preserve some of her dignity, despite how much she strongly disliked me and as I did for her.

Perhaps later when this man was gone, I will go to Mrs. Danvers and tell her that I knew about him. It would be done privately so not to cause embarrassment to herself or to me. At least it would show that I did care somewhat for her and maybe she won't be stone cold towards me as much. It was worth trying anyways.

I went back to the front door and went inside closing it loud enough to announce my presence. It also helped that Sasha ran down the length of the hall, her nails clicking away on the floor. I figured the sounds would be enough to alert Mrs. Danvers and her guest that someone was home and for them to make their escape undetected.

I walked to the drawing room and found the door to the morning room opened. I poked my head in and saw that it was empty, but I could see the indent on the cushion of the settee that someone had been there recently. I took a few steps inside and listened carefully for any voices.

I didn't hear any so as I decided to walk back to the drawing room, I heard a murmuring and quickly ducked behind the already opened door. Then the murmuring became loud and clear.

"I think she may have gone to the library or the music room. Stay here and I'll check. Stand by the door to listen and when I find her, I will distract her so you can leave. Understood?"

"Yes, yes Danny. I understand," the man said, with a pout in his tone.

I bit my lip as the man was in the morning room and Mrs. Danvers was already gone. I knew she would not find me in either of those places and I had not anticipated this on happening. Why couldn't they leave when I closed the front door? There was ample time I'm sure of it. Now, I was hiding behind this door in a room with someone I did not know and Mrs. Danvers would realize I was not where I should have been and it would be a matter of time before she came back in a panic for her friend.

Of course, I almost had forgotten about Sasha.

"Why hello there girl!"

I heard Sasha bark as the stranger must be bending down to pat her. "Oh, it's good to see you too!" He went on.

I closed my eyes and willed that Sasha would not give my location away, but she kept on barking.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Then I heard her feet coming in my direction and her barking turned into a whine of delight as she poked her nose behind the door and into my skirt.

"What do we have here?"

I knew I had been betrayed and by a dog no doubt who did not realize what her actions would cause. I exhaled, knowing I should make myself known, and I pushed the door so I could walk out. Immediately, the stranger was on his feet as he looked at me.

He was several years older than me, but certainly younger than Erik with his light flaxen hair and twinkling blue eyes. His lips curled into a delighted smile showing gleaming white teeth and a dimple at his chin. His countenance was surely handsome yet I could detect a hint of confident arrogance within that smile that I would become a victim to his charms. Instantly, I saw right through it. In my time with Mrs. Van Hopper, I have seen both men and women who would use their looks for special favors or treatment. Sadly, there are very few who could see pass their tricks. It sickened me how one would justify their behavior based on appearances and for getting away with things. Whoever this man was... I knew he was trouble and I wanted him out.

Sensing my lack of adoration, the man's smile shrunk and he cleared his throat. "My, my. I suppose this looks rather incriminating does it not? Danny! I believe the cat's out of the bag!"

Mrs. Danvers instantly appeared and the look on her face carefully concealed any shock or embarrassment from me. However, there was no mistaking the hard gleam in her gray eyes that I was not welcomed.

The man did not take notice of this and continued to speak. "Looks like all those precautions were for nothing Danny. I have been discovered. Now, don't fret. I mean you no harm. I'm actually a frequent visitor of Manderley. Although, to be honest, it has been some time since I was last here. Danny, do you recall? I would guess not… anyways as you can see, Danny and I are good friends and I thought I would pop by to see how my old friend was doing. I heard a peculiar rumor that there was a new Mrs. de Winter and naturally my curiosity was piqued. I said to myself, 'Now, I must see this woman that Erik de Winter took as his new bride.' Danny, for whatever reason, did not want us to meet. Why… I haven't the faintest. I'm a good man and I have plenty of friends who can speak on behalf of my character. Perhaps, she was worried how you would react to my being here. I'm sure there is nothing for you to be cross about. Danny means well. And will you listen to me going on and on without an introduction! How rude of me. I apologize for not saying so right away. I am Raoul de Chagny."

He made a slight bow with a grand sweep of his arm. "It is a pleasure to meet you Mrs. de Winter."

I forced a polite smile and nodded. "Nice to meet you Mr. de Chagny."

He turned to Mrs. Danvers with his brow raised teasingly. "Was that so horrible? As you noticed nothing happened."

"Yes," she replied sternly, her voice having a slight edge to it.

"Tell me," he added, turning back to me. "How is Erik doing?"

"He's well," I responded, albeit stunned that he would inquiry of my husband by his Christian name. "He's in London at this moment and will return soon."

"London? And he left his bride alone?" he replied incredulously. "Isn't he afraid someone will run off with you?"

I frowned at that, the thought never once occurred to me about something happening to me in Erik's absence. I was more plagued by thoughts of him being the one hurt! Then again, I wasn't someone that another would want to steal away. So, I suppose I was safe after all.

The concern in Mr. de Chagny's tone and expression was considerate as he added, "If I had a wife as lovely as you I wouldn't want to be separated from her. Not even for a second. It would have to be something detrimental that would take me away. Of course, here I am jumping to conclusions. I'm sure there's a good reason why your husband is off in London."

"He's at a dinner for a friend," I replied quietly, knowing that was not what he had been referring as "detrimental."

"Ah, I see," Mr. de Chagny said. "He must be mad then. Or undeserving of you."

"My husband is a good man," I defended, my voice shaking. "He deserves far more than I."

"Of course he is. I didn't mean any offense," Mr. de Chagny said. "Forgive me. Sometimes I forget to hold my tongue."

I nodded in acceptance of his apology. To be truthful, his words did give me pause to think. Erik would not have left me if he didn't think I would have been safe here. I had Nadir, Anthony, and Robert to look after me. Yet, despite the assurance of the three men who could aid me, I had to acknowledge their limitations: Nadir did not live here and his residence was at least twenty minutes away. Anthony was getting on in his age and an intruder might have an upper hand in strength. Then there was Robert. Dear, sweet young Robert. He might be able to fight off a fiend, but I highly doubted he would last long since he could barely hurt a fly.

Perhaps that never crossed Erik's mind.

"You are forgiven Mr. de Chagny," I said when I realized I had been silent for a little too long.

"Please. Call me Raoul. My father is Mr. de Chagny, not I." He smiled again, this time, a genuine friendly smile lit up his features. Maybe I was being too harsh and quick to judge him. After all, I did not know his life's story and if anything... he was rather flirtatious, which is not a crime. Yet, I wasn't going to drop my guard completely. He may know my husband, but Erik never mentioned him. Although, there was a lot that Erik did not tell me and it made me wonder why he would keep this a secret.

"All right Raoul," I said, giving him a smile of my own. "Would you like to stay for tea?" It was a polite invitation and nothing more. It would not hurt my feelings if he said no, but if he said yes... maybe I could learn more about him and Erik.

He chuckled as if I told him a delighted joke while Mrs. Danvers went extremely pale. I wondered why this would distress her, but Raoul shook his head. "That is kind of you, but alas I must be elsewhere. Duty calls I'm afraid. It was a pleasure meeting you Mrs. de Winter."

"Christine," I replied. It was an automatic response seeing how he asked me to call him by his Christian name first. The same when Erik asked the same of me those many months ago...

"Christine," Raoul repeated in a softer voice. "I like it. Very pretty. All right, Christine, another time then." He gave me a wink.

"You don't want to be late Mr. de Chagny," Mrs. Danvers insisted, her hands wringing.

Raoul rolled his eyes. "Can you believe this? She is the one who asked me to come and now she is anxious for me to leave. I'm sorry Christine." He bowed and as he started to turn around to leave, he stopped and glanced at me. "Before I forget... I was hoping you could keep this between us. As much as I admire your husband, I'm afraid he won't be happy if he knew I was here. It's nothing terrible, I assure you. We had a... falling out of sorts. A misunderstanding. Until then I would hate for him to lose his temper over this visit with friends. I think he forgets there are people here I would like to see."

I nodded. "I will," I promised and his grin widened.

"Thank you Christine. You're a wise woman. Until next time."

He walked out with Mrs. Danvers at his heel, no doubt wanting to make sure he was good to his word and left. I gazed down at Sasha who buried her cold nose into my leg as her tail wagged. I let out the breath I was holding and took a seat in the closest chair. What did I just do? What did I just _agree _to do?

Not tell Erik... Why? Would he really be that angry if he knew that Raoul visited his friends?

The falling out... What could that have been about? Whatever it was, I knew that even Mrs. Danvers didn't want Erik to know, and honestly, I think the same for me. It was too late. I knew already but what could they be hiding?

I wanted to march to the phone and call up Erik and tell him exactly what happened. But he would be coming back soon... so if I did call... there was a chance that he would not get my message. I could wait when he arrived. After dinner when we are in the music room. I would tell him how Mr. de Chagny had called and that he wished to congratulate us and to apologize for any offense he had made. I would have to pretend I knew the whole story, and then Erik would see that his friend wanted to mend the fences and he would tell me how it went wrong and he would forgive him and...

Somehow, I knew that was less likely to happen.

Erik would rage and he probably would not tell me what it was that caused their falling out. There was a lot about Luciana that Erik would not tell me, and about his life. He censored what he told me and it bothered me that he would not trust me to tell me his secrets. He knew of mine it would seem, but his was a mystery... just like the mask he wore. What other secrets could he be hiding from me?

No... Erik would not tell me. As for that, I will honor the promise I made to Raoul and not tell of his visit. I would do that for two reasons: the knowledge that Erik won't confide in me and to stay in Mrs. Danvers good graces. She had her reasons for not wanting me to know and I will not betray her to Erik and get her into trouble. I think her embarrassment of me discovering them was enough punishment and I did not wish to add to it.

She entered the room and I knew that Raoul had to be gone already. The color returned to her countenance... or at least she wasn't as pallid as she was before.

I stood right away and she looked at me directly. Then... in a quiet voice... so quiet that I almost missed her words, she said, "Thank you Mrs. de Winter for doing that. I want you to know that my intention was not to—"

"It's all right Mrs. Danvers," I interrupted, seeing how this admission was difficult for her to make. I was not as cruel to keep her from further humiliating herself. "I gave you my word. Mr. de Winter will not know about this."

There seemed to be some relief behind her expression, but she was quick to return to her old self as she gave me her piercing glare. "Yes, well, in the future, it will not do for you Mrs. de Winter to hide from visitors. It can be seen as insulting if you were eavesdropping on private conversations."

My jaw fell and I could not speak as she made her exit in haste. Maybe I was guilty for eavesdropping, but I did not mean to be insulting. Of course, I knew how that had looked to Raoul. Mrs. Van Hopper would scold me on that as well.

I heard footsteps and I was expecting Mrs. Danvers to return to scold me some more on etiquette when it was Nadir.

He was a pleasant face to see, but I frowned when I saw how his brown eyes were clouded with worry, his brow furrowed in concern.

"Is something wrong Nadir?" I asked.

"I don't know," he answered. "I saw something strange and I don't know if my old eyes were playing tricks on me. On my way up the drive a car drove past me. And the driver waved to me. At first, I didn't know what to make of it as the driver clearly knew who I was. Then it hit me. It's been at least a year since I saw that old car and the face of the driver had been a blur, but I can see it clearly in my memory. Mrs. de Winter... did you have a guest here by the name of Raoul de Chagny?"

How odd! I have never seen Nadir like this before. I could see he was silently pleading for me to say no, to allow this brief moment a trickery of his mind and nothing more. Yet, I could not fulfill that request for my curiosity was constantly growing about Raoul de Chagny and his relationship with Manderley.

"Yes," I said. "There was a fellow by that name that stopped to call. He was friendly, although overly friendly if you ask me, but harmless. Why?"

He had his mouth open, ready to give me a response, but something stopped him as to keep his next words in check. Nadir moistened his lips and then responded: "I need to know Mrs. de Winter. Did he do anything untoward?"

"No." What on earth did he mean by that? "Nadir, are you saying he's dangerous?" I might have had an uneasy feeling about Raoul de Chagny, but he didn't strike me as someone who I would have to watch out for my life. Yet, he did mention about my lack of protection with Erik away…

"Not at all Mrs. de Winter," Nadir replied swiftly, assuring me. "He is harmless as you say. But he is someone to be wary of. Heed my advice and don't let him ever come to Manderley again."

"Has he committed a crime?"

"N-no." He faltered on that answer, and then repeated it again. This time more firmly. "No. It's just that he and your husband do not get along."

"Yes he did mention he was friends with Erik at one time," I said. "Whatever happened?"

"I'm afraid that is not my business to say. You will have to ask Erik."

"Yes and receive no answer at all."

"If that's his wish."

I could see that Nadir wasn't going to volunteer at all and this annoyed me deeply. How could I possibly know why to refuse Raoul's visits? It seemed that the one person I could find answers from would have to be Raoul himself!

"Nadir, as a friend and family to Erik and myself… please. Tell me who Raoul de Chagny is?"

He sighed but I could see that he was going to relent. At last! What will he say that will unravel this unusual mystery?

"Raoul de Chagny was a guest of Manderley and I say he was a friend of Erik's in a loosest context. They didn't see eye to eye on a great deal of many things, but the one friend that Mr. de Chagny cared about was Luciana. They were close, you see."

"L-Luciana?" I repeated, dumbfounded. Raoul and Luciana were friends?

"Yes," Nadir said, nodding. "They had known each other since they were children. Cousins actually."

"Cousins?" He was her _cousin_? I wonder why he didn't mention Luciana at all… Could the falling out be over her death? If so, then for what reason?

"Erik would not be pleased to know that he has in his home without being present."

"Nothing happened," I said. "Besides, if there was a slight chance that Erik would have been unhappy about this then he should have told me beforehand."

"I do agree with you on that Mrs. de Winter, but you should at least inform Erik."

"For what purpose Nadir? What's done is done. There's nothing Erik can do. But I will take your advice into consideration."

He wanted to argue more about it, but my insistence and stubbornness would not allow me to back down unless I have a reason that would be much more satisfying than sparing Erik's unhappiness. If Raoul is Luciana's cousin, then I saw he has more of a right to come to stay in touch with the people who once knew her. It is possible he is taking her death just as hard as Erik obviously did. I could not fault him or be angry with Erik. She was his first wife after all and he blamed himself for what happened to her. It grieved me to know that even after a year he was tormented by this, but I hope that I might be able to chase away his nightmares.

If anything, I would say that I pitied this Raoul de Chagny.

Nadir acquiesced but did add one more comment about the subject before letting it go. "Just remember this Mrs. de Winter: Raoul de Chagny may have a face of an angel, but he is the devil himself."

xxXXxx

Nadir's words echoed in my mind long after he left. Why would he say that? What did Raoul de Chagny do that earned his contempt?

There was more to this puzzle and Nadir only invited me to ask more questions rather than let the matter die.

However, I did have to push this thought aside for the time being. Erik was due to arrive at any moment, but as the hours ticked by… there was not a single sound of a car coming up the drive. I knew London was at least a few hours' drive, and Erik should have been home long before teatime.

This only aggravated my nerves and once more I allowed my imagination plague my mind of all such horrible scenarios that could have befallen Erik.

What if he got into a terrible car crash? What if he was robbed? What if he suddenly decided to take a spontaneous trip without telling me? Did not Mrs. Van Hopper once say how he spent weeks sometimes months away from Manderley? Could he have decided in that short time that he did not want to stay married to me after all?

My negative thoughts were interrupted with the phone ringing and I practically dove to answer it after the second ring.

"Hello?" I said rather urgently.

"C…Ch… Christine?"

That voice! I recognized it anywhere!

"Erik!" I nearly wept. "Where are you? Are you close to home? I have been so worried since it's been getting late and…"

The line was crackling and his voice cut in and out, but eventually I was able to make out what he was saying.

"There was a delay, I'm afraid. Nothing serious, well, there was a storm that hit here and the roads were flooded. I'll be home hopefully tomorrow by the very latest."

"But…" I had to blink back the tears. Another night… alone? Erik promised two days and it has been two days. This wasn't fair! This couldn't be happening! How could it have stormed when the weather was so lovely here?

"…S…Sorry," Erik replied, the line fading again. "…call…home… soon…"

When I heard silence, I called, "Erik? Erik!" Then the phone went dead and I could only stare at it in disbelief. After holding it to my ear for five minutes, I realized that Erik would not be saying another word and I had to lower the handset. This was not supposed to happen. Erik was supposed to be home, here with me. I had asked Mrs. Danvers to tell Cook to ready Erik's favorite meal for when he returned.

Now… I would be eating alone.

I fought back the overwhelming urge to cry at this unfortunate turn of events and choked back the sobs. I knew crying would not have Erik instantly appear, but I wanted him to be by me. I wanted to know that I had a fighting chance with him and I needed him to be here so I would know.

Another night. Another sleepless night.

Dinner was cold by the time I forced myself to emerge from the library and my appetite was waning. I did manage to swallow several bites, but I could see the concern in Anthony's face. He knew, like the rest of the servants, that Erik was not returning and I knew what they might be saying about this.

However, I did not care to wonder or guess what their words would be.

After dinner, I found myself wandering around the halls again. Sasha trailed by my side and her company was very much appreciated and welcomed, despite her earlier betrayal. As I walked, I knew I could not continue to wallow in my despair and then Nadir's words from before returned and I had that to occupy my thoughts.

_Raoul de Chagny may have a face of an angel, but he is the devil himself._

There were many possibilities for what that could mean. Either he had committed a horrible transgression or… I looked around at my surroundings seeing all the priceless and valuable pieces that covered the walls, tables, and floor. There were so many expensive items that I knew I would never know the true value of each one, and I remembered how livid Mrs. Danvers had been about the china cupid. Erik had been nonplussed about the affair, but I wondered if it did matter to him and he kept his emotions in check feeling my guilt was enough punishment.

I was Erik's wife so that probably gave me some leniency for the destruction of the cupid, but another person… if it had been a servant, then they would have been dismissed from his or her post. Or an old friend…

Mrs. Danvers and Raoul de Chagny tried to keep the visit a clandestine one and knowing how Mrs. Danvers felt about me and the former Mrs. de Winter… would she stooped to align herself with Raoul to get back at me? Maybe steal something of value and pin it back to me after how I reacted to the china cupid?

My mind succumbed to the wild fantasy that a vase of extreme importance to Erik personally as well as monetary all of a sudden vanishes after I was the last to see it. Erik would come to tease me, of course, after how the cupid transpired, thinking I might have done something again without telling anyone. I would be the fool, stammering about how I didn't know anything about the vase, and Mrs. Danvers would enter, her cold eyes burning as she pointed to me and condemns me in Erik's eyes. She would mention the late Mrs. de Winter and how she had loved that vase so much and I was jealous and petty and took it to spite the household. Erik would be angry, so very angry, and the police would be summoned…

It was stupid, I know, but at the moment, my heart in my breast was pounding in alarm and I had to double check to make sure nothing looked out of place.

If Mrs. Danvers wanted to frame me, then there was only one section of the house that she would dare enter and make it seem like I was the culprit.

The west wing.

I didn't have trouble finding it as this time I purposefully meant to go there. Just like the last time I came, the halls were dark and eerie. Not a sound could be heard, saved the mild crashing of waves of the sea below.

Sasha was eager to be in this familiar environment once more, but instead of taking off and barking happily, she kept to my side. Despite her tail wagging and her nose sniffing the air for a scent that would no longer be fresh, she was rather subdued. More so than I have ever seen her.

I stole down the halls, opening the doors and checking the rooms. Sheets covered the furniture and the musky scent of dust and mothballs still present. The floorboards creaked under my weight and I wanted to hurry up my search lest someone should hear me. Of course, everyone was on the other side of the house and would not hear it, but it was better safe than sorry.

Finally, I got to the last room at the end of the hall. The door had been tall and impenetrable in my past memory, my heart skipping a beat, as my fingers grazed the cool doorknob. This was the point of no return. I was going to invade the final sanctuary of Luciana's and a part of me wanted to turn around and leave. I made it this far without incident and I did not see anything that was suspicious. It had been in my head and I jumped to the conclusion of such a farfetched scheme. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to walk away.

I turned the knob and entered.

This room was much darker than the others. It wasn't musty nor did I catch a whiff that would hint the lack of attention. The only smell I could pick up was a faint aroma of roses and lavender.

I felt along the wall to find a switch that would illuminate the room. I did and took a step back in shock.

The room!

It was… I knew all along what this room would be and I did not have to voice it or give it thought, but I was standing in Luciana's bedroom.

Erik and Luciana's bedroom.

Mrs. Danvers had not been jesting that this was the best room in all of Manderley. It was beautiful with its floral wallpaper mixed with blacks and reds. The bed was a gorgeous onyx frame with satin sheets with a lacy nightgown already laid out for the intended person to dress in. Slippers were on the floor, by the bedside, and as I looked around I noticed that the room was kept in top shape as if it was expecting Luciana to come through that door at any moment.

I walked backwards, bumping into the vanity, startling the silver brushes and bottles of perfume. I glanced down and gasped. The brushes! They still had strands of black hair in its teeth as if it had been brushed recently.

Everything was in place and nothing was hidden or covered.

Someone has been taking care of the room with diligence. Someone had it all arranged for the mistress to arrive for bed as if… as if… Luciana had never died.

Sasha growled low in her throat and my head whipped up as I saw Mrs. Danvers standing in the doorway.

Fury filled her face.

TBC…


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Thank you for the awesome support you guys! I'm glad a lot of you see how I'm changing things and there will be some excellent action coming up starting with this one. Mrs. Danvers… very creepy but so much fun to write. Please don't forget to review!

Also, I want to dedicate this chapter to a special person who just recently lost their battle with cancer. He was only 14 and his life has touched the lives of so many who knew him and my heart goes out to his friends and family. May he suffer no more.

**Chapter 17**

I took another step back, this time slamming into a dresser, causing the trinkets on top to shake and fall. I dumbly looked at the one that fell to the ground, which did not break, but I was too stunned to move, let alone say a word.

Mrs. Danvers silently swooped in, coming towards me, only to drop and pick up the item and arrange the others on the dresser as before.

I stepped away, not wanting to get in Mrs. Danvers' way, but I did not go far as her hand shot out and gripped my wrist.

"Mrs. Danvers, I—" I started but the look on her face silenced me. The fury was gone… instead a queer like sereneness took over and her gray eyes appeared to be glazed over in wonderment and adoring pride.

"You couldn't stay away could you?" It wasn't accusatory, but rather rhetorical and I was already at a loss for words. "It's understandable. No one can stay away. Not from her. No… no one can."

Her dreamy like tone filled me with dread, but I dared not attempt to free myself, lest I should invite her rage. Her hold on me loosened and she pulled me along in a perverse tour.

"As you can see, this is the best room that Manderley has to offer. Luciana loved it and had it picked out long before Mr. de Winter proposed to her. I can remember that day. She was practically glowing with joy. 'Oh, Danny!' she said. 'I'm going to be a bride! Can you believe it? The mistress of Manderley! I will be the envy of all women in the county! Watch me Danny. I will make Manderley the most talked about estate and everyone from all over the world will come and visit.'

"Yes… She was the envy of town. The only bride that would never be upstaged. So beautiful, so pure. Never was there such a lovely sight! And she came to Manderley and did what she set out to do. She made Manderley the way it is and everyone heard about it and had to see for themselves. No other woman could do that. No other woman could do what she did."

She took me to the bed. "Look? Her favorite nightgown already laid out for her. And her slippers too so her feet would not get cold. She did like to wander at night. It made her feel so free she told me. Like… the night was a different world and she was the beautiful foreign visitor. And look at this. Her brush waiting to be graced with her silky hair. Did you know she loved to have her hair brushed by me? I love to do it too. So soft, so shiny. She was blessed with such raven hair. One stroke… two… three… all the way to a hundred. Here… feel the softness. Isn't it the softest hair you ever felt?"

She picked up the hairbrush and held it out for me to feel. Not wanting to offend, I quickly caught a strand between my fingers. I nodded in agreement. This made Mrs. Danvers beam.

"How good she took care of her hair. I was so fortunate to help too. Oh! You must see this too." She dragged me to the closet. "You are in for a treat. This was Luciana's prize collection. Look at all the pretty gowns! Some are from Paris, Rome, and Madrid. Some I made myself for her. Gifts for her. She loved pretty things and I did love to spoil her with a dress designed especially for her. 'Danny, dear Danny,' she would say. 'You need to stop with the dresses or else I would keep expecting one every year!' But I did not stop. How could I? Not when she was so beautiful, so young. She deserved it too. She deserved everything I gave her. She was born to be the mistress of Manderley. Even before she was in my charge… I knew that she would be the lady that would one day marry into this family. She was perfect for Manderley. Everyone knew it. Even as a young girl… She told me herself that when she grew up she was going to live here. And I believed her."

Lost in the distant memory, she remembered that I was still standing there and as she looked at me, she gestured to a dress of blue velvet.

"Well, go on. Touch the dresses. Feel how warm this one is? This was the last she wore before… well before… You can even catch the traces of her perfume." Mrs. Danvers took a deep whiff and handed it to me.

I touched, but I did not sniff her perfume.

"This was her life. She was the only one for Manderley, but God was too cruel. He had to take her from us, from me! Did you know that I decided to take the day off? I was going to visit my sister. Rather selfish of me, but she had insisted. 'Go on Danny. Visit your sister. You can't keep waiting on me forever, although I will be lost without you. I doubt I will be able to dress myself or brush my hair without your tender care. But go you must. Give your sister a kiss from me and hurry back. Be a good dear Danny. Don't cry. Come… brush my hair once more before you leave. That'll cheer you up. It always does.' And it did. I left not long after. I was only gone for a day, but I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my gut. I called the house and Anthony answered… he told me how Mrs. de Winter disappeared last night. Her little boat was missing too and there had been a storm…

"I fainted right away. I didn't want to imagine that Luciana! My precious, beautiful Luciana went out that night and got herself killed. I couldn't stay long and my sister understood… I came to Manderley as quickly as I could, but she was gone! Not a trace! No one knew what happened to her and poor Mr. de Winter! What an awful fright he was! Did not speak a word but the poor man was mourning his wife. One look into those eyes and you saw the soul of a man was gone. Many a night he stayed in this room, pacing the floor, the wretched creature finding no peace or rest. Only memories of what he once had. I can never forget how I caught Mr. de Winter staring out that window to the sea. I'm certain were it not for his sister and Mr. Khan, he would have joined his beloved Luciana.

"And when a body was found… Mr. de Winter went by himself to identify her. The torture and agony we all felt was excruciating. But Mr. de Winter! He locked himself away in his music room, playing not a single note. Then he started to travel… but no matter where he went, she went too. She is always here. She will never leave. It's like she never died really."

"Why are you telling me this?" I whispered.

Her grip suddenly tightened and I winced as I felt her twisting my wrist.

"Why?" she echoed. "You selfish child! You thought you could replace her! The real Mistress of Manderley!"

"No!" I whimpered, my hand reaching for her hand. "Stop please…"

But she would not.

"You know already you can never be her. You can never live up to her expectations. You are stuck in her shadow. But deep down you know you do not belong here. You do not have what it takes to carry the de Winter name. You know nothing of the hurt and pain that everyone endures to see you walking the halls when it's not the one we really want. You have no right to mock her memory with your presence. You are not the one Mr. de Winter needs. You know this. _You know this_!" she hissed, her nails biting into my flesh.

With all my might, I yanked my arm away from her and started to run out the door, but her next words chilled me, halting me.

"She is here in Manderley. She watches over you and cries out the injustice that you had usurped her place. In time Mr. de Winter will see that you are not worthy at all and when that time comes… he will be once more alone with her."

I did not look back as I left the west wing. I didn't stop running until I reached the safe haven of the east wing. Only then I threw myself upon the bed, tears running down my cheeks, as Mrs. Danvers' words haunted me throughout the night.

xxXXxx

I know what you are thinking. That Mrs. Danvers certainly crossed a line that night and as mistress I had a right to remove her immediately from her position. Yet, I could not. How could I when I knew she spoke the truth? After all, I had been lying to myself that I could do this, that I could belong in Erik's life.

But I knew that Luciana's ghost made that impossible.

She was here. In every inch of Manderley… the estate, the gardens, the sea… she was everywhere. Even the servants were a part of her, especially dear old Anthony and Robert.

And the music room!

How could I forget Luciana's presence there as well? She was connected to everything and I was the usurper as Mrs. Danvers said. It did not occur to me that if Erik had not married me, but some other poor creature, she would experience this as well. Of course, if he had married someone else, then she would certainly have better qualifications than I. A woman bred for this lifestyle. Yet, there was a greater chance that she would have met the same animosity as I had from Mrs. Danvers.

However, none of those thoughts mattered or comforted me. I was haunted by Luciana's spirit and Mrs. Danvers need only remind me of my shortcomings and my misgivings about being Mrs. de Winter.

What was I thinking I could do this? That I was capable of sharing such a legacy? Mrs. Van Hopper tried warning me, but I was obstinate and wanted to prove her wrong. Was I really trying to prove something to her all along? Or myself? Did I marry Erik not only for love, but to show that I could be someone?

I didn't think that I did. I know I was only thinking of Erik and my love for him, but right now Mrs. Danvers only served to frighten me with her accusations and her observations that Erik would be better off with me gone.

How I wish he was here right now!

Just to see his face… to hear his voice… that would comfort me. But he chosen to leave me here and I was more distressed than ever that the distance would cause Erik to decide he would rather be among the ghosts than with me.

_Oh God please don't have him leave me! Send him back to me. I need him!_

My prayers were answered as Erik did return to Manderley after ten the next morning. I was so unbelievably overjoyed that I immediately flew into his arms the moment he entered the door. I knew I caught him off guard and I did not care what the servants thought about this display. All I cared was that Erik had returned to me. He was real, solid, and I breathed deeply in his masculine scent, feeling the warmth and security that I went without for too long.

I suppose it was the right moment for me to tell him at once about what Mrs. Danvers did, but I did not want to ruin this homecoming.

So when I finally did release Erik, he smiled in his typical self, and remarked that maybe he should take trips like this after all if this was the welcome he would receive. Then the jokingly expression left and I watched as the drive caught up to him and I could see the exhaustion within his eyes.

"The lack of sleep and driving nonstop does not help at all as you can see," he commented, fighting back a yawn. Erik staggered and Anthony reached for him as did I. He waved us away, but he did need help going up the stairs. Anthony kept one arm around his waist as he led his master up the stairs, but started when Erik gruffly demanded a "What the devil do you think you're doing? That is not where my bedroom is!"

I realized that Anthony was turned in the direction of the west wing and I think he forgot in all that excitement where it was that Erik spent his nights.

Anthony mumbled an apology and retracted his steps to go to the east wing. My heart jumped that it was where my room he wanted to be in. I followed them inside and after Anthony helped Erik to the bed, the butler took his leave.

"Close the door," Erik softly commanded and I did. He was sitting upright on the mattress, but he patted the space next to him.

I sat down and he instantly took my hand in his. As I gazed into his eyes, I felt my breath catching.

"Forgive me Christine. These last few days were Hell for me and I know I have myself to blame for taking off the way I did… but I promise you this… I will never leave you alone. It will be a cold day in Hell for me to part from Manderley and you. Can you forgive a foolish man?"

"Oh Erik," I sighed. "I already have."

He inhaled shakily. "Amazing. I abandon her and she forgives me. What have I done to deserve this?"

I thought he wanted me to answer, but it hit me that he was only speaking aloud. Yet, to respond anyways, I squeezed his hand affectionately and kissed his visible cheek.

"Christine…" he whispered. "Stay."

I nodded. This relieved him for what reason I did not know. He laid down, tugging me to follow, and I did. With one arm around my waist, Erik searched my face and I wanted to ask what it was he was looking for when he tenderly stroked my cheek with his other hand.

"To hold an angel in my arms is something I did not know would happen."

Then he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. As I listened to his soft breathing, I could not help but repeat his words in my head and ponder what he meant. Yet, I did not think long on it for I too closed my eyes and fell asleep.

xxXXxx

When Erik returned, it was like nothing had changed. The china cupid was forgotten, our argument a thing of the past, and we settled back into our normal routine. In my bliss, I forgot about Raoul de Chagny. Yes, I was still curious about the nature of his relationship with Erik, but it was something I didn't need to know right away. I could wait to uncover that on a later time.

For now, it was only Erik and me.

Alas, our haven wasn't to last.

Nothing tragic, I assure you. We had visitors.

It was one lovely afternoon that Nadir came over for lunch (poor Ayesha had come down with a cold) and we decided to have a picnic in one of the gardens. Now, do not think that Nadir's presence dampened our little world. On the contrary, Nadir was very welcomed. Yet, there was one nagging thought in the back of my mind… he knew that Raoul was here and even though he had advised me to tell Erik, I knew he knew that I did not. I feared he would tell him instead, but true to his word, Nadir did not reveal my secret.

But for how long that was the question.

When Erik stepped out to check on the progress of our lunch, Nadir was quick to offer me another chance.

"He has a right to know."

I sighed. "Nothing happen Nadir. There is no point in upsetting Erik when there is nothing to share."

"Mrs. de Winter you are playing with fire. There are things you don't know, but believe me on this matter. It is better that Erik knows now than later."

He was going to add more, but Erik returned and we had to remain silent on the topic. However, it did not stop Nadir from imploring me to tell Erik. Not now… not when we had company, but later.

As much respect and admiration I had for Nadir, this one request I could not do. And as a man bound by honor… he couldn't say a word either.

Anthony and Robert followed not long after with our basket and a blanket for us to dine. The sun was very bright and Erik advised me to bring a parasol along. Once we had our supplies, the five of us began to head out the door when we spotted two cars coming up the drive.

We waited until they came into view and I felt my heart sank. In one there was Evelyn and Regina. The other was the bishop's wife, Adele. Now, I do not mind Adele's company, but Evelyn and Regina… I knew our picnic would not be the fun one we had planned. And naturally, they saw we were about to have lunch and those wretched women invited themselves to join our party. Adele was too polite to include herself, but I could see in her expression she wished to come too so I invited her along.

So off Anthony went to tell Cook to prepare more sandwiches and goodies for our guests. Robert did take the blanket to where we wanted it and once it was spread out, he returned to the house to retrieve more parasols for the ladies. I gave mine up to Adele as she was my elder and I did not want to see her get too hot.

Robert returned with them and soon after Anthony came with two baskets. Cook prepared cucumber and chicken salad sandwiches with crisp apples slices, melon balls and watermelon, lemon squares, green bean and almond salad, a creamy pasta with chunks of tomato, warm bread, and freshly squeezed tart lemonade. We passed around the bowls and containers as we filled up our plates with the cool meal. While we ate, the conversation was very mundane with the topic of weather and upcoming benefits and help from the church. Then it switched to the subject on balls, specifically the Masquerade ball.

"Erik, have you given any thought about this year's Masquerade?" Regina asked, coyly sipping her drink.

"What do you mean Regina?" he gruffly replied.

"Well, you know they are the toast of society and last year being… well, it is time do you not agree?"

"Honestly, I haven't given it a thought," Erik said, reaching for another melon ball and popping it into his mouth.

"But you should!" Adele said, her eyes twinkling. "Why, I told Mrs. de Winter the other day about how much I enjoyed the one the bishop and I attended. It would be a grand time! Oh, do say you would host it!"

Erik looked at me quizzically and my face blushed as I lowered my eyes to my lap. I had asked Nadir if he would mention it to Erik, but either he forgot or he thought it was my duty to say so. With everything that had happened, the matter completely slipped from my mind. But as everyone was waiting for my response, I couldn't sneak away from it and had to say what I wanted to say.

"I-I think it would be a marvelous idea," I said, forcing myself to meet Erik's gaze. His expression hadn't wavered. "I never been to one before and I always had imagined it would be a night I never forget."

"You see? She's never been to one! Mr. de Winter say you will!" Adele exclaimed.

My husband sighed. I could see he wasn't exactly keen on the notion, but he relented. "If my wife desires to have a Masquerade, then it is done."

Our guests, minus Nadir, squawked with joy. Poor Nadir who was sitting between Regina and Evelyn cringed and did everything he could not to cover his ears. Erik smirked and chuckled at his friend's displeasure, and quietly, murmured low so only I could hear.

"Do you really want this Christine? It's not from the pressure of the others?"

I reached out and patted his hand. "Of course I want this," I replied. "Think about it. Our first Masquerade together."

This earned me a smile. "All right. Our first Masquerade."

The others launched into a discussion about possible costume ideas. I knew I would have to dress up for the ball, but I didn't realize how difficult it could be to choose a costume.

"Oh no Regina! You cannot go as Cinderella. Victoria wore that costume a few years back."

"Yes but it was atrocious. Remember? Her dress was meant to be white and it was pink?"

"That's right. I almost forgot!" Evelyn chuckled. "Not to mention, her glass slippers did break."

"Well, that's what she gets for eating all those sweets."

"Why not Cinderella before the glass slippers?" Adele suggested. "I think you girls forget she was a servant first."

"But where's the fun in that?" Evelyn complained. "A servant? Dear goodness no!"

"Never mind. I wasn't all that fond of the idea," Regina said.

Adele's face fell and I knew she only meant to help, but she was right. I may not have attended a Masquerade, but I know that most would never disguise themselves as a pauper or a servant, even though it would be a unique twist to the fairy tale.

"I think it was a brilliant idea," I whispered to her. "Maybe you should do that."

"Me? I don't know, my dear. My days of being Cinderella are past I'm afraid."

"Isn't the idea of a Masquerade is to be someone you're not? You could be Cinderella! And the bishop could come as the doorman with the slipper to find you."

Adele laughed. "Now that's an idea! All I have to do is convinced the bishop, but I'm certain he would like the idea."

"What about you Mrs. de Winter?" Regina inquired.

"Oh yes, Mrs. de Winter," Evelyn drawled. "What should your costume be?"

Even Erik and Nadir seemed interested in my response as they both leaned towards me.

"I don't' know," I confessed. "I have a couple of ideas, but I would like to sketch them out first to see if they are doable."

"Well, how about you tell us what they are and Evelyn and I can tell you if it's been done before."

"That's very kind, but I think I will keep it a secret for now," I said. "That way it's a surprise."

"That's not very fun," Evelyn pouted but Adele clapped her hands. "Marvelous! I do love surprises."

"I agree. Although, I do not understand why it is important for you ladies to not wear the same costume or something similar," Nadir commented. "The point is to be disguised and as long as your identity isn't known, then you did a good job."

"Of course, we can't expect you to understand Mr. Khan," Regina answered. "Fashion is a sacred union and it is rude to outshine another lady, regardless if it is a costume of the past or present."

"You men think nothing of the kind. I'm positive you wouldn't recognize if another man had the same costume as you."

"I wouldn't say that," Nadir said, clearing his throat. "Men are quite observant as women."

"Really? Well then Nadir," Erik said a devilish hint in his voice. "Why don't you tell us how observant you were… was it five years ago? Yes, I believe it was. What was it you said to Lady Kent?"

"Erik," Nadir said in a warning tone, which failed to threaten my husband as he was blushing. "I don't think that's important."

"Oh it is. You said men can be quite observant as women. Well, I do agree with that statement, but I feel you should modify it by saying how some men are quite observant. In the case of wine… I believe that dulls the senses and perceptions."

There was clearly a story behind those words, but I wasn't going to insist at Nadir's expense. I lightly slapped Erik's hands and muttered, "Leave him be Erik. I think you embarrassed him enough."

"I haven't started," Erik mumbled back but the other women were in suspense at what Nadir said to Lady Kent that would cause my husband to remark about the wine and men's observations.

"This story isn't at all polite for women to hear, but it was a blunder on my part about Lady Kent's appearance after consuming too much wine," Nadir admitted and left it at that. While that somewhat appeased them, I couldn't help but smile at how the lack of a decent story was taken away from them. But not to be the center of attention, Nadir arched his brow at Erik. "Now that you had your fun, Erik, I am curious what you will wear."

"Come man," Erik replied. "You know I don't dress up."

"Sadly, it's true," Regina said with a shake of her head. "An unfortunate waste of fun."

"Mr. de Winter, surely you will change your mind this year. After all, what is a Masquerade Ball if the host doesn't participate?" Adele questioned.

"Yes Erik," I said. "It will bring me great joy if you dressed up."

He pursed his lips and hummed in thought. "I suppose… this year I could make an exception. After all, this is your first Masquerade and I would loathe to being the one who takes away your fun because of my indifference. However, my costume will also be a secret as well."

Erik's declaration stunned our guests, but I smiled widely at him. Erik… is dressing up at the Masquerade! And for me too! I was all too pleased that he would take part this year after knowing how he never did for Luciana. I knew that was exactly what Regina and Evelyn were thinking based on their speechless countenances. It was a victory on my part and that had to show that Erik did have feelings for me.

Of course, my voice of doubt did have to pop up and say he is probably agreeing since he never did with Luciana and it's a way for him to make up for those lost years. Yet, I refused to acknowledge that logic and simply bask in the happiness that I was able to convinced Erik to take part in this year's Masquerade.

xxXXxx

A couple hours later our guests left. Erik felt now was the time to continue our lessons and I was eager to spend some time with him alone.

It was amazing I even paid attention at all! I was too busy envisioning Erik and myself walking down the stairs in our costumes. We would be the center of attention and everyone would whisper to each other at how I was able to persuade Erik to join in the frolic and they would be very impressed that this merely slipped of a girl, a paid companion of all people, was able to get the great Erik de Winter to disguise himself. I could imagine those faces and expressions and they will see how I could fit in as Mrs. de Winter.

When Erik concluded our lesson for that evening, he did bring up the idea of costumes.

"I know you told our guests that yours will be a secret, but we are alone now and you can confide in me."

"Yes and I know… but I'm sorry Erik. When I said it was a secret, it also included you as well."

He nodded. "I figured as much. Fine. Leave me in suspense and wonder what my wife will be. Mark my words. Since your costume is to be a secret, then so will mine."

I'm sure he thought by doing the same it would make me change my mind, but I didn't and it frustrated him. I couldn't help it. It was nice, for a change, that I could leave him flustered and wondering. I just had to make sure that my costume would be worth the wait.

As we headed to our room for bed, Erik did have the last words.

"Your voice has been improving nicely and in no time you will be ready to perform in front of an audience. In fact, I'm thinking that the Masquerade will be the perfect time to introduce your skill. Yes… You will sing that night as your opening night and they will weep at your feet."

TBC…

The Masquerade will be soon! What will Christine dress up as? Well, if you are thinking it is something to do with Erik's family… then you are wrong! Prepare for drama ahead like always.


	19. Chapter 18

A/N: I have been on a writing spree and these chapters were just flowing from my fingertips. Thank you PhantomFan01, emeraldphan, belleange48, and Curious as always for your encouraging words and support!

**Chapter 18**

It was agreed that the Masquerade would take place in mid-August, which gave me at least a few months to decide upon and have my costume made. It seemed like there was ample time, however, I was experiencing a terrible problem:

I didn't know what my costume _would be_.

And in hindsight, I should have kept my mouth closed, but since I built up the illusion of this secret costume… everyone was talking and surmising what the new Mrs. de Winter will wear in her first ball as hostess. It wasn't just Erik's friends, but even the servants would murmur amongst themselves about what I would wear and even Erik would try to get me to confess a clue about my disguise. It didn't help that I encouraged this by making vague hints and statements that this costume was going to be unlike any other. I didn't know how else to respond, except to keep building up the anticipation that this was going to be a unique costume.

The only other person who knew the truth about my dilemma was Meg. And I needed her help.

"I love this one!" Meg exclaimed, holding up a sketch that I drew a few days ago. "What could be more perfect or romantic than an angel?"

Yes, she was right. An angel would be a perfect and romantic disguise and I had to confess it was probably one of my favorite drawings. I had spent a good amount of time on that one and I could envision myself becoming the Angel of Music. Yet, as much as I loved it, I knew that wasn't _the one_.

I knew that angels were popular ideas for costume parties and I didn't want to look like I was a part of the crowd. Or that I was copying someone else.

I was Mrs. de Winter and it was demanded of me that I would be dressed in something bold, something original, and something spectacular. I wanted a costume that would be talked about for months, possibly even years! I wanted everyone to see that I was more than a former paid companion. I wanted them to see me as a lady. I wanted them to say that I was far lovelier and cleverer than Luciana de Winter.

No… as much as being an angel was appealing, I knew that was not the costume for me.

"I don't think so Meg," I said tenderly. "There will be other angels and this one isn't all that special."

"True… but I never seen an angel gown like this," my maid insisted. "Then again, all your drawings are wonderful and I could see you wearing each and every one Christine."

I blushed at the compliment. It was awful kind of Meg to say and I knew she was earnest. I should also add that I was very happy that my friendship with Meg had developed quite well. It did take her time to grow accustom in calling me Christine, but now she does without fear. Not only in my room, but outside as well.

The first time she said it aloud in public was in front of Robert and Anthony. Her uncle was astonished and flabbergasted that his niece was taking such liberties. Yet, both men could see clearly I was not offended and that I encouraged her. I was a bit fearful that this would get back to Mrs. Danvers and that she would lecture Meg on the proper conducted behavior between servants and masters, but it never happened. Although, Anthony had advised Meg to be careful and Robert… well, there was such strong admiration for Meg and I could tell he wanted to draw her attention to him by doing the same, but the poor lad could not say my name.

I know years under this roof with Mrs. Danvers in charge left Robert following protocol all the time. And he was a bashful young man so I do not think his character would permit him to say Christine. This was fine and I was not expecting that this will cause a change in all the servants. Some still believed that our statuses should not be of equals and I wouldn't push anyone if it made them uncomfortable.

I know at first Meg had been uncertain in fulfilling this request of mine, but it was only because she did not want to lose this position. Her family was counting on her to send some of her earnings and I had assured her that she would not be dismissed from her post. As I was mistress, Meg knew my word was good.

As our friendship bloomed, I knew I had found a confidant that I could trust. Not only that, I count Meg as one of my best friends. Erik, of course, was my first ever friend. And Meg was my first female friend. She was sweet and honest and she would not betray me. It was not like her to do something to bring me pain or humiliation.

Unlike the other women I had been acquainted with.

However, as much as I knew I could trust her, there were some complications. I wanted to be in Mrs. Danvers' good graces and keeping her secret about Raoul I had hoped would do so. The few times we have spoken had been very civil and I counted it as progress. Nadir was the only one besides us who knew and he hadn't told anyone, not even Erik. He still believed that was my duty, and he was right, but I didn't want to get Mrs. Danvers into trouble if I did. And if Meg knew… well, I could count on her discretion, but I didn't want to embarrass Mrs. Danvers if word should reach her ears. So it was best I kept silent on this subject, despite my friendship with Meg.

And, although, our encounters have been civil, I was still surprised when I saw Mrs. Danvers appear in the doorway, her countenance in its usual emotionless expression.

"Pardon me, Mrs. de Winter, but I could not help but overhear about your costume. Do you not have one yet?" As she spoke, I witnessed a remarkable change in her visage. Her bland features transformed into a sincere form of curiosity and concern. I was taken aback by this, and I believed my own facial reaction revealed this shock, as she added, "Forgive my bluntness. I did not mean to pry."

Seeing how she was going to walk away, I quickly called out. "Wait Mrs. Danvers! Do not go… you are right. I do not know what I am wearing. As you can see, I have ideas but none of them are appealing to me like I thought they would be. I could use some suggestions."

This admission also astonished Meg, but she did not voice it. She made certain that her face was not to be seen by Mrs. Danvers, but I saw the question in her eyes—_what are you doing Christine?_

Instead, I ignored her and bid the housekeeper to enter so she could take a look at my sketches. Mrs. Danvers picked up some of the papers and went through each one. She was silent during this and once more she hid her expressions so I could not tell if she liked them or not. Finally, Mrs. Danvers handed them back to me.

"They are very good Mrs. de Winter, but I see the problem you are having. As lovely as they seem on paper and will no doubt look wonderful in person… they are not fitting for a de Winter."

"What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"If I may," Mrs. Danvers went on. "I found a sketch that Mr. de Winter had done for a costume for one of his operas. I have heard him expressed how he would love to see it come to life, but it didn't seem to work with the composition he was composing. May I fetch it so you can see?"

Something Erik drew? That he wanted to see come to life? I couldn't hide the smile from escaping on my lips as I eagerly nodded. "Please do Mrs. Danvers!"

She bowed and left to retrieve the drawing. Once she was out of sight, Meg looked at me with confusion.

"Do you think it wise to involve Mrs. Danvers?" she inquired. "I have never seen her behave like this in the time I have been here. She was almost… friendly."

"Yes," I agreed. "But who better to have involved? Mrs. Danvers knows majority of the ladies in society and she clearly must have attended most of these balls to know what to wear and what not to wear." And… I had a feeling this was a way for her to thank me for my silence on Raoul's visit.

"I suppose," Meg said, her voice trailing off with uncertainty.

"Don't worry Meg," I said to assure her. "Besides, I am curious to see what this costume is and I wonder what opera of my husband's it was meant to be."

Meg bit her lower lip and shrugged. The suspense lasted about fifteen minutes when Mrs. Danvers at last returned with the sketch she had promised.

"I had to wait for Mr. de Winter to leave. I know you wish to keep this a secret and I did not want to request to see it lest I should draw suspicion."

"Thank you," I told her, feeling very grateful for her foresight on the matter. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin the surprise, especially if this might end up being my costume. I accepted the paper and gasped once I saw the picture. Immediately, I knew this was it. This was exactly what I was looking for the Masquerade.

Mrs. Danvers nodded, a thin smile gracing her lips, as she said, "I thought so. Would you like me to put the order in for you, Mrs. de Winter?"

"Yes."

xxXXxx

To avoid any problems, I redrew the sketch with the proper measurements and had Mrs. Danvers send it off to a shop in London. That way we could return the original sketch in its place without Erik ever noticing it went missing. Then again, I don't think I would be able to find anything in the mess that was in the music room, but Erik always managed to find whatever he was looking for without trouble.

I even included a sketch and instructions on the mask that would be included with my dress. It was my design and it fit in perfectly with Erik's vision. I was overjoyed that I finally had my costume selected and I knew that its originality would be the talk of the town. I couldn't wait for the Masquerade to arrive!

Not only was I looking forward with showcasing my costume, I was actually looking forward to my singing debut as well.

At first, I had my reservations about the idea altogether. I didn't think I could do it, but under Erik's guidance and my secret about my costume, my confidence increased. I knew this was my moment to shine. I have always dreamt that I would sing in front of an audience and after many years of fantasizing and dreaming… I couldn't let my shyness defeat me in doing what I have always longed to do. Before it had been Mrs. Van Hopper standing in my way and I was about to do the same, except it was I that was being the handicap. Not anymore. I had to put that behind me so I could lift my wings and soar above the clouds.

I even chose the piece that I would sing. It seemed only fitting that "The Jewel Song" would be my debut as it was the very first song that Erik taught me. Not to mention, it was around the time I was beginning to fall in love with him. And if our paths had not crossed that morning and he didn't hear me sing… then I would not be in this place in my life. I would still be a paid companion for either Mrs. Van Hopper still or some other stuffy old rich lady. I would never have a chance to live my life to its fullest and would forever dream for what could have been, especially if I never accepted Erik's proposal of marriage.

It was the push I needed to make sure I excelled and reached perfection every time we rehearsed. I had to do this for the Christine Daaé who was a dreamer and for her parents who wanted nothing but the best for her, to see her succeed in her wishes to become a singer.

That night will prove to not only be a coming out for me, but for my parents and my husband. My parents gave me the gift of life and voice, but it was Erik who molded my voice and nursed my skills to become the valuable instrument that it was growing into. I couldn't have done that without their influences and it would be for all three of them that I would be dedicating my song too.

While my mind was thusly occupied with the thoughts of the upcoming Masquerade and my singing success, I did forget one important issue. One that had been haunting me for some time and one I chosen to be silent on the matter. I should have known better and I cursed my foolishness and naivety to think I could keep it a secret. I do not have to express my shame and remorse that followed after the event had occurred.

Like any blessed moments in my life, I knew the peace wouldn't last and this was nothing different. Of course, it had to have happened when I least expected it and I had no time to prepare or even handle the situation. I was caught off guard and had been too stunned to react.

It had been a lovely day and Erik and I were wrapping up our lesson so we could take a break and have some tea. We were waiting for our afternoon snack in the drawing room when Anthony entered the room in a tensed manner I never seen before. He looked positively wary and agitated that before he could even announce what was wrong, the object of his strange behavior strolled in without the proper introductions and greetings.

Raoul de Chagny.

Right away, the air in the room became heavy and unbearable as my husband's tea cup froze midway to his lips. I saw his fingers pinch the delicate handle that there was a soft crack that echoed in the silent room.

Oblivious to the unwelcoming atmosphere, Raoul fixated his attention on me as a wide grin broke out across his features.

"Good day to you Mrs. de Winter! May I say you look stunning today! Absolutely an angel on this sunny day. I do hope that I can take you on your previous offer for tea. Ah! What do you know? I came at the right time it would seem."

I dared not let a word slip from my breath when Erik shifted his gaze to me. It lasted a moment, but it was enough to see him snap.

He noisily set his cup on its saucer on the table and took to his feet. This movement caused Raoul to finally notice that I was not alone in the room. I do not know if he actually saw Erik there the whole time or if he was purposely ignoring him. Yet, if he was ignoring him, then Raoul could not continue that charade anymore.

"Ah, Erik! I didn't see you there old man. Last I heard you were in London. How was the city? Was it agreeable?"

Erik's fists clenched at his sides, his white mask practically narrowing as he glared at the young man. His chest rose and fell quickly and his body quivered slightly, as if keeping himself from moving. Then… in a voice that was deadly calm yet forceful, Erik said, "What are you doing here de Chagny? I told you that I never wanted to see you again."

"Yes… as a matter of fact I recall that command of yours, but come now Erik. It has been what? Seven… eight months? Can we not let bygones be bygones?" Raoul questioned smoothly.

"No," Erik answered, the single word coming out like a growl.

Raoul sighed regrettably. "I'm sorry to hear that my friend. I was hoping we could put that behind us. Well, seeing how that is not to happen I am thankful it was not you I came to see. Otherwise my trip would have been wasteful. I am here to have tea with Mrs. de Winter since she was so kind enough to invite me at our last meeting."

Erik whipped his face back to me, which caused my cheeks to redden. And if his look of aghast was not painful enough… then his next words were.

"Christine… you two have met?"

That question was spoken with such bewilderment and disbelief that he looked upon me like I was some kind of stranger. I wanted to say something, anything to soothe that dreadful expression on my dear husband's face, but I did not have the opportunity as Raoul stepped in to speak for me.

"Yes we met… what was it? A few weeks ago? I heard you were recently married Erik and I had to come and see this bride of yours. Naturally, I was stunned but you picked a fine woman. And so very accommodating too. It was shame that I could not have stayed longer the last time I was here, but you know me Erik… I never turn down an invitation, especially from such a lovely hostess as your new wife."

What followed after took me by surprised. Erik had moved so quick that it was barely enough time for me and Anthony to react. One moment Raoul was standing there looking rather smug and the next he was on the floor, his hand flying to his mouth where blood was starting to appear at his lips and nose.

Erik stood over Raoul, panting heavily, his eyes blazing with green fire. Anthony moved towards the two men, but Erik waved him off while his gaze was locked on Raoul who remained on the ground, staring back at him.

Then in a low, menacing tone that left no room for arguments, Erik demanded, "I'm going to tell you this one more time de Chagny and you better take heed to this warning for I promise you I will not be as _accommodating _or good natured as I am right now. I told you months ago that I never wanted to see you come near the grounds of Manderley ever again. And this sentiment has not changed, despite how much you would like bygones to be bygones. To make sure that we are on the same page and you understand my meaning… _you are not __**welcomed**_ _here_. Not by myself, my wife, or my staff. I never want to see you step foot or drive your car here ever again. You have no right to come here anymore. If anyone… and I mean anyone from this house or Nadir happens to see you within a mile radius from Manderley, then I would not hesitate to take action to make sure you never come back again. Do I make myself clear?"

Raoul lifted himself from the floor, his hand still cradling his jaw from where Erik hit him, and took a step closer so their faces were inches apart. "You can threaten me all you want Erik. You may not want me here but I do have connections and friends who do want to see me. Then what? You do not have the power to keep me from visiting."

"Connections?" Erik spat. "Your connections are no longer here and there is no one who wishes to see you as you claim. You have made a mockery of my generosity and kindness. For years I kept a blind eye but not anymore. You _will not _come here ever again. And if I find out you are sneaking in, then you will regret that decision very quickly."

"I will think again on that statement Erik," Raoul said. "You may not like me but there are others that do. I will take my leave, but rest assured this will not be the last time we cross paths." He stepped back from my husband and looked at me. "Forgive me Mrs. de Winter for this horrid business you had to witness. Believe me it had not been intentional. I only wished to spend some time with you since you are good company and perhaps it would have softened your husband in his regards towards me, but alas, I do not see that will ever happen. I am very sorry and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me as well. Good day Mrs. de Winter. Perhaps, we will have that tea some other time when it is more agreeable. Goodbye."

Raoul bowed and walked out of the room. Anthony stood where he was looking from my husband to me, as if awaiting further instruction on what he should do.

He did not have to wait long.

"Leave us Anthony. Close the door too. I need to speak with _my wife_."

Erik was not looking at me, his back was too rigid, but he was doing everything in his power to hold onto whatever sanity he possessed. Anthony gave me an encouraging look and a supportive smile as if to tell me that it will be all right. Then he made his exit.

For a minute, Erik and I remained where we were, the silence becoming deafening and my heart was racing. Finding the courage, I reached out and tentatively touched Erik's shoulder, but he jumped away from me. The rejection was immediate and I fought back the tears that were clouding my sight.

"Erik… I…" I started but I lost my voice when he turned around.

His eyes were closed, but his lips were pursed as if contemplating his next words carefully. At last… he looked at me and I wished he hadn't. I wished he kept his eyes shut for the betrayal was too much to bear.

"You had that man here. In my home?" he whispered.

"I didn't know… you were gone—"

"I thought you had better sense Christine. That… that… _scoundrel _should have never stepped foot in here. The whole staff knows he isn't allowed. Why didn't you call for Anthony or hell Robert?"

"How was I to know?" I whispered back. "You were gone in London. You left me alone Erik. I didn't know you two had a falling out."

But it was like he wasn't listening to me. Shaking his head and muttering to himself, Erik paced around the room. I could barely understand what it was he was saying, but then he suddenly exclaimed, "What a fool! I bet he is getting a good laugh that I did not know about this. Why didn't you say something Christine? Why didn't you tell me that he came? Do you have any idea what this means? How it reflects on me and even yourself? My God! What a laughingstock this turned out to be!"

"Erik," I placated. "I'm sorry. I am! I know I should have said something, I should have told you. But I didn't think anything of it."

"No you did not."

"But you cannot solely blame me," I added, which got his attention. "He said that you were friends once and that there was a misunderstanding. It doesn't mean it's too late to fix this."

"Friends?" Erik scoffed and then he laughed out loud. "We were _never _friends. And there was no misunderstanding."

"How could I have known?" I persisted. "Erik, you never told me!"

"I know that!" he snapped. "But you should have told me of his visit. He is not someone you can trust Christine. He's a poor excuse of a human. It was a mistake to encourage him and offer invitations. I never want to see him here again. And I never want to see or hear of him being in the same room as you."

"Why?" I asked. "You keep telling me that he is not to be trusted and that he is a scoundrel, but will you not tell me of his crime? What did he do that inspired this hatred?"

"It is nothing for you to be concerned about," Erik said stoically.

"But how can it not?" I cried. "You tell me to do this, but I want to know for what reason I should shun this man? He was nothing but kind to me and I was only trying to be polite. I must know why your intentions and wishes are so unyielding."

"I am your husband and that is my wish," he said. "I do not have to be questioned about my motives or my intentions. That is final Christine. Raoul de Chagny does not come to Manderley. He is not welcomed and that's all you need to know. And if he does appear again, then you must inform either myself, Nadir, Anthony, or Robert. I will not have him in my home where my wife is present."

"So that's it then?" I said. "I must obey or what? What will you do? You cannot keep someone from visiting if they wish too. And I find it very cruel that you will not hear him out and disregard anything that I have to say on this subject. I know what I did was wrong. I should have told you, but I fail to see the harm in this. What could Raoul have done that made you despise him so?"

"Raoul?" Erik repeated. "One meeting and already first names are being used."

I blushed, but it was an angry blush. "How can you say that? To me? Did you not ask me to do the same when we first met? Or is that not at all acceptable for others?"

"Christine," he said wearily, pinching the bridge of his masked nose. "Let it go."

"No! I want to know what you mean Erik. You tell me what to do and for what I do not know. I deserve to know! If you were so afraid that this will turn you into a laughingstock, then why can't you tell me so I understand? Is it that bad that you think gossip will spread? That people will talk about me?"

Once I spoke, Erik suddenly seized my arms, his eyes wide and worried. "What do you mean gossip and talk? What has been said to you?"

"Nothing!" I exclaimed. "Erik! Speak to me! Tell me what is troubling you. I see it in your eyes that something is not right. Please talk to me…"

He let out a shaky breath of air and released me. "Nothing…" he echoed.

"Erik?" I tried to reach for him again, but he was starting to move away from me and I went after him as he briskly walked out the room and down the hall to the music room. I picked up my skirts to keep up with him, but Erik shut the door behind him and I heard the turn of the lock to prevent me from entering.

I tugged on the doorknob and twisted and turned it, but the door was locked and though I knew that, I still tried to go inside. I called my husband's name, imploring him to let me in, but all I could hear was Erik playing his piano. This time I did not fight back as my tears fell down my flushed cheeks and I slid to my knees, my forehead resting on the door.

I should have told him… Nadir had been right. I should not have kept it a secret. He had warned me… he told me no good would come of this and I stubbornly refused to listen to his advice. And now I was paying the price as my husband shunned me.

Yet, despite it all, I was hurt that Erik thought so little of me. Did he think I could not understand? Why must he keep things hidden from me?

I should have raged, should have told him that it was his fault as well. If he would have told me that there was someone not welcomed at Manderley and why… then I would not have done what I did. And now I will never know.

Anthony found me curled on the floor and he bent down and helped me to my feet. Then he led me to the east wing and guided me to sit on my bed. Taking my hand in his, he said, "Do not be upset Mrs. de Winter. His temper will pass and he will see the error of his ways. He was surprised that's all. His encounters with Mr. de Chagny are never pleasant as you can see and you should take care that he never returns again. Mr. de Chagny is not someone you want to be around."

"Why Anthony? What happened?" I asked, pleading him to tell me.

The old butler sighed. "I wish I could say. All I know that something occurred between Mr. de Chagny and Mr. de Winter. And it was quite ugly that much I do remember."

"It has to be about something. Do you not remember what it could have been about?"

"Mrs. de Winter, as loathe as I am to say this, but whatever Mr. de Winter told you to do, you should do what he says. Mr. de Chagny is not a person you want to tangle yourself with and it is for your own protection."

"So I hear," I mumbled. "But that doesn't tell me why or what makes this man so dangerous. He was Luciana's cousin wasn't he?"

"Yes."

"Then he was family. Was it a bad investment? Did he steal something?"

Anthony did not reply and began to walk towards the door. "Do what you can to put this out of your mind Mrs. de Winter. That is the best advice I can offer to you."

But I could not.

Something had happened and I had to wonder if it had to do something with Luciana. Yet, my mind could not offer any possible explanations what it could be. And now I had no one to turn to for answers. Erik would not tell me, neither would Nadir or Anthony.

I rolled to my side and closed my eyes. How I wished I could take all this back! Or better… I wished that I never met Raoul de Chagny.

xxXXxx

Some hours past and the door creaked opened. I started from the bed to see my husband shuffling in. His hair was mussed from the endless times he ran his hands through it and his mask looked almost haggard. He crept towards me and lowered himself to the ground so he was eye level at my waist. Reaching for my hands, Erik grasped them tight and brought them to his lips.

"Forgive me," he choked, pressing small kisses to the back of my hands. "I never wanted this to happen. It was the last thing I thought would ever happen, but I should have seen it coming. I should have warned you. I should have… I never should have gone to London. This is my fault. What have I done?"

He raised his eyes to mine and I saw the regret shining in its very depths. "I am a horrid man. A beast. I do not deserve you or your kindness. I do not know what possessed me to do what I did or say what I said. There was no way you could have possibly known. You were not here when it happened. I should have not blamed you and I am sorry Christine. Tell me it's not too late. Tell me that I can be forgiven."

I lifted my hand and cradled it against his cheek.

"Erik…" I breathed. "I do forgive you. But—"

"Thank God!" he sighed out loud. "Christine!" Then he was kissing me. What followed after was Erik desperately making love to me. I held onto him as he buried his face into my curls. He murmured over and over again how it was not too late and he was afraid, so terribly afraid. He would not say why, but what he needed was assurance. He needed to know I was here and I gave him what I could to calm his nerves and his erratic heartbeat.

A few hours later he was asleep in my arms and in the dark night I cried silently. I lost my courage to speak what was in my heart and once more I listened to Erik calling out to Luciana.

God have mercy on me.

TBC…

A little fluff for the end. Feed the hungry writer's soul and leave some reviews.


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm so happy a lot of you liked the scene between Raoul and Erik and it felt too good of a chance to pass up for Erik to punch him. Raoul can be such a charming man that it makes you want to sock him too. And now the moment you have all been waiting for! The Masquerade! Be prepared for a heavy dose of angst in this one.

Also, I wanted to add a quick note that since school is going to be starting soon… I will be back subbing and coaching again. I was able to get majority of this story written out. I'm now on Chapter 30 and still have like maybe three or four chapters to go. And I feel confident that I can still maintain my weekly updates without a problem so there will not be any long waits.

Don't forget to review!

**Chapter 19**

No other words were mentioned about that incident with Raoul. It was like it never happened and as much as I longed to know the truth… I took the advice that was given to me and kept silent on the matter. What was done was done and I had to accept there was a perfectly good reason for the wish and I let it go… for now.

One day. One day when I have the strength, I will bring it up. For now, I will hold my tongue to keep my husband happy.

Yet, it was quite evident to me that things between us were strained. Not physically. Unlike the last time we had a disagreement; Erik did not keep away from me. He did not lock me out nor did he come to our bed only when I was asleep. We continued our lessons for I will be performing soon and we took our meals and tea together. It appeared like we were any other happily married couple, spending exceedingly amounts of time together and chatting about and going over the details for the Masquerade.

While that may be all true, only I could see through the façade.

All the times spent together, going over details, conversing over meals, I could see that Erik was distant. His eyes, typically alert and focused, were elsewhere when we were alone. If there was company present, let it be a servant or acquaintance, Erik was aware of his surroundings and would make jokes or debate over something in the paper. But as soon as it was just us… the door in his eyes would close and while we talked, he was not always there in mind. A few times I caught his gaze drifting towards the direction of the west wing… to the sea.

I longed to inquire what his thoughts were, but his countenance would cast over in gloom or anguish and I did not have the heart to voice it aloud. Instead, I would try to divert his attention with a story of my childhood or with a song or playing with Sasha. He would nod along in politeness and ask appropriate questions or insert an acceptable comment and then he would excuse himself for bed or to be alone in the music room so he could compose.

I also stopped asking for him to play his original songs for me. In fact, he had stopped for the last several weeks. I didn't even notice until recently that it happened and I didn't bother to ask if he would continue. For the first time, I didn't want to hear his music. Only because when he was alone… he would play these angry, sorrowful concertos that were full of rage and hate. It burned my ears to listen and I would retreat to the east wing where it was not quite as loud.

As Erik played, pouring his soul into the harsh notes, I would cry for him. I know Luciana was haunting him and I had hoped I could do something to keep her ghost at bay, but my attempts were for naught. Erik was so far away from me and I know my secret of Raoul de Chagny caused this impenetrable barrier to be erected between us.

How many times I had cursed myself for my foolish behavior!

I should have heeded Nadir's advice long ago and now I am reaping what I had sowed. Why oh why did I decide that silence on the matter was the best decision? My infernal curiosity got the better of me and I still did not have the answers I was seeking and my husband was keeping away from me emotionally and mentally.

I had no one to blame but myself.

Only Meg and Anthony knew of this, both keeping it a secret from the rest of the household. I deeply much appreciated their discretion and I was grateful for their kind friendship; although, I did tell them I would not fault them if they were to tell someone for I would surely come out as the villainess.

I did get a reproach from Anthony, telling me I was certainly a fool to think I was a villainess. I was simply… misguided by my emotions and while I did mean well… it did not come across that way.

The butler must have been a sage in a former life for his words were comforting. I thought he would go to Erik and argue on my behalf of my good character, but I was astonished that Anthony would do no such thing.

"Mr. de Winter is your husband," he said. "You are his wife. You need to go to him and tell him the truth."

"But I did Anthony!" I cried.

"Ah, you did, but did he listen? You need to make sure you have his attention and explain the matter. Mr. de Winter is a stubborn man, always has been, even as a boy. The only way you get across to him is to be blunt. Otherwise, he will keep his heart away. Have faith Mrs. de Winter. I was not lying when I said you would do him well as a wife. You do not see it… but you two are perfect for one another. You need to be strong and you cannot let your doubts rule you. Or I fear, it will do nothing more than cause pain for you and Mr. de Winter."

Anthony, dear sweet Anthony was right. I had to do something but what? And how? When I asked him what I should do, he smiled and told me that I was the only one who could answer that question.

While Anthony was helpful, I knew I would receive no more further assistance on the subject. The rest was left to me and frustrating as it seemed… I had Meg who provided some suggestions. To be honest, not all of them were exactly fitting to the situation.

"The Masquerade!" she blurted out one day while she helped me dressed.

"Pardon?" I arched my brow at her sudden exclamation.

"The Masquerade Christine!" Meg repeated again with excitement. "Perhaps you can talk to Mr. de Winter then about the incident with Mr. de Chagny."

"Meg," I started. "I fear that may not be the appropriate time to have that conversation."

"Why not? There will be people everywhere so Mr. de Winter would not be able to cause a scene and he will have no choice but to hear what you have to say!" I saw the pride shining in her eyes over this ingenious idea and as much as I wanted to agree with her, I knew that a private matter such as that should not be brought up when the public was nearby.

"It is a good plan," I said slowly, dragging my words out as if I was taking it into consideration. "However, there is a possible flaw."

"Like what?"

"Well," I began. "What if someone overheard us? Let's be frank, Meg. Erik's friends are not fans of mine and this could be the perfect situation for them to gossip about. The last thing I want to do is hurt Erik's social standing even more so when I married him. In particular, Mrs. Andre and Mrs. Firmin will take this opportunity to humiliate me."

"They wouldn't dare!" Meg gasped. "Not when Mr. de Winter has so much hold over their husbands' theatre."

"Yes but what if they found a way without it reaching Erik's ears? No… I wouldn't want to risk it. Maybe after the ball when everyone has gone home. That might be better."

"Of course, but, what if there was a flaw with that one? From my own observations, hosting a ball is exhausting. The last thing you would want to do is talk about this and for Mr. de Winter to listen."

"I suppose we should hold that conversation off for when there is no hosting of a ball or company coming over," I remarked.

"But you still could do something at the ball," Meg added. "Prove to Mr. de Winter that you meant no ill will. Reaffirm your love for each other."

"How do I go about in doing so?"

"Through song. After all, was it not music that brought you together in the first place?"

"Later it did," I corrected her. "First, it had been Mrs. Van Hopper."

Meg wrinkled her nose. "Well, you can skip that part. From what you told me about her, I do not think you want her to come."

I laughed. "You're right on that. Of course, if I were to send out a last minute invitation, I can perfectly envision Mrs. Van Hopper jumping into the Atlantic and swimming all the way to Manderley!"

We both burst into giggles at our imagined vision of Mrs. Van Hopper all sopping wet, her wig hanging to the side, as she would march her way up the drive in all her dripping glory, curtseying to all the influential people of society while a fish falls from her hair!

"Oh!" I almost forgot to breathe from laughing and as I took a deep breath, I continued, "No Mrs. Van Hopper reminders. I would not want to give Erik any more nightmares if I can avoid it. But music… that might work."

As I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I could see it now… as I am singing to the crowd, it would be to Erik that I am singing to. He would see the sincerity in my actions and my voice, hear the impassioned plea for forgiveness, and my renewal of love for only him… he would take me in his arms, in front of everyone, he would look me in the eyes and he would proclaim his love for me and to prove that love… he would remove his mask—

"Christine?"

I blinked, my fantasy shaking away, when I realized Meg was speaking to me.

"What was that Meg?" I asked her.

"Speaking of being distant," she teased. "You were miles away. I said I know you have a song already picked, but I think you should do another one. Something that would catch Mr. de Winter by surprise. After all, he knows how well you can do that other song and it would not have the same meaning or intention. A second song will get your message out and it would be more meaningful."

"That's brilliant Meg!" I told her. "I could lead into another one during the applause. It would catch Erik off guard, but it would be to only him that the song would be for. That's wonderful!"

I was beginning to like the idea more and more. The only problem was what song should I sing next? I had the collection of folk songs and there were plenty of romantic ballads, but none of them seemed to be the "one." Once more, I was at a loss on what to do. Until one day… Fortune was on my side and I found a song that was in the music room. Erik had left it out accidentally when he had to rush out to see to a tenant and as I scrolled through the lyrics and notes… I knew this was it.

xxXXxx

I spent the next two weeks preparing my song for Erik in secret. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, but I did have to be crafty. So whenever Erik had to leave Manderley, I would sneak into the music room and copy the sheet of music so I could have my own copy. Then I would run to Elysium where I would practice. A few times Meg accompanied me and seeing the tears in her eyes… I knew I would be able to win Erik back over.

My excitement for the Masquerade was renewed and I was eagerly counting down the days for the big event.

Then when my costume arrived… I knew this wasn't a dream anymore. This was real and soon! Soon I will be dressed up like the others and I will sing for everyone. They will be stunned that this former paid companion could sing and I will prove to them that I was a de Winter once and for all.

To keep anyone from peeking, I had the costume hidden in Meg's quarters. Despite the assurances that Erik would not look, I thought it better safe than sorry.

So as the days dwindled, I spent all my time with positive thoughts. Not a single bit of darkness bothered me for this would be the night that everything will change. This was going to be the Masquerade that will never be forgotten at Manderley for years to come. People will look back on that evening and see that the new Mrs. de Winter was a larger success than the former Mrs. de Winter. They will see me in a whole new light.

It was a feeling I had. And one that I sensed will change my marriage forever.

xxXXxx

"Christine! You look incredible! Go on! Open your eyes."

I had closed them because I wanted to see the final look completed. I did not want to see the process of getting into costume, and I was quite anxious.

I soothed my heartbeat and finally… finally I lifted my lids and gazed into the mirror.

"Well? What do you think?" Meg asked full of delight.

What did I think? I barely recognized myself!

My gown was a blushing pink with black trim around the ruffle layers of the skirt; the bodice was pulled tightly to accentuate my waist and to reveal part of my corset, which was also black. The neckline was daring, especially for me, but the seamstress did manage to maintain my directions in keeping it somewhat modest with some lace going across to shield my flesh; while, the sleeves were a pagoda style, the lace matching the color of the dress, and had a little black trim to make it appear more flounced than what it was. A tiny white apron with a floral design of pinks and greens covered the front of the skirt giving me the appearance of a Spanish gypsy.

Yet, my inspection was not done.

My hair, always troublesome, was following directions as the curls were more pronounced and cascaded over my left shoulder with the right side pinned up by a pink rose, exposing the white length of my neck and drawing one's eye to the dazzling onyx teardrop earring. I raised my skirt to take a look at my boots, which were black and laced up to the top of my knees.

Meg even put a small dab of blush on my cheeks and a dark wine color on my lips. I have had little experience with make-up, but the application was so fair that it looked almost natural.

But something was missing.

"I almost forgot!" Meg turned and ran to the bed, lifting a small object from the box. "It is not a Masquerade if you do not have a mask."

She stood behind me and carefully slid the mask in place, lightly fluffing out my curls to make sure they hid the ties.

I instantly gasped. The mask, which I designed, was breathtaking. Following the same colors as the gown in swirls it covered my eyes, nose, and most of my forehead. The outline was black, even around the eyes were black, and the feel was silk and light against my skin.

I could not believe that it was me being reflected back! I did not look like the timid mouse that I always was. I had transformed into an exotic princess, a child of travelers, a gypsy.

"Aminta," I whispered the name of my husband's creation, his heroine in his opera.

"You are so beautiful," Meg quietly said. "Mr. de Winter will be speechless I daresay."

"You think so?" I asked, hope in my tone.

"Oh yes. Not only him but everyone else!"

I smiled brightly. "I must thank Mrs. Danvers again for making this happen. This was the costume I was looking for."

Meg nodded. "For once, I can agree with her. This dress does suit you."

"Are you sure it's not too much?" I twirled to face her, my anxiety returning as my insecurities flashed through my eyes.

"Christine, you are perfect. Everyone will be in awe over the mistress of Manderley, wondering where you have been all along. Those ladies will be jealous for not having such an original costume. And when you sing… they will be wishing to be your friend!"

"They can wish all they want for I already have a friend," I told her with a wink. "Speaking of singing… Meg, I don't think I can wait much longer. I want to sing Erik's song to him now so he will see how deeply I love him and that I am truly sorry for keeping Mr. de Chagny a secret. I want him to see my soul at last."

"You will sing now? But not all the guests have arrived yet…"

"It doesn't matter. Only the time does. And I know now is the right time. Come!"

With my head held high, and a confidence I had not possessed, I strutted out of my room with Meg walking beside me. When we reached the staircase, I stopped and flattened my back against the wall.

"Don't tell me you lost your courage, Christine," Meg said.

"I have not," I replied. "I want to make a grand entrance. Look to see who is there and hopefully no one had seen me."

Meg nodded and tiptoed out and leaned over the railing to see below. With a triumphant grin, she came back and murmured, "Mr. de Winter is by the door along with Mr. Khan, General Lacy and his wife! I did not see anyone else, but this is the time to make your presence known!"

"Wish me luck," I said.

"Good luck Christine." Meg brought her hands together and held them to her lips as her smile widened. "I'll be here watching the show!"

I bit my lower lip and straightening myself up. This was it. I took a deep breath and slowly walked to the steps.

My hand was shaking with nervousness and I had to hold the rail to keep myself from falling. Looking down below to my husband and our friends, I started my descent.

At first, no one had noticed me, which was fine, since I could concentrate on what they were wearing. I knew Ayesha was coming as Ayesha… her namesake. She tried to keep it a secret, but one visit she blew it. Of course, she looked absolutely stunning in her traditional Muslim garb with a hijab covering her head. Her husband, was supposed to come as Muhammad, but he had complained about the fake beard he would have to wear and his clothes was stifling so he decided he would come as another great leader—Cesar. Although his toga did look awfully tight around his belly, he did not seem to care as he was laughing at something Erik said to him.

Nadir… sweet Nadir did not have the imagination when it came to costumes. It would seem he decided to come in his old graduating cap and gown.

And Erik!

How could I describe his disguise? It was certainly not him, but at the same time, it was. Clad all in crimson from his boots, to his trousers, to his shirt, to his jacket, and hat! Even if his mask, a skull shaped, was all red! I could only venture a guess that he was none other than the Red Death from Edgar Allan Poe's grisly tale. And the only way I could have known it was him was his voice!

I was a few steps down, and while I still did not have their attention, I knew it was time to announce myself. I inhaled once and when I opened my mouth, I began to sing:

_Think of me,_

_Think of me fondly,_

_When we've said goodbye._

_Remember me_

_Every so often_

_Promise me you'll try…_

Immediately, their heads turned to face me. I could see the shock upon their countenances! Oh, how I wanted to laugh outright for this surprise! Instead, I raised my head higher as I continued.

_On that day_

_That not so distant day_

_When you were far away_

_And free,_

_If you ever find a moment_

_Spare a thought for me…_

So lost in the song I was in… I had failed to notice how the shock had morphed into horror. It was not until my feet touched the floor and I was at eye level with them that my voice faltered.

A chill ran down my spine.

"W-what's wrong?" I asked, my voice almost squeaking as they continued to stare at me with that unabashed fright. I looked from my friends to Nadir and to Erik—who was frozen it appeared. Looking down at my costume, I brushed the skirt with my hands and wondered if there was a stain or something that would put such an expression on their faces. It was not until I heard Ayesha's gasp that the chill became ice.

"Luciana!"

Her hand clapped over her mouth as soon as the name escaped her lips. Mortified, Ayesha looked away from me while Giles stuttered to say something to cover his wife's slip. Nadir gave me a look of pity before even he looked away.

None of this was making any sense. Why were they looking away from me like that? Why the perverse behavior? Why did Ayesha call me Luciana?

"N-no," I responded. "I'm not Luciana. I'm… I'm Aminta."

"Who?" Erik finally spoke. That one word… so soft but there was an underlying tension growing within and I could only look at my husband with confusion.

"Aminta," I repeated. "From your opera. I don't know which one, but there was a drawing you did and I thought…"

"You thought…" Erik echoed, interrupting me. "You think this is funny? That this is some kind of joke?"

"What? No! Erik!" I reached for him, but he pulled away from me. The rejection was a blow so painful that I staggered with my steps. "I didn't mean it as a joke. How could you think that? I wanted to surprise you! I thought… it would be a good idea to come as one of your characters."

"From _Don Juan Triumphant_?" he spat and I felt my heart stopped. _Don Juan_… that was the opera Erik would not play for me. The one he insisted I was not ready to listen. But… but that was impossible! He said the opera was unfinished. He was still working on it!

"I told you… I told you I did not want you to look at it. And you go behind my back?"

"No!" I cried. "Never! I didn't know it was from _Don Juan_! I swear!"

"You swear!?" Erik bellowed, which I jumped back, shrinking away as his temper was suddenly arising. "Then how did you know that song? The one Aminta sings after falling in love with Don Juan?"

"I found it… it was laying on the piano…" I choked my throat suddenly dry and my eyes stinging with tears. "I did not think you would mind. I wanted to surprise you…"

The pressure in my chest was becoming heavy as the foyer seemed to enclose around me. My hand flew to my heart as I forced myself to breathe, but I did not know what to do. Or what to say. I continued to move back as Erik swiftly stood to rise above me, his green eyes nearly black. He, too, was panting… his breathing erratic as he was doing his best to control his emotions and from doing something rash. Then… in a low, raspy voice… a command that left no room for argument… he ordered:

"Go to your room and change."

I could only stare at him transfixed with his request. "Erik—"

"I don't care what you put on if it's a ball gown or dinner dress or even your nightclothes… I don't want that… that… _atrocity _to be in my sight!"

My chin quivered, the tears already falling, but there was no forgiveness to be found in Erik. He was resolute in his decision and for him to say that word to me… To be said with such venom… such _hate_! And that was what I saw in his eyes right at that moment… Hate… unadulterated hate.

I inhaled sharply, my tears catching in my mask, causing it to scratch my skin. I quickly turned and began to run up the stairs as fast as I could… I had to get away. I had to get away from the hate that Erik clearly has for me. When I got to the top, I froze as I saw Mrs. Danvers standing right there.

She gave me no indication of her thoughts, her face as stony as ever, but I caught a very small quirk of her lips that said it all.

My own horror gripped me tightly, squeezing the air in my very lungs out. I couldn't speak. I could hardly make a sound!

She slowly turned around and proceeded to walk away from me. I could only stare at her retreating back, my body seizing uncontrollably with shakes. Where I found the strength to move my legs… I do not know… but I managed a couple of steps before Meg was at my side, her arm holding me up by my waist as she carried me to my room.

I had no control over my body.

I could not move, could not breathe, could not think.

With the added weight of my costume, I had to have been heavy for Meg to carry, but she did it. When we were back in the east wing, she led me to my bed and helped me sit down. Then the shock began to wear off and I instantly fell apart.

I ripped my mask away, throwing it across the room. I buried my hands in my face as I wept aloud for what had happened. How could this come to pass? How could it be that this had started off as one of the best days of my life to quickly change to my worst nightmare? Where did it all go wrong?

I wasn't the only one crying.

I lowered my hands and saw Meg… sweet Meg… crying for me. While I had lost the power to speak, she did not.

"This… this is not f-fair," she spoke, her sobs making her stammer. "You are beautiful… the s-song was b-beautiful… and he… he… said those h-horrid things to you. How could he s-say t-that? After all the w-work you done. It's not fair, I tell you. N-not fair."

She put her arms around me, embracing me as she tried to comfort me. "He's a fool," she whispered. "He couldn't at least be proud or thrilled of the compliment you paid him?"

Meg continued ranting on about Erik's foolishness, but I couldn't forget the look on his face… his eyes… those kind, wonderful eyes that gave me such warmth, such affection… forever tarnished with that spite raging from within. I will be haunted by this as a reminder… a reminder that I will always be a failure. That I was wrong about everything.

She was interrupted when there was a soft knocking on the door.

Wiping my eyes and nose furiously, I bid the person to enter and I was half-relieved, half-broken hearted when it was Ayesha.

She carefully stepped inside, her face filled with such remorse and pity. She came to stand in the middle of the room and said, "I would like to be alone with Mrs. de Winter."

Meg looked to me for my instructions, for I could see she did not want to leave me, but I knew she would be needed downstairs.

"It's all right Meg. Thank you," I told her and she nodded. Meg curtseyed and made her exit, closing the door behind her. When she was gone, I closed my eyes and awaited Ayesha's scolding that would come. For I had committed a horrible crime against her brother and she had every right to punish me as she saw fit. If she wanted to curse me, shun me, turn me out… then I rightfully deserved it.

"My brother is an idiot."

My eyes flew opened as that was not what I was expecting.

Ayesha was pacing the room, her hands flapping about with nervous energy. "I can't believe what he did down there. What he said… I was ashamed of him right then. He knew better. He knew there was no way you could have known. How could you? You were not even present at the time! It was a misunderstanding that's all it was and he had to take it personally. The fool… he never thinks before he speaks!"

"Ayesha?" I quietly bid. "What was it that I had done?"

Her eyes shifted towards me that look of sorrow penetrating my heart. "Oh Christine… please. Do not think that this is your fault. You are not to be blamed, do you hear me? Do not cry for Erik. He is an ass and he does not deserve your tears. And it should be he standing right here, not me. But he is a coward and I will support you on whatever you do or say to him as punishment."

"Tell me what it was Ayesha," I pleaded. "I have to know!"

She sighed and moved to sit next to me. "Like I said… you had no idea of knowing. It was all a terrible and unfortunate mistake. You see… your dress, your costume… Aminta… when I saw you, you looked so much like her. That is why Erik reacted the way he did. Stupid man."

"Luciana?" I whispered.

She nodded. "Yes. Last Masquerade Luciana was dressed up as Aminta. It's ironic, but you have the exact same dress, boots, and hairpiece. It was like she had reappeared for this one night! And the way you came down the stairs… it was exactly how she greeted us, singing that song that Erik had composed."

"So she knew about it," I added broken-heartedly. "Erik's opera."

"Yes," Ayesha said. "She encouraged him to write the story. She even proposed that Aminta would be the love interest to Don Juan. The opera is very much Luciana's as it is Erik's. The costume had been designed by Erik and Luciana made it so it would generate interest and talk. This would have been the first piece of music that Erik would have under his name and not his Phantom counterpart. It was a very clever ploy as advertisement and they even sang samples of the opera to show the guests what it was to be expected. Mrs. Andre and Firmin were going to produce the opera in their theatre for this season, but… no one could have expected the tragedy that would unfold and Erik had them cancelled the production. I thought he had destroyed it for good."

"Dear God," I gasped.

"Her death was difficult as you well know now… but this. This was an accident. I told Erik that. You had no malicious intent. Hell! There is not a deceiving bone in your body! You are too good, too sweet to do something so cruel. I do believe you would have succumb to your guilt earlier and confessed your costume beforehand!"

"I ought to have known," I said. "I should have known better."

"How Christine?" Ayesha pressed. "How could you have known something when you were not even here?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But I do feel like I am to blame."

"Nonsense!" she admonished. "Christine, you need to stop this self-martyrdom. You cannot take the fall for something you had no knowledge about. Erik is the one who is entirely at fault."

"Maybe so, but I did betray his privacy," I told her. "I should have guessed when I found the song. It was not like the ones he shared already."

"If he meant this to be a secret, then he should not have left it opened to any questing eyes."

"I agree but it is done," I wearily added.

"Well, I would not fret, my dear. You are the innocent in this situation. I know this and so does Giles and Nadir. In time, Erik will see that too once he lets go of his injured pride and allows sense to come through." Ayesha patted my hand assuredly, and stood and walked over to my closet. She opened the doors and proceeded to go through my dresses. "Now, we need to plan our attack. What dress do you have in mind you can wear instead? We want to give that brother of mine something to think about. To show you are not going to let this bother you and you will seek out other attention until he apologizes."

"I'm not going down," I announced.

Ayesha spun on her heels, her jaw dropping. "Not going down? But you must!" she exclaimed. "Christine, I understand that you are upset, but you cannot hide in here the whole night. There are people arriving as I speak to see you. This is your party, your Masquerade. How would it look if the hostess does not appear?"

"I don't care what they will think of me. I know most of them do not approve of me so why continue these false pretenses? Yet if it means so much, we can say that I am suddenly ill. What business is it of theirs to contradict it?"

"Staying here is only going to prove to Erik he was right. Besides, no one else knows about the dress. You know that none of us will speak about it. Now, how about this yellow frock? We could say you are the sun." Ayesha had the selected dress thrown over her arm. This will do nicely. Let's get you into this."

"I told you. I'm not going." I stood and moved away from the bed. "I know you mean well, Ayesha. I know I can count on you for your discretion and no one will ever know, but… I will know. My countenance can only pretend for so long before my emotions get the best of me. No. It's best I keep away and not make a further fool of myself."

I was firm on this matter and there wasn't anything Ayesha could say or do that would have me think otherwise. She saw this and was clearly not happy with my decision, but she relented. However, Ayesha still left the dress out by draping it over my bed.

"I will abide by your wish though I beg of you to reconsider. If you change your mind, then your outfit is chosen." She began to head to the door before looking back. "I will speak to my brother about this and give him a piece of my mind. Do not be alarmed if you find Erik sporting a new bruise."

I grinned in spite of myself as Ayesha was a force not to be reckoned with if you were in her eyes. Once I was alone, I went about in removing my costume. As each piece was shed I was becoming free of the negative memories. At least I was not wearing my shame. I put on my shift and robe and wandered over to my window to look out on the grounds. Like Ayesha said, the guests were there strolling in the gardens and conversing with one another. I quickly dropped the curtain lest I should be seen by one of them.

Biting my lip, I moved away and took a seat in front of my vanity. Gazing into the mirror, I hoped that I wasn't seen. If I was… I dared not want to know what they would be thinking.

Or saying.

"Have you seen Mrs. de Winter?" a guest would ask.

Another would respond, "Why, have you not seen? She's in her room."

"Her room? Good heavens, what for?"

"Perhaps she is ill. She could have caught a horrible infection."

"No. I heard it was something about her dress."

"Her dress? What could be so bad about the dress that would prevent her from entertaining us?"

"I do not know. I did hear from a servant that the dress was ill chosen and that's all I know."

"How silly and vain! All over a dress? I'm certain Mr. de Winter is humiliated that his wife will not show up at her own party!"

They would laugh and go about in speaking to the others on how the elusive Mrs. de Winter would never compare to the former Mrs. de Winter and that at least _she _would have come down whether or not a dress was ill chosen or not.

I sighed. I had no doubt I would be the subject in all the conversations. I would even have to wager that Evelyn and Regina will be searching for me to know of my secret disguise. They would be disappointed and I could hear Regina saying, "Well, what do you expect from a paid companion? Obviously, there is no imagination to her."

And Erik!

My heart tightened at the thought of my husband. To recall the fury, the hatred… What must he be thinking now? And did he truly believe I would do something so malicious?

_You did keep Raoul de Chagny a secret, did you not? Why would he believe anything else you say to him? _

"Yes… but he never reacted like this. He was angry, of course, but there wasn't hate in his eyes." I shakily touched my beating heart and the pain was felt underneath my fingertips. I couldn't bear it if Erik hated me now and forever. To think I caused it unintentionally was too much to stomach.

I started when a swift knock disturbed my thoughts. I leapt to my feet, petrified and hopeful it was Erik come to see me, when it was Anthony that greeted me. The old butler took a few steps inside and put his arms around me as I began to cry again.

His embrace was comforting and he waited while I cried on his shoulder. Once I was able to compose myself, I gasped when I saw how wet his coat was, but he gave me a gentle grin.

"Do not fret Mrs. de Winter. I have other coats and this is not ruined."

"I do not think I'm in the mood for jokes Anthony," I said ruefully.

"No, I daresay, you will not be. But there is no need to cry any longer."

"It's easy for you to say Anthony. You don't know what happened."

"You mean… about your costume being exactly like the previous Mrs. de Winter's?" he questioned with a knowing lift of his lips. "I'm afraid I had overheard, although it was not an intention of mine, I assure you."

"Does anyone else know?" I asked my eyes wide and fearful.

"No. I was the only one nearby," he told me and I let out a sigh of relief. "Mrs. de Winter, you cannot take this personally. It was no fault of yours and I know you did not mean to injure Mr. de Winter. He is a man with a volatile temper and will be remorseful."

"Perhaps that is so Anthony, but you had not seen his eyes," I said. "You did not see the pain and contempt. I did something unforgiving and Erik has every right not to trust me ever again."

"You judge yourself too harshly madam," Anthony commented. "For something not in your power."

"Wasn't it?" I rejoined. "I should have known."

"But you did not," he countered. "Therefore, you are not to be blamed. If I may say, running away from your troubles will not solve them. Nor will Mr. de Winter see what a grave mistake he made."

"What do you suggest Anthony? I cannot go down there and face them."

"And why not? I see you have a dress laid out and it is not too late to greet your guests and to sing with your heart. Staying here will only invite hearsay. That is not the solution. And you will carry that wherever you go. Sometimes you need to brave the fire and confront your fears. Otherwise, you will be haunted by the ghosts of 'what could have been' rather than the ones you chose."

I gazed at him in awe. "How do you know the right things to say?"

He smiled. "Age. And I told Mr. de Winter the same thing when he was a young man." Anthony tapped his right side of his face where Erik's mask would be and then I understood.

"Maybe I will go down. And I could speak to Erik."

Anthony nodded. "That is a wise decision. I will fetch Meg so she can dress you."

"Thank you Anthony. You are a dear friend." I smiled at him gratefully and I saw the pleasure swell in his grin.

"You're welcome Christine."

I started when he said my given name as Anthony has always addressed me as "Mrs. de Winter" or "madam."

The butler winked. "Good luck. I have faith in you."

To hear that, I could feel a sudden change in the air. It was time for me to stop running.

TBC…

I wanted that fatherly moment with Anthony and Christine since Madame Giry did encourage Christine to sing and… she needs her courage for what will happen next in part 2 of the Masquerade. Don't forget to click on that review button!


	21. Chapter 20

A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry for the wait but I have been sick and out of commission. I was watching my copy of the 25th Anniversary of Phantom and then Love Never Dies, which really gave me the strength to log in and get this and _Blood's Desire _updated. Enjoy!

**Chapter 20**

Meg came as quickly as she could and put me together in no time. There was little that could have been with my hair, but she left it hanging down to allow the waves and curls to bounce freely; my makeup was reapplied and my mask in place.

Despite the fact the mask did not match the yellow dress; Meg had a way in putting it into perspective.

"You are the sun and the sun is free and natural and it doesn't have to be coordinated to fit the needs of people."

No truer words were spoken and I was ready to face the guests. This time I elected not to sing as I came down the staircase.

While I think about this moment in time… my first and last party at Manderley was one mixed with anguish and happiness. While there plenty of episodes of the former occurring, I knew that I had to endure them all to reach the highlight of this evening. And looking back, I would live through them again and make the same decisions.

Yet, I am getting ahead of myself.

Immediately I was immersed in the crowd, though I did not stand out in the elaborateness and creation of the other costumes. I moved through the throngs of silk, velvet, sequin, and lace… a sea of masks smirking, grinning, and laughing greeted me and I was frozen with uncertainty. I knew I could not lose courage now, but everywhere I turned, I was encountered by the masses.

Feeling rather suffocated, I hurried to the side so I could breathe. From where I stood, I could look on without feeling trapped and admire the various costumes. Some were excellently done, others were not so. Some even took their characters too seriously.

I came across a tragic looking Marie Antoinette and a fairly decent Anne Boleyn in a heated debate over who had the most dramatic death. I couldn't help but chuckle when Anne stated how she could capture the attention of any man (which led to her downfall) while Marie could not even keep her husband's interest.

This created quite a stir among those nearby and everyone had to throw in their input over which deserved the title as Best Headless Death.

Yet, I could not seem to find Erik.

I continued to search for him, but I was stopped several times for hellos and compliments (once they realized I was Mrs. de Winter). There was a guest I was relieved to see as it was a friendly and familiar one.

The bishop's wife took my advice and came as Cinderella when she was the servant. Her gown was simple muslin in brown and a white apron. Her gray hair was pulled into a bun with a kerchief covering her head and her mask was plain cotton white. It really showed her humble beginnings and Adele looked fabulous.

"What fun this is!" Adele exclaimed. "Mrs. de Winter you have done a marvelous job! The bishop and I are enjoying ourselves immensely."

"I'm glad to hear it," I told her. "Where is the bishop?"

"Over there!" Adele pointed. I looked and there he was! As the footman no doubt!

"Sadly, we couldn't find a glass slipper so he has one of my good shoes in his coat pocket," she whispered.

"Either way, you are Cinderella." I smiled.

"Thank you my dear. And you look lovely as well. You are…?"

"The sun," I replied and winced at how silly that sounded. Yet, Adele did not mind and thought it was quite an original. Thankfully, she spotted another acquaintance and went after them. Once again I was alone and I took a deep breath in thanks of this reprieve. I really wished to speak to Erik and the sooner we can settle this matter the better I would feel.

Yet, he was nowhere to be found in the foyer, the dining hall, or any of the parlor and drawing rooms. I dared not ask anyone if they saw him—how terrible that would be—and I couldn't find Nadir, Ayesha, or Giles. I decided to check the gardens but to no avail. If Erik was not with the guests, then he had to be somewhere private.

I ran back into the house and checked the music room.

No Erik.

Next, I went to the library, which was the only place left I could think of. The corridor was empty as the crowd was moving into the large dining room to eat. Erik and I had planned that I would sing after dinner, but until I spoke to him… I do not think I could bear to sing before all these people. Of course, that would mean if Erik still wanted me to go on since I could not find him nor did it seem he was seeking me out.

As I approached the doors, I could hear voices arguing inside. I pressed my ear to the door and recognized Erik instantly! The other two voices—one female and one male—I assumed to be Ayesha and Nadir.

"You're not seeing reason…" That was Ayesha. "She would not do something as callous as showing up in Luciana's last costume."

"Be logical. How could she have known if she was not here to see for herself?" Nadir said.

"Poor thing was distraught!"

"You're letting your emotions cloud your judgment…"

"I am so disappointed that you would think so little of her when all she ever wants to do is please you. Why she cares about you when you are being so thick-headed I cannot fathom."

They were pleading my case and trying to appeal to Erik's sense of logic and reason for my actions. That and Ayesha was throwing in some insults as well. To know that she truly cared about me was more than I could ask for, especially since she was Erik's relations. I had an ally, which was a first and I anxiously waited for my husband's response.

Seconds passed and what had felt to be too long Erik finally broke his silence and I waited with hushed anticipation.

"Yes, I know I reacted irrationally Ayesha. I do not need you to remind me of my faults as you so often like to point out. It was impulsive and cruel on my part. I know my wife wouldn't mean anything by it. I was shocked tis all. The last thing I expected to see coming down the stairs was my dead wife's portrayal as Aminta."

"How could you take it out on her so horribly if you had known she would not mean anything by it?" Ayesha asked.

"Of course I wouldn't expect you to understand Ayesha. I have my reasons for acting thusly; however, I know I was in the wrong and I fully intend to make my apologies to Christine when I find her. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the predicament. The song I can see as I did leave it out, but the costume? I had the sketch bound in my production notes on a shelf. She would have to have reached high for it as she is rather petite and could not have taken it without an aid of some kind."

"Is it possible you had left it out as you did with the song?" Nadir asked.

"No," Erik said firmly. "I was intending to destroy it like the other possible costumes in the folder. Yet, I had not looked at it for a year. Christine somehow managed to get ahold of it, which is impossible for the height I had it stored. Snooping is not part of her character."

"That's true," Ayesha agreed. "Deceit is not a trait in Christine."

"I will investigate this. How and when Christine had the sketch in her possession I will find out," Erik said. "This is not a matter I will take lightly."

_Mrs. Danvers!_

The name instantly appeared in my mind. Now it all made perfect sense! She had planned this devious plot to ensure Erik would not have forgotten Luciana on what should have been a joyous occasion and gay celebration. She had to remind him when I would be in the center of attention.

And I!

I fell into her trap so easily and so naively too! I should have known better. I should have suspected her all along. How convenient it was that I could not come up with a costume idea for the Masquerade. And for her to take an interest in my affairs and offer her help… I should have listened to Meg. She had thought the whole thing was unusual, but I, so stupidly wanted to believe that Mrs. Danvers and I could become friends that I thought it would be a fine peace offering to accept her idea.

What a fool!

Recalling her cold and pleased countenance I fully understood the meaning behind that exterior. By playing me, she was able to anger Erik so that I would take refuge in my room. She knew how this would affect me and how I would react. I would be so devastated and humiliated that there was no way I could show myself to my guests. Not when the rejection would be clearly shown in every movement and gesture I make.

Yes…

It would be better if I had not shown up at all and feign a sudden illness to avoid any unwanted attention. Then the guests would have nothing to talk about but Luciana and how she would have done things while I remained hidden.

Her plan had been perfect and I fallen victim to it too quickly.

A hot burst of anger overcame me and I trembled from the intensity that it caused. I could not allow her get away with this. For too long I allowed myself to be bullied by her and this was the final straw. I could not allow this to continue.

I turned away from the library with a renewed sense of purpose. Erik was not upset as he was earlier and he was planning on apologizing to me. This took a great deal of weight off my shoulders and I no longer felt ill. As much as I wanted to throw those doors opened and announced my presence, I knew I must do this alone. As to where Mrs. Danvers was keeping herself… I had a feeling where to go.

The west wing.

Stalking down the hall, I could see a light glowing from underneath the door to Luciana's bedroom. I was not surprised that I would find her there since that was her last connection to her previous mistress.

With a strength I did not possess, I flung opened that door and stormed inside the room. My eyes sought out Mrs. Danvers by the window, whose back was to me. She had not flinched when I entered nor did she show any inclination of awareness that I was near when I moved closer.

Stopping a foot away from her, I announced, "Mrs. Danvers. I want to speak to you about an unsettling matter that I discovered."

She did not turn to face me, but her voice was soft and strange as she took no notice of my agitation towards her.

"Listen to how happy the ocean is. It knows there is a party going on and it's coming to see the festivities and maybe… just maybe catch a glimpse of its mistress standing here in the window. Oh, how she loved to stand and watch and listen. 'Do you hear that Danny?' she would say. 'It's like the waves are singing and I must go and heed its siren's call. Yes… It is a fine day to sail.' How she loved to sail."

I shifted my position as she finally turned to look at me. It was then I saw her eyes were swollen and red, and… was there tears glistening?

Yes there was as a tear trailed down her pale cheek.

I was taken aback by this emotional Mrs. Danvers in my sight. In all my time spent here in Manderley, I never knew she had the ability to express any feelings. Her usual stoic and emotionless expression had kept her separated from the rest of us. I never heard her laugh or see her smile… really smile and to see her cry? It was amazing and frightening all the same. For what was in front of me was a broken woman. A woman who had loved her mistress so dearly and devotedly and who had to lose her when she was so young and so full of life… it was the type of grief that could never be healed no matter the passage of time.

This was the last thing I would have expected from Mrs. Danvers.

I thought I would find her congratulating herself on a job well done. How she put the new Mrs. de Winter to shame that even her own husband could not stand the sight of her. How Luciana was once more in the forefront of his mind and thoughts and how he would remember fonder times they had spent together.

But to see her in her misery I almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

Despite what she was feeling, she had done a horrible wrong to me. This was not something that would go unpunished if I had any say in it. And I would.

"Mrs. Danvers," I repeated again. "You had gone too far in your animosity towards me. Not only had you embarrassed me in front of my friends, but you also upset Erik, my husband, who did nothing to deserve such heartless treatment. You knew what that costume meant to him and how he would react… yet you convinced me to wear it so I would honor his talents. And I believed you, Mrs. Danvers. I trusted you and we both suffered from your selfish behavior. Well? What do you have to say for yourself? Are you pleased? Are you happy?"

"Why did you come here?" she questioned me. "To Manderley? What were you hoping to gain in a marriage to Mr. de Winter?"

"I love Erik," I answered with conviction. "All I saw was him, not Manderley, and certainly not Luciana."

Mrs. Danvers slowly shook her head. "We were so happy without you here. Mr. de Winter was where he belonged and he had the company of Mrs. de Winter's ghost. What a lovely couple they had made! What a perfectly matched pair! I never saw a married couple who was madly in love with one another as the de Winters! They were the envy of society."

"That's over now," I said. "That ended when Luciana died. Erik had the right to marry again if he chose to and he did."

"You know… I thought I would hate you. When I received Mr. de Winter's letter of his sudden marriage, I was so bitter and infuriated that he would forget her so quickly and easily. How could he after those years together? Did that mean nothing to him? I was so determined to hate you, but I don't anymore. Isn't that queer?"

This entire conversation was surreal and maddening. Mrs. Danvers was not in a sound mind I could see and her singular behavior was filling me with unease. I would have preferred if she yelled or gazed upon me with disapproval than like this. I took a step back when she moved past me, her façade that alarming tranquility and her tone so gentle. However, her words only confused me.

"Why would you hate me?" I asked. "What have I done to make you hate me?"

She let out this shrill laugh. "You haven't figured it out? You do not know?" Coming around, Mrs. Danvers' brow narrowed as her gray eyes bored into me. "You tried to take Mrs. de Winter's place. You wanted to replace her."

"No!" I exclaimed. "That is not true! I made sure everything stayed the same. I have not made any changes to the routines of Manderley and continued to keep the same traditions as before. I approved of everything you put towards me! Menus, flowers, sauces! I have not—not once—requested anything new or different. I left all the decisions to you. I even tried to be friends with you, but you never wanted that! I tried so hard even when I knew all along friendship was never destined for us from the moment we met!"

With every outburst, Mrs. Danvers had not changed nor flinched. She stood as rigid as ever, her hands clasped in front of her, and her countenance maintained the fixed glare with her announcement that I had intended to replace Luciana.

Chest heaving, I was not finished. "People marry more than once you know. Twice, thrice, and sometimes several times if not more! Marriages end Mrs. Danvers. From either on their own accord or by death. People are allowed to be happy and find happiness again with another person. You act as if I committed a heinous crime in marrying Erik. Are we not allowed to experience the joys of matrimony like everyone else? What is so wrong about being happy?"

"Happy?" she spat. "Do you think Mr. de Winter is happy? Of course he's not happy! How can he when all you need to do is look into his eyes and see the Hell that he is in. He will never be happy not with you around."

"You do not know Erik like I do!" I shouted, although my voice shook when I knew Mrs. Danvers spoke the truth. How often have I gazed upon my husband only to find such undeniable sorrow in their very depths? How many times have I laid beside him at night as I listened to him call out for her? How many times have I listened to him telling her every night that he loves her? And how many times have I yearned for him to say those exact words to me? From the moment of our unconventional courtship to our wedding day… Erik has never said "I love you Christine." Not even after when I have told him I loved him. He always wanted to hear my love for him, but not for me.

Not for me.

Mrs. Danvers tilted her head as she heard the hesitance in my tone. There was no ignoring that this was a sensitive subject for me. After all, the last thing I wanted to do was admit that the reason Erik never told me he loved me was because he did not love me. He never has loved me nor will ever love me. I was his only chance of finding companionship in this life until he could once more be reunited with his one true love. I did not want to admit it; I did not want to believe its truth. Yet, right now, as I stood before Mrs. Danvers, all my fears resurfaced and the anger that I found strength in was quickly fading until I was that ignorant and childish girl again. Always full of dreams and fantasies, but too terrified to step into reality of the world. The girl who was constantly reminded of her downfalls and faults and how she would never amount to anything.

That she would never live up to the expectations of being a de Winter.

My knees buckled and I found myself stumbling to find something for me to cling to. I held the bedpost, my body shaking as my face lowered to the ground. All at once I was overwhelmed with the voices of my insecurities.

_You are a weak child. You do not have what it takes to be a grand lady._

_Failure. _

_Coward._

_How could anyone love a servant? You were born to work not for love._

_Naïve. _

_Foolish._

_You have nothing to offer to Erik. Your childish love was all he needed to make you think you were important to him. _

_You will never be a de Winter. You will never live up to the honor of what that name means to the world._

_You are no one._

"Stop!" I gasped, clapping my hands over my ears to block out those voices. "It cannot be true! It can't be! Oh God, please don't let it be so!"

_Erik will never fall in love with you. Compared to Luciana… you are a talentless, beauty-less mouse. How could he love someone like you when Luciana was so beautiful? Even Nadir told you about her beauty and you saw that he was attracted to her._

I collapsed to the ground, blinded by tears, as I wept.

Erik did not love me, I repeated in my thoughts. Erik did not love me he won't love me he can't love me he loves her only her and will love her forever and ever. He tells her he's sorry and he loves her loves her loves her for the rest of his life.

Mrs. Danvers came to stand over me. "You thought you could change him. You thought you could get him to love you. Now you know the truth."

"W-w-why?" I cried. "Why did you give me that sketch? Why convince me to wear that costume?"

"The Masquerade ball was Mrs. de Winter's favorite. It was the only party she looked forward to each season. The one where she could dress up and be someone else for the evening. 'Oh Danny, I have a wonderful idea on who I could be!' She loved to impersonate others. And she always did a fantastic job in mimicking her friends. They loved it. They encouraged her. They always said that no one could do a better job at being them than Mrs. de Winter. You were taking that away from her by throwing your own Masquerade as if you had the right. I had to teach you a lesson. You had to learn that the Masquerade was Mrs. de Winter's territory and no one else could replace all the hard work she put into it."

"At Erik's expense?" I accused. "You hurt him! You made him suffer!"

Mrs. Danvers tightened her fist while her lips puckered. "_I _hurt him?! Well, if you want me to admit my guilt, then so be it. Yes! I wanted Mr. de Winter to suffer. I wanted him to suffer the same way I suffered when he brought you to Manderley. Flaunting you to all the staff, parading you as Mrs. de Winter. Forcing you into my life! There has been only one Mrs. de Winter, the real Mrs. de Winter. And, she! She is the only one I will follow and obey. She may be gone, but her ghost still lives! She sees you. She sees the wretched substitute Mr. de Winter picked and curses the day you met Mr. de Winter! Oh yes… she sees all. She sees the mockery you have given to the name. A paid companion! A classless no one! You are not worthy to carry the de Winter title. You were not born into this world! But she! She was and she had prepared for this all her life and to see everything she has accomplished gone to ruin… I have suffered greatly for Mr. de Winter's lack of sympathy. To marry within a year and expect everyone to accept you as the new mistress? It is a sin and now Mr. de Winter is paying the price. He knows that she will never leave Manderley and his punishment is to carry that knowledge to his grave."

"I don't want to hear!" I pleaded. "Stop! Mrs. Danvers stop!"

But she would not listen. She was a madwoman in her rage. I tried to cover my ears to block her out, but her voice only grew louder and I had no choice but to hear all she had to say.

"My Mrs. de Winter was the envy of society! Every lady wanted to be like her, but she was mine. My lady. How I loved to serve her! Even when she was only a child I knew she was meant for greater things. And she did too. I recall once when she was seven-years-old she turned to me and said, 'I shall be the most beautiful person in the whole world Danny. Everyone will adore me and love me and I will laugh because they cannot ever be me!' She did grow into such a beauty. Such glorious black hair; wide, vibrant blue eyes; bright ruby lips, and smooth, flawless white skin! Men would fall over their feet to catch a glimpse of my lady. She had many suitors and they were all clamoring to be her husband. What delight she found this to be! If she were to show favor in one, then the rest would triple their interest in lavish gifts and jewels. Besides her beauty, she was clever and talented. She knew how to play those men and say what they wanted to hear so they would do her bidding. She had been doing this since she could talk! Her father had been wrapped around her finger when she was an infant!

"But she had a wild streak in her… the most daring spirit I had ever seen. She was always seeking a challenge. When she discovered sailing it was the perfect activity for her. The thrill being out on the water and how the weather will quickly change to dangerous conditions... Those were the best times to sail she would tell me. I was worried for her, but she would laugh at my foolish concerns for she knew what she was doing and I believed her. Even Mr. de Chagny would tell me to keep an eye on her for she was very impulsive. Of course, he was just as bad. As children, they would dare and bet one another to do these outrageous stunts! They were always trying to outdo the other, but my lady was always victorious! She could beat Mr. de Chagny at any dare and game. She was a wonderful fencer and she loved to play rugby. Such a tomboy but still very much a lady.

"However, out of all her lovers, it was Mr. de Winter she attracted and all she had to do was sing. She had a natural voice and that drew him to her and it was not long before she told me of her engagement. 'Oh Danny! What wonderful news! I am to be married and to Mr. de Winter no doubt! His Manderley is the most spectacular home in England, but Danny… there's a lot that needs to be done that only a mistress could tend to. I shall make it one of the Eighth Wonders! People from all over the country and the world will want to visit Manderley.' So besotted she was that she didn't care what the others said about her husband-to-be. Even Mr. de Chagny tried warning her on what kind of man Mr. de Winter was, but she would not hear of it.

"'I don't care about the mask, Danny,' she said. 'He could be horribly deformed or dashingly handsome, but he is a man above all. Have you heard him play? His music is nothing I have ever heard and the stubborn man won't publish it should he be ridiculed. How silly! I will convince him Danny. You watch and see. Mr. de Winter will share his music to the world and I will sing at his side. We will be perfect!' I did not doubt my lady for when she says she will do something, then it will be done. Mr. de Winter did not stand a chance with her charms and soon he was known as the Phantom to the world. Yet, their circle of friends eventually knew the truth for she could not keep it a secret any longer. She was so proud of him and she wanted everyone to know that the Phantom was her husband. They were a perfect couple, despite the mask. My lady never questioned it but she did confess one night to me how Mr. de Winter did share what was behind.

"She was sitting right there at her vanity as I brushed her hair. There was this smile on her lips as if she discovered a fantastic gift. 'I saw Danny,' she said. I did not have to ask what it was she saw. I knew right away. 'And?' I asked, 'Was it like everyone had said?' 'Oh Danny, I won't tell!' she laughed. 'But I know the truth Danny and that's all I need.' I knew right then that it was part of his eccentricity. My lady would not dare to let anything ugly in her sight or let alone touch her. I was so happy for her, more so than ever. She had everything she ever wanted and she lived a fairy tale life. Everything was in her favor until—"

At this, Mrs. Danvers let out this hideous wail. "God had to take her! He had to take her away from me! Me! How could He do something like this? How could He take this precious child from the world? Did He not know how important she was? The angels had to be jealous. Jealous of her looks, jealous of her voice, that of course, God had to take her life away so we mortals could not enjoy our time with her. He wanted her for Himself! But she would not let that happen. She returned to Manderley, her ghost walks these halls because she is not ready yet. She will go when she is ready to go and no one… not even God could tell her what to do. They all must obey her! Not the other way around. And she won't go until she feels that Mr. de Winter is punished thoroughly for his crime in marrying you!"

"Enough!" I shouted but my demand was feeble and I shrunk back as Mrs. Danvers continued her ravings.

"He was miserable as he should be, the grieving husband mourning for his beautiful bride. Then he left Manderley at Mr. Khan's insistence! Did he not know that Mr. de Winter wanted to be alone with her? To Monte Carlo he goes, the place where they had honeymooned, and what should he find? A new wife! A silly young thing old enough to be his daughter! I'm sure he fancied himself happy, but when it came time to return home… he eventually discovered what a terrible mistake it had been. You did not fit in. Everyone knew that and how they talked about you! Yes! They all did and laugh behind your back they did. How Mr. de Winter could be so blind as to marry someone like you, believing you could make him happy. Never had I seen such an opposite pair!

"However, Mr. de Winter decided to keep you around and as such I had to suffer. To wait on you, to listen to you, and to know that you destroyed my lady's cupid… I could not be idle any longer. I sent for Mr. de Chagny as he was my only link left to my lady. I told him about you and how you were destroying what she had built. He understood my plight, but only saw this as another opportunity to get back at Mr. de Winter. When she was alive, Mr. de Winter had ordered that he was never to return to Manderley, but my lady did not follow it. Mr. de Chagny was her cousin! Her husband could not dictate what guests she could and could not have. And for him to once more break the bonds between myself and Mr. de Chagny! How he could he hurt me thusly? Of course, it was out of jealousy. He never liked Mr. de Chagny. He never liked how my lady would devote all her attention to her cousin and not to him. So it goes to show that Mr. de Winter has never forgotten her."

"I don't want to know. I don't want to know," I said, closing my eyes tightly. Images of Erik with Luciana flashed through my mind. Their love for each other, the passion and jealousy that sparked within them; and underneath it all, Erik had trusted her to reveal his face to her. I had long stopped seeing the mask as a separate entity, but as part of Erik's face like my own naked face. I saw his soul and his heart and I love all of him. Even if he was scarred… I did not care. I loved the man and not the physical appearance. Yet, Erik would not share with me his secret. The fact that he wouldn't prove to me that his love for Luciana far surpassed than whatever feelings he had for me. "Have mercy Mrs. Danvers! I cannot hear more!"

There was silence then a rustling of fabric and creaking of the floorboards and I opened my eyes to find Mrs. Danvers staring at my face, her lips drawn back in a vicious snarl. "You need to get used to it. You may be married to Mr. de Winter but you are not Mrs. de Winter. Even in death she is still mistress of Manderley and you better learned your place in this home. You are no equal here. Or, perhaps, you should leave. Yes. You should leave Manderley behind. You are not wanted here. No one sees you as mistress anyways and it will make everyone happy."

"Anthony said they liked me. He said—"I choked.

"Anthony that old fool. He is humoring you for his niece's benefit. No. No one in the staff likes you and they speak on how they wished you were dead and not Mrs. de Winter!"

I gasped out, my hands reaching for Mrs. Danvers as she lifted herself up to stand over me. Looking down her nose, she clicked her tongue, "Look at you. You're a miserable creature. You've known all along you do not belong so why fight the inevitable? You knew this from the start that your place was not here. The only option that I see to make everyone happy is for you to take your leave once and for all."

She turned and began to move towards the window again. I was on the floor, sobbing, as the truth settled over me. Yes… she was right. I had known all along that I did not belonged here. How many times have I had this argument with Erik? He wanted to insist that I could be a part of his world, but that was only a lie. One that would eventually come to light if I remained.

The only option was there all along. Mrs. Danvers was right.

I was better off leaving Manderley for good.

Not only for myself, but for Erik's as well. In time, he would grow to regret his decision in marrying me. If he hasn't already, then he is on his way. And when that time comes… there will be nothing but bitterness and contempt between us.

My heart was breaking in half all over again.

This time I knew because it had to be done. I will love Erik forever I know that. There will never be another man in my life.

It was love that had me marry him and it would be love that would tear us apart. I had to do this.

I pushed myself to my feet and shuffled to Mrs. Danvers who already had the window opened.

"Go on," she said softly, almost sweetly. "Come take a look."

I poked my head out the window to see the waves of the ocean crashing below us. A chill crawled down my spine.

"Do not fight it anymore," Mrs. Danvers added, encouraging. "You know what must be done. You had known this before. Go on. Take a step closer. Watch the sea. It won't be painful and soon… all of this will be over. You will no longer have to think about Mr. de Winter or Mrs. de Winter. You will be free from this sorrow."

"Free," I repeated, gazing out to the sea. It looked so inviting that if I listened closely… I could hear my name being whispered.

"That's it, my dear," Mrs. Danvers cooed. "You're almost there. Take that final step."

TBC…


	22. Chapter 21

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm quickly posting this up before I have to leave for work. Open to close… yay! Anyways, I want to give a quick shout out to everyone for reading and reviewing this story. And finally… the chapter most of you have been waiting for! What will happen between Christine and Mrs. Danvers next? Well, you have to read and find out!

**Chapter 21**

Clarity is a wondrous thing.

One can understand everything when that moment… that single, pristine moment comes over you and the simple truths are laid out at your feet.

Standing by the window, looking out to the sea beneath, I knew that in a single leap that I will leave all this pain behind. I would no longer have to bear the anguish of hearing Erik cry out for Luciana. He will no longer have to feel obligated to me. He could be with the one he always desired, the one he always loved.

My foot was extended, the cool breeze passing through my stockings. All I had to do was let go and it would be over.

Yet, I hesitated.

In that split second, I stopped and looked… really looked at what was happening.

What I was considering to do… to jump into the ocean… I… I… couldn't.

I saw my parents and I could feel their disapproval in this decision. I was throwing away what I was taught when I was a child. Taking one's own life was a sin that God would never forgive.

And what about Erik?

Yes, I was doing this for him, but at the same time, I knew he would be crushed if I was gone.

I couldn't leave him like this. Not when we still had years ahead of us to spend together.

And if we do grow apart and become bitter, then I would have the happy memories to hold onto for the rest of my life. That would have to be enough.

I brought my foot back and turned to look at Mrs. Danvers who was now gazing at me with manic confusion and spite.

"How dare you," I said through tight lips. "You thought persuading me to suicide was the answer to everything? No Mrs. Danvers. You may be right about Erik and me, but I'm not going to give us up. If there's the slightest chance of some brief happiness, then I want to seize that opportunity and experience what little joy I can."

Her mouth moved wordlessly, her gray eyes gaping in shock. This was not the response she was expecting.

I had to smile that her plans were foiled. This was exactly the courage I needed to tell her exactly what was on my mind. There was no trace of my former timidity when I stood my ground and locked gazes with her. It pleased me to see her stagger as she saw the firm resolve in my countenance.

I would not be bullied anymore.

"Now, listen to me closely, Mrs. Danvers and listen carefully," I said. "Unlike you, I do not see the need for vengeance for whatever reason so I will show some mercy when I know in my heart that you deserve a fate much worse than what you planned for me. I had been too compliant. I looked to your guidance in every matter concerning Manderley with fear that I should do something wrong. Not anymore. For now on, you will be taking orders from me. I am Mrs. de Winter now. Not Luciana. Her time is gone and I will not have you undermining me because of your devotion. And as I am _your _mistress you will do as I say regardless how you feel towards me. You do not have to like me or be friends with me. I believe that the time for kindness and friendship is long past over. And if you think or try to do something that will cause myself or Mr. de Winter harm, then I will have no choice but to confess your crimes to my husband and dismiss you from the premises. Are we clear?"

Her lips flapped until finally she sealed them closed and nodded.

"Good," I said. "I know we still have a party going on, but first… I want you to lock these doors in the west wing off for good. I have no use for them and neither should you."

There was no mistaken the anger that filled her visage, but I paid it no mind. To say what I have always longed to say was quite cathartic.

I marched over to the door, and before I made my exit, I tossed a glance behind my shoulder. "And Mrs. Danvers… I will be checking at random to see that my orders have been carried out. If I catch a door unlocked or a room being used or cleaned, then I will go to Erik and you will have to find work elsewhere. Preferably out of England. That will be all."

Striding down the corridor was uplifting and I never felt so good in my entire life. And in some small way I had to thank Mrs. Danvers. After all, she wanted me to be free and I feel like I did become free...

Free of Luciana's influence.

Her ghost might lurk in Manderley, but she will not bother me. Not anymore.

I am Mrs. de Winter.

I am Mrs. de Winter.

To say those glorious words and now at last they were finally true. I was not the intruder anymore. I was through being the outsider. Manderley was _my _home and I shall make it mine.

I came out of the west wing, and down to the foyer, just in time to hear Anthony make the announcement that I will be singing shortly.

I had to find Erik.

He had to see the transformation I made.

But first… I happened to run into Regina Firmin and Evelyn Andre.

They were recognizable in an instant. Their costumes… well, their costumes had to be added to the not so well done. Regina was Cleopatra, although it was hard to tell since she was wearing an ivory ball gown with golden butterflies on the skirt with golden sleeves. It was the headpiece with a serpent's head that gave it the ancient Egyptian feel while her mask was a tawny eye covering attached to a stick.

Evelyn's was slightly better but I would have to guess she was a zebra. Her mask was a black and white matrix style with a Venetian gown also in black and white.

I reared back to prepare myself for their scrutiny and what they saw… I could see their unabashed pleasure that I had not lived up to the hype surrounding my secret costume. Still riding the high from my epiphany, I did not blush nor did I look away from their questing eyes.

"Oh there you are Mrs. de Winter! You know, Evelyn and I have been searching everywhere for you. We were dying to see the costume you have designed, and I must say, I am impressed," Regina said, her tone doing a terrible job in containing her glee.

"Oh?" I replied.

"Yes," Evelyn included. "I must compliment you on the dress. Very simple, but elegant in its own way. I have never seen such a pretty little thing. Is that right Regina?"

"I daresay you are correct Evelyn," the dark-haired woman responded. "Of course, I'm trying to decide who you are supposed to be." Suddenly, Regina snapped her fingers. "I got it! Why, you're pretending to be a companion to some wealthy lady. I must say that drawing from your personal experiences was a brilliant idea."

"Indeed," Evelyn concluded.

I knew they were insulting me and my background. Before that would have had me all flustered and begging for an excuse to leave so I could regroup. Yet, my tongue would not be silent no more.

"As a matter of fact, while I am impressed with your deduction, I must inform you that you are completely wrong. I am not pretending to be a former shadow of myself. Instead, I happen to be the sun. The dress is rather simple as you have noticed, but so is the sun. It rises and sets, brings dawn and light to our days, and rarely changes its appearance as it has no one to impress. The sun is constant and does not need to show off to prove its luminance to the world. In fact, you could say the sun is not fake nor does it pretend to be something that it isn't."

The mark was made and the two women shuffled their weight as they desperately thought of something to say that would deflect their original intentions.

"Ah, I see the connection now. A job well-done Mrs. de Winter. You certainly surprised us with such an ingenious idea," Regina said with a tiny grin. "Don't you think so Evelyn?"

"Yes. Very," the blonde added. "And what a fine choice you made too."

"Thank you," I said. "I hate to be rude, but I must go and find my husband. He will be accompanying me when I sing and I want to make sure he is well prepared. Enjoy the rest of the party!"

I could barely hold my delight when I brushed past them as if they meant nothing to me. And they didn't. Now, Regina and Evelyn know I can hold my own and that they cannot bother me with their words.

I went around and it would seem Erik had disappeared yet again. I checked the library to make sure he did stay there, but he did not.

Frustrated, I let out a deep exhale and decided that if I see someone I know I would ask them if they saw Erik. Fortunately, once I made that vow to myself, I caught sight of Nadir.

Yes!

I hurried to Nadir and tapped him on his shoulder. He whirled around and after he took one look at me, he asked quietly, "Mrs. de Winter?"

"Of course!" I answered and removed my mask. "I'm so glad to have found you Nadir. Have you seen Erik?"

"I did not long ago, but I fear he disappeared on me. No doubt looking for you as well. Mrs. de Winter, you must know that before… that had been a mistake."

"I know Nadir," I interjected. "I overheard you and Ayesha speaking to Erik. I must thank you for defending my honor. I know Erik would have eventually realized the error he made, but I was not quick to see it right away."

"I'm pleased you know that Erik was in the wrong. You are certainly a sweet girl and my friend is a simpleton when it comes to such things. He does not take criticism well, and especially, when he is out of line. I must admit that the coincidence was nothing but amazing and astounding!"

"I agree and you do know that my intention was not to be hurtful."

"Unless you have some kind of sixth sense that you were able to see into the past, then I say yes I know you were not intended to be hurtful."

"I'm glad to hear that. Nadir, you are truly a good friend and I am very lucky to have met you. The same with Erik. And there is something I must confess to you and I hope that after you will see my perspective and understand what I have decided."

"What do you mean?"

Taking him by the arm, I led Nadir to a secluded part in the corridor so we could speak frankly. I could tell that this caused some alarms to appear across his face and I assured him it was nothing horrible and that he had nothing to fear.

"I have come to a better understanding about my marriage and I decided that there are some things I cannot let it bother me anymore. It is the truth and I cannot ignore that. I will love Erik no matter what our paths take and I hope that he would be kind."

"Mrs. de Winter?" Nadir said, his brow creasing. "I'm afraid I do not follow."

"I know you want Erik to be happy and you thought I could give him the happiness he deserved after Luciana's death. Yes, it was very tragic, and he suffered so much, but I have reached the conclusion that my influence in regards to his happiness will only go so far. He loves Luciana, Nadir. I can see that now. He loves her so much and her death was something he couldn't get over. He tried. He really tried but I'm not the woman he wanted."

"Christine," Nadir slipped out, dropping my surname. "There has to be a misunderstanding. You cannot possibly think—"

"Oh, but I do," I said. "I am not her. I will never be her. I have accepted that and though it grieves to say… I have to think about Erik. I cannot be selfish and pretend that he loves me. Not when he cannot let her go. And, as I suppose, I cannot blame his feelings. This is why I decided that I will stay with Erik as whoever he needs me to be. We have had a lovely friendship beforehand and if that's all I can have, then so be it. I rather him see me as a companion if not a wife. And if Erik were to find love again in a woman worthy of his affections… then I would not cause trouble. I will grant him whatever he wanted for him to be happy."

"I cannot believe—Damn that man! I was afraid this would happen!" Nadir exclaimed.

I shook my head. "Nadir, it's really all right. I'm accepting my role in my marriage. It's enough, honestly, that he knows that I love him and will be there for him. And you do not need to fret about more secrets. I intend to speak to Erik after my performance."

"You have it all wrong, Christine!"

"I don't Nadir. For the first time, I see perfectly. It's all clear to me now. Ah! My debut is going to start soon. I will speak to you later Nadir."

I went to the ballroom where the guests were gathering. I saw Erik directing Robert and a couple of other servants in positioning the piano in the center of the floor. The band was silent, their instruments resting at their sides for a small break until they were ready.

Once the piano was settled, Erik sat upon the bench and did a quick warm-up song. I saw Meg off to the side as she was sidling up to Robert. His face turned into a warm hue of pink, but there was no denying the pleased smile growing. She caught sight of me and waved for good luck. Across the other side was Ayesha who was smiling and nodding to me.

I took a deep breath and walked to Erik. He turned around when I drew closer and I could sense his smile behind the Red Death's mask. He closed the distance between us, taking my hand in his large palm. "I was afraid you would not come and I would not blame you if you didn't. I behaved atrociously my dear."

"I forgive you Erik," I said with a tender smile. "You should know by now that I cannot be crossed with you."

A hint of sadness passed through his eyes. "I don't deserve you Christine." There was a tone of emotion in that single sentence and I tried not to discern what it possibly meant. More than likely he was remorseful for his behavior and did not believe I should forgive him so easily. Perhaps, I should not. Yet, I had a better understanding now than I have before.

"There is something, though, I wish to speak to you about afterwards. It's time I start not to hide anymore."

Erik frowned. "What the devil do you mean?"

"Do not worry Erik. It makes sense now. I understand your feelings for Luciana. It's fine. Now, we have to song to do."

The unsettling gaze did not fade away, but Erik quickly covered it up with bravado by raising my hand and announcing, "Ladies and gentlemen! The moment you have been awaiting! May I present to you my wife, Mrs. Christine de Winter in her first singing debut. I know many of you will be enchanted with her voice and it is our hope that you will be hearing her more in the near future."

The polite applause was encouraging and I took my spot next to the piano as I faced the crowd. At last, the moment I had been dreaming about my whole life has come to fruition. All I ever wanted to do was sing and too many times I have been told I could not sing and no one would want to hear me. This was my chance to shine. Strangely enough, I was not as nervous as I thought I would be and realized it must be the new Christine de Winter rising to the occasion.

_This is for you Mother and Father. For everything you worked for and dreamed of me becoming. I hope I can make both of you proud. And, of course, my Angel of Music. Erik may not agree with me, but I know he is the Angel of Music sent to me by you and I will not abandon him. _

I braced myself as Erik started the introduction. To my initial surprise, he was not playing the intro to "The Jewel Song." Instead, it was the beginning of "Think of Me"!

I was completely stunned and baffled that I nearly missed my cue! I soon recovered and after Erik's nod of encouragement, I began to sing.

_Think of me,_

_Think of me fondly,_

_When we've said goodbye._

_Remember me_

_Every so often_

_Promise me you'll try…_

_On that day_

_That not so distant day_

_When you were far away_

_And free,_

_If you ever find a moment_

_Spare a thought for me…_

As soon as I sung the first note, I could tell I instantly captivated the entire audience. Some had their mouths open in shock, most likely recognizing the song, while many were awestruck. Even Ayesha, her husband, and Nadir were astonished, but there was also wonderment. I was also very pleased to see that Regina and Evelyn appeared flustered, their jaws flapping like a couple of fishes.

I finished the first refrain and then the rest of the band joined in, the music lifting high into the air as Erik led the way.

_And though it's clear,_

_Though it was always clear_

_That this was never meant to be,_

_If you happen to remember, _

_Stop and think of me…_

_Think of August _

_When the world was green_

_Don't think about the way _

_That things might have been…_

I stole a glimpse at Erik and he was watching me with such reverence and pride and… there was something else, but I could not make out what it was. Yet, I knew he was pleased with the performance. Every note and every mark was hit with utter perfection.

_Think of me…_

_Think of me waking, _

_Silent and resigned,_

_Imagine me_

_Trying too hard _

_To put you from my mind._

_Think of me, please say you'll,_

_Think of me…_

_Whatever else you choose to do_

_There will never be a day_

_When I won't think of you…!_

I was nearing the end of the song and this had to be executed perfectly. As I sang, I could envision myself on the stage of the Paris Opera House. My adoring fans hanging on every word while I as Aminta was praying that my true love will not forget me. I knew I had them. I knew they realized I was more than Christine Daaé, former paid companion. I was Christine de Winter, prima donna. I reared my head back and prepared for the final verse.

_Flowers fade_

_The fruits of summer fade_

_They have their seasons_

_So do we…_

_But please promise me_

_That sometimes_

_You will think…_

_Ahhhhhh… of me!_

Just as I held out the last note, a loud boom crashed overhead, which startled me from completing the end and my voice cut out. A few ladies screamed in shock, not at all expecting the loud roar. Then another went off and this time… the guests began to scurry outside to see what the commotion was all about.

I must admit I was entranced, too, but it was certainly not how I wanted to end. I looked over to Erik and even he was shocked from the interruption. Then a dawning sense of alarm reached his eyes. Before I could speak, Erik was running outside as well as the rest of the guests were flooding out to the gardens.

I pressed my hand to my stomach as the nerves fluttered inside. This did not bode well.

TBC…


	23. Chapter 22

A/N: Hi everyone! I know so many of you were thrilled that Christine finally stood up to Mrs. Danvers. It was a long time coming and it was the push she needed to finally be herself. But now… the plot thickens with this strange booming sound. What does it mean? Well, read on my dear readers and be prepared for a twist (well… if you don't know what happens, wink).

**Chapter 22**

I was running outside as well, not to see what was happening, but to find Erik. Something disturbed him greatly with those rockets and I had to be at his side.

All around the guests were watching on in horror and intrigue as the fire brigade arrived followed by the police. I paused to watch them past and heard the speculations that were quickly spreading.

"It was a distress signal," someone said. "A boat must be going under and during a party no less!"

"Indeed! Poor Mr. de Winter. He is certainly not having the best of luck when it comes to this bay. First his wife and now the Masquerade."

"Oh no. No one is sinking. It was planned as a grand finale to Mrs. de Winter, but unfortunately, it went off too soon."

"I'm telling you… the rocket was a signal for something. How else can you explain the presence of the fire and policemen?"

"Perhaps, there has been a murder!"

"A murder! How ghastly!"

"Listen to yourselves! Murder… no one would be a fool to commit it when there are hundreds of witnesses."

"I concur. Murder could not have taken place. But what? It couldn't be a robbery."

"Whatever it was… I am certain this is not how the de Winters had planned the evening to be."

How very true.

The rockets were not intentional so it must have been something else entirely… however, I hadn't the faintest.

I darted away before someone could ask me if I had any information. The last thing I wanted was to be caught in the middle of this business and having to explain what I did not know or understand. The only person who might know and could enlighten me was my husband and he was nowhere to be found!

"Erik!" I called but my voice was lost in the commotion of the various bodies and shouts being given. Also, it did not help that a mist was rolling off from the ocean making sight difficult.

I refused to let that hinder my search and I continued calling out Erik's names in hopes he would hear me. Soon… I felt like I was running in circles with the fog blocking my vision and my voice being drowned out by the crashing waves. The temperature was dropping and I trembled from the chill in the air. My dress was not much in providing warmth, let alone protection near the water. Yet, I could not turn back to the house now.

"Erik! Where are you? Erik!"

"Mrs. de Winter?"

I whirled around and squinted as a figure was moving through the fog towards me. There was no cause for fear as I recognized that voice.

"Nadir!" I cried happily. "I'm glad to see you!"

Nadir was close enough that I could make out the details of his countenance and there was a discerning expression marring his features.

"Mrs. de Winter, you are frozen to the bone! Come. We should return inside."

"Not yet," I told him. "I have to find Erik. Have you seen him?"

"I'm afraid not. Mrs. de Winter, I highly recommend we return to the house."

"If you want to go back then go on. I'm looking for my husband. You can join me if you wish too, but I am not going back until I know where he is."

Nadir slowly shook his head as he sighed reluctantly. "It is no wonder you two are married. Allah can see you two are made of the same obstinate mind with the same goal to drive me insane. Why I stick around I am glutton for punishment."

I fought back a grin at Nadir's oath, but was relieved he was helping me.

"I suspect your husband is speaking to the Fire Marshall and inspector to gather what had happened. I did spot the Marshall walking down to the beach."

It was difficult to navigate through the fog, but we managed to reach the beach. The coldness in the air was getting worse and while I did my best to keep my teeth from chattering, Nadir saw through it in an instant. He had his coat off and wrapped around me within seconds, muttering, "Since I cannot speak sense to you, then Erik will have my neck if I did not try to keep you somewhat warm."

I knew he would be freezing without his coat, but Nadir did not react to the chill and I wondered if he must be used to it. Regardless, I did not want him to be without his jacket for long so once I knew Erik was all right, and then Nadir and I will return to the mansion.

Locating the Fire Marshall did not take long as he was the only one barking and shouting out orders to his men from the shore. Gazing out across the waters, I could see a ship about thirty yards out and surrounded by rocks. And with a twist to my right I saw Erik!

I was overjoyed that I found him, and without telling Nadir, I headed to him. As I approached Erik, I heard him speaking to another man:

"—must have mistaken the bay as Kerrith harbor. It's quite a simple mistake to make with all this fog. Unfortunately, the tides are too high for them to shift her so it will not be until daylight when something can be done. I'll have my staff prepare some hot food and drinks for the men. It will no doubt be a long, tedious, and cold night."

"Erik!" I gasped and he faced me, but any gladness I was expecting to find was not there. He did replace his Red Death's mask with his half white mask one, probably so the responders could recognize him as the owner and his visible brow narrowed.

"Christine, what the devil are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I was looking for you," I replied as it seemed obvious to me. "You left so quickly. Is everything all right?"

"Mrs. de Winter!" Nadir was calling once more and finally came to my side. "There you are Mrs. de Winter! By Allah, do tell me when you leave. It was so abrupt I feared the worse."

"Relax Nadir," Erik told him. "Although, I am now curious since you were with my wife, how come she is not back at the house where it is warm."

"Erik, your wife has a mind of her own. She would not listen to me until she knew where you were."

"I suppose I am becoming a bad habit if my wife ignores you as well."

"What happened?" Nadir questioned, looking out to the waters.

Erik told us the ship hit the rocks, thinking they could dock before the water got too dangerous. So far, it does not appear to be any serious damage and the ship was not taking in water, but to be safe, a diver was going to be deployed to see underneath.

"So there you have it. Now that your curiosity was quenched, I suggest Nadir you take my wife back inside. We have many men out here that will be in need of refreshments and as soon as it's made the better."

"What about you?" I asked him. I knew he had to be just as frigid as the rest of us. "Erik, you should come in too. You will get ill if you are out here for long."

"I am fine madam," he answered stiffly. "I will return once my services are no longer required."

I did not understand this. Erik seemed indifferent and he completely brushed off my concerns for his health. Yet, he was quite insisted that I return. There was something troubling that was brewing in his thoughts. He may not have shown it, but his rigid posture told me plenty. Once more, he was keeping secrets from me and what this one might entail I did not know nor did I have a clue. It all seemed pretty straightforward to me. The ship hit the rocks and now was stuck from the high tides. No one else seemed to be in a panic so it was good news that the ship was not sinking, but what? What could it be that has perturbed my husband's mind?

Nadir had his arm around my waist and was pulling me away, but I did not resist and went along. The dear man must have thought the news was upsetting me, and on the way back to the house, Nadir was telling me that all will be well and that Erik will be all right and that those men on the ship survived so I would not have to be worried.

Worried?

It was touching that Nadir thought highly of my feelings and while I was grateful to know that those men were alive and well and not seriously injured… I could not stop thinking about Erik. If only he stopped shutting me out!

We returned to the house and the guests were leaving. Words could not express how happy I was that I did not have to entertain them anymore. While I did enjoy the Masquerade, I knew I would have enjoyed it more if I was merely a guest. At least I did have my opportunity to sing in front of everyone, but it appeared that my triumph was short-lived as it was dominated by the ship's crash. However, seeing that there was no danger or a destructive disaster, the guests felt it was time to take their leave.

I had to say goodbye to those who were still walking out the door. Luckily, Regina and Evelyn had already left, but I did have the chance to say farewell to Adele and the bishop.

"I'm sorry this happened. Of course, no one would be happy that their first party should be clouded by this incident. You did sing beautifully, my dear. I trust you will sing at other parties and that this will not put you off from entertaining more at Manderley. I'm certain God did not mean to slight you."

"It's all right Adele," I said. "I'm sure God has his reasons."

"He always does," she replied with a wink. "Take care my dear."

After the bishop and Adele left, Ayesha and her husband were the remaining guests. Erik's sister did not like that he was outside and was going to charge out there to drag him back when Giles convinced his wife that Erik had his reasons for being out there.

"But still," Ayesha said. "Erik will certainly get sick. He has a wife to think about and not his selfish needs."

"It's all right Ayesha," I told her. "Erik knows the area better than those men. He is a great resource to have in case something, God forbid, should go wrong."

"True." She appeared thoughtful. "But I still don't like it. Are you not worried Christine?"

"Of course I am. I worry all the time as you know, but I do have faith in my husband. I'm sure once the ship is inspected, Erik will be here as the rest."

"You're a rare woman Christine," Ayesha said with a grin. "Perhaps, I could learn a thing or two from you after all."

"Ah, but I have more to learn from you," I replied, which Ayesha could only respond with an affirmative. My sister-in-law was a formidable woman and while she never let anyone boss her around… I was pleased that she did not go after Erik. She did, however, wanted to stay for my benefit, but as much as I loved to be around Ayesha, I did want to be left alone.

I assured her that I would be fine and if I needed her help, then I would ring her at once. I could tell she was not wholly convinced, but after the drama of the evening, she figured I did not need anyone else to tell me what to do. She and Giles said their goodbyes with promises that they will return tomorrow morning to hear what happened.

Once they were gone, Anthony came over to me. "I already gave the orders Mrs. de Winter for Cook to make some hot sandwiches, tea, and coffee. I assumed that you and Mr. de Winter would like that done."

"Yes… thank you Anthony," I replied, my voice weary.

He tilted his head and gave me a queer look. "You do not look like yourself Mrs. de Winter. I believe all this excitement has gotten to you. May I suggest you lie down in the library?"

"I think I shall," I said. "But… do you need me for anything?"

"No. If I do, then either I or Meg will come to you. Go on. You need the rest."

Yes… rest… that would certainly clear my head. Anthony offered to help me, but I told him I did not need his assistance. He bowed and returned back to the kitchen where the servants were no doubt in full swing in getting snacks and drinks prepared for all those freezing men.

Nadir had changed into warmer clothes and went out to offer his services. Before he did, he checked to make sure I was all right. I told him I was going to lie down for a while and there was no need for concern or anything. The last thing I wanted was for any alarm to be caused. I was tired from the evening and will be ready to accept our new guests once I closed my eyes for a few minutes.

After Nadir was placated, I went to the library. Yet, my mind was too agitated to calm itself down and I could not get comfortable lying on my side or my back. All the exhaustion from earlier had dissipated and I was alert.

So much had happened today and I scarcely could believe it was only eleven o'clock. I could not help but reflect that about twenty-four hours ago that when Erik and I had lunch he once more tried to get me to reveal my costume. I had laughed as his bait did not take and I told him he would have to wait like the others. Naturally, I did say, "This costume is one you will never forget for the rest of your life."

Of course, I had not expected the violent outburst that would be inspired by my naivety. I still believed that on some level I should have known where the dress came from and recognized that it was to be off-limits. The only blessing was despite the ugly reaction Erik did allow me to sing from his _Don Juan Triumphant_. I surmised it had to be out of guilt from what he did to me. It was probably the one thing he could do to make up for his behavior.

Whatever his purpose or intentions were for allowing me to sing "Think of Me," I was glad to sing it. The song was so lovely and romantic that I felt it reflected how I felt about Erik. Despite the interruption of the rockets, I could not get over the euphoric sensation of letting out that release. For too long I wanted to sing, and now at last, I achieved that goal. I sang to Erik's friends, the ones who have looked down upon me and whispered about me, and now they were amazed and shocked that I could sing like that. That I had a voice that could be rivaled to Luciana's. Recalling the looks on Regina's and Evelyn's faces had been priceless. That should give them something to talk about for months!

While I was very pleased with myself, I could not stop thinking about what transpired between me and Mrs. Danvers. My confronting her had been the last thing she expected, but she did go too far. Then her attempts to get me to leap from that window…

I was ashamed to admit that the idea was tempting, although only for a minute.

I did break away from her control and told her that I am Mrs. de Winter. To say those words…

I am Mrs. de Winter.

I _am _Mrs. de Winter.

It had been cathartic to say those words aloud. To exorcise those ghosts that was haunting me since my arrival at Manderley.

To know that I finally won.

Yes. I did win. I beat Luciana.

Her influence would no longer darken the halls and whispers in Manderley. Not anymore, not when I am Mrs. de Winter. She had her time and now it was my turn. This was my home. Manderley was home and only the mistress, the current and living mistress, could have a say on how the household would be run.

Me.

Christine Daaé.

The girl who was once a companion to Mrs. Carlotta Van Hopper who had attracted the sought-out eligible bachelor in all of England.

Me.

Mrs. de Winter.

Mrs. Christine Daaé de Winter.

I was empowered there was no doubt about it. In addition, there was nothing that could stand in my way from gaining the happiness I wanted. Indeed, I did accept that Erik would love Luciana, but I hoped in time, Erik would come to love me. I was not expecting a deep love, but a kind of companionate love. That would complete my happiness for the rest of my life.

To be with Erik and surrounded by music…

That was the ideal life I wanted.

That soothed my mind and I did manage to close my eyes. When I awoke and checked the clock it was already half past one.

I wiped the sleepiness out of my eyes and got up in search of Erik and to find the news on the ship.

The first person I ran into was Anthony. He smiled when he saw my appearance had improved from the needed rest.

"It was the cure I needed. Thank you Anthony. Has there been any news?" I asked in hopefulness.

"None so far Mrs. de Winter. I did see Mr. de Winter for a short time. He came in with the others to refresh themselves and change so he could go out again. He was happy to know you were all right and resting."

"Then I guess the diver had not turned anything up," I replied.

"Not yet but it is still early. There are not as many men out there before as they did all they could do. If you like, I could send Meg to help you ready for bed. I doubt there will be any more excitement for the time being."

I nodded. "Very well Anthony. But I do want to be awakened if any news does break."

"Of course Mrs. de Winter."

I was in my room by the time Meg arrived. Immediately, she was in all a twitter about the party and the ship catching the rocks.

"I will never forget this night for the rest of my life! Imagine! A ship crashing right in front of Manderley and right after your debut! I must admit I did scream when I heard that first rocket. I never heard something so loud like that before and it startled me half to death! Luckily, I was close by to Robert. He is such a wonderful man and you won't believe what he did! He jumped in front of me, shielding me, as if the party was under attack! I never had someone, let alone a man, do that for me. It was very thoughtful and my heart was racing when his hand touched my arm. Then he checked me to make sure I was not hurt and he was so worried Christine! Me! I never thought that this would happen. Oh, listen to me go on and on about what happened to me when this was your night. You were absolute perfection! To carry on like you did and when you sang… I bet those snotty people will think twice about what they say to you!"

I had to chuckle. "Thank you Meg and I am glad to hear what Robert did for you. If I might add, I think I hear wedding bells."

Meg laughed. "Perhaps. One day. For now, I'm enjoying my time here at Manderley. Robert is a nice man and I do like his company. Though, I do wish he was a little more talkative."

"Robert is the quiet type," I said. "Somehow, I do not think he minds all that much."

"Maybe not," Meg agreed. "I suppose I do talk enough for the both of us."

"There is nothing wrong with that."

"Oh no! He is probably the only one who does not mind, except for you Christine. And yet, here I go again. The focus should not be on me, but on your triumph!"

"I don't mind Meg. Really, I don't," I answered assuredly. "There has been a lot of excitement. There is no doubt of that. However, I do find myself growing fatigue once more. We will talk more about this in the morning and I do want to hear everything about you and Robert. I hoped you danced."

"We did," she replied dreamily. "I asked him and he needed some coaxing. But you're right. Tomorrow morning."

We said our good-nights and I climbed into bed. I fell asleep once my head hit the pillow.

xxXXxx

I did rise before dawn.

I did not wait for Meg to dress me as I grabbed the simplest dress to put on and I put my hair in a quick bun. Erik had not come in during the night and I wondered if that was good or bad news.

I rushed out of the east wing and down the stairs. I headed out the back way and with Sasha running at my heels… I found my way down to the beach.

There were fewer workers there, but there was a crowd already forming near the cliffs on the other side of the bay.

Yet, there was no Erik.

Sighing, I retreated back into the house. As I approached the door, I did hear the voices of the men from last night. The crew members from the ship had spent the night and were thanking Anthony and Mrs. Danvers for their hospitality.

Then when they saw me, Anthony introduced me as the lady of the house. One by one, each man bowed and shook my hand in thanks for sharing my home with them. From the looks of each one, none were hurt, which was a godsend.

I enquired about Erik's whereabouts and Anthony supplied that he and Mr. Khan had went to fetch a wagon that would take the crew into town. The captain stepped forward.

"So that's where Mr. de Winter took off to? There is no need for that. My men and I are quite capable of making the trek on foot. Besides, Mr. de Winter has already done enough for us, especially since we did crash on his land."

"There is nothing Mr. de Winter won't do to help his fellow man," Anthony said.

The captain nodded. "I can see. He is a good character. But I believe my men and I will take our leave. Again, thank you for your generosity. Mrs. de Winter, it was a pleasure."

The crew politely thanked us again and was gone before we could protest. Mrs. Danvers, taking great pains don't to look at me, told Anthony she will telephone Mr. de Winter right away. Of course, she did to have to walk past me to get to the phone. I watched as her pace slowed and she stopped in front of me.

Then… she turned to face me, her countenance was haggard and there were dark circles under her eyes. There was no mistaken the long night of work she put into to take care of those men, and I suppose, despite her feelings towards me, she did put the interests of Manderley first and proved how we arise to a crisis with aid. Yet, my feelings had not changed and there was no amount of good, Christian work she could do that will change my mind.

She was an evil woman, and I will admit, I did savor the fact that she had to recognize me as the superior one in Manderley.

Mrs. Danvers lowered her head. "Mrs. de Winter," she greeted.

"Mrs. Danvers," I said the same. "Thank you for helping those men. It pleases me to see my staff so diligent."

I knew those words affected her and she did not hide her flinch when I put the emphasis on _my staff_. "You may go Mrs. Danvers."

She scurried out as soon as I could dismiss her. I had to bite back the grin that was threatening to spread as it was not kind to gloat behind a servant's back. Of course, that was how I was brought up. However, I did allow myself this slip of transgression and allowed the giddiness show through. When I saw Ayesha, I will have to tell her how I finally conquered the mighty Mrs. Danvers.

"Anthony?"

"Yes Mrs. de Winter?"

I turned to him, my courage not at all waning. "I believe I will breakfast in the morning room. The sun is peeking out and I would like to feel the sunshine as I eat. Also, once Mrs. Danvers is done calling Mr. de Winter, send her to me. There is a matter of discussing the riddance of some personal affects for new ones."

Anthony grinned right back at me. "It is done Mrs. de Winter."

I went into the morning room and began to round up all of Luciana's stationery, pens, books, etc. and placed them all on top of the writing desk. I was finished when there was a knock to announce Mrs. Danvers entrance. I stood in front of the desk as she came in her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes glued to the floor.

"Mrs. Danvers," I calmly said and waited for her to lift her gaze to me. "Good. As you can see, I took it upon myself to gather the former Mrs. de Winter's belongings and wish for them to be destroyed. Then I want you to go ahead and order me some new stationery with the initials 'C.d.W.' as well as a brand new address book and pens. I need room to write the addresses of my new friends and acquaintances."

The look on her face was bewilderment. "But those are Mrs. de Winter's—"

"No. They are not mine Mrs. Danvers as you well know."

"The address book. There are many lords, dukes, duchesses, marquises, royalty! Surely, you intend to keep that for your records."

"Sadly, I do not know of anyone in the royal family or anyone associated with them. If they wish me to write to them, then they must call on me first. That is all."

Mrs. Danvers glared at me, her eyes dark and wild, her lips strained against her teeth. "You are enjoying this are you not?"

"As a matter of fact, Mrs. Danvers, I'm doing what I should have done from the beginning. Manderley is my home and is under my instructions. I'm cleaning up tis all. I need to make room for my contributions and my decorations. So I am letting you know that there will be changes done around here. Starting with this."

I scooped up the items from the desk and strode over to her. There was no choice in the matter when Mrs. Danvers held her arms up to cradle the discarded items. I paid attention to her reaction—the incoming softness at her eyes where a watery glaze came over. Such fondness, such a clear view of love for her former mistress… But I could not let that get to me. Mrs. Danvers had preyed upon my sympathy too much and I was not going to fall for her trap again.

"You may leave Mrs. Danvers. And don't forget, I want these destroyed. I do not want to find them anywhere and that includes the west wing."

The hard set look of outrage and hate was my response as she did her courteous bow before exiting. As soon as she left, Anthony came in with a cart with my tea and breakfast.

"I also have the menu for today's meals here as well," Anthony told me.

I picked it up and perused it. Dinner was going to be quail with a spinach-pomegranate salad and mashed potatoes. "Anthony, tell Cook that instead of quail, I want to have the rosemary lamb with mint sauce."

"Very good." Anthony took the menu and a pen to fill in the order I requested.

"Thank you Anthony."

Now alone and bathing in the glorious feel of liberty, I fixed my tea and took my plate to the desk. I ate heartily and had a second helping to the eggs and ham. When I was done eating, I took my plate and cup back to the cart for when Anthony or Robert would come to retrieve it.

Since I had no correspondence to do, I decided to go to the library and catch up on some reading before I would take my sketchbook outside. I was finally settling down to read Elizabeth Gaskell's _Ruth_ when Robert entered.

Deciding I should tease him a little, I said, "I'm sorry Robert, but Meg is not here with me."

I saw him blush at the mention of Meg's name and I was delighted to see he did have feelings for her. And since I caught him off guard by that statement, he flustered his way through his message.

"Mr. de Winter had not returned has he, Mrs. de Winter?"

"No. Why Robert?"

"Well, there is a gentleman to see him ma'am. A Captain Lefevre, the harbor-master of Kerrith. He wishes to speak to Mr. de Winter immediately over an urgent matter."

I frowned. "I'm afraid I do not know when Mr. de Winter will return as he went into town. Does he want me to speak to him?"

"I will see ma'am."

Robert flew out and returned in seconds, his breathing hard. "Yes… The Captain wishes to speak to you."

I stood up and told Robert to take me to Captain Lefevre. The good Captain was waiting in the parlor room, his pacing a bit nervous. Robert announced me and the Captain straightened up and removed his hat. He was a man about fifty years with brown eyes, a thin gray moustache, and gray hair. He was dressed in uniform, but he did appear uneasy.

"Mrs. de Winter," Captain Lefevre greeted, coming to take my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "Forgive me for coming at this hour, but I'm afraid I have some news, terrible news that must be told to Mr. de Winter right away and without a moment's delay."

"Of course Captain. Please, do take a seat."

He looked down at the sofa and shook his head. "I'm afraid not Mrs. de Winter. I must return to Kerrith immediately."

"All right. What news do you have for Mr. de Winter?" I took a seat in the chaise and looked up at Captain Lefevre. The poor man was in some kind of excitement and I did not want to let my imagination go wild on the possibility of what kind of news he had to share. "Is it about the ship?"

"The ship that had crashed on the bay did suffer some damage. There's a hole about this big," he made a motion of his hands to indicate the size, "As you can see, it is not very large, but to repair this will take time and money, which the owner does not have the means to do right away. So it will be some time before she can sail again, but this is not what has brought me to you."

"It's not?" I asked.

"No. We did send a diver down to assess the ship, which I already told you what happened. But there was something else. Something that I fear will do nothing but bring back bad memories for Mr. de Winter."

I was lost to what he could possibly mean. The Captain saw my confusion and cleared his throat. "Forgive me. Let me explain myself. The diver was a local man Mrs. de Winter. He knows the waters around here as good as any man born to this area. And he knows all the boats that are used. It is important to have this knowledge in case of foul play or if one gets lost during a storm and it needs to be restored to its rightful owner. Well, the diver found the hole that was in the ship that crashed and while he went around the hull to see if there was any more damage, he happened to find something else at the bottom. It was a sailing boat, lying on the side, completely intact and not broken up. And being a local man, he instantly recognized the boat. It had belonged to the late Mrs. de Winter."

As his words sunk in, my first initial thought was that was not possible. Luciana drowned. But then I remembered she had gone sailing and the body was swept to shore, but there was never mention about the boat. So it was very possible that the boat had sunk somewhere in the bay. Then I thought about Erik and how this news would affect him. He might be happy to know that Luciana's boat was recovered, but at the same time, it could invite unhappy thoughts and drive him into another bout of despair. So it worked well that I was the one at home and not he.

"I am sorry to hear," I said at last. "Not at all what one would expect to happen. Of course, news of this matter needs to be handled delicately and I would not like to bring stress to Mr. de Winter. Is it absolutely necessary to tell him? And will the boat be disturbed or kept in its spot?"

"I hope to leave it be Mrs. de Winter so to spare Mr. de Winter's feelings. He is a good man after all. Yet, that wasn't all that the diver found."

"There was something else?"

He nodded and at this his hands were wringing together anxiously. "You see Mrs. de Winter, the man tried getting into one of the doors, but they were stuck so he broke through one of the ports with a stone from the sea in order to poke around and see if there was anything of importance to bring back to shore. The boat was well intact as I stated previously and the cabin was full of water so there was clearly a hole somewhere at the bottom that allowed it to come in. It was then he made the discovery that gave him such a fright."

Captain Lefevre glanced about to make sure we were truly alone and leaned towards me, his voice dropping to a whisper so no one would overhear what he had to say next.

"This is the reason why Mr. de Winter needs to know what happened. It cannot be delayed any more than what it already is. For there was, Mrs. de Winter, a body lying on the cabin floor."

TBC…

Dun dun dun dun!


	24. Chapter 23

A/N: Whew! This has been a hectic week! And... best thing was last night went to see The Birds on the big screen and Tippi Hedren was there to talk to us! I love my horror and suspense movies and Alfred Hitchcock is one of my faves. So yes... best night ever! Lol.

But I am so happy to finally have this chapter written and here it comes for those of you who have not read _Rebecca_. Also, tomorrow I'm going to post a short story to start off the month of October called _Love Never Dies_ and it will be under the Love Never Dies section. There's a reason I kept the title the same and it is a very morbid twist to the end of the musical. So… if you're interested keep an eye open or if you have me under Author Alert, check it out. If you like my dark stories, then you will like this. Although, I have a feeling that someone is going to say I defiled the characters, but oh well.

One last thing before I let you read... I don't normally do this unless I find a story that is so exceptionally good and I think everyone should check it out: emeraldphan's The Past is Another Country. This story takes the ending of Phantom and fills in the gaps of the years to Love Never Dies told in Gustave's point of view. But this is unlike any other POV story. This is from an older Gustave's perspective who is looking back on his years as a child, and of course, what it was like living with his real father. Trust me, you don't want to miss this.

Here you go and don't forget to review!

**Chapter 23**

I was literally frozen in my seat at the Captain's reveal. A body? A body was found? That could not be! And it certainly couldn't be… that he was implying…

Already Captain Lefevre was continuing his narrative and I shook myself out of my daze to hear what else he had to say.

"Unfortunately, what was left had dissolved from the water, but there was no mistaken that it was indeed a body. There was a head and all four limbs he saw. So once he surfaced, he told me the news straight away and that is why I am here."

"Dear God…" I whispered, horrified and stunned.

The Captain nodded. "I know how this sounds Mrs. de Winter, and I wish I could break it to you in a different way, but there it is. So it is the utmost importance that you tell your husband as soon as he returns."

"But she had been sailing alone," I murmured. Desperately, I lifted my eyes to his and implored him, "She must have had someone with her after all. That is the only logical explanation."

"I would agree with you Mrs. de Winter—"

"But certainly someone would have known if another person was missing, right? A friend or a relative perhaps would have told the police or someone."

"That is correct. Unfortunately, I do not know if there was a missing person reported or not. That is all the information I have at that the moment and I cannot tell you any more I'm afraid." The Captain's expression was very sympathetic and I knew what he was going to say next and all it did was fill me with dread.

"But there was a body found and it must be reported to the authorities. As a result, the news will go public and everyone will know. I fear there is no other way to avoid this Mrs. de Winter and I'm deeply sorry that this had to happen. I understand that you and Mr. de Winter had settled in some months ago. Here you are ready to start your marriage and happiness only for this to occur. Believe me, if this could be kept hidden for a short while, then it would give you and Mr. de Winter time to prepare yourselves. However, the news will break as early as this evening or tomorrow morning."

"Is there any way it could be postponed? For Mr. de Winter's sake?" I questioned as my pulse quickened.

"If I could I would delay this as long as I could Mrs. de Winter," the Captain said with sincerity. "But my personal feelings cannot interfere as much as I wish it would. I have a duty to uphold."

He straightened his posture and replaced his hat back on his head. "I must go now Mrs. de Winter. I need to report the body. If you like, I can call again to tell Mr. de Winter."

"No, no," I told him. "I'll tell him."

Captain Lefevre nodded. "Very well. Goodbye Mrs. de Winter."

Any possible farewells were choked as I continued to sit and stare at my hands. Of all things… of all the possible situations that would arise that could separate Erik from me. Just when I thought I had the upper hand that I finally won over the darkness in Manderley, Luciana should reappear.

The bitter irony was not loss on me as I laughed quietly to myself.

Why not? Why shouldn't Luciana return? After all, I took her rightful place as mistress; I defeated her most loyal friend and confidante. I even took her old costume and sang the song she helped Erik write!

As I sat there, I thought back to all the times that I spent with Erik from the moment we met. Nothing seemed like it was out of the ordinary, except when Erik was in one of his dour moods. But there was a storm… yes! There was a storm that hit Monte Carlo after Erik and I were married. At first, I thought nothing of it, but I recalled that Erik was quite eager for us to quit Monte Carlo. When we were away from the city the storm had suddenly ended.

Was it a sign from Luciana herself that my marriage was to be doomed?

Then our honeymoon in Paris. It had been a wonderful experience and I longed to return, but we ran into the Savons, who later turned out to be very good friends of Luciana's. Lucille told me the tragic tale about Luciana's death and how despondent Erik had become. I had not recognized this sign either. It was likely our meeting was not accidental, and it had been arranged by Luciana herself, so I would make the decision to leave. Erik was having his nightmares and calling out to her and having to listen how very much in love they had been… I should have left.

But I did not.

And our trip to Manderley. The whole drive I was filled with this foreboding feeling, this apprehension that I could not explain, but I rationalized it as being nerves for having to come face to face with my new duties as Erik's wife. While that in itself had been daunting and frightening, there was something on that drive up to the house and passing through those dark woods and blood, red rhododendrons that made me ponder my fate. Then I thought of her and how she would have behaved…

I was intent on keeping everything the same when she had been alive because I feared what would happen if I did not. And it made been so easy too… Mrs. Danvers' intimidations kept me in line and not have me overstep the boundaries that had been invisibly erected. Even Ayesha had said from her own lips that she hoped that Erik and I would be happy together and I was different.

Different…

I had heard that a lot here in Manderley.

I was different, I was not what everyone expected Erik would marry, I was not of his social class or standing. I had nothing to offer, but I had plenty to gain with Erik's name. Of course, none of that mattered to me. I did not care about his wealth, only him. And I fought so hard to prove myself, to prove my love.

Why didn't I see it before?

It wasn't until last night when I had my revelation. But now… Now I cannot help but wonder about Mrs. Danvers' wish for me to leave. If I were gone, then Erik would be alone with Luciana.

Was that what she wanted? For Erik to be alone in life, yet to always be surrounded by her ghost and shadow? Had everything been a warning to me that I was not wanted? Not welcomed at Manderley? That no matter how hard I try to change things… she will forever be there, looking over my shoulder?

Now this body shows up and once more… Erik and I will be thrown back into the whole Luciana affair. He will have to recall those horrible memories about that night that led to her drowning. He will have to relive it all over again and I will be powerless. I know I will be and I thought about the hellish nightmares that would no doubt intensify Erik's mind and soul.

Why God? Why torture him… torture us… when all we want is to be happy?

Why bring us together only for us to be separated from this horrid event?

Why can't we have peace at last?

Why all this suffering?

I should have taken the Captain's advice and let him tell Erik, but there was no turning back. I knew it was my duty, as Erik's wife, to tell my husband what I learned. I had to do this. No one else would suffice.

I knew this will break his heart. I knew this will drive him in a fit of rage and grief.

And I will have to watch.

I will have to witness Erik's destruction and it will kill me.

But no matter my feelings, like the Captain said, I have a duty to uphold. I had to do this for Erik's benefit and I will be at his side, supporting him no matter what. Even if he were to demand that I leave him… I will not. I can't.

I won't.

Now the only thing I could do was to wait.

Wait for Erik to return.

xxXXxx

As promised, Ayesha arrived about an hour after Captain Lefevre left.

Naturally, the first question that popped out of her mouth was about the condition of the ship. I explained what the damage was and how much the cost would be to repair it. As for the body… I omitted that bit of information. I knew that Captain Lefevre said he would have to report it and eventually everyone will know, and in advance, I knew Ayesha would be upset to know I kept this from her, but I felt Erik should be the first to hear it from me. Even though Ayesha was his relation I could not betray this piece of news until my husband was aware of the facts.

I did feel badly about lying to her and I was concerned I might inadvertently expose this guilt. After all, Ayesha did say I could not hide my emotions well and the last thing I wanted was for her to prod.

Perhaps this new change in me allowed me to shield my innermost thoughts and worries for Ayesha did not question nor did she remark if my features were queer. Good. At least my knowledge would be kept secret for a while longer on Erik's behalf.

The air was damp and the sky did look overcast, but we braved the elements for a stroll through the grounds. When we were alone, Ayesha inquired about her brother's whereabouts.

"Erik went into town to fetch a wagon for the stranded crew members. But as you can see, they decided to leave on foot. Erik knows this but still has not returned."

"That is solicitous of my brother to offer his home. Of course, he does his best to show off his kindness to others to keep the naysayers from criticizing his character," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Come, my dear, I know you are married to him, but you cannot ignore the fact that he wears a mask."

Indeed.

"I am rather curious," Ayesha went on without missing a beat. "Has he ever talked to you about his mask?"

"Very little," I confessed. "I do know he had a rough childhood, but that's all Erik would share."

"I suppose he would. Yes I do find the world is a very cruel place and it is filled with the most selfish and faux people. They have not been kind to my brother, although he has had the last laugh. Time and time again Erik has proved what a gentleman he is and he has taken diligent care of his reputation and character so not the tiniest mark could harm him. Now he is adored when before he was scorned.

"However," she paused. "He has his faults and he can be an idiot like any other man."

"I'm all right Ayesha. I do appreciate your support the other night."

"Nonsense," she clicked her tongue. "It was the best I could do for my sister (for I do consider you my sister) and Erik was a beast last night. But I am pleased that it did work out since you did sing 'Think of Me' and I have to tell you… that was the best rendition I have ever heard!"

"You mean it?" I asked her.

Ayesha grinned. "Christine, have I ever lied?" I shook my head in agreement that she has not and she continued, "So there you have it. You were stupendous! An angel who has visited our world to grace us with the voice that very few could rival. And as you know, I do not give out compliments with such high praises unless it is deserved. You certainly surprised that crowd and I have never been so proud too. When Erik boasted of your skill, I must confess, I thought he was only saying that to raise your esteem. Then again, Erik is a musical genius and he knows a voice when he hears one, but he has been too generous in the past when a voice has not been worthy."

I found that rather peculiar for her to say. "Erik had other students? I was under the impression he never taught anyone."

"That is true. Erik did not take anyone under his wing, though I mean he has not trained anyone outside Manderley."

My brow furrowed. Was Ayesha alluding to another singer who did live in Manderley? If so… could she be referring to the one I was thinking about?

"Ayesha, do you mean… Luciana was the unworthy voice?"

I could see she was taken aback by this question, but she did mention it first. Sighing, Ayesha nodded. "I should explain. Luciana had a pretty voice. A very pretty voice. She could carry a tune and she knew how to stay in pitch, but there was something lacking. And that was the proper training. Erik tried his best, but Luciana was determined to do things her way like always. She found that trial and error on her own was the best form of learning, and I suppose, I cannot argue the truth on that."

"I still do not understand. If she could sing, then why call her unworthy?"

"Ah, my dear Christine, is it not obvious? Luciana's voice is nothing compared to yours. You have the training and you can express the emotions within the lyrics. To me, I find that worthy of a singer who should be on the stage."

I beamed. "I must confess to you as well. It is always been a dream of mine to sing on stage."

"There you go!" Ayesha cried. "You should be on the stage. I will cheer you on the loudest of them all! And… I can brag that you are my sister."

We laughed heartily. I felt… how can I describe it? It was fantastic to hear that I was better than Luciana. No wonder her friends were open-jawed!

We then continued our conversation about the rest of the Masquerade and took turns commenting on the costumes people wore. Ayesha did not hold back if there was a costume she found horrid in taste and execution. It felt good to know she _strongly _disliked Regina and Evelyn's costumes.

"Those two," she chided. "Always have the unusual gowns for these parties. And they are poorly made and their hair… awful! Did you know Evelyn wears a wig? You did! Well, she thinks she can fool everyone with those blonde locks, and all it does it proves that it is not real. They are not my friends, but they act like my brother and I are such dear old friends when I truly cannot stand the sight of them. Fortunately, I only have to grace their presence at social gatherings. Erik was the unfortunate soul to bear their company constantly due to their friendship with the former Mrs. de Winter."

I had not known Ayesha's feelings on those women and it was a relief to know Erik and I were not the only ones.

When the sky turned too dark for our liking, we hurried back to Manderley for some lunch.

I rang for Anthony and asked if Erik has returned.

"No he has not Mrs. de Winter."

Ayesha frowned as my expression mirrored hers. "Well then. Anthony, you tell Cook to make enough for two so when my brother does return, he can fend for himself. The idea! If he knows the wagon is not needed, then there is no reason for him to be delayed."

So while we waited in the dining room, I told Ayesha, "I'm sure Erik has a good reason for being late. Knowing my husband, he probably discovered some business matter he must attend to. Nadir does that to him."

"Yes he does," Ayesha mused. "I do love that Persian, but he can be a pain."

We lunched on sandwiches and soup while guessing if it was going to rain outside. When we were done eating, we ventured to the parlor room where Ayesha proposed to play cards.

I never played before so she took it upon herself with extreme delight to teach me bridge.

As the hours passed, there was still no word on Erik. Part of me wondered if he crossed paths with Captain Lefevre and was told about the body. That would explain his late tardiness and it worried me deeply. Yet, I still did not care this with Ayesha even though she was losing patience with Erik.

"That fiend! Why, I am sorry to call him my brother! Not a call or a message! That lazy son of a—"

"Ayesha," I interrupted her vexation. "Maybe I should call Nadir. It is possible they are engrossed in some paperwork and lost the track of time."

Nadir picked up on the third ring and I asked him if Erik was with him still. He told me that Captain Lefevre came to his house a couple hours ago to see if Erik was there. Unfortunately, the last time Nadir saw Erik was when he received Mrs. Danvers' phone call that the wagon was not needed. Erik told him he was going to return back to Manderley and was surprised to find that he had not.

"I told the Captain to go to Manderley. Has he?" Nadir asked.

"Yes he has," I answered. "But Erik was not here to receive him. Thank you Nadir. If you do see Erik, then please call me."

"I will Mrs. de Winter," he promised. "Would you like me to come over?"

"No. I have Ayesha keeping me company. I do appreciate it."

"Of course. And… forgive me. I have not congratulated you on a job well done last night. It's a shame your moment was ruined with the ship crashing, but you handled it gracefully."

"I hope I did. But like I told Ayesha, this better not be a habit every time I sing."

He chuckled. "So true Mrs. de Winter. Goodbye and I will keep you posted about Erik."

We hung up and when I told Ayesha what I heard this only infuriated her more and led to some expletive name callings. When she did calm down, Ayesha tried her own luck by phoning places where Erik might be. Sadly, those calls led to no avail.

The sky was darkening and despite it had not rained… Ayesha did not want to tempt fate and get stuck in a rainfall on her way home. She stayed long enough to have dinner and she did offer to stay the night, but I told her there was no need for her to do so.

Before she left, Ayesha did make a studious observation. "There is something that has been nagging at me the whole day and I could not put a finger on what it was until now. I do hope you do not take offense to this for I do love you as a sister, and while I do enjoy abusing my brother, I feel protective over you and I would never say a cross word to you. Alas, I must say there is something different about you. You are not at all the sheepish young girl I met months ago. There is something mature about you, something impenetrable. Could it be you are no longer afraid of Manderley?"

I laughed. "I wasn't afraid of Manderley, Ayesha. But I thank you anyways. Yes… I suppose I have grown up quite a deal since my time here."

"Yes you have. That's good, but don't grow up too fast. I do like your innocence."

"I cannot promise something like that. But I will vow to be myself and only myself," I said.

She smiled. "Call me once you hear from Erik. I am truly growing weary of his disappearing acts. I hope you give him a good cuff from me."

"I shall and one for me as well."

Now that Ayesha was gone, I was becoming a little frantic. Not a word from my husband, and so far, there has not been any phone calls from our neighbors about the body. I was grateful it was not known yet to the community, but I needed to see Erik and to speak to him.

We had to figure out what we will do.

It was reaching eight o'clock when Robert came bursting in the music room. I decided when Erik came home that this would be the first place he would go to. I leapt to my feet, taking note of Robert's excitement, and cried, "What is it Robert?"

"Mr. de Winter, ma'am!" he exclaimed.

"Erik's home? Where?" I demanded.

"That's the strangest thing. He saw me but did not speak even when I called out for him. I ran to him and when I caught up… I told him how worried you had been and that he should come in straight at once, but Mr. de Winter gazed at me and he had this queerest look in his eyes, and said, 'Yes, I gather Mrs. de Winter is worried. Thank you Robert.' But instead of going to the house, he continued to walk towards the beach. That's when I ran in here to tell you Mrs. de Winter. Not right for him to just ignore you like this."

It was the most Robert had ever spoken to me, and after his speech, I could see the anger reflecting in his youthful eyes. He did not like how Erik brushed my concerns off and to see his passion stir like so was very touching.

"Thank you Robert. I will go to him. The beach you said? I wonder…" my voice trailed off and it struck me where Erik would go.

"Are you certain, Mrs. de Winter? If you would like, I will go and drag him back if I have to. Even if it costs me my post. I rather Mr. de Winter be here with you and not out there."

"It's all right Robert. I know where to find him. Trust me; I will make sure Mr. de Winter returns home. There is something that we need to discuss."

I asked him to fetch me my coat, and once I was ready, I took off towards the little cottage on the bay.

xxXXxx

The wind was picking up, but I arrived at the cottage safe and sound. I saw a light turned on and a shadow moving about from side to side as if lost in a deep and troubling thought.

Gathering my wits, I plunged forth and pushed opened the door.

"Erik!" I exclaimed and I saw him cease his pacing up ahead, his back to me. Slamming the door behind me, I shrugged off my jacket and let it dropped to the ground.

"Erik, do you have any idea how worried I was that you have not returned my calls? Or have the decency to tell me yourself where you were and how long you will be gone? Even Nadir didn't know! And he's your best friend and solicitor! Surely, he should have known where you went. Then you come home but instead of coming to me… you choose to go to the beach. Were it not for Robert, I would have never known where to find you. Why Erik? Why come here when you, yourself, have dictated that I should never come here again? That this place has given you awful, terrible memories. Why Erik?"

Not once did he turn around to face me nor did he say a word.

But I was not done. He had to hear this and I needed to say this aloud. I couldn't keep it hidden in me for long.

"I have done everything I could to make you happy Erik. I have tried so hard, yet you keep turning away from me. You put this distance, this wall between us and I cannot seem to break it. I tried to make you proud with my voice, but you refuse me to call you my Angel of Music. Well, you are my Angel of Music Erik. A man, yes, but to me, you have given me the greatest gift of all. You taught me to believe in myself, to believe I could sing once more. You did that when you did not have to. You took me under your wing when I was a lowly servant and you raised me up to such glorious standing. I was Christine Daaé to you. You saw the real me and you cared. Yes, I know you have to have cared for me. How else could you explain what you have done? Or why you married me? You had some feelings for me, but for whatever reason, those feelings are gone. You do not feel for me what you once did in Monte Carlo.

"It was difficult for me to accept that, that I somehow failed your expectations. I spent countless hours and days wondering what I could do to change your opinion of me. To get you to notice me again. But just when I think you do… something in you changes. You shun me, you ignore me, you leave. I cannot take this anymore Erik. I cannot continue to live like I was some pet to you. I have the right to know the truth. I have the right as _your wife_. Either you love me or you don't. And if it is the latter then I can accept that. I can move on. But listen to me Erik… I will not stay under the same roof as you if there is nothing between us. I will leave and it pains me to say that, but I must Erik. If not for you, but for my sake."

I was astounded with myself when those words slipped out. I never actually considered the notion of leaving. I knew that Mrs. Danvers wanted me to, but I never thought of it as a choice I wanted to make. But loss in the passion of my temper and feelings I have kept silent… it would appear that the idea had been stirring around in my consciousness and I had not given it a voice until now.

And oddly, I was welcome to the idea if I must. If it would be the best for both our interests, then I will leave Manderley forever. I will mourn my time spent here, but if it was possible for some semblance of happiness to come, then so be it. I will do what I need to do.

My ultimatum did cause Erik to flinch and it did me good to get some reaction from him. Indeed, I was very pleased to know that Erik heard those words and that he heard how resolved and serious my tone was in this declaration.

"There you have it Erik," I continued. "Now you know the secrets of my soul. But… I'm afraid there is one last secret that I must reveal. I'm sorry if it sounds callous after my speech, but I must say this to you before you hear it from someone else. I'm only saying this out of my respect for you and I hope you understand why I took this grievous task upon myself. This morning I received a visit from Captain Lefevre, the harbor-master in Kerrith. He had come to speak to you, but you were out already so I took his message. The diver that was dispatched to inspect the damage caused to the ship that hit those rocks made a remarkable discovery at the bottom of the sea. There appeared to be another sailing boat, in good condition from appearances, and as he investigated that boat to what led it to its watery descent… he happened upon a body in the cabin. The diver was a local man as you may have guessed and he recognized the sailing boat and its significance, especially to you. It was Luciana's sailing boat, Erik. And the body that was found will be reported, and will, I suspect, lead into another investigation. I wanted you to hear it from me before anyone in our neighborhood learns of this. There is a lot that we need to do to prepare our responses as this will be trying on you."

As I remained where I stood, part of me was itching to go to him. To comfort him as I told him what happened. Yet, Erik continued to stay like he was in this passive state. I bit my lower lip and added:

"Erik, say something. Speak! Please. Tell me what it is you're thinking. I told you everything and you continue to stay in this stupid manner. Hasn't anything I have said mean something to you? Well?"

As his silence stretched on, I sighed as I knew I must say this now. And it will break my heart but I had to.

"I guess I have my answer to my questions after all. Your silence explains it all. I will leave Erik as soon as I can. You do not need to worry about me, although I see it is pointless for me to say. I will not stretch this out long and you will be free from our marriage. I thank you for the precious moments you have given me and they will stay with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget you Erik de Winter."

I bent down and grabbed my coat. Once I had it tied on, I turned to the door when my hand hovered above the knob in case Erik should change his mind. When he did not speak, I let out the air I was holding and as my fingertips grazed the cool doorknob, I found myself speaking.

"All I wish to know truthfully is why you were so insistent on marrying me. Clearly, there was a reason since you could not let me go with Mrs. Van Hopper. Oh Erik. Why won't you talk to me?"

Then the amazing thing happened. I stiffened as I heard the low rumblings of my husband's voice and what he said… the tiniest bit of hope began to rejoice in my heart.

"What I have always wanted was in my arm's length and I was fool to let that go. I had to do what I must to keep you from leaving."

I spun on my heels, tears glistening at what he was implying, but Erik did not look at me as he spoke.

"But I see it was all for naught. I really was a fool and it's over. It's all over now. I should have known all along that it couldn't last and at last it is coming true."

"Erik, no!" I interrupted, my feet moving towards him. "It is not too late. I'm still here! Erik, look at me!"

He took a side step away from me. "A fool. That's all I have ever been my life. A laughing joke in the flesh." He laughed this ugly, horrible laugh and it frightened me.

"Erik, stop this. Listen to me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't. Please look at me."

"She doesn't mean it. She says that now, but she will later. She will say it again and there will be regret in her face that she should have gone when she had the chance. She will hate me. Oh, how she will curse my very existence!"

"Erik?" I asked my voice shaking from this queer announcement. "I do not understand Erik."

I reached out and briefly touched his shoulder, which resulted in Erik hissing away and continued to restart his anxious pacing and ravings.

"Oh yes, she will hate you for you are nothing more than a monster. Yes! A monster in disguise of a man. A splendid masquerade costume. A creature that looks like a man, speaks like a man, but has nothing but a soul of a demon. Yes… she will cast you out and you will deserve it. You deserve to rot in Hell."

"Erik!" I shouted. "Enough of this madness!"

He seemed to pique at this and at last he turned to finally look at me. Oh my god… the look in his eyes was wild, a lunatic becoming unhitched.

"Madness?" he repeated, his lovely baritone transforming into a gruff growl not at all like him. His hands extended and seized my shoulders, his face stopping inches from mine. "Of course this is madness my dear! Now you see… now you see who it is you really attached yourself to. This shell of a man who is tormented day and night by his demons and can never escaped. I thought I could… I thought when I met you… There was light again. I felt free. I wasn't burdened anymore, but that was a lie! A lie! I lied to myself day after day and at night I was tortured with the thought of you doing this. Of you leaving me to the darkness forever. I wanted to protect you from this fate. But all I did was drive you away. Now, I'm the only one who must reap the consequences."

I gaped at Erik and his nonsensical words. He was tortured by the thoughts of _me _leaving him? That didn't make any sense. He was dreaming about Luciana's death and of her leaving him. Not me. It couldn't have been me.

"Every night she laughs at me! She laughs because she knew you will leave. She told me all along that you could never stay married to a monster. And she was right. Damn her! She was right!"

"Who Erik?" I whispered. "Who was this person?"

"Luciana," he wailed, her name wrenched out of him like a punch to the gut. "Luciana," he repeated but this time there was venom in his tone as he spat out her name like it was a curse.

"Luciana?" I shook my head. "That cannot be!"

"Oh yes it is," Erik said his voice growing excited. "Luciana has played her final game with me and she has won. 'I always win Erik,' she told me. 'When will you ever learn that I will win no matter what you do.' And she was right! The damn, infuriating bitch! She has succeeded in her revenge! Now the truth will be out! And it will be revealed to the world what kind of man Erik de Winter really is!"

"Erik," I calmly implored. "You are not making any sense. What game? And what does revenge have to do with her? Erik, Luciana drowned. It wasn't your fault. It—"

"Yes it is," he interrupted me. "And it will make perfect sense to you once you know. You use to tell me you love me, but I wonder if you can say it now after I tell you that the body that is buried in the de Winter family crypt was not the body of my first wife. That the body that was discovered in the sailing boat is really Luciana's. That I was the one who shot her and sent that boat to its watery grave."

Standing upright, Erik let his grasp on me fall away. "That's right Christine. I put Luciana in the sea. I am her murderer. So tell me, do you love me now?"

TBC…


	25. Chapter 24

A/N: I know a lot of you were stunned by this revelation and now we finally learn the truth. The _**real**_ truth! This chapter I decided to split into two since this will be told in Erik's point of view about his marriage to Luciana. There are parts where it goes back and forth from the past to the present. I have it separated so it's not that confusing. And thank you for those of you who checked out Love Never Dies! I'm glad you liked it! Don't forget to review after!

**Chapter 24**

Everything around us was silent. I didn't hear the wind howling outside, I didn't hear the waves of the sea. The only sounds that could be heard was our heavy breathing, my heart racing, and the little _tick tick _of Erik's watch. I had to muse how that each light 'tick' meant a second had passed. I counted about sixty ticks that indicated it was sixty seconds and sixty seconds equaled one minute. It was one minute that passed after Erik's explosive exclamation.

The body in the sea… it wasn't someone else. Luciana did not travel with someone after all. How could she when it was really her body?

Her body…

The words did not seem to register in my mind. To hear the shocking revelation that it was your husband who killed his first wife and identified a stranger's body as his wife's so she would be buried and forgotten. The news was numbing and I could not feel anything. I could not feel my feet, my hands, nothing.

It couldn't be true.

Erik loved Luciana. They were a couple madly in love and when she died… Erik was the grieving widower. He mourned her loss. He was so depressed that his family and friends were worried he would take his own life.

And to hear the truth from his lips… to hear that what he said contradicted everything?

I had no reaction.

And I thought… would anyone? If there was another woman in my place, what would she have done? What would she say? Would she run out of here screaming for the police? Or would she stay with him?

Would she love him? Or would she hate him?

One hundred and twenty ticks. Two minutes. Two minutes of my silence and Erik's secret. Two minutes.

And I could not speak.

My lack of response spurred Erik to react. And like tonight, it was nothing I expected to have happened.

He kissed me.

_He kissed me_!

I was wide-eyed and frozen stiff when Erik's arms embraced me, pulling me to his chest, as his mouth took mine in an ardent kiss.

This was not real. This could not be happening!

The scraping of his mask against my cheek assured me this was very real and I was not imagining this at all.

Erik pulled back, his forehead falling to mine, as he murmured, "I love you Christine. I have always loved you."

Once more, I was struck dumb with this declaration.

First, Erik murdered Luciana and now he loves me? He has always loved me?

This didn't make sense! Erik couldn't have loved me. He never said so in our time spent together. And now… now…

He kissed me again. This time with such tenderness and affection that it made my body sway and I found myself returning his kiss with the same kind of tenderness he was bestowing me. At last! At last I was granted with what I have always longed for… what I have dreamt to happen…

But as these thoughts passed my mind, I remembered where I was and what was spoken between us, and I found myself pushing him away from me. Erik took this as my need to breathe and put a little space between us so I could recover.

The look in his eyes were of pure joy and love… yes love!... and I was overwhelmed by it all.

"Do not cry, my love," Erik cooed, wiping a tear from my cheek. "I do not deserve an angel's tears, but you have cried for me too many times and it pains me! Yes! It kills me every time to know you are suffering and I know it is my fault. I hurt you when it was not my intention and I must atone for this sin I have committed. So let me repeat myself again to right this terrible wrong. I love you! I love you so much Christine! So much my darling! My love! My angel!"

With that pronouncement, I saw the walls he had kept up tumbling down to reveal that love he had felt for me all along. To see it, to actually see his heart, and to hear what I have always wanted since Monte Carlo… it was happening, I realized. This was actually happening. This was real. This was not a dream or a wild fantasy of mine. Erik was in my arms, declaring his love for me, and he was kissing me! Those sweet, wonderful kisses!

It was too much. My mind was dizzy and I lost my balance as I collapsed in his hold.

But Erik was steadfast.

He held me for dear life, pressing kisses at the top of my head, murmuring over and over again, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

But lost in my shock of it all, Erik realized I had not said a word. I have not uttered those very same words he was now telling me.

Grasping my arms, he stared deeply in my eyes, searching for some sign or clue that my feelings have not changed.

"Please tell me it's not too late. Dear God! I do not think I could survive if I lost my opportunity with you! Speak to me Christine! End my torment!"

"No," I spoke the one word.

His eyes roved over my features and then he said, "It must be. It has to be late. You don't mean it."

"It is not too late Erik," I said again, this time louder so he could not mistake my words. "I love you Erik. I love you more than life itself."

A shaky sigh wracked his large frame. "Oh God!" he cried. "It is not too late!"

"No," I said, smiling at him. "I love you so much Erik. How I longed for you to say the same! I cannot believe this is real! I feel like it's a wonderful dream I cannot wake from!"

I was expecting smiles, but I did not expect the horror that crossed his countenance. "No, not a dream! This is a nightmare Christine. One that we cannot escape. Luciana has been found! They will know soon enough and what we have will be over. We will be parted and I am powerless to stop that from happening."

"Don't say that!" I scolded, my turn to shake him. "You cannot say that Erik! It will be true if you let it."

"My angel," he said. "My Christine. If you only knew how much I want to believe that. But in a few hours the truth would be revealed and everything I have fought to protect will be ruined. You do not want to tie yourself to a murderer. You should leave. You should condemn me."

"I will not and I will never!" I declared. "Erik, I vowed to be your wife for better and for worse. I will not leave you during this dire time of need."

"Such pretty promises even when you still do not know the whole story."

"So tell me," I demanded. "Erik, you kept yourself in this darkness for too long. It is time that you step into the light and tell me all. I will not leave you. I will stay as long as it takes. Even if the police should come knocking on this door. I will stay and fight for you. My love… release these demons that have kept you chained from me!"

I reached him and I saw his fear resurfaced. This poor man! How much he suffered! But I will not fail him.

To prove this, I took a seat on the settee and settled myself for what will be a lengthy tale and one I was desperate to hear. For both our sakes.

Erik took a deep breath.

"I should start from the beginning. Many years ago, when I was a boy, I thought I would never find love. I thought I would be doomed to be a bachelor for the rest of my days. It was not until I was twenty-seven that I first saw her…

xXx

_I had been walking down the road outside of Kerrith when I came across this heavenly creature galloping at full speed. _

_Her hair was the darkest black I have ever seen, long and whipping against her pale face from the wind; her eyes was this deep violet, so wide and expressive and full of life. From one look I was enchanted by this nymph's beauty and I was stupidly standing in the middle of the road where she was coming. _

_To my amazement, she stopped her horse as soon as she approached me, and lifted a brow at my direction._

"_Excuse me sir," she said and what a voice! There was this lilting tint that was curious and amused. "But I do believe you were wishing I should run you down."_

"_Why do you say so?" I asked._

_She laughed. "You were so mesmerized that I felt you were looking for death! Tell me that is not so."_

"_Indeed, it is not," I told her. "Forgive me."_

"_You are forgiven," she said, smiling brightly. "Goodbye." _

_With a flick of her riding crop, she was off again and I realized during that brief exchange there was not a single trace of fear or disgust due to my mask._

xXx

_For days I was haunted by this nameless beauty. I knew I must be bewitched for how else could I explain my constant musings? _

_The sensible reason was to actively look for her, to find out who her friends were, her family (for she had the appearance of someone distinct and her dress was expensive looking, despite the sport she was engaged in), and to find out her name. _

_Yet, I was timid to do so. I had not an easy life with my mask and while I was doing my best to prove that I was not what everyone thought… I still had enemies in my circle who were looking for a way to destroy me. So I was destined to keep her in my thoughts and I eventually convinced myself she was only a figment of my imagination. _

_However, Fortune decided to smile upon me. _

_There was a ball that was held in the spring by Lord and Lady Kay and it was there I met this dark fairy again._

_While my heart was bursting with joy that I found my object of desire, I was also lamenting for she was surrounded by suitors, who I believed, were far worthy to share her smiles and conversation than I. So I remained in my own company, watching bitterly at those insipid men, and of course, wishing I was one of them._

"_Erik," Nadir said, coming to stand next to me. "Be careful, my friend. With that piercing look I fear that this whole room will evaporate for no reason at all."_

"_Oh, shut up," I muttered and the Persian chuckled. "Come on Erik. Lighten up. We are at a ball are we not? Two eligible bachelors, one of us who has a promising career ahead of him, and one who is quite wealthy."_

"_Please Nadir, you are too kind and yet I did not hear anything about you," I teased._

"_Your sister is having a pleasant time," Nadir commented._

_I saw Ayesha and her newly wedded husband dancing around the floor. I turned to my old friend with my brow cocked. "Is that jealousy I detect?"_

"_Pish-posh," Nadir grunted. "You know Ayesha does not love me."_

"_But you love her."_

"_I did. As in past tense."_

"_What's the difference?"_

"_Erik, I fancied myself in being a good husband to your sister. But… it was not meant to be. We are better off as friends and… Giles Lacy is a good man for her. She is lucky to find a man who is willing to put up with her wits."_

_I laughed. "Is that what they're calling it these days? Well, I do have to agree. Giles is an excellent match for my sister. She is happy, which that counts the most."_

"_Ah, but I detect some forlorn in that statement. Has some woman caught your attention?"_

_My gaze drifted back to her and Nadir whistled softly to himself. "I see. She is beautiful there is no doubt."_

"_Yes and look at all those men," I said unhappily. "So handsome and perfect. She will choose one of them as a husband."_

"_She could but what of you? You are enamored with this young lady and you have a good fighting chance like any man. Go on. Introduce yourself."_

"_In a way I did. But she does not know my name Nadir. I am nothing but a stranger."_

"_Your pity act is boring me so Erik. If you do not go over there, then I will!"_

_Knowing that my old friend would make a fool of himself and me… I decided to brave it and confront my insecurities and learn her name. As I drew closer, I heard one of those fops ask her to sing._

"_We must hear you sing Luciana!" _

"_Yes! Sing for us!"_

_Luciana… so that was her name. I rolled the name off my tongue and found it pleasing. It was Italian for "light" and I thought it was fitting since I was feeling the first sparks of light in my soul._

"_If you insist!" she giggled. Rising on her dainty feet, she commanded the attention of the maestro and ordered he play _"Printemps qui commence" _from Camille Saint-Saëns' opera _Samson and Delilah.

_Looking back, I see the irony in the song she chose, but I was a young man who was passionately in love for the first time. Or what I thought was passionate love._

_Once Luciana opened that ruby mouth of hers, I was swept away by her voice. To my musically-trained ears, I knew there were some technique defects, but that instrument she possessed was a gift to behold. I knew I could mold that voice to fit my scores and I believed I not only found love, but the singer I was searching to be my Aminta. _

_When she finished, I was a man on a mission and I immediately took her wrist and dragged her away from her adoring fans. She went with me willingly and when we were alone, I fell to my knees and professed my adorations for her and her voice. I begged she would allow me to court her and train her for she held the happiness of this mortal's future._

_As I laid my heart and soul bare, she pursed her lips in thought. "I shall think about it. Will you be so kind as to tell me who it is who strongly feels I hold the key to his happiness?"_

"_Erik de Winter," I tell her, blushing that I should not reveal my identity first._

"_Erik de Winter," she repeated and with a twist of her lips she added, "Not the Erik de Winter who owns Manderley?"_

"_The one and only," I replied._

_Then with a twinkle in her eyes, she said, "I grant you permission, sir, to court me."_

_Under normal conditions, I would have spoken to her father about my intentions. However, Giovanni Belmonte past away a year before I met Luciana. So Luciana asked if I would request permission from her maid, Mrs. Danvers, for she was her guardian and friend. _

_Mrs. Danvers did give me the permission I needed and our courtship followed soon after._

_Luciana was unlike any young lady of my acquaintance. Her mother was English descent, but it was her Italian blood that flowed through her veins. She was a free spirit, an independent woman like I have never met. But above all, she was an enchantress who could capture a man's heart with a single look. In some ways, she was an unearthly being, never shying away from challenges that most men would find disagreeable and dangerous. Of course, I was immediately concerned about her choice of wild leisure, but I soon realized that she was untouchable. Nothing bothered her and she always won every game, defeating any man who was willing to go up against her. I had every reason to be proud of her and it only enthralled me to her charms even more… _

xxXXxx

"Of course it was what she wanted me to believe," Erik said scornfully. "Luciana was clever. Very clever and deceiving and wicked. She knew exactly what I wanted to hear, what I wanted to see, and how to tug on my heartstrings. She knew of my misgivings and insecurities and she played me with the trained deception of luring the prey into a trap. For I had something she wanted and I was too blind to see what she really was and what she was after…"

xXx

_When I proposed it was a day of bliss for me. For the woman I loved had agreed to become my wife!_

_But that was not all._

_Luciana knew my soul's deepest secrets and dreams, but there was one thing about me she was not privy to and it was one I dreaded fiercely._

_From the early days of our courtship, I knew she had heard whispers about what was beneath my mask. It was a popular subject amongst the ladies and from the other men who felt I was a rival. Many a night I hardly slept in fear that Luciana would want to see and then run away if she did… I had vowed from the start that she should never see and hoped that my love would be enough to sustain our life together. _

_However, while she never once mentioned my mask I knew that every social gathering and party we attended, people would often whisper about her. She had not lost favor from her class, but they were questioning her taste in men. I could see that this upset her greatly and though she would brush their so-called concerns away… I knew it was eating her alive to know why her lover was hiding from her. She did not have to speak… her eyes did all the talking and it was a matter of time, I feared, that she would have request I reveal myself. _

_Nadir and my sister told me I should. If Luciana loved me as much as she claimed… then my appearance should not matter. As much as I wanted to believe them, I knew that while her love for me was pure and glorious… Luciana loved beauty. She was always surrounded with the latest fashions and jewels and objects that reflected man's perspective on what beauty is. Even my music was a creation of beauty that Luciana loved to sit and listen for hours. _

_There was one evening that I have overheard her telling her friends (after cautioning her about me) that she could not stand to hear anymore lies that were spread about me._

"_Hold your tongues for if you breathe another word about my Erik, then I will never forgive you and will never speak or see that you will never receive an invitation from those who love and trust me well. Now, I will say this only once and will be done with the idle gossip that you are determined to share. It does not matter to me why Erik wears a mask. I can look into his eyes and see the man that is there under it all. He loves me passionately and adores me with every breath. He worships the ground I stand upon! How could a woman ever be lacking from such ardent affections? If he was truly a monster as you say… then how could a monster woo a woman when his heart is always present with every look and every touch? Are not monsters so ugly and corrupted that they do not know how to interact? Let alone make a girl feel like she is the center of the universe? No… Erik is a good, kind-hearted man with nothing but beauty flowing from him. You have heard him play and sing. You know that a monster could not do such a thing or have the kind of voice that will cause people to weep. He is the embodiment that we all strive to achieve with our clothes and make-up and talents. He is beauty! And I bet that he has to wear a mask because we are not worthy to behold such utter perfection that it was God's wish for him to do so. Now, why don't you think about that for a while rather than assume he has a darker reason." _

_Hearing that little speech only enflamed my ardor and heart even more. I knew she was a saint and a warrior wrapped in one. How she defended me so fervently! While her speculation about my face was wrong… I could not lose the chance that she might change her mind about me. And I knew it would be a sin for me to ruin that illusion that she created in her mind. She believed I was the embodiment of beauty and I rather have her believe the fantasy than ever know the truth. I had to move quickly to ensure her love for all eternity. _

_It did not take long for me to shop for a ring and confide in my best friend and sister on what my intentions were becoming. Nadir, naturally, was happy for me and already gave me his blessings before I had even proposed. _

_On the other hand, Ayesha had her misgivings. She thought three months was too soon for me to propose marriage and while she had been in Luciana's presence a few times… it was not enough time for her to know the woman I loved and to determine her character. She advised me to wait only long enough for me to make sure that this was the decision I wanted to make. _

"_I hate to see you make a mistake or worse… have you become disappointed that this life was not the one you expected to have."_

_As much sense Ayesha's words carried… for a besotted man who never knew love, he did not want to waste a single moment. _

_I ignored Ayesha's warnings and went ahead with my proposal. It was three nights after that party where Luciana stood against her friends that I finally laid my future happiness out and waited for what my fate will be. _

_The response was not what I had expected, although I should have known it would happen._

"_I will tell you my answer Erik," she said, "but you need to do one thing for me. I must insist and you cannot deny me this for if you do… then I know you do not love me like you claim so prettily and eloquently too."_

"_I do love you Luciana!" I exclaimed. "Name anything and I will do it! I am your willing servant!"_

"_Remove your mask," she declared._

"_No," I refused instantly. "Anything but that I beg of you Luciana."_

"_You just said to name anything and that you were my willing servant. This is what I request and you are denying me. Then you must not love me as you say!"_

"_I do! Oh Luciana! You must believe me! But this thing… I cannot honor it for if I do… I cannot bear to see that pure love in your eyes turn to fear, hate, and disgust."_

"_How can you assume that is how I feel? I love you Erik. I see your soul and heart and that is beautiful. Allow me to gaze into the face of my future husband. If I should accept you, then I want to accept all of you and not this unemotional mask. Remove it or I will never see you again for as long as I live!"_

_To hear the finality in her tone… it broke my heart. I wanted to please her, but I was afraid if I did this, I would lose what I wanted for so long. _

_I thought that my mask did not matter to her and that she could live with the false image of her handsome husband. But that had been a fool's hope and the last thing I wanted was to spur Luciana away from me. _

_So with a heavy heart, I knew what I must do and if it cursed my happiness, then it will be done. I would have only myself to blame. _

_I just prayed that she and God will be merciful._

_I tugged the string kept hidden by my hair and peeled off my mask. Holding it between my fingers I waited for her judgment._

"_That's better," Luciana said. "Erik, look at me."_

_I was astounded by the turn of events as she did not scream or curse me or demand that I leave. So I looked at her and she continued to smile at me with that loving façade. _

"_Yes Erik. I will be your wife."_

xxXXxx

"Our wedding took place within a fortnight. Luciana insisted she couldn't bear to wait any longer to have my name and had to become my wife as soon as possible. What could I do but obey her wish? In that short period of time it was a grand affair put together and our guest list was impressive. Not only did we have the locals invited, but some of the wealthiest and noblest families in England. I was known as the luckiest man in the world and I felt it. For I thought Luciana was my other half, my angel of lightness. She accepted and loved me despite my face.

"Oh yes… I was a fortunate bastard. The only plight at my wedding was meeting Luciana's cousin—Raoul de Chagny."

xXx

_The reception was a gay event and I needed a short break from the festivity. I went to the bar to share a drink with my best man. _

"_So Erik. You're a married man. I never thought I live to see the day you wed before me."_

"_Cheer up Nadir. I'm sure you found one lucky lady to bask in your charms among Luciana's friends."_

"_In fact, several. Luciana has many delightful friends. But I fear they lacked what your wife has and I find them to be boring."_

"_Boring? At my wedding? I'm hurt. I thought all young ladies will be searching for the next bridegroom at these things. Ayesha! Isn't that true? Are young ladies on the prowl for a potential mate at these gatherings?"_

"_I suppose," my sister laughed as she came to stand next to me, her husband behind her. "Of course I believe that makes one quite desperate. Heed my advice Nadir. Run for your life or you will find yourself attached to a leech for the rest of your life."_

"_Always the romantic, my dear," Giles teased. "Don't let her fool you. There are some fine ladies who will be glad to be Mrs. Khan."_

"_I appreciate the pep talk," Nadir said. "But I might take a page in Erik's book and wait. He did and what a catch!"_

"_Or near death experience," I corrected as I searched for my beautiful bride and when I caught sight of her… I frowned at the dashing man whose arms she was entwined in. _

_Now, I knew Luciana could be a flirt, and it normally didn't bother me for I knew it meant nothing, but the way she looked at this particular fellow… my blood was boiling. _

_I purposefully pushed my way through the merry guests and tapped on his shoulder, clearing my throat so my wife knew it was I. The boy turned around and gave me this amusing grin that I found to be quite annoying. _

"_Ah, the man of the hour!" he chirped. "You must be Erik de Winter, Luciana's husband!"_

"_You are right sir," I said tightly. "Who the devil are you?"_

"_Erik!" Luciana chuckled like this was some grand joke. "Don't be so dour, especially on our wedding. There is no need for that attitude for this is the very person I have longed for you to meet! May I present my dearest cousin—Raoul de Chagny."_

"_Cousin?" I repeated. "I thought he was a former flame of yours."_

_The two exchanged looks and laughed. "I would have to say who isn't when it comes to my precious Luciana," Raoul said. "It is nice to meet you at last. My cousin has spoken about you incessantly."_

"_Oh?" I thought it was strange that he should know me when I knew nothing about him. "I did not know Luciana had a cousin."_

"_Of course I have a cousin. Everyone has cousins! But I am sorry I had not mentioned Raoul. It was wrong of me, but you must see, I was rather cross with him. Raoul left me for months to the Continent and had not written to me. Not even once!" Luciana wagged her finger at him. "Naughty, naughty Raoul! I feared the worst and here you are at my wedding of all places! Is this how you treat me after playing together for years as children?"_

"_Forgive me cousin," Raoul bowed, taking her hand and kissing it with penance. "I was a fool to worry you, but I see you found yourself a husband so you couldn't have been as worried as you claimed. I couldn't be more happier! Luciana made the wise choice in marrying you Erik. I know the two of you will have many happy years together."_

xxXXxx

"He had been part of the plot, but although I was not aware of it yet, there was something about that man that bothered me. The way he looked at my wife… and the way she behaved around him. I should have confronted them from the start! But I was a newlywed and such a dark suspicion I refused to cross my mind. I could not accept the implications if it were so. However, I found it odd that Luciana never once spoke about her dearest cousin whom she was fond of calling him. To hear of their history… shouldn't that be something told to her current lover?

"She knew my family, but I was not shown the same respect. And for good reason I learned. For on the fourth day of our marriage, in Monte Carlo during our honeymoon, I discovered the true character and nature of my wife…"

xXx

_We were picnicking on that very same cliff I shown you and where I first heard you sing. It was there Luciana confessed all to me and that love I thought I felt for her turned to hatred._

"_Erik, I need to tell you something and as we are married, you should know the real reason I married you. _

"_First, I must confess I do not love you. I never had and how could I when I saw your face? That's right. Your face is hideous and loathsome and it sickened me to keep a straight face. I wasn't until you left I vomited as the bile was too much for me. I called Raoul to come over—yes Raoul—the cousin you thought left me. On what fun it was too! You believed me when I told you I loved you and when I said Raoul was gone traveling. What a fantastic joke! But after seeing you, I needed to see a human face—perfect and flawless—to keep my memory of you from not returning. Do not be crossed Erik for you must know I did you a favor. A very kind and generous favor some might say and I am nothing but a generous soul. No woman in her right mind will be willingly tied to you. And it would be crime against nature to allow that stately Manderley to go to waste and without a feminine touch. _

"_So I propose this deal that even you cannot refuse. Think carefully, my dear, for this is the only chance you have to ensure Manderley's survival and I know how much you love your dear home. I will make Manderley famous than what it is already. I guarantee that with my touch and guidance, your home will be praised by not only England but the whole world! Visitors will flock to Manderley from all over and you will be revered as the man who has everything he could ever ask for. Not only that but I can ensure you will have everlasting friendships with those in my acquaintance, and as you know, I am friendly with the royals._

"_In return, I will play the role of the doting and loving wife. I will be the wife you wanted in appearances and you must be the loving husband to me. We will be the happiest and loving couple in England. People will be envious of our love and they will wish they could have what we share. But you must remember that this will be part of the charade. We must act like a couple in love otherwise it would be exposed. And if anyone should comment about your mask, I will defend that you have the handsomest face in the world and it must be hidden to protect you. _

"_Now if you should go against this proposition that I have laid out for you, and it is a very good deal you must admit, I will promise you that I will destroy you. I know the truth behind that mask and I know how much you want to preserve your reputation and character. If you were to cross me, then I will reveal to the world the demonic visage you have and how I was tricked in becoming your wife and how you raped and abused me to keep me under your power. Yes I will do that. You know of my high connections and it will not be difficult for me to persuade them what a monster you truly are. Your friends will defend you, of course, but their pleas will be drowned out by the pitiful woes I will make. And I will have friends who will come to my aid to rescue me. Mrs. Danvers will agree with anything I say and there is my dearest cousin… he will vouch for me. And since I am beloved in this community… I will certainly win Erik while you will lose everything you fought for and loved._

"_What will it be my dear?"_

TBC…


	26. Chapter 25

A/N: Heeey! I'm so thrilled you guys like the twist! I never liked the fact that in the book, we never know the real reason Rebecca married Maxim. All we get is that she was an evil woman and that was that. And for those of you who now officially hate Luciana… wait for what happens next in this chapter! Don't forget to review!

**Chapter 25**

Erik ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes to get a handle of these old memories that were resurfacing. I waited patiently for him to continue and he then resumed his narrative.

"I saw little choice but to accept the terms of her conditions. She knew how much Manderley meant to me and I wanted it to thrive… and damn her… I knew she could do it. But while we shook on this deal, I had my first impulse to kill her right there at that very second. All I had to do was push her off the cliff or strangle her and then toss her over into the sea below. It would have been so easy too. No one was around to hear her cries and no one would have suspected a happy husband. It would be an accident, a very unfortunate accident, but I was a coward. I lost the nerve to do it and I paid dearly for what happened in our years together.

"Luciana did live up to her part of the bargain and brought fame and order to Manderley. It wasn't long before we had visitors from around the world coming to see the gardens and the sea. We even had various members of the royal family come to spend a night or two. And since she fulfilled her promise, I did the same and played the role of the ever loving and doting husband. I showered her with lavish gifts and affectionate attention, even composing music for her. Yet… every word of endearment, every gift, every kiss, and every caress was my way of cursing her for manipulating me into this unbearable falsehood. She knew what I meant and how she would laugh every time I flattered her.

"She enjoyed this cruel torture I had to endure and would tell her friends how lucky she was to have a husband who always had an endless amount of compliments. As for my publishing music… yes, Luciana did insist I do it. It was the right thing for a wife to encourage her husband, especially one with the musical inclination. Of course, my music was probably the only thing that Luciana actually loved about me if you could call it love. Her encouragement was the realest emotion that she expressed that was authentic and sincere. I had a talent unlike any musician she had ever heard and she knew I was blessed with such gifts. That was something I should not hide and… it would her further her image. It was her dream that with my music and her voice we could win over other families of wealth and status. Manderley will never be forgotten not if music should be synonymous with our name. However, I could not let her have her way when it came to this and I adamantly refused to publish.

"Of course, that would not keep Luciana from having the final word. When she had the right audience present, she revealed to her friends that she wanted me to publish my music and how I was being unfair not to share with the world. It was well-played and executed to gain their sympathies and when one suggested I publish under a pseudonym… well, Luciana seized that opportunity and told me I should if I was worried about criticism. Now, that was the last thing on my mind and I never gave a damn what other people thought about my music. Yet, she already created the vision that I was a talented but timid musician who needed the right push. And then she played her last card that sealed my fate…"

xXx

"_You must admit it is a tragedy that my husband cannot share his music… at least not to a larger audience because of his mask. Do not be upset my darling for I know that is the truth! You care far more what people think about you rather than your wife's opinion! Those terrible people have been speaking rumors for years that I know you have grown to believe them and I will not allow that to continue anymore! As of now, you should not have to hide from the world. Let them hear your genius and they will decide what they think of you! If it still bothers you… well, we will make up a name that no one will know it is really you unless you wish to tell them. And I happen to have the perfect name! You should be called the 'Phantom.' It is quite mysterious and it will keep people guessing your identity while we will laugh at their expense. Think about it Erik! Your music being adored by everyone and you will not have to worry about anyone speaking ill of you ever again. For they will never know it is you!"_

xxXXxx

"I had very little choice in the matter but to accept her idea, and once more, everyone was happy to see how supportive we were to one another. She had turned to me and gave me a knowing look and patronizing grin. She had won once again and I found myself publishing my music and becoming the 'Phantom' much to her delight. Like she predicted, people would flock to concerts to listen to my music and when we had parties… well, she could not help herself and tell everyone that it was I who was the Phantom and she would be praised for her contributions to have me share my music. She received all the credit and made sure that it was she that was the mastermind and I could not say a word.

"So while to the rest of the world we were the perfect married couple, in the inside I hated her with a growing passion for making a mockery out of me and taunting me with what I could never have. How she loved to remind me what she really thought of me. Calling me all sorts of deplorable names and I having to take the abuse! And if I didn't behave in a certain way she would threaten to harm me with her lies. Once I tried to call her bluff and when she began screaming for help and rape; I offered forgiveness and promises not to do it again. When Mrs. Danvers entered, Luciana smiled in her sweet, devilish way and told her it was a nightmare and her gallant husband saved her from the horrible monster that was going to do harm to her. And in that single look… I knew I was at the mercy of her power and the next time I would not be as quickly forgiven.

"I knew she was evil, but this evil was not like I imagined. I did not want to believe she could destroy me like she claimed she could do, but after that incident… I would be a fool to tempt fate again. It was beneficial for me to keep my lips sealed and I did while she had her way. Day after day, my contempt for her grew and I plotted out in my head the various ways I could torture and kill her. My fantasies sustained me and when I smiled in her direction I would imagine I was squeezing the life out of her. But that was not all. Luciana was power hungry and she was tempted to test a certain lioness in our acquaintance."

xXx

"_Why Giles! You are so witty!" Luciana giggled, her lashes batting at my flustered brother-in-law. "I do love to hear your stories about being in the service. Sometimes I wish I was a man so I could join the army and take part in the risky missions to protect our lovely England. I think I would make a dashing and fearless Major like you!"_

"_Well, I… thank you Luciana," Giles said reaching for his glass of wine. "But I do not deserve such high praises. My men are the fearless ones. All I did was give the order."_

"_Nonsense!" Luciana shook her head. "You are brave Giles Lacy. I do not believe for a second that you sat around in a tent like most of those spoiled military brats while the soldiers fought for our freedom. No… You were out there and risking your life for your countrymen."_

_A heat of color covered behind his ears and it was clear he wanted this conversation to end. Giles is a good man and a great leader; however, the War was something he did not like to speak about and he did not like to share his experiences about the battlefield. It was a fact that his wife and even myself grew to respect. We never asked him to share details and it was something that Luciana had followed too until that evening._

_But it did not end. Luciana continued sneaking glances at him and over exaggerating her admiration for him. Even after dinner when we retired to the parlor room… she would not leave Giles alone and when Ayesha was not looking… Luciana put her hand on Giles' arm and gave him a smothering look that left little to the imagination what she wanted from him._

_I was appalled and wanted to say something, but I could not rescue my brother-in-law from her clutches. I could only hope that Ayesha would take notice and I was surprised she had not said anything during dinner, especially_ _since my sister has sharp, feline eyes. But when she saw my wife lay her hand on her husband… well, Ayesha broke her silence._

"_My dear Luciana… I fear you have confused my husband as yours! Be so kind as to unhand poor Giles." _

_While Ayesha's voice was patient… there was no mistaken the fire that was burning in her eyes. Even Luciana saw she had gone too far and immediately left Giles alone for the rest of the evening. She assured my sister that she did not mean anything by it and that she had too much wine at dinner. _

"_Forgive me Ayesha for you are the sister I have never had. I would never do something as deplorable as to embarrass your husband or mine! I do not know what I was thinking and I feared I was completely out of my senses. Do not be angry, please. It was an accident and it will never happen again."_

"_Be sure that it doesn't Luciana," Ayesha said. "I would hate to hear how my sister flirts shamelessly with her brother in front of their respective spouses."_

xxXXxx

"After that evening, Luciana remained on her best behavior whenever they would visit for I believed she was terrified of my sister. If she lost favor in Ayesha's eyes… well, her plan for me would be ruined. She needed my sister to fuel the sham we had going on and if she jeopardized it because she wanted to have some fun… you can imagine the setbacks and disgrace that would occur.

"While it was a tiny victory unknowingly done on Ayesha's part, she was worried for me and she came to me privately to discuss Luciana's flirting. She knew it was harmless since I was not bothered by it, but she didn't like that she had been making eyes at her husband in front of us. Giles was too embarrassed by the situation and he would have preferred it would be forgotten altogether. Her fear was that Luciana would do it again and it would bring shame to our name. 'You need to rein her in Erik,' Ayesha advised. 'I know how hypocritical it sounds from me, but I know there's a difference between being your own woman and being stupid. Luciana cannot behave like this, especially with married men. Listen carefully, brother, and do what you must or else Luciana will ruin Manderley and everyone within it.'

"After that conversation, I knew Ayesha did not like Luciana. I strongly suspected that she never liked her from the beginning, but did not voice it because I was so adamant and boisterous in my feelings. For my sake, my dear sister kept her comments to herself for she wanted me to find the same happiness she had found with Giles. But I could not tell her how right she was about Luciana's character. I could not tell my sister the truth of her villainy because of my own shame and guilt. The same with Nadir. My friend was not aware of my unhappiness and I knew he was half in love with Luciana. Of course, Nadir is too good to do anything and it was my luck that Luciana did not find him attractive. However, it did not stop her from having Nadir do things for her, like running errands or posing for her when she attempted to paint. She played Nadir the same way she played me, but she was careful on what she said and did.

"While she was holding some restraint when it came to the people important to me, I still had to endure her love affairs. She would dangle those men in front of me, laughing, because she could get away with her adultery and I had no say. It disgusted me how she turned my home into her grounds for her debauchery. She brought married and single men to her bed and then would insult me afterwards about their skills. Then she would kiss them! Right in front of my face! But would they breathe a word of this? Of course not! They were all in love with Luciana. They would do anything for her, even keeping their affairs silent so their wives or lovers would not know. There were some women who suspected their spouses of infidelity and who came to me, beseeching me to tell them the truth. They saw how shamelessly Luciana flirted with their husbands and had to know if something was going on.

"To my shame and regret, I told them nothing was going on and let the subject drop. A few did not believe me, and they had the right not to, and removed themselves from our circle to sever the affair. They were rumors, of course, of Luciana being unfaithful but it could never be proven. Not from the guilty parties and certainly not from the jilted spouses. People dismissed it as slanderous gossip for they witnessed our happy nuptials and knew it could not be truth. That image protected her as did I. It loathed me to deny those women what they suspected. I only hoped I could reveal some truth with my gestures and tone… but people will see what they want to see.

"As it were, the affairs I could look the other way. Those men never lasted because Luciana would grow bored of them. But there was only one man who remained constant in her eyes and that was her dearest cousin. That's right, Christine. Luciana and Raoul de Chagny were lovers. Since my suspicions about them were proven correct, I also observed that no one knew about them. For some odd reason, Luciana kept their relationship a secret that not even Mrs. Danvers, her trusted maid, knew about their romance. But they had no qualms in flaunting it in front of me. Eventually, I could not stand it anymore."

xXx

"_I don't ever want that man here at Manderley anymore!" I shouted after catching Luciana and her cousin in flagrante for the last time. "I put up with your loose morals and lifestyle and kept a blind eye to what goes on in your room. I put up with it with a far better patience than any man. But him?! No more Luciana. You can carry on with your affairs, but I refuse to have that philistine under my roof. I know you despise me as much as I do you, but at least show some respect to Manderley. I have done all that you have asked and all I ask is this one request for myself. Do not invite Raoul de Chagny here ever again."_

_Luciana, tears in her eyes, pouted and for the longest time she pondered my demand. To my surprise, she accepted. But like always with Luciana… there were conditions. _

_Her conditions._

"_I will grant you this Erik for being such a good boy in our marriage, but I cannot promise I would stop seeing my cousin when I want to. I will not have him come around in the house, but I do wish to have some space of my own to entertain. Then you would not have to witness my fun."_

_I knew of the perfect place to give her. "Done." _

xxXXxx

"I gave Luciana the little cottage that we are in now. At the time, it was used for storage for the sailing boat, and it became a new project for her to convert it into another home. I could not have asked for a better distraction. I did not have to see Luciana every day since she spent all her time in fixing the shack up. I was able to have Manderley all to myself and it was like the good old days when I was single. It was freedom and I savored each second. I could not be touched by the black poison that was brought here after I married her. And when it was done, Luciana continued her torrid affairs in the indiscretion within these walls.

"It was a small victory on my part. But it was like winning the war. I defeated her on her terms and I was able to regain some self-respect for myself. Unlike most wars, I'm sad to say, the peace time did not last long.

"Luciana became demanding more than ever. This time it was about my music again. While I was publishing compositions, I had stopped composing songs specifically for her like I did during our courtship after our third year of marriage. She was becoming worried how that would appear to her friends when she did not have any new songs to share. Bad enough I had to put up with her singing, especially when she ruined my compositions. So she wanted something grand, something unlike the world has never seen or heard before. She wanted an opera. And she wanted my _Don Juan Triumphant_.

"I refused. This was my _Magnus opus _and I did not want her lecherous hands anywhere near my score. But, Luciana always wins. That's the point of her games. She wins no matter what. To my disgrace, I had to change my beloved opera to fit with her ideas. The storyline was rewritten and the costume designs were her own artwork, except for Aminta's gown in Act 3. That was my own, and my luck, Luciana loved that one the best. The lyrics to my music also underwent changes until it became Luciana's opera. I had very little to claim as mine and Luciana finally found the way to crush my soul. She took my music away and molded it into her own warped whims. I was absolutely livid that Firmin and Andre wanted to produce it. The opera was garbage! But they saw it as genius! And how Luciana rubbed that in my face as well.

"It became the last straw for me. She took my manhood, my confidence, my desire, and now she had to take my music. I could not stand for this injustice to continue. I found the nerve after that last Masquerade when she came as Aminta in my gown. It was the final nail in my coffin. I resolved to do what I should have done in Monte Carlo. I was not a coward anymore. I would carry this deed out. All I needed was the perfect opportunity and it so happened… Luciana provided it for me."

xXx

_When I discovered Luciana insisting Mrs. Danvers take some time off to see her sister, I could not believe my fortune! That woman was a hawk when it came to Luciana, always in the background, always looking out for her dear lady. Then my second stroke of luck came when the storm was brewing out over the ocean. _

_Luciana enjoyed sailing at these times for the risk was too much of a pleasure. As a good husband ought to do, I had pleaded to her not to do this, but I was thrilled she would. God had not taken her yet and I saw all of this as a sign that the time was near for Luciana. I just had to hold faith and not waste a moment for I knew not when the time would arise again._

_She left the house at half past nine and I waited ten minutes before I followed her out. I had my pistol in the band of my trousers and a long coat on to conceal the weapon. All I kept thinking was soon this will be over. I will be free from her devilry. Of course, it never once crossed my mind how I would hide the body. Who could think of that when I all I wanted was to end this sham of a marriage? _

_It was already raining by the time I reached the cottage. I saw the light was on and the sailing boat was still tied to the dock. Luciana had not left, and again, another sign that this was in my favor._

_I flung open the door, hoping to startle her, but to my astonishment, Luciana was sitting on the very settee that you are sitting on, her hair down and over her shoulders, and she wore a simple white dress and shawl. She appeared as if she was going out for a party, but from the way she was sitting there, all serene like, it was like she was expecting me all along. _

_Her violet eyes sparkled upon settling on me and her bright red lips were pulled back in a smile. "Hello Erik," she greeted. "Did you come to sail too?"_

"_Luciana," I growled. "I'm done. I held up my part of the bargain for these last ten years and I'm through being your plaything and your tool in high society. You took my masterpiece… my life's work and turned it into your shrine of your depravity. You have belittled, emasculated, and mocked me with your lovers and selfish greed. You took everything I love and blackened it with your claws. And the worst of it… was I did love you once. But now the only feeling I have in my heart for you is hate. You're not a lady. You're nothing more than a common whore._

"_After listing your offenses, I am now informing you madam, that this marriage is over and I will declare it null and void."_

"_That is indeed serious," she replied indifferently. _

_My ire was rising. Once again, she was making this into a joke and I felt like she believed I was not being serious. _

_To prove this was no joke, I removed my pistol and held it out. "You have ruled my life for too long Luciana. You cannot persuade me anymore with your use of lies to ruin me. What I have in mind requires no speaking on your part. Ever."_

_The sight of the gun caused Luciana to clap her hands and giggle. "Excellent Erik! Such finality! I guess you do possess some courage after all. Yet… the joke is on you, my loving husband. I know you despise me with all your heart and you curse every second of every breathe I draw. As you may know, I feel and do the same for you. God has given you ugly features and you have to bear your inadequacies… but the tables have turned. How do you feel about an heir?"_

_At this startling revelation, my countenance wavered. "H-heir?" I repeated._

_She rose and her hand went to rub her belly. "Yes. An heir," she said casually. "Think about it Erik. A child to pass Manderley on to. What an incredible legacy to follow! For generations to come, Manderley will continue to be owned by the de Winter name. Forever and ever."_

xxXXxx

"Of course, the news of a child was incredible. Especially since I knew for a fact that I was not the father. My expression revealed the horror that while this unborn babe will bear my name it was not a de Winter by blood. My home… will be in the hands of a bastard and for later tainted generations. This was unacceptable. I could not allow such a thing to pass. I only agreed to Luciana's terms because of my love for Manderley. Everything I did was for Manderley! And to betray that love and protection with a false heir… it would break me for good.

"So I didn't have a choice. Not anymore. I wanted to kill Luciana and to hear from her own lips how far her vileness went… I felt more justified than ever. As my body shook from outrage and anger, I raised the pistol… and Luciana… she continued to stand there, gloating and laughing. 'I won Erik. I told you countless times I always win. No matter what you do, I will always be there to watch you. Manderley will have its true owner and you cannot stop it from happening. And we will be the happiest family in all of England.'

"While she smiled, I pulled the trigger. And as I watched her fall… she died while smiling. Funny… I forgot that when a person is shot… there is a lot of blood."

Erik stopped his narrative, his eyes fixated on the ground where Luciana's body had fallen, her blood pooling all around her. The memory was evident in his eyes and his clenched fists shook as the overwhelming emotions washed over him. Then Erik looked at me, seeing me with such clarity in this tragic revelation.

"When I realized what I had done… the reality of the situation rushed me and there was a body. I had to do something. I had to hide this. While I was happy that I didn't have to worry about her threats anymore, I knew her last words would come to fruition if I was caught. So I lifted her lifeless body and carried her out to the sailing boat. In my mind all of this was clicking and a story was coming together… 'Luciana went sailing out in the storm like she always did… I have warned her not to but she never listened… the storm sank the boat and she didn't survive.' I carried her into the cabin and laid her on the floor. Then I went back inside the cottage and found a hammer and some spikes and went back. The wind was picking up and the rains were coming harder so I knew I had to act quickly before this goes to Hell. I untied the boat and lowered the sails, and soon we were off drifting into the sea. I have not much experience when it came to sailing, but the winds were strong and carried us with little aid from myself.

"I went back down below to the cabin and began using the hammer and spikes to let in the water. As the sea started to fill up the room, I went back out and bolted the door behind me. I feared the holes would not be enough to sink the boat faster so I went over to these knobs and began to twist them so to let in more water. I ran across the deck to the small dinghy and lowered it and myself to the ocean. Taking the paddles, I rowed myself away from the sailing boat just as it was sinking. I did not stop until I reached the life-buoy, and by then, the boat had drifted further out into the sea and it was taking on water faster now… as it sank deeper to the depths. I watched until the sailing boat was no longer in sight. My heart could beat again as it was officially over now. Luciana was under the sea now and I was a free man. I would not have to worry about her coming to land. But my task was not over. I still had her blood to clean and I had to make it back to Manderley before someone noticed I was gone.

"I left the dinghy by the buoy, which was something she has done many a time if she felt daring enough to leave it behind from what I have witnessed, and went back into the cottage. Using the sea water, I cleaned up the blood and made some wet tracks, which she would have left with all the rain if she went back and forth to prepare the sailing boat, and when that was finished… I headed back up to the house. I went straight to my room and changed my clothes and waited for someone to tell me of Luciana's disappearance. It was not until the next morning that the alarm was sounded. After that… I feared it was a matter of time before someone discovered I had something to do with her vanishing.

"For days, I locked myself in my room, pacing the floors with frantic energy. I was restless and fretful that someone would find the sail boat and the body and they would know. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I lost a lot of weight. My sister and Nadir… God bless them… were concerned for my well-being, believing I was mad with grief over my missing wife. If they only knew! I might have been a nervous wreck to the world, but within, I was dancing and shouting for joy. I defeated Luciana. I outsmarted her. I beat her at her game. She lost. I won. I won."

With that quiet echo, Erik closed his eyes and exhaled. "I was able to sleep peacefully for the first time. I no longer felt like I was burdened, despite the sin I committed. However, peace was not meant to last long for me and I should have known it would not last.

"When a body was found in Edgecoombe, I feared Luciana returned and they would know what I did to her. To my relief… the body, while female, was so unrecognizable and there was no way a positive identity could have been made that it wasn't Luciana… that I told the authorities it was my wife and I had her buried in the family crypt. I was certain in my answer that it was she that they did not investigate it and took my word for it. It was declared it was an accidental drowning and at last… Luciana was out of my life for good. No longer would I have to worry and I could allow my mind to be at ease once more.

"But Luciana found a way to curse me. I could not get her out of my head. Every night she would return to me, in her white dress with the bloodstains from the gun… and she would warn me that she would have her revenge one day. It was too much and when Nadir suggested I travel abroad… well, I had to seize the distraction and left Manderley and Luciana behind. I went to Monte Carlo to escape and it was there I met you, Christine."

At this part of his tale, I saw all the pieces of the puzzle coming together. Now it all made perfect sense. All those times when Erik lost his temper and appeared distant… it was because he was haunted by his crime done to Luciana. He became a free man, but it came at a cost.

A soft smile played across his lips. "You were the one I waited for, the one I was meant to fall in love with. You were so good, so pure. You were not tainted by any darkness and you gave me life. I didn't know how to live until I met you. You were the angel of my dreams. And after our first meeting… I couldn't stop thinking about you and then I found it in me to rewrite _Don Juan_. I knew I couldn't let you go. When you came to me to tell me you were leaving for New York… I thought I would die. My heart could not take it if you were to leave me for good. You agreeing to become my wife, to hear your love for me… it was more than I could ask for. This was bliss. Real bliss. Something I did not experience with Luciana. I thought that the nightmare would be over. With you as my wife… I could not be bothered by ghosts.

"But I feared I was mistaken. And this time… the nightmare was far worse than I could imagine. I would dream that you found out what I did to Luciana… that you confronted me and while I was begging for your forgiveness, Luciana would appear and tear off my mask, exposing my face to you. You screamed and left me alone while Luciana laughed in her hideous way, telling me you would never love me. And I couldn't bear it! I wanted to believe you loved me and I would call out to you, telling you that I loved you in hopes you would return to me. But you didn't."

Erik drew in a shaky breath. "Now you know Christine. That is the truth. You know what kind of man I am, what I am capable of doing. Luciana's blood is on my hands and soul. I have sinned greatly and this is why I cannot be your Angel of Music. How could I? How could you accept that image of me now? You couldn't and I do not fault you for that. I understand if you do not want to remain as my wife. I married you under false pretenses, which is the very same thing Luciana done to ensnare me and Manderley. I will be willing to grant you an annulment if you desired it. I only hope that you would understand my motive and why I did what I had to do."

"Oh Erik…" I sighed. How this poor man had suffered! "Of course, I understand! How could I not when you laid it all out? Luciana was a truly evil woman and you were a victim of her evil deeds! As for an annulment, I would never consider it! I love you Erik. I told you before and I will say it again if I must to convince you… I love you. I will not leave you. I will not!"

"I hear you but I wish I could believe them!" Erik exclaimed. "Luciana's body has been found. They will know that I had lied and identified the wrong body. They will know that her death was no accident, but a homicide! It wouldn't take much to lead it back to me Christine. Everyone will know that I am Luciana's murderer."

"No they won't," I said defiantly. "And as for the misidentification… why, you were under a great amount of stress! You were upset for your missing wife that you were desperate to find her and it so happened that this body appeared to be hers at the time. You didn't know. How could you? They cannot arrest you for burying the wrong body."

"Yes but who else would have a reason for wanting Luciana dead other than her husband? She was adored by all! They would remember the rumors of her affairs and they would believe it was jealousy that drove me to it!"

"You were Luciana's enemy, but having one also means she could have many," I replied confidence growing. "You said it so yourself. She angered other women for what she did and I'm certain she angered one of her lovers as well. Who cannot say that a jilted lover returned to have his revenge and left after? Don't you see Erik? They will never know it was you. Not when you were the grieving husband during that time. Even Mrs. Danvers believes your mourning was due to the loss of your loving wife. She would testify that you were in love with Luciana and her disappearance drove you to despair. That much could be real!"

I was certain of these facts. There wasn't a possible chance that Erik could be linked to her death. Not when no one knew he had left the house after Luciana did… and everyone believed their charade of being a happy, wedded couple.

Yes!

Erik was still safe from his crime and no one… except for us… knew the real truth. It would work. I bet my life on it.

While I was confident in our defense, Erik was not at all convinced.

"I want to believe you Christine… I do. But there is so much at stake here. And what if you changed your mind? Could you spend the rest of your life with a murderer? With a monster who hides behind a mask?"

"Erik… I have sat and listened to your story. Do I look disgusted to you? Do I look terrified that my husband has taken a life with his hands? No! You are not a monster not when you had a good reason for killing Luciana. She treated you abhorrently and rubbed your flaws in your face. She intended all along to destroy you and she thought she could… but you bested her. You stopped her from taking Manderley from you. And she will not take me from you either."

"How can you be so certain that your feelings will not change?"

I stood to my full height and gazing into my husband's face… I said:

"Take off your mask Erik. Let me see the real you and you will see that my feelings will not change."

TBC…


	27. Chapter 26

A/N: At last! Erik has told Christine the truth about his marriage to Luciana and we are finally getting to the mask. I know a lot of you were waiting for this and I had planned this for a while. What better time for Erik to show his face then after this? But the story is far from over. We still have some unresolved issues left and we are only skimming the surface. Don't forget to review please!

**Chapter 26**

The cottage walls groaned as the rain slapped against it, the winds wailing from the violence that was occurring outside.

Erik and I stood face to face, my resolve unrelenting from my request that Erik take off his mask. I saw his hesitation, his fear of rejection and my hate… Luciana tricked him in removing it so she could hold it against him when she revealed her plans for Manderley. He did not want to be hurt again and I knew I would not. I loved him too much to cause him pain, unlike her. But I knew this was not going to be an easy task to get Erik to do.

"Please Christine…" he begged. "Not that. I cannot go through the agony again if your love were to change to disgust."

"It won't," I said.

"You say that. You think you will not, but my face… it is not easy to look at. You will be frightened…"

"I am not frightened Erik."

"God! You do not know what you ask! You don't know! No! I will not!"

"Erik, you have said your sister and Nadir have seen your face… are they still not here? They love you Erik. They will do anything for you. Just like me."

The strength of his emotions became unbearable for Erik to handle and he collapsed to his hands and knees. Shaking his head, he moaned, "No. No. No. No."

"Erik," I whispered. I knelt and took his face in my hands. Staring into his green eyes, his tears shimmering in their pools, I inched my hand to his right side of his face. Cradling his visible cheek with my left, I did not break contact from him as I began to peel the mask away.

He did not fight me. I believe Erik lost his will to after his emotional and heartfelt confession.

But I was steadfast. I continued to look at him as the mask was stripped off and it fell to the floor between us.

Then I smiled.

For there he was… my Erik. The man I fell in love with and the man who returned the gift of music to me and made me believe in myself again. This wonderful, loving man who has given me so much, and who has suffered greatly because he loved the wrong woman. This was the Erik I pledged myself to for the rest of my days.

This Erik… was my soul mate.

Was he scarred? Yes. There was no denying that.

It was a birth defect, a horrible deformity, which left his right cheek ravaged. In fact, it was difficult to discern that it was a human cheek due to the mangled flesh and exposed bone and veins. Even the corners of his lips were malformed, the upper being somewhat bloated than the lower.

But I never noticed when we kissed.

And it did not change a thing.

Knowing that Erik was very vulnerable, I knew I could not fail in this delicate matter. If he thought, for a second, that I wavered… I would lose him forever.

Not breaking our eye contact, I gently brushed my fingertips over his cheek… feeling the unevenness of the flesh and being mindful not to apply too much pressure lest I should hurt him. Then I leaned forward and captured his misshapen lips in a kiss.

Erik froze in my loving embrace, and all at once, began to quiver and shake with force. I tasted the saltiness of his tears as he cried against my lips, finally knowing that I what spoken was true.

Erik knew I loved him.

All of him.

And I was not going to leave him in the dark no more.

I drew back to wipe his tears with my fingers, and while I cradled his trembling form, I murmured, "I love you Erik de Winter. I love you so much. Together, we will defeat Luciana. We will banish her so she will no longer haunt you or Manderley. Not if I have a say. We are strong, my love. Together, we can conquer anything that comes our way. Just watch. Our love is our pillar of strength and we will not fall. We will not fall."

Nodding, Erik tightened his embrace. "We will not fall," he echoed. "We will win."

"Yes," I agreed. "We will win and we will be free."

xxXXxx

That night will forever be memorable to me. In that cottage I learned what kind of person Luciana was and how Erik never loved her, but he had loved me. To know that he never thought of her, never compared her to me… it was such a relief.

And all it took was a ship crashing to bring us together.

The storm outside abated and Erik and I were able to return to Manderley. This time… we walked to the house with a determined purpose now. We both had something to fight for now and we will do everything in our power to keep our love together. Now there were no misunderstandings or assumptions to the other's feelings.

Holding hand in hand, I felt invincible. There was nothing we couldn't do together as long as we had each other by our side.

I was never so happier in my life.

We entered the foyer and removed our wet jackets just as Anthony was coming down the corridor.

"Mr. and Mrs. de Winter!" the butler exclaimed. "Let me take those. There! You two are shivering. What were you doing out there in the storm? Never mind. You should go to the library immediately. The fire is already lit and you both will warm up in no time. Go on and I will fetch some hot tea as well."

Erik and I exchanged a smile and did as we were told.

Anthony was correct. Sitting by the fire, wrapped up in a warm and wool blanket, and drinking our tea certainly warmed us in no time. While we sat on the floor, beside each other, Erik took off his mask to my delight. I kissed him for trusting me so complacently and for loving me and for believing my love for him.

I buried my face in Erik's chest, breathing his scent in deeply. This was heaven. This was where I belonged.

The phone ringing did disturb our moment of peace, but neither one of us moved to answer it.

"Let it ring," Erik muttered. "I do not want to part from you."

"Neither do I," I whispered back.

But Anthony entered, clearing his throat. We jumped from our spots and I believed I caught a pleasing grin on his face when he saw Erik mask-less before Erik slipped it back on.

"Yes, Anthony?" Erik asked, his tone all business but there was a slight edge to the disruption.

"Phone, sir," Anthony replied. "It's Captain Lefevre."

My heart instantly dropped. This could not end well if the Captain was calling again. And I feared Erik felt the same as his body shook with mine so pressed tightly together. I reached for his hand and squeezed it, lifting my gaze so Erik would see I would not leave him.

"Would you like me to take a message Mr. de Winter?"

"No," Erik said, his features composed and collected. "I will take it here. Thank you Anthony."

"Very good, sir." Anthony took his leave and I sat up as Erik stood, the blanket falling off his shoulders as it crumbled to the ground. I gathered it up and stood as well and watched as Erik went to the phone.

He lifted the handle and waited for Anthony to hang up. When he did, Erik began speaking with the Captain.

"Hello Captain Lefevre… Yes it is late… Uh-huh. Yes, my wife did tell me you came over. Yes. It is indeed unbelievable. I know… … … I thank you for your discretion during this time. I will. Good night."

It was a short conversation and my nerves were fading. It couldn't be that bad if the Captain had nothing else to report. If anything, it sounded like he was checking that Erik knew about the diver's discovery. As I relaxed, I saw that Erik's expression did not.

"What did the Captain say?" I inquired.

"To tell me his condolences for bringing back these awful memories and to warn me that I will be receiving a call from Colonel Reyer."

"Who?"

"He is the local magistrate of Kerrith… Ah! This must be he."

The phone was ringing again and Erik answered it right away before one of the servants could. He conversed quietly and now and then Erik would glance in my direction see if I was still there in the room with him. I smiled encouragingly, telling him without speaking that I was not leaving and I am here for him and that I love him.

This was the support he needed as his visage lightened a little and he would go back to answering the questions the Colonel was asking. Some minutes passed and Erik eventually hung up.

I did not question him right away for I saw Erik needed some time to gather his thoughts together. But I knew he would tell me.

A minute passed and Erik went to me, taking me in his arms. He rubbed circles along my arms with his thumbs and he laid his lips against my forehead. The conversation troubled him and he needed to feel that I was real and not a dream figure. Then… Erik told me what transpired over the phone:

"It was Colonel Reyer as you may have guessed. He called because he got the report from Captain Lefevre and wanted to ask me some questions before he came over. Yes… he is coming to Manderley tomorrow. It was like I knew it would happen… there will be an investigation. But he wanted to ask me some things before the official inquest took place. For one, he wanted to know if I knew whose body it was on the cabin floor."

Now, Erik did speak softly so I did not hear his response when the question had been posed. "What did you say?" I asked him gently.

"I told him I didn't know. I said that we all believed that Luciana was alone that night since she has been known to sail by herself during the night."

"Good." I nodded firmly. "What else did the Colonel ask you?"

"He then asked if it was possible I misidentified the body in Edgecoombe. I told him I was under a great deal of stress and illness that I could have, but it's difficult to remember everything exactly."

I was stunned. "They are asking that already? Well, I suppose it's best to get that one out of the open and done. You did well Erik. See? I told you all will be well and after this formality we can move on with our lives. They cannot charge you for a mistake when you were obviously agitated and upset over the loss of your wife. Anyone could have made that mistake in the same place. You were looking for closure and thought it was Luciana. That is no crime."

"No it's not," Erik agreed. "Regardless, the matter will be under inspection until they are satisfied. The body has been under the sea for months now so it will be difficult to tell if she was shot. It might be all right."

"It will. Tomorrow the Colonel is coming over. What time did he say we should expect him?"

"Hmm? Colonel Reyer said between ten and eleven."

"All right. We should go to bed. That way we can receive him properly."

"Yes. The Colonel said he will not be alone. Inspector Butler will be coming."

"Inspector Butler? What for?"

"Protocol. When a body is found then the police must be present and look into any detail if possible. Come Christine. Let's go to bed. We will have a long day ahead of us."

I knew Meg was already in bed so Erik helped me undressed as we slipped on our nightclothes and climbed into bed together. We sought each other out under the covers, and Erik held me close as he drifted off to sleep. This night was an emotional and dramatic one and we were both drained from the aftermath that it wasn't long that I followed Erik to sleep.

xxXXxx

The next morning we were both awaken around six with the phones ringing. Trying not to disturb us, Anthony and Robert took down the messages, but it was pointless as the ringing chorus would pick up again and continue.

Erik and I dressed and went downstairs for a small breakfast. The callers were reporters from all across the county and they wanted to know if Mr. de Winter had anything to say about the discovered body off the bay in Manderley.

The worse of it… those heartless badgers would not stop calling until they had a response from Mr. de Winter himself. Erik did not eat much and spent the next few hours in his study to take those calls.

It pained me to see what this was doing to my husband. He had this fear how this would play out and it was coming true just as he suspected. Even if no one had come out and said so, the unspoken words were present—

They suspected Erik of something.

Perhaps not a killer, but they felt he knew something essential and he was not saying what that information could be.

If that was not enough, then it was the growing stress that we were going to have our meeting with Colonel Reyer and Inspector Butler soon. While my husband reverted to his aloof demeanor, I was concerned on how I would appear to the gentlemen. I knew if I misspoke or give off anything that appears anxious, and then they would think that I knew something and it could potentially hurt Erik in the long run. I could not let that happen.

Before our date was approaching, I went to Meg to tell her who was coming and how impertinent this was that no one else was around to eavesdrop.

"Erik is feeling horrible as you can imagine. They are not giving him a moment's peace when it was he who suffered greatly for his wife's death. I want to make sure that he does not feel overwhelmed than he has to and that no one would try to betray his confidences. Could you do this for me?"

Meg nodded her expression serious. "Of course Christine. Do not worry. My uncle, Robert, and I will make sure that no one is nearby. I adore your husband and you and the last thing I want to see is someone hurting the both of you."

That put my mind at ease and I was grateful for having her in my life. Then I went ahead and called Nadir to invite him to come to lunch. I knew Erik was going to need all the support he can have and having his best friend and solicitor close by will be the extra boost he needed.

I would have called Ayesha and her husband, but they lived too far away and they would not get here in time. But I did phone her to see if they could come over for dinner. Ayesha told me that they will be here this evening and I thanked her for Erik was going to need his family to help him get by this tragedy.

"You're a godsend Christine. Erik is lucky to have you," Ayesha said.

"I hope so," I told her. "I will speak with you later tonight."

"Very well. Giles and I will look forward to it."

Nadir arrived ten minutes to ten and he was already flushed and irritated that he was not informed of this beforehand.

"Trust me Nadir. If the end of the world is coming, then you will be the first one I will notify," Erik said dryly.

"Joke all you want Erik, this is a serious matter. A body found in Luciana's boat! This is an incredible situation all right. Well, you know… you are my friend and I will help you out the best I can. But do not leave me in the dark is that understood?" Nadir scolded my husband and I could see this banter was what Erik needed.

"Of course. Is there anything else you would like to add?"

"Allah," Nadir muttered and shook his head. "How you put up with him, Mrs. de Winter, I will never know. When will the Colonel and Inspector be arriving?"

"Soon," I replied, looking up at the clock. "Any moment now in fact."

Unfortunately, our guests did not arrive until an hour and half after our scheduled meeting. While the Colonel was all apologies for his tardiness, I could not help but wonder if it had been purposefully done to see how Erik would react.

"Not at all. We were actually going to start lunch without you," Erik said, all very welcoming and host-like. "Gentlemen, if you will follow me to the dining room. We will sit down, have a good meal, and discuss what it is that brings you. This way."

I remained by Erik's side as we walked to the room and it was not until we were seated that I was able to assess the good Colonel and Inspector.

Let me start with Colonel Reyer. He was an older fellow with grayish-white hair, bushy eyebrows and moustache, and sharp brown eyes. He carried himself with the distinguished manner expected of a military man with years of experience and his expression was carefully chosen with a neutral visage, which allowed him to observe everything without revealing what he was thinking. There was no way I could read if he thought Erik had anything to do with the recovered body, but if he did… he disguised it well with an amiable tone in his voice.

Then there was Inspector Butler. He was middle-aged, handsome, with dark hair and thick beard, greenish-blue eyes, and every sense of a man who works for the law. He spoke little from the moment he entered Manderley, and I felt he would not contribute much to the conversation, except watching what we were doing and how we responded. Unlike the Colonel, the Inspector did not hide his feelings and he continued to stare unabashedly at my husband's mask. No doubt he felt there was something suspicious underneath the porcelain.

Erik did not give any indication if the Inspector's stare made him uncomfortable, but I sensed it was bothering him. And it bothered me as well. My husband was a good man and to be looked upon like he was some kind of thing, an oddity… it was disrespectful and I'm certain the Inspector would have preferred to see Erik arrested based on that alone.

Erik may have won over most of the people in the town, but the Inspector was not a friend of his and I feared what that would mean for my husband.

As the pleasantries continued, the first course for lunch, squash soup, was served. Then the conversation switched to how Erik and I met, which the Colonel was interested to hear.

"I understand you met in France. Did you live there?" he asked me.

"No. I was vacationing at the same time when I met Mr. de Winter," I answered. Looking at my husband, I added proudly, "I was a paid companion to Mrs. Carlotta Van Hopper at the time."

"Ah, a working girl. It must have been a nice living," the Colonel remarked.

"It was," I admitted. "I was able to travel to places I have longed to visit. Of course, the city I wanted to go to was Paris, and unfortunately, it was not a part of Mrs. Van Hopper's itinerary. But my husband made my wish came true by taking me on our honeymoon."

"Did you like it?"

"I loved it. I would love to go again," I told him with a bright smile.

That led to other places of travel and it was not until halfway through the mutton chops that the Colonel once more made his apologies for being late.

"The Inspector and I would have been here at the appointed time was it not for the duties that called upon us."

"That is all right. If anything, I suspected it was something of the kind that delayed you, but there is no harm done." Erik smiled.

"Quite so. Well, I suppose there is no need to wait any longer and the Inspector and I shall get down to business. The reason for our delay has to deal with the body in the boat. We were successful in raising it and taking the body directly to Dr. Leroux, the village doctor, so he could examine it closely. The findings of his are the most remarkable, and I fear, will come to a shock for you Mr. de Winter. The body found was the late Mrs. de Winter's."

Erik did not betray his emotions and nodded stiffly. "It was Luciana?"

The Colonel nodded. "Yes. She was one of Dr. Leroux's patients and he recognized the features to make a positive identification. I'm only mentioning this distressing news now because you yourself, Mr. de Winter, had identified Mrs. de Winter back in Edgecoombe."

"I believe that was a natural response to make when you had your wife missing for about a month without not knowing what happened," Nadir stepped in. "Mr. de Winter had been very ill at the time in Edgecoombe and his faculties were not as sharp so it was likely that the body had similarities to Mrs. de Winter."

"I thought it was her," Erik said reservedly. "Like Nadir said, I was ill and was desperate to find anything about my wife. When the news of the body found swept up on Edgecoombe's shores, I truly believed it had to be Luciana. There was no other news of any other missing person so I knew it had to be her. If I hadn't, then I would not have buried her in my family's crypt."

"Of course. No man could blame you for making such an assumption and I will not do you the insult by having the body in your family's crypt be exhumed. However, there was a misidentification and the simple way to resolve that error is to admit it was a mistake. Is that so Inspector Butler?"

The Inspector gave my husband a studious look. "Yes. I'm certain you heard that there will be an inquest?"

"Yes," Erik replied.

"Good," the Inspector went on. "It's a formality naturally and it has to be conducted regardless. Just to clear the air as you may know."

"I understand and I will be happy to cooperate with the fullest extent," Erik said.

"Well, yes," the Colonel said. "Although, I do not think it will be a long one. It will involve you making the statement that at the time the body in Edgecoombe was misidentified as Luciana de Winter and the body recently discovered is in fact your late wife's. We will have an expert to come in and speak about the handiwork and craftsmanship of your wife's boat and whether or not it had been seaworthy at the time of the storm a year ago. I think we know the answer to that one, but it has to be documented all the same. The only regrets I feel for this matter is for you and the newly Mrs. de Winter. This inquest will be very public and will put you in the center of attention. But as I said, this will not be long and the two of you could go back to your lives without having to worry about this wretched affair.

"The only consolation that I can see is at least you will have your answers Mr. de Winter. Based on Dr. Leroux's report, it appeared that the late Mrs. de Winter had a swift death and it did not prolonged in the slow, horrific way that we feared. I heard she had been a strong swimmer, but seeing there was no evidence of an attempted escape, I feel it happened before she could attempt to swim."

"It is terrible," Inspector Butler agreed. "To think she had gone below for something trivial or meaningless and to discover the door had suddenly jammed and the cabin was filling up with water. We can only thank God that He had been merciful."

"It makes me pleased to know Luciana did not suffer," Erik told them in a sincere tone that would suggest he was pleased to know it had been quick. Of course, the underlying of such a tone was false, but Erik had years of practice when it came to Luciana and he was able to fulfill that role of a loving husband on the spot. Then again, this was the first time I truly noticed that his tone did not reflect in his eyes, not when it did when he spoke his love to me.

I inwardly smiled.

"I cannot fathom what it was that required her attention below. But Luciana never did anything the easy way. She loved the thrill of sailing even in conditions that no brave man would follow."

"That is true," the Colonel said. "I remember my wife telling me how the late Mrs. de Winter would boast about her going out at night to sail. I believe I mentioned to Mrs. de Winter she was taking a risky chance in sailing late at night."

"As we all did," Erik replied sadly. "Alas, Luciana would do what Luciana wanted. She had a mind of her own and would do the opposite of what people would recommend."

"Still… such a tragedy to occur… even for an experienced sailor as your late wife seemed to be," Inspector Butler commented. "She was willing to put her life in danger?"

"I could not stop her if she wanted to do something. My pleas would only drive her more for she wanted to prove she could do this. All I could do was sit and pray she will be safe."

"Besides," Nadir interjected. "Even the experienced of men can still have an accident. It does not mean they will be exempt from the inevitable. Take yourselves, gentlemen, as an example. Colonel Reyer you have military experience, but I'm sure you have caught yourself in a crossfire one point or another when you thought a particular strategy would be effective and it proved otherwise. And you Inspector! A professional lawman and officer… you know the criminal mind well, but there would be one man who was unpredictable and all your years could not have expected his action. Even if you believed him to be a textbook criminal, he may prove to be the exception to the rule."

"I do not argue against you Mr. Khan," the Inspector said. "You are very right and I have come across criminals who are quite unpredictable. However, I would think that someone like the late Mrs. de Winter would not have gone below for any reason when the weather was temperamental. Would she not have kept a wary eye?"

"Like Erik said, Mrs. de Winter enjoyed a good challenge. While it would be against the better judgment of others, she would tempt anything so she could brag about it later and laugh at how worrisome we were for no reason," Nadir said. "That was her character. Mrs. Reyer would attest to it."

Colonel Reyer nodded. "It is. I have heard from her countless times about Mrs. de Winter's antics. My wife feared that something like this would eventually catch up to her and it would be too late."

"As you know," the older man continued. "We all make mistakes. Even the most experienced and acknowledgeable can have a slip here and there. You said it yourself Inspector."

I could see that the Inspector was not happy about how his question turned against him. Yet, he was not to be deterred from his agenda and how I wished this horrid man would leave.

"Despite the sadness, Mr. de Winter, you were able to remarry again. Not many could do that after a great loss."

"People do remarry," Erik said his brow narrowing. "I met Christine when I was suffering acutely and she was able to repair what was left of my heart. I think that amazing as most people are not blessed in life to find such an understanding and loving wife twice."

"Yes and I do not see how that is even relevant," Colonel Reyer added as well while giving the Inspector a disapproval look. "Mrs. de Winter never had the acquaintance of the late Mrs. de Winter and I suggest you cease what you're alluding to. Now, Mr. de Winter, I am sorry that this inquest must happen, but I will try to make it as short as possible so it will not interfere with you and Mrs. de Winter's new life. However, I cannot promise that the results of the inquest will be kept from the press. There will be reporters and they will keep a close eye on the proceedings."

"Yes, I am fully aware," Erik said.

"Good. I hope to have it arrange in two days' time. I will need your testimony Mr. de Winter as well as yours Mr. Khan."

"I will be there," Nadir said.

"Excellent! You will receive a call from me once I have the details. Thank you for lunch and your hospitality Mrs. de Winter. I know this is ugly business, but we must do what we must. I hope that this will not ruin your happiness."

"As long as it gives my husband a peace of mind on what happened that night, then I do not mind," I said.

The Colonel and Inspector took their leave, but not before the latter spoke to me privately.

"I do apologize for my behavior Mrs. de Winter, but as you can see, I need to have as much information as I can, especially when a body is involved. Your husband has been generous with my men and I appreciate the support…"

"But it is your duty to ask the unwanted questions," I supplied.

"You understand then. It is an unpleasant bit, but it needs to be done. I do hope that the inquest will not take long."

"Thank you."

And I left it like that.

Nadir stayed for another hour before he took his leave, but Erik and I were not alone for long as Ayesha and Giles Lacy arrived.

"Sorry old man for coming so early, but my wife was insistent we come in case you needed our services," Giles said.

Ayesha scoffed. "I said no such thing Giles Lacy! You were the one who suggested we come early and all I said was I wondered if they needed our services, especially when a body was found." Then she turned and gave her brother a pointed look. "By the way, when were you going to tell me about the body? Do you have something against telling your only sister about the events in your life? First, Nadir tells me about your marriage to Christine and I had to find out this latest tidbit from the postman! Do you know the rumor spreading is that the body might be Luciana's? The idea!"

"Actually," I stepped in and took Ayesha's hand. "We just learned that the body was Luciana's."

Ayesha was struck speechless, but it latest for a moment. "Dear Lord… Oh Erik… I am sorry to hear that."

"As am I," Giles added and patted Erik on the back. "Well, it can't be that bad, can it? You made a mistake in Edgecoombe and now you have the actual body to bury. End of story."

"If only it were that simple husband," Ayesha said, her blue eyes revealing her sympathy. "What a circus this will be. For you and Christine. How are you holding up?"

"The circus has arrived Ayesha. However, the inquest will be soon and once the matter is cleared up, then we can go back to our lives," Erik said while keeping his gaze on me. "Christine has been my rock during this tough time. I cannot thank her enough for keeping me sane."

There was more to that statement than what he was saying aloud, but the sentiment was present and it only caused my love for him to swell even greater.

"I'm glad to hear that," Ayesha said and squeezed my hand affectionately. "I told you, you were good for my brother. Now, I want to hear more about this inquest. And you better phone me once you have the details because I will be there. If I hear it from someone other than your lips, then I will make sure you will suffer Erik. Better yet… Christine you should tell me. I trust you more to tell me what is going on than from my flesh and blood. You will call me."

"I will Ayesha," I told her. "I promise."

xxXXxx

Ayesha's visit was a nice distraction for all of us. I do enjoy spending time with my sister and brother-in-law, and I know it did Erik good. Despite the grave reality of the situation, Ayesha had a way in making my husband laugh with their banter. Of course, maintaining the façade of a grievous husband was taking its toll on him. I could see how difficult it was for Erik not to crack and reveal the truth about Luciana de Winter. Although, I could not help but wonder if Ayesha suspected all along her true nature because she did not hide her dislike towards her.

"I did not want to tell you before Erik since you were mourning and it would be wrong to talk ill of the dead, but you did not deserve Luciana. In fact, she did not deserve you. I only tolerated her for your benefit as you loved her and you were the happiest I have seen in years. Of course, you are just as happy now with Christine, possibly more so. But with Luciana… there was something about her and I will never forgive her for what she did to Giles."

"Please, my dear, let's forget that. It was in the past," Giles said, slightly blushing at the recollection.

"I know but I won't forgive her regardless. As for you Christine, I know you have eyes only for your husband and it's quite refreshing."

This time it was my turn to blush and Erik cleared his throat. "All right Ayesha. Do cease embarrassing your husband and my wife."

"Fine. I'm only stating the facts that's all and there is nothing to be embarrassed about when it's the truth. Now… the point I was trying to make is that you have our fullest support Erik and if you need a witness then you can count on us."

"Witness?" I repeated, looking over to Erik who was already pinching the bridge between his nose.

"I do not think that will be necessary Ayesha. It's only a formal proceeding about Luciana and nothing more."

"You never know. Someone might try to bring up something that was long forgotten about her. Remember… she did have a wandering eye."

"Somehow, I doubt that will come to pass. If it does and I am wrong, then I will depend on you stepping forward and make good of my character."

The topic did stop; at least, Ayesha decided to drop it altogether. The rest of the visit was pleasant enough and dinner was excellently prepared. When the Lacys did leave I saw how the worry that Ayesha had did dwindle and I could see the confidence resonating in Erik.

"I know I'm only making a fuss out of nothing, but I cannot help but worry for my older brother. I know he had a Hell of a time moving on from Luciana's death and you did a wonderful job in helping him. I know you are the constant woman he needs right now, especially when the inquest takes place. People will be unkind, I fear."

"I am ready," I told her. "I'm not going to leave Erik's side, not even for a second. He needs me and I will not let him down."

She nodded and embraced me. "Good luck," she whispered.

With a final wave, Erik and I were at last alone. I kept my arm intertwined with his as Erik let out a sigh that went through his whole body. Turning to me, I could see the strength of the day letting go and he smiled wearily.

"Well… that went as well than I thought it would be. Colonel Reyer did appear to be on our side and I do believe him when he said the inquest will not be long."

"I hope so. But that Inspector… Erik, he believes you're guilty!" I exclaimed in a low tone.

Guiding me to our room, he shook his head. "That man can believe all he wants. The only thing is that he does not know what I am guilty of. He does not bother me Christine and he should not bother you. He has never liked me and my mask was always a good enough reason. No… the Inspector knows nothing and it will be Colonel Reyer will make the final decisions."

I could not confide my doubts to Erik knowing they would only voice his doubts aloud and I did not want that upon his shoulders. Right now, Erik was feeling good about the upcoming inquest and I was not going to ruin his mood. He knew these men better than I and if he felt that Inspector Butler was not a threat than neither will I.

"Of course…" Erik started once we closed our door. "He was insinuating that Luciana being trapped in the cabin was highly unlikely, especially with her knowledge and skills. If the jury happens to question that…"

"Do not think such thoughts," I scolded him and took his face in my hands. "It will not happen. You said it yourself. You will go there and tell those people that in your grief you misidentified who you thought was your missing wife. You were wrong and you are willing to accept that this body was in fact your late wife's. No suspicion will be cast if you allow any doubt or fears cloud your mind."

Grabbing my hands, he pressed a kiss to the back of each one and allowed me to remove his mask.

"You are certainly an angel, Christine," he murmured. "My salvation."

"Not just I," I told him and cut him off with a glare. "Do not say that. You are my Angel of Music Erik and you have no choice but to accept it. I demand it as the mistress of Manderley."

He smirked. "How can I argue with such a command?"

"You cannot," I declared. "You must capitulate."

Scooping me up in his arms, I squealed but Erik held me tight as he walked me over to the bed.

"Then Mrs. de Winter…" he said. "I capitulate."

TBC…

A little fluff to make up for the dark drama. Hope you like!


	28. Chapter 27

A/N: Happy Halloween! Well, early Happy Halloween anyways. Lol. Here's a very nice and long chapter. Wait for the end… Don't forget to review!

**Chapter 27**

The evening was better than the previous one. We slept well and did not wake to reporters or neighbors calling us. The only call we did receive was from Colonel Reyer during breakfast. He wanted to inform us that the inquest will take place tomorrow morning at ten o'clock.

He also added that this would more than likely end around noon so we did not have to bring a lunch. To hear the Colonel's confidence… it was practically revealing the outcome that Erik would not be accused of anything damning.

I held onto that hope as did Erik. It was the only thing we could do.

But Erik did confess to me last night while he held me that he did not regret a single detail of his life.

"It eventually brought me to you. If I had not married Luciana… then I would not have done what I did that led me back to Monte Carlo. I want you to know that Christine. I have no remorse for my actions. If I had to I will kill Luciana all over again when I know I would find you. You gave me life Christine. You gave me the love I have always wanted and thought I would never have. You are nothing but a miracle to me and my only fear is that I will wake and find this was all but a dream. I cannot lose you. And however the inquest goes and whatever the jury decides… I will not lose you. I refuse to let that happen. I swear to you this. I will never leave you."

As earnest and heartfelt his words… I knew if for some reason the jury should find Erik guilty even something as not being forceful with his warnings… they would take him from me. I did not want that to happen, but that was how things went in reality. They could determine our fate by saying that single word and everything we had would fall apart.

And despite his promises, I knew it was the same concerns he had and he called Nadir to come as soon as breakfast was done. He assured me it was typical business that needed to be taken care of, but when Erik's office door was shut… it was really putting his affairs together in case of the inevitable. I did hear Nadir whisper to Erik before he left the other day he should have a plan set if it did not work out well. I know Erik did not want to burden me even more, which was why he kept this secret, and I could not fault him for doing so.

I would have done the same in his shoes.

While the men conducted their business, I stayed in the morning room with Sasha's head in my lap. As I scratched behind her ear, I gazed out the window to the garden outside. The sun was bright than ever and it certainly was inviting… but my place was to stay close by and I did not want to abandon Erik.

Anthony came in with my tea and a paper under his arm. I looked up to find that Robert and Meg were also standing behind him.

Their expressions were solemn and there was no need to hide the pretenses anymore.

"Forgive us Mrs. de Winter," Anthony said. "But the paper has the most alarming news in it about Mr. de Winter and the late Mrs. de Winter."

I paused in my ministrations, which Sasha whined softly that she did not want me to stop, but I knew they had the right to know what was going on… or at least half the truth. I gently nudged Sasha to get down and she did with much reluctance. I brushed off some loose hairs and motioned for them to sit.

Meg did while the men stood. There was no way they could break from their habits and I was not going to make them.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "I know how it sounds. But Erik and I were informed ourselves yesterday about this."

"Is it true?" Meg asked. "What the paper says… is it really her?"

Anthony shook his head disapprovingly, but I could not keep it a secret from them as they were great friends of ours and we could count on their loyalty.

"Yes," I said. "There will be an inquest tomorrow. But do not worry. Colonel Reyer merely wants it stated in the record that the real Mrs. de Winter was found and that's it. This is the most shocking as you can imagine and I know Erik is doing his best not to get too distraught. I will depend on your discretion most of all to prevent the staff from saying anything unsavorily. This is Luciana de Winter that was discovered and that will not be hidden from anyone. But I will detest if anyone tries to harm Erik and they will find themselves seeking employment elsewhere."

"You can be certain that the three of us will do our best to ensure that you and Mr. de Winter's privacy is protected," Anthony said. "He is a fine master and everyone who works here knows they will never find a suitable placement better than this. You can count on our support."

"You mean a lot to us," Meg added while smiling. "Not only as a mistress but as a friend. I know I have never met the late Mrs. de Winter, but if you need someone to testify… I will step up on your behalf."

"As will I," Robert responded and placed his hand on Meg's shoulder.

"Of course, I will always be there," Anthony told me. "This is a rough time for the two of you and friends are what you need. I find it absolutely terrible that this had to happen. The past will not rest."

We all silently agreed.

"The staff will keep quiet on the matter, but Mrs. Danvers… she has been taking this all very hard. More so than when it was learned that Mrs. de Winter had died," Anthony remarked.

I had practically forgotten about Mrs. Danvers! Never once did it cross my mind on how this would affect her. After all this time and to finally learn that your mistress was underwater nearby… despite how undeniably cruel she was I did feel a little bit of sympathy for her.

Only a little.

"How is Mrs. Danvers doing?" I inquired.

"The last I saw her she did look very ill. I believe she said she was going to stay in her room."

"Then it's best that she remains where she is and not to be disturbed. I know how much she loved the former Mrs. de Winter. This is not easy news to handle. Be sure that someone brings her meals and tea. Then when Mrs. Danvers is ready to resume her duties she may do so."

It was a generous offering on my part, but everyone is allowed to mourn no matter what kind of person they are. I only hope that Mrs. Danvers will mourn properly now. Perhaps this is the closure she needed after these many months.

Anthony nodded. "I will inform Mrs. Danvers. Is there anything you would like?"

"No thank you Anthony. That should be it. But do let me know when my husband and Mr. Khan have finished their business."

"I will. Come Robert. We have work that needs to be done. Meg?"

"I will be there soon Uncle." Meg waved the men off. "I won't be long."

I saw a smile pass over Anthony's face as he shook his head. "Young ladies… I tell you Robert… they promise to do one thing, but when they become distracted it would take far longer to accomplish a chore that would not take long."

Robert did not reply but only scratched his head while pondering what Anthony meant. Meg and I shared a chuckle.

"I saw what happened there with Robert. Is there something you would wish to share Meg?"

Her cheeks turned a rosy red. "Robert asked my uncle if he could court me. Then he asked him what my mother's address was so he could write to her! The other day a letter did come with my mother granting her permission for Robert and I. Oh Christine! I am so happy! Of course, I dared not imagine what it must feel for you to know that the first Mrs. de Winter returned."

"Meg, I am happy for you as well! I knew you and Robert would be a right match and it pleases me that all parties are in agreement. Do not feel bad about me. As shocking as it was I have learned some truths about her and it only has deepened my love for Erik. And… he loves me! He finally told me he loved me!"

Meg let out a tiny yelp and hugged me. "I knew he did! Oh Christine! How marvelous! When did this happen?"

"Two days ago," I said. "Meg, I know this may sound wicked, but I have never been this happy in my life. As saddened as I am to know that this brings back awful memories for Erik, I cannot help but think about the future. Our future. There have been so many misunderstandings between us, but that's behind us now. We are in love! That's what matters. Erik loves me and I have seen behind his mask."

"You did?!" Meg gasped. "Christine…"

"I know what you are going to say Meg and all I ask is that you do not question it. It is not up to me to explain, but Erik. He has to make that decision, and I cannot be even more proud than what I already am. He trusts me so much and this is something that I will cherish forever."

"Of course. As long as you are happy Christine then so am I. This is good news indeed! We both have the men in our lives who love us. But the inquest! Are you not nervous?"

"I am," I confessed. "I'm only worried about what people will say about Erik. Inspector Butler was not a friend and I do not want him to convince people that Erik is a horrible person."

"Oh dear. Then you would not like the article that was in the paper," Meg said as she picked up the paper Anthony left on the table. "It's best that you see it. That way you can prepare yourself tomorrow."

Picking it up, I scrolled down the page until I found the column that Meg was referring to. Immediately, my stomach was churning with anger and unease. The article was filled with plenty of inaccuracies and little actual fact that it did not bode well for Erik. What the reporter wrote was suggestive:

_Tragedy strikes Manderley again, but this time it is what a reader might find in a Bronte romance. The late Mrs. de Winter, Luciana nee Belmonte, had drowned about a year ago right in the bay. And it was only hours ago that when a ship crashed upon the rocks that the grisly discovery was made of a sailing boat. The diver recognized it as Mrs. de Winter's and while investigating the wreckage he stumbled upon a body. The boat, itself, was raised so the authorities could examine the sturdiness and dependability of the structure to determine if it was safe for Mrs. de Winter to go sailing during the night when a powerful storm swept through Kerrith. As for the body, Doctor Leroux, the family physician, was able to identify that the remains were in fact the late Mrs. de Winter. Not much else is known what about led to this unfortunate incident, but it appears to this humble writer that this could be the work of no accidental incident or perhaps this was a tragic sense of irony afoot. As the reader may remember, the late Mrs. de Winter was an expert when it came to sailing and partook in activities that even her friends would admit were dangerous. Yet, Mrs. de Winter had a good head upon her shoulders and would not do something as foolish as sail during a storm. However, this avid sailor could have seen the opportunity too much to pass up. The price was costly as it would later turn out. _

_Friends of the beloved Mrs. de Winter will always remember her kindness, her tenacity to find the simple pleasures in life, her beauty, and her talent. It was no surprise that the late Mrs. de Winter sang very well and would often participate in her husband's music. They had been collaborating on an opera together that would have opened last spring, but Mr. Erik de Winter thought it best in her honor to stop the production. This was a difficult decision for him to make as friends stood by him to help him through this time of grief. Of course, no one could have predicted what followed after when Mr. de Winter returned from his travels with a new wife in toll. Friends were not sure what to make of the new Mrs. de Winter and some feared that her intentions were not exactly pure. Mr. de Winter has wealth to boast and as deeply in love he was with his first wife… it was rather strange for him to marry so quickly. The portrait that could be described is that the second Mrs. de Winter shares none of the characteristics of the former and it does leave one to wonder what could have enticed Erik de Winter to remarry so soon and so secretly. _

_Whatever Mr. de Winter's intentions were he did throw the new Mrs. de Winter the surprise of her life with a lavish ball in her honor. Now, lavish balls were always a grand event for the former Mrs. de Winter and her parties were legendary. Some guests felt that the latest Masquerade was lacking in the finesse and it was too soon after the late Mrs. de Winter's death. It was popular opinion that this party had been done in poor taste and it would appear that even the late Mrs. de Winter had a say when the ship crashed and later led to the recent discovery. _

_So, ladies and gentlemen, it would have to be believed that while humans move on after a death… it would seem that the dead is not willing to move on. Or could this be a sign? Perhaps the late Mrs. de Winter took offense to the new wife in question and is expressing her resentment. Or could this be something far more sinister than this writer could imagine? _

_The truth will be known by tomorrow as a formal inquest has been called to order. Colonel Jack Reyer of Kerrith will be presiding and we will have our questions answered about what happened to poor Luciana de Winter._

The article was brutal towards myself and in between the lines it was not friendly towards Erik. Implying that Erik would marry me for reasons that were best left in private… it was libel more than anything and the paper clearly favored Luciana. We did not need this filth in Manderley.

I ripped the page in half and crumbled the pieces in my hands as I walked over to the fireplace and tossed the bits into the fire.

Meg quietly applauded. "The reporter is a fool and he will be begging for forgiveness when he realizes how wrong he was after tomorrow."

_I hope so_, I thought. _I really hope so_.

xxXXxx

Around lunchtime, Erik and Nadir were still working, but I did find the maid who was bringing down the tray from Mrs. Danvers' room.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Not so well ma'am," the maid, Mary, replied. "Mrs. Danvers hardly ate."

So I went ahead and called for a doctor. Dr. Leroux came and he was in the room for less than twenty minutes when he came back down to speak to me.

"I gave her a sedative. But Mrs. Danvers will be all right. She's in a state of shock."

"Thank you Doctor," I said. "I know how devoted she was to the late Mrs. de Winter. This is not easy for her."

"Yes. It is distressing to hear and I am sorry for this happening so suddenly too. I want you to know Mrs. de Winter that I have great respect for your husband. It saddened me to be the bearer of bad news after all this time and I wished this would have been handled delicately than what it already is. No one should have to experience the pain and loss of a spouse all over again."

"I know it could not have been easy and my husband is holding up the best he can. We do appreciate it though."

The doctor regarded me. "You are a remarkable young woman. Most ladies would not be able to withstand the pressure. You must truly love him."

I blushed at the sincere comments and I felt at that moment… that Dr. Leroux was a friend and wanted the publicly to end as much as we did.

"You tell your husband that I will be there at the inquest tomorrow. And if you should need anything Mrs. de Winter… I am your servant. Do not hesitate to call. Good day."

"Good day to you too Doctor," I said as I walked him out the door. At least he did not give the impression that I was a horrible person for marrying Erik. He was quite empathetic and it did pain him to be the one to identify the remains. Well, there was no doubt in my mind that the doctor would say it was an unfortunate accident, but now Luciana could rest in peace.

By half past two, Nadir and Erik did emerge from the office as their business was finally concluded. I debated if I should ask Erik if Nadir knew the whole truth like I did. They were in there for an awful length of time and I knew it was important to have some of the details sorted out beforehand… but the topic of conversation had to have come up. I cannot imagine Nadir doing this without an explanation of some kind and being Erik's oldest friend… he had to suspect something.

I watched him closely as the men took a late lunch.

"I heard there was someone at the door Christine," Erik said. "Who was it?"

"Doctor Leroux," I said. "Mrs. Danvers was feeling poorly and I think the excitement and stress caught up to her. He said not to worry, though, and he will be there at the inquest to ensure that the matter will end there. He seems like a nice man."

"Doctor Leroux is one of the best," Erik commented. "Most tolerable and kind-hearted of men." He said this while gently tapping at his mask. "I do believe he wants this to end as much as I."

"I know I do," Nadir rejoined. "You should have seen the paper Erik. It was the worst piece of garbage I have ever read. You would have thought Luciana was some kind of heavenly saint or something."

"Well… she had her admirers," Erik said.

"Yes but it is outlandish. They made Mrs. de Winter appear to be the villain for helping the grieving widower move on."

Erik glanced at me for confirmation and I nodded. "Meg showed it to me. I burned it after. Do not be upset Erik. What was written was written. Anyone who knows me knows that is not the truth and I will settle for that. As long as our friends can see through the lies then it does not matter."

"It does if they think they can slander my wife in such a fashion! I will speak to the editor about this. I will not stand for more lies being published!" Erik slammed his fist down on the table and Nadir was quickly shaking his head.

"Erik… you need to get a handle of your temper. As upsetting as this is to all involved, you do need to remain calm throughout the proceedings. You know they will bring Christine up and they will say anything to rile you. This article was the first and look what it has done already. Like I told you earlier, you still have to show that you are upset with your loss so this will not drag out. They will sympathize with you. But forgetting yourself is not going to help you or Christine. Do I make myself clear?"

"Erik," I interjected softly. "Do not worry about me. It's you I'm concerned about. Like Nadir said, they will try to get you to lose your temper and they will separate us."

I knew asking this of him was a lot and insulting me was insulting him, but if we were to be together, then we must carry through this masquerade that Luciana started. Erik started to waver, closed his eyes and exhaled. "I will try for you Christine."

It was progress and even Nadir looked relieved that Erik was coming to his senses on this aspect. He looked over to me and silently mouth "thank you" and I saw that he knew. He wanted us to win and this was his way of letting me know that he knew everything. Of course, this was all confirmed when later Nadir will pull me aside to whisper:

"As beautiful as Luciana was… she was vain and spoiled. She made my friend's life a living hell and while in life there was little I could do… in death I will make sure that vixen will not have the last laugh. Erik did what he had to do and I'll do everything in my power to make sure your marriage remains intact."

Thankfully, we were not alone in this burden and we had an ally who knew the actual events and could stir the truth away if it got too close.

As they finished their lunch, Nadir went over some other points that might be discussed at the inquest. The most important detail that would be called to question would be Luciana's experience and why would she go into her cabin when the storm was vicious when there was a possible chance that it could capsize. Anyone with the knowledge would know it would be dangerous to go out in the first place, but Luciana was not like most sailors. Erik was not the only witness to hear her brag about sailing under unfavorable conditions for the thrill of it. But to go down below… that would go against any instinct.

Nadir instructed that if Erik was questioned about this then the only answer he could reply would be "I don't know." Erik never gone sailing with Luciana and could not explain her habits out on sea.

The other detail that might be mentioned would be the rumors of Luciana's infidelity. No doubt the Inspector could use that to establish a possible motive for Erik, but Erik had assured me that to come forward with such information would be for the women to admit their spouses committed adultery and that would tarnish their reputations. They would not risk such exposure, even if Luciana was dead.

Lastly, Nadir wanted to go over, especially with me, what would happen if the event something should occur and Erik's credibility is questioned. It was the scenario I dared not think about, but often plagued my mind. On the other hand, Erik did not want to discuss this and any protests fell on silent ears.

"It will not come to pass," he reaffirmed. "I will not have you put such unhappy thoughts in my wife's head."

"Erik… she has the right to know—"

"Nadir, you damn Persian, I will not speak of this now. I'm exhausted from all of the talking and would like to be alone with Christine. We will see you tomorrow."

It was impossible to convince Erik and Nadir decided he will leave. It was when I was walking him to the door, Erik standing in the doorway of the dining room, when Nadir told me his vow to help us.

"Since Erik was not keen to discuss this… I will be brief. You must know Mrs. de Winter that I know the real accounts of what took place that night on the bay. Erik told me all this morning and while it was ghastly… I knew the desperation he must have felt. I had admired Luciana, perhaps even loved her, but there was something I could not figure out about her until… well, one day I had come to see Erik and while I was strolling through the halls, I overheard them in a heated argument. I did not want to make my presence known, but there was no avoiding all that I heard. The language that poured out of that lady's mouth… I blush thinking about someone like her could have known such words… then I heard the clatter of something crashing on the floor and I peeked in to see she had torn Erik's mask off his face. She was pointing, jeering and laughing at his ugliness. It was right then that any love for her that I felt was wiped away. Erik is like a brother to me and to hear that abuse… Of course, the last thing I'm sure Erik wanted to know was that I witnessed this. For the sake of his privacy, I kept this to myself, but I was on alert if Luciana misbehaved when Erik was not present and I tried to make myself available as much as possible. I was quite grateful to know she was not interested in me and as long as I was there nearby… she would not do anything that I could tell Erik. But I fear my intentions were not as helpful as I thought. I should have told my friend sooner, but he understood my reasons and was glad to know he was not the only one privy to his late wife's activities. Naturally, if I should be called to testify, I would be going against my principles to keep the truth from coming out. But the worst crime of all would be to let this woman succeed and Erik arrested. I will protect him Mrs. de Winter, rest assured. But I know he wants to make sure you are taken care of and not blackened by this scandal. Everything has been arranged in case Erik does not come home tomorrow… I know this is terrible but we took the lengths to ensure your protection and safety. Now, go back to your husband and spend what little time left together. You both need this."

Nadir bowed and left.

His advice ringing in my ear, I went to Erik and took his hand. "Come. I want to sing."

We stayed in the music room as Erik played and I sang. Then to my utter amazement… Erik said, "I think you sung enough, my dear. Let's rest your voice and let someone else sing for a while."

At first, I did not think I heard him correctly. "Who else is going to sing?" I asked stupidly.

Erik chuckled. "Who else indeed! Well, I did train you and you have no evidence other than my playing if my voice could be up to par with my musical knowledge. I must correct that and I shall leave that to your final judgment if I am a musical genius or not. But I should tell you first that I composed this right after I met you."

Standing from the piano bench, Erik turned to me, his piercing gaze locked on my face as he took in every inch. Then slowly and gently, he began to sing.

_Night time sharpens, _

_heightens each sensation_

_Darkness stirs and wakes imagination_

_Silently the senses abandon their defenses__  
><em>

I knew my husband singing would be a treasure and I was right. From the moment he sang the first line, I was ensnared by his powerful voice and my body reacted to him instantly. It was quite the aphrodisiac… the deep huskiness combined with the longing, adoration, and most of all, love…

_Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor_

_Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender_

_Turn your face away from the garish light of day_

_Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light_

_And listen to the music of the night_

Erik was circling me, my body shuddering from the way his voice would tease in my ear and then… I found myself obeying with the lyrics._  
><em>

_Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams_

_Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before_

_Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar…!_

_And you'll live as you've never lived before_

My eyes shut tight I could feel the thoughts of my former life slipping away. I was not the same girl anymore. I was not the timid country chit who was silent and passive. I was a lady, a de Winter. I was the singer my parents knew I could be and they sent me the Angel of Music that I longed to have. This was my life now. The life I have always dreamed of having and it was now in my grasp. _  
><em>

_Softly, deftly, music shall caress you_

_Hear it, feel it secretly possess you_

_Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind_

_In this darkness that you know you cannot fight_

_The darkness of the music of the night__  
><em>

_Let your mind start a journey to a strange new world_

_Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before_

_Let your soul take you where you long to be_

_Only then can you belong to me_

I could feel Erik's chest behind me, his hand tentatively resting on my abdomen pulling me closer while his other hand reached into my curls. Gently, he stroked my hair and pushed it to the side so he could lower his mouth against my neck. The next verse was sung in my ear, the heat of his breath tickling my skin and my heart racing with the anticipation of what was to come. _  
><em>

_Floating, falling, sweet intoxication_

_Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation_

_Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in_

_To the power of the music that I write_

_The power of the music of the night__  
><em>

Now, Erik had me facing him, his finger tilting my chin up as I looked at him with half-closed lids while he sang the last lines.

_You alone can make my song take flight_

_Help me make the music of the night__  
><em>

The last note was cut off when I pulled Erik in a fervent kiss. I needed to taste him, to feel him. My heart and soul were burning from the passion that was reflecting in that song. And to know he wrote that after meeting me! No words could express my gratitude, but speaking was the last thing on both our minds.

That night… we did not stray from each other's embrace. If this was to be our last night as husband and wife… then we would make it a memorable one and I prayed mightily that God will give me a sign so I will know what the future will hold for us.

I could not lose Erik.

xxXXxx

The day of the inquest came and while I had the intention of going… Erik changed his mind and wanted me to stay at home. I gave him the patented glare that I have seen Ayesha give on more than one occasion and told him that I would not stay at home and I will go to stand by my husband's side and that was final. To my elation, Erik did not fight me and acquiesced. He even muttered that I was spending too much time with Ayesha and he was sorry to encourage our friendship, but I knew he was truly not crossed. He was pleased I was still going and as Anthony drove us into town… we had our hands clasped together.

The inquest was held in a small police station that served as a courtroom as well. It was all very plain and orderly with wood paneling on the floor, bright white walls, and a single window to allow in some sunlight. There was a long table in the center where Colonel Reyer was to sit and preside over the proceedings. To the right was a chair for the witnesses to speak from, to the left was a small table with two chairs, and the rest of the room had benches for the public to watch. Already, the space was quickly filling up with reporters and curious spectators as well as our neighbors and friends.

I saw Nadir, Ayesha, and her husband were already there. They managed to grab a seat in the front and waved us to come over. Immediately, everyone's attention was drawn to us as we calmly walked down the aisle towards our friends. I clutched Erik's hand tighter and I knew I was flushed from being put on display so bluntly and an uneasy feeling began to churn in my stomach. It would not do for me to get sick right now before the inquest started and Erik was depending on me to be his rock… I could not fail him.

Swallowing my fright, I greeted them warmly while keeping a smile on my countenance to show to the rest that I was not worried.

"Come sit down." Ayesha patted the seat beside her and I was too grateful to sit to keep my back to those vultures. "It's good that you came at last. I was getting quite irritated with those mongers yammering that you will not come and how you must be guilty and such. Can you believe it? Already they are passing judgment before anything has even been decided! I had half the mind to give them something else to talk about and I assure you I would be held in contempt."

"Take it easy my tigress," Giles said. "No need to give those mongers anymore fuel. Remember what happened with that fellow from… what was it? Something _Chronicle_."

I looked to my sister-in-law in puzzlement and she smirked. "Well, yesterday, Giles and I were hounded by the press too. Since I am Erik's brother and Luciana's late sister-in-law, they apparently thought I would have something juicy to share about their marriage and if I had any theories on what happened that night. This one in particular… he's not important with a name… kept asking the most audacious questions and hinting to some ridiculous and absurd claims that I (remember this was all done in a passionate reaction) took one of our inexpensive vases and threw it at his head."

"It was a good throw," Giles interjected, leaning towards Erik and Nadir. "When he caught wind of what Ayesha was about to do, he was already out of his seat and running. The poor man did not stand a chance and she knocked him out flat."

"Well," Ayesha said, fluttering her lashes. "It was quite ungentlemanly what he was saying. I only responded with the correct way he spoke. Besides, there was little blood and I threatened to call his editor to have him sacked for what he said. He was cordial after that, but he did not stick around for tea. I thought that was very rude."

I chuckled while Erik could only shake his head, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Ayesha, is there any possible chance that a meeting with you cannot end with blood being shed?"

"I don't know brother," she drawled. "I have yet to find out."

There was a loud cry of the inquest about to start and the massive doors closed to keep anyone else from entering. Colonel Reyer, Captain Lefevre, and Inspector Butler entered from a side door and took their spots—the Colonel at the long table, the Inspector off to the side, and the Captain coming to the sit in one of the empty spots at the small table.

I looked at Erik quickly and sucked in my breath. The moment has finally come.

The Colonel picked up the gavel and banged it twice to silent the crowd. Clearing his throat, he announced:

"Remember ladies and gentlemen, this is only a formal hearing over the de Winter case. I will start with Captain Lefevre giving his testimony on what happened several nights ago. Captain."

He rose and stayed where he was when the Inspector brought a Bible over to him. After swearing the oath, the Captain started with the accounts that occurred after the ship had crashed. It was the same what he told me the following night and ended by informing the authorities of the body discovered.

The next to speak was Doctor Leroux. He talked about how he was able to identify the body as Luciana de Winter.

After him, Erik was called to the stand.

I folded my hands in my lap to keep from shaking as my husband pledged his oath and sat down. The Colonel started by asking Erik what he remembered of that night a year ago.

I knew I did not make a single sound when Erik retold his side of events that he had been in the house, composing in the music room. It had been growing late and Erik was getting tired so he went up to bed. He remembered falling asleep with Luciana by his side and when the next he woke… she was missing.

"I assumed she was already awake since my wife loved to get an early start on her correspondence. It was when I finished dressing that my butler, Anthony Giry, knocked on the door to tell me that Mrs. de Winter was nowhere to be found. We searched the grounds and when there was no sight of her… we went down to the cottage where she kept her sailing boat. There we saw the sailing boat was missing and knew Luciana must have gone out during the storm. I had told her countless times of the dangers of sailing by herself at night and I feared that my warnings had been fortuitous. You can only imagine the horror I felt and we did try searching by sea as you remember Colonel Reyer. But there was nothing. Then a month later I received a call that a body had been washed up on the shore in Edgecoombe. I drove out there as soon as I hung up to see if it was my beloved Luciana. I had been terribly ill from not knowing what happened to her or finding her that I wanted the body to be hers. And I truly believed it was her at the time, of course, I know thanks to Dr. Leroux that it was not true. The body that was found under the bay was Luciana's."

There was some slight murmurs going on in the room, but Erik did splendid. He captured the role of the frantic husband well while doing everything he could think of to find his wife. I was so proud of him and I gave him a proud smile to show he was doing very well.

"Thank you Mr. de Winter. That will be all." Colonel Reyer nodded as Erik began to rise.

"Colonel," Inspector Butler interrupted. "If you may… I have some questions I would like to ask Mr. de Winter."

The Colonel sighed and asked if this was all right with Erik.

I grabbed the edge of the bench while waiting for Erik to reply. If he were to decline… would that make it seem suspicious? What if he accepts and the Inspector puts Erik on the spot? What if…

But I had no time to think of the what-ifs as my husband accepted permission for the Inspector to ask his questions.

"What are you doing you fool?" Nadir muttered to himself.

Erik took his seat again and waited for the first question.

"You said you were asleep when your wife left in the middle of the night?"

"Yes that is correct."

"Didn't you sense her leaving?"

"No. I'm a heavy sleeper."

"Was this a normal habit of Mrs. de Winter's?"

"Yes. Luciana loved to sail and her favorite time was during the night. I don't know why that particular time was her favorite nor could I understand her fascination. I am not a seaman by any means, but I knew that it was not safe for her to go off on her own."

"So… you never joined your wife when she sailed?"

"No. She would take her friends if they wished to, but I never had the inkling to sail."

"But if you knew she loved to sail at night… wouldn't that be enough to join her? To make sure she was all right?"

He was leading Erik on, egging him with his insinuations. If he pushed Erik… surely he will lose his temper!

But before my husband could speak, the Colonel interrupted.

"Inspector, this is not a trial or an interrogation. It is no surprise the late Mrs. de Winter favorite pastime was sailing in the evenings. My wife has heard this from her many times and the reason that Mr. de Winter would not have gone out was that she was an experienced sailor. Any caring husband will want to keep the risks known, but there was not any concern that something would happen since she kept a sound head on her shoulders. Thank you Mr. de Winter for your cooperation. You may step down. Next witness: Richard Dutton."

I turned to whisper in Nadir's ear. "Who is he?"

"The boat-builder," Nadir whispered back. "He did a lot of work on Luciana's boat. Repairs and check-ups and such. They want him to give a report on the condition of the boat at the time it sank to determine how sound it was for sailing. I do recall that it was due to be looked at soon."

Erik returned and sat next to me. He sought out my hand right away and I took it, using my dress to shield us. I squeezed it to show him how proud I was for doing a fine job on the stand. As I looked up at him, out of the corner of my eye, my body went cold as I saw Mrs. Danvers and Raoul de Chagny sitting next to each other. They were on the other side of the room, sitting close to the back. But I saw them as plain as day. If that was not bad enough… Raoul noticed me and sent me a sly wink.

I quickly looked away just as Mr. Dutton took the stand. Erik frowned at my odd behavior and was going to ask what was wrong, but I shook my head to tell him not now.

"Mr. Dutton, you have worked on the late Mrs. de Winter's sailing boat, is that correct?" the Colonel asked.

"Aye, I have," Dutton replied. "She had a fine boat. Good eye too. She was quick to spot what needed fixin' and brought it to me right away. I have always said that she was born a sailor."

"Right. What was your last assessment of Mrs. de Winter's boat before the incident?"

"The last I saw 'er… it was top notch and ready for the winds. But I did have an appointment with Mrs. de Winter for the following day for the regular check-up. I like to check all my clients' boats every so often to make sure nothing is amiss."

"In that time before the appointment… was it possible the boat could have suffered some damage and needed to be repaired?"

"It's very possible. But I knew Mrs. de Winter and her love for that boat. She would not have gone out if there was something wrong with it."

"Could be possible, if the conditions are right, for a boat that size to capsize?"

Mr. Dutton scratched his head. "I su'pose. It was not a very large boat in my recollection. But I knew Mrs. de Winter had sailed her in all sorts of weather and never had any problems. Of course that was a pretty bad storm we had that night."

"And supposing… Mrs. de Winter got wet and went below for a coat. Is it possible that during that time the boat had capsized?"

"No," Mr. Dutton said as a matter of fact.

"Well, I had a sunken boat in the bay that says otherwise. I am not criticizing your knowledge or your report that the boat was seaworthy before the incident… but considering the facts and that you said she was due to be seen… it could be quite possible that the boat tipped when Mrs. de Winter was in the cabin."

"I would agree with you sir, but there is something else. With permission, I would like to further explain my statement."

"Go on."

"After Mrs. de Winter's disappearance, I got a lot of complaints from customers that I had not done a good enough job and caused Mrs. de Winter to sink. I lost a lot of boats that summer and have been struggling these past months. It was upsettin' and I kept turning my head to see if there was something I missed. When the boat was discovered and Captain Lefevre was able to raise it… I had to see for meself. I had to know if I was at fault for what happened to Mrs. de Winter. I asked the Captain if I could look at her and he granted me permission. Put it on the record that I inspected that boat from top to bottom. Not a single inch went unnoticed. Now the boat was at the sandy bottom and it was at least five feet from the ridge. The boat had no mark or traces of rock hitting her. The diver attested to that.

"But the strangest part was this… if the boat had not touched any rocks, then how could it have sank? I thought the wind tossed her, but upon my examination, I realized that was not so. There were holes and they were done by a spike."

Upon this reveal, there was a collective gasp sounding through the courtroom. My heart was already pounding and I could feel myself growing hot.

"What kind of holes?"

"There was three of 'em. One was starboard near the chain locker on the planking below the water-line. The other two were close and underneath the floor boards at the bottom. Also, the sea-cocks had been turned on."

"What are sea-cocks?"

"It's the fitting that goes in the pipes to keep water from filling in. They are usually by a washbasin or lavatory. When you're sailing, those sea-cocks have to be closed. But when I saw the boat… they were turned on full."

Erik gripped my hand tighter and I kept my gaze ahead so not to look at any expressions.

"So you see Colonel… with those holes and the sea-cocks on… it would not take much or long for a boat to sink. I knew those holes were not there from my last inspection. So it is my opinion, Colonel Reyer, that the boat never capsized like you thought. Those holes were deliberately made."

TBC…

Dun dun dun dun! I'm not a sailor and I do not know much about boats so a lot of this is based on the novel and some research I made about the parts of a sailboat. Hopefully, it makes sense. Go ahead and push the review button.


	29. Chapter 28

A/N: Oh no… I think I'm losing some of you. Don't go! I still have five chapters and an epilogue after this chapter. We still have lots of drama unfolding and Erik and Christine are not exactly safe in the water anymore… not with this bombshell. Don't forget to review please!

A/N2: Unfortunately, my internet wasn't working yesterday and it had to be postponed. But I didn't forget! Stupid technology…

**Chapter 28**

All at once everyone was erupting with cries and exclamations.

What Mr. Dutton said… that it was not an accident but intentional changed everything. What we both feared would happen, did in fact, had happened.

Ayesha gasped out loud and Erik was rigid, his face emotionless. Colonel Reyer stood and pounded the gavel on his table repeatedly. "Order! Order!" he shouted but no one was listening. They were chatting incessantly, their voices a loud buzzing in my ear. "Order! Sit down! I said ORDER!"

The Colonel's voice bellowed the command and captured their attention. "In your seats now or I'll have you removed from this room! Mr. Dutton. These are wild accusations you are making. Are you quite certain the holes were not there when you last seen Mrs. de Winter's sailboat?"

"I am Colonel. I bet my life on it that these holes were not there before. They had been put there by a human hand. I can't say whose but they were done by someone."

The volume was getting louder and another stern whack ceased the chatter. Colonel Reyer lowered his gaze at Erik, his expression hard. "Mr. de Winter. Could you please step up here again?"

I had no choice but to let go of my husband's hand as he stood. _This was not happening_, I thought. _This was not happening_.

Erik took his seat up there again and the Colonel continued giving him his fixed look. "You heard Mr. Dutton's remarks and assessment of your late wife's boat. Can you tell me if you know anything about these holes in the planking?"

"No, nothing," Erik answered coolly.

"This is the first you heard?"

"Yes."

"What do you make of this then?"

"I'm shock to be honest. First the body and now this. To learn that my late wife's was not an accidental drowning and sinking, but that these holes were made for the purpose for the boat to sink? Who wouldn't be shocked?"

This seemed to pacify the Colonel, but not the Inspector. He whispered in the Colonel's ear and was granted a nod. This did not look well for Erik.

Coming towards my husband, the Inspector folded his arms. "Shock is quite the understatement Mr. de Winter. Of course, that is to be expected with this kind of troubling news. The Colonel and I understand how tragic your loss has been and how this is not the kind of closure you would want. For your sake, I am going to ask you some questions pertaining to the recent discovery. Do remember that we want to get to the bottom of this as much as you do and this is not for our personal amusement."

"I doubt that," Nadir mumbled.

"If you insist," Erik replied but I could see this did not sit well with him.

"Now, Mr. de Winter, we were told by Mr. Dutton that your late wife's body was found in the cabin where three holes were made at the bottom and that the sea-cocks that should have been closed at the time of sailing so not to let in water were in fact turned on. Do you doubt his statement?"

"No. Mr. Dutton is an experienced boat-builder and knows more than I about boats. So if that his statement, then I would have to concur."

"Did Mrs. de Winter have anyone to look after her boat for her?"

"No. Luciana preferred to do things on her own."

"So… she had no one under her employ with the background knowledge of boats?"

"Not that I know of. As boats are not my topic of conversation, I would not engage any of my staff on this subject and I have no recollection of Luciana ever mentioning that we had someone who did."

"And the boat itself. Where was it docked?"

"On our private harbor, this is where her cottage is."

"Could it be possible for a stranger to find this cottage and perhaps tamper with the boat?"

"I suppose. We do not have any guards down there."

"And you have a forest nearby that could allow someone to hide without being seen?"

"Yes there is."

"So there is a slight possibility that a stranger could have put those holes in himself and hid somewhere on the property?"

Erik frowned. "Are you suggesting that someone would have wanted to cause harm to Luciana?"

"Absolutely not. But according to Mr. Dutton, the size of the sailboat combined with the three holes and opened sea-cocks… it would not have been long for the boat to sink. If it had been tampered while docked, then the boat would have been sinking already. Do you agree?"

"Yes."

"Then it is more likely that the damage was done while the boat was already out at sea."

"I would believe that assumption is correct."

"Yes and it has been mentioned already by Captain Lefevre that your wife's body was found on the floor and the port holes were closed and the cabin door was locked. And with this added information about a spike being driven into the planking and the opening of the sea-cocks… do you find this a bit strange?"

"Yes."

"But it has been stated over and over that your late wife was an experienced sailor."

"Yes."

"I would think that someone with that kind of experience would not attempt to do something so risky while at sea. Do you agree?"

"Yes."

Now, Erik's answers were becoming terse with that single word. _Dear God, no!_ I thought. _Don't let this happen._

I could see Erik was getting close to losing his temper and he had to keep it in. He had to or the Inspector's suspicion would be aroused more so than what it was. I tried mentally pleading to him to calm down, but Erik's visible cheek was growing flushed and his brow was narrowing into his mask.

"Do you have any theories why your wife would do something like this?"

"No, of course not."

"But who else would do this, except her? She was alone on the boat?"

"Yes. There was no one else missing so it was believed that she had been alone."

"But the late Mrs. de Winter must have had some reason. As her husband… surely she must have told you something that would hint to a possible reason."

"No. She never confessed anything that was irregular."

"She was so young… Something must have bothered her."

"I assure you there was nothing!" His eyes were blazing now.

"Maybe not to you there was," the Inspector said. "Mr. de Winter, if you don't mind, I am going to ask you a very personal question and I expect you to answer it truthfully. Was there any unrest in your marriage to Luciana de Winter?"

"What do you mean?" Erik asked.

"I mean… was she happy? Was she depressed? Or did it have to do with what is behind that mask of yours?"

Dead silence filled the courtroom and I could see Erik was very white from trying to keep his temper intact, but there was no mistaking the furious gaze as he glared at the Inspector.

No! This was not supposed to happen! Erik was losing his temper and it was what the Inspector wanted all along. To see Erik fall. I couldn't let that happen! I had to do something! I had to—

xxXXxx

"Here she comes. Christine? Can you hear me?"

Ayesha… Why did her voice sound faint?

"Come my dear. Open your eyes, take a deep breath. That's it. Good. Good." Dr. Leroux…

I blinked a few times and looked around. There were so many faces hovering over mine and I wondered did everyone get taller or did I shrink? As I was starting to regain my senses, I realized I was lying on the floor and I was surrounded by curious and worried spectators. Then I found Erik in the sea of faces, his countenance staring at me with unguarded emotions. He was pale and anxiety and fear was warring in his green eyes that I smiled faintly at him to show I was all right.

He relaxed a little, but he was still anxious.

The knocking of the gavel brought order again and the Colonel was looking quite peevish.

"I'm calling for a recess. One hour."

With one last pound, the Colonel dismissed the inquest for the time being and made his exit through the side door from where he came. Inspector Butler quickly followed at his heels.

Then one by one… people were leaving as all the excitement was ended. Finally, Erik was able to come to me as I was being helped up by the doctor and Nadir.

"Just a fainting spell," the doctor told my husband. "It was rather hot in here and with all the excitement that was going on… I believe it was too much for you Mrs. de Winter."

"I-I guess," I said, my legs shaking. "I feel fine though." Then I added, "It was rather silly of me wasn't it?"

"Nonsense!" Ayesha remarked. "The room is stuffy like Dr. Leroux said. In fact, I was feeling a little faintish myself. Let's go get some fresh air."

She already had her arm looped around mine and Erik was there to keep me steady by holding my waist. Together, the three of us made our way out of the courtroom and down to the car where Anthony was waiting for us.

Once Anthony saw me, he appeared quite fretful and hurried to offer his assistance.

"Open the door," Erik told him and he quickly obeyed.

The back door was opened and I was sitting inside, my feet dangling out of the car door. Then Erik was on his knees, not caring he was getting dust and dirt on his pants, his hands holding mine in my lap as he searched my face for any other symptoms that the doctor failed to catch.

"I'm fine," I told him. "Really Erik. I need some air that's all."

"Ayesha, could you find Nadir and tell him I'm going to send my wife home? I'll be back in an hour."

"Right. Come Giles," she said to her husband and they were gone.

"Anthony?" Erik called.

"Yes, sir?"

"Could you fetch Mrs. de Winter some water?"

"Right away Mr. de Winter."

We were alone and Erik was able to exhale deeply. "You gave me such a fright!" he admitted. "One minute you were sitting on the bench and the next you were falling so lifelessly."

"I'm better Erik. See? But Erik… that horrible Inspector! What he was saying… I felt like I was on trial right there next to you!"

"But you're not," he reminded me. "You had nothing to do with this. I guess this was not a good idea after all. You should have stayed in Manderley."

"You… you're not going to send me home are you?"

"Christine…" Erik breathed. "What choice do I have? This is obviously affecting you and I cannot forgive myself if something should happen. When Anthony returns, we will head back to Manderley and I will return alone."

"You cannot blame yourself Erik," I told him. "I told you I was coming to this and I am not going to leave you alone."

"But—"

"Erik," I interrupted, reaching for his cheek. "Listen to me carefully. I am not going to leave you to the wolves. Not when you were so close to being hurt. Someone had to do something."

Then realization began to dawn over his features as a grin broke out. "You… you minx!" he exclaimed.

I had to hold back a giggle. "Well, you were losing your temper Erik. Even after what Nadir and I had warned you… you would not listen to us."

"It… it was so real!"

"I guess I went a little overboard," I admitted sheepishly. "I was warm sitting in there with all those people and I did allow my emotions to get the best of me. But it did the trick though. I was able to stop the Inspector from questioning you and from making you take off your mask. Having the Colonel call for a recess was a bonus."

Erik chuckled, burying his face in my skirt to keep the tears from spilling. "You are something else Christine de Winter. Who would have known that you do have a deceiving bone in that body after all! But… if the Inspector had asked me to remove my mask… I would have refused. He could ask me all the bloody personal questions he wants… my mask is off limits."

Gazing up at me adoringly, Erik smiled. "You are an angel, my dear. I don't know how else to thank you."

"Tell me you love me and that's all the thank you I need," I said.

"I love you Christine."

Our moment was disturbed when Nadir and Anthony were running back. Anthony had a glass of water from a local pub and handed it to me.

For appearances, I accepted it and took small sips of the cold water before handing it back to Anthony.

Nadir was distressed from everything. "How are you feeling Mrs. de Winter?"

"Better thank you," I told him with a smile. "In fact, I feel completely refreshed. The air and water did the trick. I told my husband that there is no point in me having to return to Manderley after all."

"I'm glad to hear that Mrs. de Winter, but do you not think that is a rash decision? Erik, you should tell her that she should go home."

"Now, now Nadir," Erik said as he rose from his spot. "I believe my wife can speak for herself and make the decisions she seems fit. If she deems herself well enough to stay, then I cannot argue with that."

Nadir's jaw dropped. "Are you mad? Erik! Your wife fainted back there when you were being interrogated quite intensely I might add… What do you think is going to happen once this recess is over? The questions from the Inspector are going to get worse, and trust me, when I say they will not go easy on you even if your wife is present. It is better that she stays at Manderley."

"Christine?" Erik turned to me.

"Nadir," I began. "I appreciate your concern, my friend. But I cannot do that. I already spoke to my husband that I will not leave him, and there is nothing you can say or do that will persuade me. I understand that the next round of questions will be fierce, and I am prepared to sit through it as long as I know my husband is all right."

"The both of you…" Nadir shook his head in disbelief. "So stubborn for your own good."

"Do not fret Nadir," I said teasingly. "Erik and I have to keep you on your toes or else we are not doing our jobs properly."

Despite himself, Nadir started to laugh. "I see you are completely corrupted Mrs. de Winter. My friend has rubbed off on you."

"Well, she did marry me," Erik said.

"If I may…" Anthony interjected. "Mrs. de Winter, do you really wish to stay?"

"Yes I do Anthony," I answered. "Although, I am famished."

"Yes. The Lacys told me they were going to head home for a quick lunch," Nadir said.

"Home? They won't be back in time," Erik commented.

"Yes I know and that's what I said… but you know your sister Erik. She will come late and no one will stop her from entering."

"Very well. I think lunch is a good idea. Anthony… where did you get the water?"

Anthony told him and Erik nodded. "We will dine there. Anthony, do you mind staying with the car? If you are hungry, then you may go back to Manderley. Just make sure that you come straight back."

"I will Mr. de Winter."

"Here Anthony," Nadir said. "Let me take that glass from you. No point in you walking with us and having to walk back to the car."

"Thank you sir. I will be back as soon as possible."

"Goodbye Anthony. Tell Meg and Robert that everything is going to be fine," I said.

The butler nodded and hopped into the driver's side and was on his way. The three of us started our trek to the pub that Anthony mentioned and when we got inside… it was pretty packed.

But that was taken care of immediately when Erik told the barkeep who he was and right away we were ushered into a private room. In there, we were able to hear ourselves speak while the patrons outside were loud and rowdy.

The barista came to take our drink orders and left us to peruse the menu. In minutes she came back with our drinks and took our meal orders, and then we were alone again. While I was trying to decide what to have, I kept thinking about how I saw Mrs. Danvers and Raoul. I knew they were there for Luciana, but I had to wonder what they were thinking with this sudden change of events. Mr. Dutton clearly implied that foul play had took place on that sailboat with Luciana inside and while no one else knew the truth saved Nadir, Erik, and I; I did fear what those two would think, especially Raoul and his hatred towards my husband.

Knowing I could not keep this matter silent any longer, I told Erik and Nadir who I saw before I had fainted.

The look on Erik's face was not pleasant and even Nadir looked agitated.

"Of course, de Chagny had to make an appearance. But Mrs. Danvers… I thought she was ill."

"So did I," I agreed. "But she must have been feeling well enough to come down here. Still… the news must be severely shocking to her now. More so than when the body was found."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about her," Erik said. "She loved Luciana and saw only perfection within her mistress. And she didn't know anything about Luciana's affairs. If she were to call to testify… she will be on my side and insist that our marriage was the happy fairy tale that Luciana wanted."

"That is true but do not forget de Chagny," Nadir warned.

Erik huffed. "Like I could ever forget him."

"Do you think he would speak against you?" I asked Erik. "He has plenty of reasons to despise you."

"Maybe… maybe not. He is not a friend of mine and he has no reason to protect me, but to speak out would also hurt Luciana. I'm confident he will keep his tongue to himself."

We stopped talking when there was a knock on the door and Erik permitted the person to enter.

"Why the barista is knocking I don't know…" my husband muttered.

But it wasn't the barista who entered. It was the devil himself…

Raoul de Chagny.

TBC…


	30. Chapter 29

A/N: Thank you everyone for the support! Your comments do really fuel me and its nice knowing I'll have something positive to read after dealing with the crazy holiday customers. Be kind to all who work in retail! I'm not God... I don't have the power to do some of the things people request (if I don't have the size, then I don't have it. I can't make it magically appear).

This chapter does involve a lot of dialogue and warning… lots of foppish behavior. ;) Don't forget to leave a review!

**Chapter 29**

For a minute no one spoke. We were too astounded that Raoul found us, especially since we were talking about him not long ago. Due to our silence, Raoul was able to take advantage as he slowly began to grin and walked towards us.

"Ah! I thought I seen you come in. This is a nice establishment, don't you think so? Excellent food, the finest wine and beer… I do love coming here. You don't mind if I smoke do you?" He already had his cigarette case out and pulled the empty chair out so he could sit. He didn't wait for our answer as he lit up and took in a deep drag.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" Erik growled once finding his voice.

Blowing out a puff of smoke, Raoul replied, "Why… the same reason as you are here. I'm having lunch."

"You're not invited," Nadir said, glaring at him. "Why don't you go somewhere else de Chagny?"

"I cannot believe such hostility! I thought you and I were friends Khan… but I know I have one present who doesn't mind my company. Isn't that so Christine?" He gave me a flattering grin.

I answered immediately before Erik could intervene. "On the contrary, Mr. de Chagny. I do not see a single friend of yours present. If you don't mind, the three of us would like to have our lunch alone."

This surprised him as it was shown quite clearly on his face, but Raoul quickly recovered. "I see these men have warped your lovely mind. I am sorry for that. I will take my leave, but I do have something to say first."

"Say it and be gone," Erik said tersely and abrupt.

"Where are your manners de Winter? At least allow me the decency to have a drink and a smoke."

I saw he was pushing Erik to the edge by the indication of my husband's twitching left eye. I laid my hand over his to calm him down and to let him know I was on his side. Raoul noticed this and a gleam of delight was in his eyes.

"Good!" he nodded. The barista came in with our meals and when she saw Raoul, she exclaimed, "Oh! I didn't know there was a fourth! Is there anything I can get you?"

"Yes. I'll have a gin if you please," Raoul said before we could protest. "On the rocks." He winked at her and a pink blush spread on her cheeks and she assured him she would be right back with his drink.

I looked down at my sandwich and could feel my appetite waning. One glance at my husband and his was too. Raoul tapped his cigarette patiently, waiting for his drink.

"This is rather nice don't you think? We haven't gotten together like this… God, I cannot remember. Do eat please. Don't think that you shouldn't on my account. Now where was I?"

"You said you had something to say. Yet, I haven't heard anything useful coming from that mouth of yours," Erik said.

"That is your problem Erik. Always demanding, always want things done now. Life doesn't work like that and I will not be rushed. However, there is a time crunch and I want this to be known to you first. Now, I was there at the inquest and it was quite a stir made with that interesting testimony from Richard Dutton. Most alarming to say the least, especially since it was alluding to the notion that Luciana committed suicide. It is a good theory, but completely preposterous. Suicide is something Luciana would never stoop too. It wasn't her style or her outlook on life. I should know this since we were practically raised together, her and I. We were very close cousins and to have someone suggest or imply that Luciana would do something so awful like this… it makes me livid!"

He took another drag just as the barista arrived with his gin. "Thank you, my dear," Raoul told her, reaching his pocket for pennies. "There you go. Don't spend it all in one place. All right… As I was saying, the idea of suicide is impossible. But I can see the Inspector doesn't quite believe that either. Or maybe he does… I don't know. But I was there from start to finish and I even saw your wife faint. Dramatic, of course, but I cannot blame her. It wasn't looking good for you Erik. Not at all. And I know you don't want this to get as worse as it is. Not for you or your beautiful wife."

Raoul paused to take a drink and flicked the ash off his cigarette, being mindful how Erik felt about the situation and how it affected me. He knew exactly what to push to make sure he had my husband's attention.

"I can help you with that if you let me. I know we haven't been the greatest of friends and we haven't gotten along, but I feel like it is my duty. We were family once you and I. So you see how honor bound I am. However, I can see that this displeases you and if you don't accept my help… then let me put this neatly to you: I can make this worse for you. More so than you can ever imagine."

Erik's chair scraped across the floor, his arm shaking as he pointed to the door. "Get out." There was no room for argument in his tone, but the impact did not seem to faze Raoul as he continued to smoke calmly.

"Stop the theatrics Erik. It's most unbecoming and I have not finished."

Erik took his seat again and Nadir leaned over the table to look Raoul directly in the eyes. "Speak your case. Because if we need to… we will remove you by force."

The younger man barked out a laugh. "I see that Erik de Winter's infamous impatience is rubbing off. Fine. I will be frank with you and I'm guessing that what I am going to say is not going to be a surprise to you Nadir or Mrs. de Winter. After all, I must commend the two of you for your fierce loyalty and such passion will not be aroused if some truths were known. So allow me to begin that Luciana and I were lovers. We made that no secret to Erik since Luciana enjoyed riling you as she did.

"But… like everyone else here, I believed she drowned off the bay and was later found in Edgecoombe. Knowing Luciana that would be her ideal death. To be missing that whole time to build the suspense before making herself known. It was fitting for her and I accepted that as fact. I grieved and moved on with my life. Then… to my complete shock and utter astonishment, I read in the paper how a local diver found a body in a sailing boat at the bottom of the bay. Of course, I didn't want to believe that it could have been my cousin.

"Yet, the thought plagued me until I got word that the body was in fact Luciana's. Imagine my reaction! Then to later hear Mr. Dutton's statement and it got me to start thinking. We both know it couldn't have been suicide. That wasn't Luciana. And I have something that proves it."

He pulled out a piece of paper from his jacket and held it out between his fingers. "See this? Allow me to explain." Raoul cleared his throat and opened the folded note and read:

"_My dearest cousin—_

_I've tried stopping over but you were not home so I left this. I do hope you get this in time. I will be at the cottage tonight and I ask you to come straight away. I have something of importance to tell you that it cannot wait. _

_Love, Luciana_

Unfortunately, I did get this too late. Of all days, I was at a party and did not find it until the next morning to be exact. At that point the search for Luciana was underway and later the declaration she had drowned. But after reading this note… it doesn't sound like a person who would have intend to commit suicide. And wouldn't it be mighty interesting if this note ended up in Colonel Reyer and Inspector Butler's hands. Of course, I wouldn't think of doing such unkindness if it was worth my while. So, Erik, what do you think?"

That horrid, horrid man! Of all things to say… to even propose such a wild idea! My disgust was evidently exposed as was Nadir's. Erik's repulsion was also not hidden either.

Now I know that Raoul's depravity knew no bounds and it sickened me to recall that days ago I had once naively thought his friendship with my husband could have been repaired. I had been right in my first assessment of his character, but I never realized how despicable he truly was and I felt duped to feel any emotion for him, in particular sympathy.

"This is blackmail," Nadir murmured. "You son of a—"

"Ah, ah. We have a lady present." Raoul smirked.

"You are a fool de Chagny if you think you can scare me with this type of threat," Erik informed him, his fist clenched. "I will not bow down to some insipid little boy who thinks he can trick me to do his bidding."

"You don't believe me?" He actually pouted. Sighing, Raoul shook his head. "I'm hurt. Deeply hurt to hear this. Well, I suppose there is only one way to show you I am telling the truth. Take a look. It's Luciana's handwriting."

Raoul passed the note over to Erik and I leaned over to look as well. I instantly recognized the neat penmanship and knew it was Luciana's. With one eye on Raoul, Erik handed it to Nadir so he could also make the confirmation too. The color drained from Nadir's face as he slid the note back to the owner.

Reclaiming his evidence, Raoul tucked it back in its rightful spot and smiled broadly. "Would I lie to you my friends I say again? Now you know and you can see what power this little note contains. Quite remarkable if you think about it."

He swallowed the rest of his drink and put the cigarette butt in the glass. "But there you have it. I know Luciana didn't commit suicide and this is my proof that it wasn't."

"What do you want de Chagny?" Erik asked quietly.

"Well, since you asked… I'm not a rich man as you know. It's my fault too. I do love to gamble and have a good time so I never have enough funds to fall back on. A donation—a handsome donation about four thousand a year will be a comfortable arrangement. And I promise you, as a gentleman, that I will not ask anything else from you."

"Don't do it Erik," Nadir said.

"I agree," I told him. "This won't end well if you agree to his terms."

Erik turned to me and I could see the hopelessness in his expression. "What choice do I have?"

"That's a good chap!" Raoul exclaimed. "I knew we could solve this matter like two gentlemen. I knew you were always a good man de Winter. A wise man to be sure. Nadir… you should take a page from his book when you do your business dealings."

Nadir gazed at my husband with disappointment. "Erik… I know how you must feel, but this is not the solution."

"Erik," I said, touching his arm. "Don't do this please. You can't do this. You can't."

"Christine, I have to do what I have to do." He patted my hand gently and gave me a thin smile.

This wasn't fair! He couldn't concede to Raoul's deal. He couldn't!

I glared a hateful look towards the smug man and he had the audacity to tell me I was one lucky lady to marry a man with principles. How I wanted to throttle him! I can see myself launching towards him and Nadir and Erik having to pull me away from that smirking fool.

I was stopped with Erik's soothing voice. "Have no fears, my angel. I will be back."

Erik stood from the table and looked down at Raoul. "If you excuse me. I believe I have a visit to make."

"You go ahead," Raoul told him knowing it was to the bank for the first payment. "I have all the time in the world."

A part of my heart broke off as I watched my husband leave and I turned to Nadir to implore him to do something.

"What can I do Mrs. de Winter? You saw his resolve. There is no other choice I am afraid."

I covered my face to keep myself from crying. I didn't want to give Raoul the satisfaction that he defeated my husband with his greedy scheme. All I could to do was wait for Erik to return and in the meantime… to pray that God should strike down this devil before touching any of Erik's money.

The suspenseful wait lasted ten minutes and when Erik returned… there was a twinkle in his eye that I caught before he masked it with his cool countenance.

"Now, Mr. de Chagny are you quite certain that this is the proposition you want?"

"Of course Erik! We are all friends again are we not? I'll take it and be on my merry way. You can trust me that I won't interfere in your life again."

Erik nodded. "I figured. But what you said was interesting and…" He stepped inside the room to reveal Colonel Reyer and Inspector Butler behind him. "These gentlemen are very interested in hearing your side of the story."

Raoul started, completely taken aback by the turn of events. His chin dropped, but he quickly closed his mouth and grinned as he stood to welcome the new visitors. "Well played Erik. Well played. However, this is your neck that is on the line and if this is what you choose… then I have a duty as an English citizen to fulfill to the finest of law and order."

"We don't need your praises de Chagny," the Colonel said with distaste. "Especially since you were attempting to blackmail Mr. de Winter here."

"Blackmail?" Raoul laughed. "Why… I would never! Did Erik tell you that? I suppose he took my little joke too personally. Blackmail… I am an honest man and I wouldn't do such a horrible action. No. Actually, I was on my way to tell you this myself after I finished my lunch, but Erik beat me to it—"

"Mr. de Chagny," the Inspector interrupted coldly. "Get to the point. Mr. de Winter has laid a very serious offense against you and joke or no joke… we don't take this lightly or laughingly."

For the first time since I met the Inspector, I felt myself liking the man for putting Raoul in his place. At least it did get him to stop stalling or trying to make himself appear good in their eyes.

Erik came to stand behind me, his hands resting on the chair, while the other two men stood on either side of the room, their arms crossed and their faces attentive to the piece of evidence that Raoul had to share.

Placing his hands over his lapels, Raoul paced around the room as he spoke. He looked as if he was a lawyer, explaining to the judge and jury about the facts of the case and how the poor victim… Luciana de Winter was not a suicide.

"I was there at the inquest and heard everything that was said. It did not sit well with me that the motive for the holes and the opening of the sea-cocks was leading to suicide. Luciana was my cousin as you might have known or now you do. We grew up together as children and I was quite fond of her as she was of me. And to hear that she took her own life… the idea is ludicrous. Luciana would not have committed suicide. Now, as we were family… I do have some intimate knowledge about her, and there is something else too…"

At this he looked at my husband and my skin crawled with that look.

"You see, gentlemen, Luciana and I were in love. I would have been her husband were it not for de Winter here. And as to your earlier question Inspector, Luciana was not happy in her marriage. If anything, she was miserable."

If Raoul had expected some emotional response from my husband he was disappointed. My Angel of Music did not betray himself nor did he interrupt Raoul, which Raoul had purposefully paused to allow Erik to say something. His silence was not the answer he wanted, but Raoul did not let it show as he continued his narrative.

"So now you know the unhappy truth. My late cousin was trapped in a loveless marriage. And my heart went out to her… the poor girl. She did believe she loved Mr. de Winter and she told me so on her wedding day. I was heartbroken as you can imagine. I thought we would marry; we talked about it as children, but to see her married off to another man… It was a grueling agony to feel, but as long as I knew she married a good man then I would be happy for her. When I met Mr. de Winter, I thought he was a fine man. A little eccentric with his mask, but nevertheless, he seemed to be worthy of my precious Luciana's heart.

"However, my feelings quickly changed when after a month Luciana wrote to me expressing her distress and unhappiness that she made a terrible, horrible mistake. She begged me to come as soon as I could and disturbed as I was with that note… I did. Luciana confided in me the whole unpleasant truth that the man she married was not a man but a monster. Those are her exact words, gentlemen. A monster. She was ghastly pale and trembling all over as she told me everything that had happened after the honeymoon.

"Now, due to respect for the dead and a lady we have in the room, I will not share the gruesome details, but I will say that this man had been very cruel to that child. If she failed to follow the pristine image that he expected from a lady of her stature, then she would be punished. If she slouched or forgot a name or made a mistake in front of Erik's acquaintances and friends she suffered for it. The worst abuse of all was when he used his face. Mr. de Winter has done his best to conceal his appearance from curious observers and from the people of this village. Very few have seen behind the mask and those who have… refused to speak of it. I have noticed that some choose to ignore the fact as Mr. de Winter has carried on the good work in his family's name. His father was truly one of the best men in all of England and—"

"Mr. de Chagny, your words are very serious indeed as to the marriage with the late Mrs. de Winter, but I'm failing to see how this connects to her death or the fact you said this was not a suicide," Colonel Reyer said, his gray brows narrowing.

"I am getting to the point Colonel. What I am explaining is the establishment of motive," Raoul explained.

"And what kind of motive is that?" the Inspector asked.

"Murder," Raoul said. "The foulest of crimes in humanity. Mr. de Winter here murdered his late wife and he did so out of his jealousy and hate for my cousin."

"Now see here—" Nadir said standing but Raoul pointed to him and interrupted, "I would sit down Mr. Khan if I were to you. I still have not decided if you were or were not an accomplice to this crime."

Nadir did and the solemnity in his expression hid the tiniest worry and fear for his old friend. The other two men were stunned and baffled by this declaration and accusation that it was murder in this plot. It certainly gave them good reason to allow Raoul to continue his story, but there was no mistaken the quick glances at Erik… as if seeing him in a new light.

My husband, God bless him, kept his calm and did not look away or flinch when Raoul spat those damning words. I had to give Erik credit for not losing his temper, but I was most distressed to hear this for I knew Raoul spoke the truth in that my husband did commit murder, but his reasons were all wrong. I looked back at the Colonel and the Inspector and prayed they would see through these lies as Raoul continued.

"When Luciana told me of the mistreatment and abuse, right then I wanted to confront the man who had frightened and hurt my beloved. She begged me not to for she was fearful that I would be killed or arrested for slander. Erik does have friends in this village, more so than I, and whether out of fear or sincerity, I was convinced that a confrontation would not end well for myself and for my cousin. The next thing I begged her to do was leave him. If he was harming her, then she should flee while she had her life. However, Luciana felt bound to her vows and her honor. She could not leave the beast as much as she wished. She could only wish and pray that her master would be kinder as time goes on.

"She asked me to leave, but not before making me promise, that I will not breathe a word of what she had spoken. As much as she feared and loathed him… there was some love deep down in her heart that perhaps he could change back to the man she first fell in love with. That was Luciana… always forgiving, always hopeful. And I took off like I promised, but I told her that if anything else happens then I will have to break our agreement. She understood and accepted that. Some time passed after that and I never received another note in the same manner. I heard from friends of hers and others in the village how much the de Winters were happy and that there was a rumor that Luciana convinced him to publish his music. Afterwards, there were the parties at Manderley and the many visitors to follow. All had wonderful things to say about the couple and I knew that it must have worked out. But nothing could shake me the truth about Mr. de Winter's face. Luciana had told me of what an abomination it was and to later hear how she was proclaiming him as the most handsome man in England… it made me ponder if this was a way for her to keep in his good graces or if he somehow put a spell on her to see past the horror as normal.

"I was deeply concerned and I contacted Luciana. I had to see her, to hear her from her own lips the marriage she had now. It was torture for me to hear of such happiness and I could not detect a single trace of fear. She seemed quite authentic in her feelings at the moment, but I could not forget the frightened girl from before. To assuage me, Luciana invited me over to Manderley many times so I could see for myself that everything was better. I even spoke to Danny and she had nothing but praises to say of her master and mistress. I had little choice but to concur that all was well.

"Of course, it all had been a façade. I was fooled into thinking that there was happiness present, but after Luciana converted the shack to a cottage… from there she was able to speak freely without repercussions. Once more she had transformed to that frightened girl from years ago and confessed that it all had been a lie. She had to do this to protect herself and to protect me. She told me that Erik knew of her love for me and how she wanted to leave to become my wife, but he would not grant her that freedom. The selfish man wanted her all to himself and could not bear to lose her because of his face. He was envious of my good looks and how normal I was. And it wasn't just me. She told me that he was jealous of any man that entered Manderley who gave her attention. She told me how he would conjure these wild affairs in his head and confront her. She was never unfaithful; I swear this to you, unless you count the emotions of the heart as unfaithful. She loved me but she would not act out on that love because of her fear, but that night… she pleaded for forgiveness. She wanted me to forgive her, God, and her dear father. She wanted forgiveness because she could not be faithful any longer.

"After that night, we kept our affair a secret. Then Luciana became a little reckless. When we were in public, we were respectful with one another, but now and then she would indulge her heart by a tender caress or kiss on the cheek. It was these innocent shows of affection that I warned her would provoke Erik's temper, but she was feeling invincible. She told me that she could not live in fear any longer and would show her love to the man who has her heart and she would not hide. At first, I could not determine where this fearlessness came from and then I realized. I'm surprised I didn't see it before but it all made perfect sense.

"Manderley meant the world to Erik as well as his family's name. He had plenty to prove with his handicap and he would do anything to ensure its protection. Even if it meant concealing his wife's affair with her cousin. He knew that we loved each other and if Luciana left him… well that would be damaging to his reputation and his character. There would never be another woman in her place, of that Luciana was certain, not with the rumors circulating about his face. For once, he was under her power. How the tables had turned and rightly so for the cruelties she had to endure. Erik could not afford to have his wife leave him and the chances of producing an heir gone. So he became kinder, gentler, and forgiving when I was around. We had our privacy and could carry on our love affair without his intrusion.

"The only stipulation was that he wanted us to keep it between ourselves. Luciana and I thought we could grant that since he was a changed man and would not show his face anymore to her. We kept our clandestine rendezvous to the cottage by the bay. However, we were caught by that idiot Joseph Buquet and while I had no concern for him… Luciana was worried that he might accidentally blurt out what he saw. I know she spoke to him and afterwards… we never saw him around the cottage. Good thing too. That man is a queer soul.

"As you can see, gentlemen, I have revealed so far the marriage between Erik and Luciana de Winter. You know that it was fear and unhappiness that drove her to me and it was his fear that allowed us to keep our love going. So what went wrong that would result in her death? Well… here we come to the single piece of evidence in my possession that leads us to murder. A note written in the dead woman's hand! Here you go… now as you read it you can see by the message that this was not a woman ready for death. This was a woman who was prepared to reveal a secret of some kind and needed my immediate presence."

They looked it over, the Inspector reading the words aloud. Then the Colonel gave Raoul a hard look.

"You know de Chagny… this note is very damning indeed and I cannot help but wonder why you have not come forth with this evidence from the very beginning."

"I concur, Colonel," Inspector Butler said, giving Raoul one of his own studious looks. "If you say is true de Chagny, then we would have had a different investigation altogether. Withholding evidence like this is a crime."

"Forgive me," Raoul stated with dripping sincerity. "That was never my intent and I did not know it was evidence at the time. Like everyone else, I thought Luciana's death was an accidental drowning and saw no reason to come forward with this note. If anything, I treasured it for it was her last words to me. It wasn't until this very afternoon that I put two and two together and realized what I had in my hands."

"All right. So if the act was murder and the motive was due to jealousy… it would seem that the three of you had an amicable arrangement for the most part. But this note is very peculiar… it does seem that the late Mrs. de Winter had something important to tell you. Do you have an idea what it could have been about?" Colonel Reyer inquired.

"As a matter of fact," Raoul replied. "I do. It's quite simple. I believe that the reason Luciana needed to see me was because she had news of some kind. And it was this piece of news that would have changed everything. I suspect… and I strongly suspect this led to her end. I believe Luciana wanted to see me to tell me that she was pregnant with my child."

TBC…


	31. Chapter 30

A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you for sticking with me! All I can tell you is that the drama is going to keep piling on. Be prepared for more shocking details! Don't forget to review!

**Chapter 30**

The ball was finally dropped. I could tell by the expressions of the two gentlemen that this was the last thing in the world they would have expected to hear from Raoul. Even Nadir was stunned and could not find his voice to make a single sound.

As for Erik… he was stoic as ever. But I…. I was too flabbergasted and appalled to hear such venomous lies said about my husband and portraying Luciana as the poor, hapless victim in this whole matter. There might have been some truth to what Raoul was saying and a part of me wondered if Luciana's confession about her abuse was part of an act of some kind. What kind of act though? What did she have to gain by deceiving her cousin too?

It didn't make sense to me. At least with Erik… I knew why she did what she did because she wanted Manderley.

But… Raoul was not done.

"Luciana was pregnant with my child and Erik… he could not stand the very idea that a child of mine would stand to inherit his precious Manderley. The affair was one thing, but to know that it led to the creation of a babe… well, gentlemen, it seemed that Erik de Winter was desperate to keep that from happening. He would have no choice but to give the child his name and raised my son as his own. And when he died… well, it would be my son that would have control over Manderley and it would be under the ownership of a de Chagny rather than a de Winter. Erik could not allow that. So he went to Luciana and killed her to prevent this child from coming into the world. He then took her body to the sailing boat, drilled those holes and opened the sea-cocks, and left the boat to sink with her poor body trapped within and to be lost forever under the bay. After he finished the deed, he returned to Manderley where he waited for someone to notice her missing and the rest, as you may say, is history."

Turning on his heels, Raoul sent my husband a pleasing grin. "You thought you could get away with this Erik. And you did… But you never expected that the boat would have been raised, Dutton's shocking testimony, and lastly, the note that Luciana sent to me before her death. Well, there is always justice at the end, my friend. And I'm afraid your plot has been thoroughly explained and revealed as to who you really are."

"Yes and you spoke so eloquently too," Erik answered. "But that is what you think. If I am to be arrested, I'd rather hear it from either the Colonel or the Inspector. Well?"

The mentioned men were disturbed, angered, and befuddled all at once. This had been unprecedented and they both spoke quietly to themselves as they reached a decision.

The Colonel was the one to speak.

"This is quite alarming de Chagny. Very alarming and it indeed changes everything. But as you laid out your case very well… the final verdict cannot be based on solely one person's testimony. We need to speak to other witnesses to make sure it collaborates with yours. If it seems that Mr. de Winter was abusive to his wife and had a vendetta to keep another man's heir out of Manderley… then we will have no choice but to arrest Mr. de Winter for murder. Can you provide a witness Mr. de Chagny?"

"Yes," Raoul answered. "Joseph Buquet is a witness."

The Colonel nodded. "Very well. We will continue this with your witness tonight at Manderley. Will that be all right Mr. de Winter?"

"Of course," Erik replied.

"Good. The Inspector and I will be there at six tonight. Mr. de Chagny's witness must be present to give his evidence and I will decide then what the course of action will be. However, Mr. de Chagny, I must remind you that I have not forgotten the detail of your attempted blackmail. Ah, ah do not tell me it was a joke. I know exactly what your financial affairs are and what you might have gained if Mr. de Winter had not come for me. Consider this a fair warning… blackmail is a very unpleasant business and it typically ends with the blackmailer behind bars. In the future, Mr. de Chagny, any evidence of any sort whether it may seem trivial or not must be brought to me otherwise I will see this as withholding information about a crime and it will be you in the cell. Good day to you all."

The smug look on Raoul's face quickly fell with the Colonel's promising threat. Even the Inspector sent him a warning look as they took their leave.

Once the four of us were alone Raoul turned around, a scowl covering his features. "Well played Erik. Well played. But… you made a grave mistake. You only succeeded in advancing my case and wrapping the noose around your neck. Pity too since I never wanted to see you hang in the first place. Of course, the person I truly feel sorry for is you Christine. You would be leaving her alone and forever known as the widow of Mr. de Winter who murdered his first wife in cold blood."

The slam of the door caused me to jump. My husband did not say anything else on the matter. He reached for my hand, which I took, and held on tight for our salvation rested on Colonel Reyer.

"Let's go home," Erik said softly. "I would like to have a music lesson before our appointment with Colonel Reyer."

"All right Erik. Nadir, you will be there?" I asked.

"You can count on me Mrs. de Winter."

xxXXxx

The wait for six was a long, anxious one. As soon as we returned to Manderley, Erik and I went to the music room. It didn't matter how many joyful or lighthearted songs we sang… nothing could take away the fear of the unknown. I had thought that it would have worked out on its own, but Mr. Dutton's statement made sure that would not have happened. Were it not for him… Raoul would have never considered Luciana's last note to be significant.

Then again, I did not expect Erik to involve the Colonel and the Inspector. I did fear that this was a wrong move to make in a delicate situation like this and I had wished Erik would have paid Raoul after all. At least, it would have bought his silence.

Now…

Now, we sing to pass the time and to calm our minds and frantic hearts. It eventually came to a head when I broke down and wept for the life that we almost had. In my heart, I feared the absolute worse would happen and my Erik would be taken from me tonight. I couldn't bear the thought to be torn from him, let alone live my life without him by my side.

Once more I was struck by the irony.

To think I never had Erik only to find out I did all along and how he could be arrested and hung for Luciana's death.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't!

"Shhh… my angel," Erik murmured, taking me in his arms as he brushed his hand through my hair. "Do not cry. Please. I cannot stand it when you cry."

But it only made me cry harder.

"You can't leave me Erik," I sobbed. "You can't! They can't do this! What Raoul said at the pub… they were all lies! Why didn't you tell them the truth? Why didn't you reveal Luciana's true character when you had the chance? Now… they will listen to Raoul's witnesses and if they let anything slip in his favor… you will be sent to the gallows for sure!"

"I know this is difficult to understand now Christine, but I have my reasons not to expose Luciana."

"You don't need to protect her anymore. Her rule over Manderley is done. Why do you insist on doing this at the cost of your freedom? Your life?!" My nails dug into his sleeves as I pleadingly gazed at him to tell me why. "I need to understand Erik. I cannot fathom how this will benefit us when you could be facing the hangman's noose."

"Christine," he started and stopped. Shaking his head, Erik tried again. "I know this upsets you. But you need to trust me."

"I should have said something," I interrupted not listening to him. "I knew Luciana's character. You told me so yourself! I should have said something and put that Raoul de Chagny in his place."

"No," Erik said firmly. "You did the right thing in keeping it to yourself."

"How?" I asked brokenly, my voice quivering. "You're my husband Erik and I love you so much… and to have to listen to that abuse… it killed me to have him say those horrid things about you."

"Yes but who was it to say it first? Luciana was clever Christine. She knew how to toy with men's emotions, including her cousin's. Of course, I don't have any doubt that she loved him… Her fondness for de Chagny was sincere at least it sounded like it was. It's hard to decipher when someone is as heartless as she. But I do have faith in the Colonel and that justice will prevail. Either way Christine, you have to admit I committed a crime and if justice sees fit to have me punished, and then I cannot argue with the facts. If justice deems to acquit me… then I will be happy with that decision."

"Are you giving up?" I pulled away from him violently and stood away from the piano. "Erik… you cannot give up. You have to fight for us. You have to say it was self-defense! You have to say that she was a vile woman who used you and ridiculed you for her personal gain and selfish needs! You cannot let her become the victim in this case. She was no innocent. She was guilty more so than you!"

A smile tugged on his lips and Erik looked at me fondly. "I married a fierce angel I can see."

"Please do not jest," I told him and reclaimed my seat on the bench once more. I removed his mask and set it on top of the piano as I stared at my husband's full face. Then something clicked within me… something that was so obvious that it took me to actually look at him to see the whole picture. And… it all made perfect sense.

"You think you deserve this because of your face," I whispered. "Oh Erik… how you have suffered all these years and to have Luciana throw your love and everything else back at you. You cannot believe her lies. There are people here who love you so much for you and nothing has changed that, not even your face."

"Christine—"

"No!" I shook my head. "Erik, your parents loved you and that they were willing to turn their backs on their false friends. Ayesha, your sister who adores you and admires you does not care what you look like. Nadir, your oldest friend has stuck by you all these years and has always been a constant, loyal ally who is willing to fight for you when someone speaks ill of you. Anthony, Robert, and the other staff… they love you too. They see you as a kind master who cares for their well-being and will stand by your side if need to. And then there's me Erik. Me… You believed that another woman could not have loved you, but I looked into your eyes… I saw your face and I did not turn away. I did not shun you, my love, my Angel of Music. I have been right here next to you. If anything… it was I who was worried that you did not love me. After all, what was I to you? I am not a beauty or a lady born to high class society. I do not have many talents to boast about and I have made mistakes… all kinds of mistakes because of my ignorance. I am shy, soft-spoken, and I don't always think before I speak… I have all these flaws that suggested I was not a good wife for you, and yes, sadly I must confess, I felt like I should leave you so you could find a better mate. I could not live up to these expectations. Not when I was destined to fail time and time again.

"But despite everything… despite the misunderstandings, the pain, the anger, I've never been this happier in my life. I know now in my heart that I made the right choice in marrying you. I wouldn't take anything back. I am where I am supposed to be and I know my parents are happy for me. They led me to you. We were born to be together Erik. We were fated. It took me a while to see that, but we were meant to find each other and help each other in our time of need. As much as I hate Luciana for what she has done to you, I must also thank her. If it weren't for her, then I wouldn't have the chance of meeting you in Monte Carlo."

"We would have found each other," Erik argued.

"Yes but when? And how long would it have taken? No… it was better this way. Yet, as grateful as I am, I'm also angry that it would be the end for us. You have to try to fight for us. If the Colonel finds you guilty… please promise me that you will do everything in your power to fight that decision and prove you had no choice. Please promise me."

"Christine…" Erik gazed directly into my eyes, his green irises reflecting my desperation, but also revealing a steely resolve. "I promise."

I embraced him, not ever wanting to let go and lose this moment. In a few hours… our lives will change forever and I hoped that God would hear my prayers…

_Forgive this man for his sins… he had no choice. Please… he has punished himself enough… let him keep his life. Do not allow Your child to suffer anymore._

All I could do was wait and see if God would grant Erik mercy… the mercy I know he rightfully deserved.

xxXXxx

We took an early supper, but neither one of us had that much of an appetite. Nadir arrive an hour and a half before the appointed time to see how we were faring.

I felt sick to my stomach as the queasiness would not fade. Erik begged me to lie down and get some rest as I was too pale and flushed. He feared what would happen to me if I was there, but I could not keep away. I had to be there when the Colonel came and Raoul's witnesses speak. I had to for both of us.

Nadir tried counseling me in that I should do what my husband asked. Erik was just as worried as I and it would make the stress on him even worse if he knew how distressed I was if I was in the same room. While his concern was touching, I knew I could not obey this wish.

I was there to witness it all and I had to see it to the very end.

Knowing I was not going to budge from my stance, Nadir decided he would go out to find Joseph Buquet. The man was going to need some cajoling and encouragement to come to Manderley and it was better that a familiar friendly face might convince him.

We waited in Erik's study as it provided privacy for this private trial. Nadir returned with Joseph about forty minutes later—the poor dear looked so full of fright! He clung to his hat with both his hands, wringing about nervously; his childish eyes darting back and forth. He kept to a corner, mumbling to himself.

Nadir sighed deeply. "Took me far longer than it should have to convince Joseph to come. I cannot think a reason why de Chagny wants him as a witness. He is certainly cannot be reliable and is better off left alone."

"Yes," Erik agreed while I nodded. "However, if he is a witness… then he has to be here reliable or not."

Right at six on the dot, our three final visitors arrived. Anthony ushered them in before sealing the door. He and Robert were to stand guard as to avoid any eavesdroppers.

The Colonel was shown to Erik's desk where he sat, the Inspector standing to his left. "Very well, de Chagny. You may proceed to interview your first witness."

Raoul smiled out of the corner of his mouth, trying to appear congenial when all he really was a serpent with a fancy tongue.

"I shall call Joseph Buquet as my first witness. Come Mr. Buquet, come. There you go old chap. Now, do you know why you are here?"

"I ain't done nothin'," came the soft reply. "I ain't done nothin' wrong."

"Of course not," Raoul said sincerely. "You are here as a witness to a heinous crime that was committed a year ago. Do you recognize me?"

Joseph lifted his head and began to shake. "I don't know you. I don't see nothin'."

Clearly, it wasn't the response Raoul was looking for.

"Of course you know who I am! You have seen me many times Joseph! I have always greeted you with smiles and a nod. I can't believe you forgot who I am! Ah, I see a glimmer there. You do remember. Now… what is my name old friend?"

Joseph licked his lips. "I never seen 'un."

"Mr. de Chagny, get to the point or I will dismiss the witness," Colonel Reyer said.

"All right, of course. Joseph… I need you to think hard about your next answer. Dig deep into your memory for it depends upon it! At the cottage, you saw me with the late Mrs. de Winter did you not?"

At the mention of Luciana's name, Joseph stiffened. "I ain't seen nothin'. Please don't send me to the asylum."

"No one is going to send you to the asylum," Raoul said calmly, although the emotion was not reflected in his countenance or posture. "Think back. One night you looked through the window of the cottage and you saw us. Gave us a frightful start you did. Remember?"

"No! No! I seen nothin'!" Joseph cried. "I don't want to go to the asylum! Please don't send me! I done nothin' I swear!"

"You didn't do anything!" Raoul said through clenched teeth. "But you did see us. Numerous times you saw us at the cottage. You were _politely _asked not to come back, but you continued to intrude upon us, which we let it go." Seeing he wasn't going to get far with this line of questioning or direction, Raoul changed his questions. "Do you remember the night the late Mrs. de Winter drowned?"

"Colonel," the Inspector whispered. "We're not getting anything useful out of this idiot. End this foolishness now."

Before the Colonel could answer, Joseph's eyes lit up. "She went into the boat. The sea took her. She never returned. She was gone. Gone."

"That's right! She was gone! The sea took her! Good!" Raoul exclaimed excitingly.

Joseph's head bounced up and down like an eager child. "Gone! Gone!"

"Splendid! Now… did you see anyone else with her? Did someone put her on the boat?"

At this question, I seized Erik's hand. Joseph maybe an idiot, but he was an innocent and could speak on something he did not know or fully understand. Instead of answering the question, Joseph said:

"She told me she will send me away to the asylum. I don't want to go away. I want to stay home. Please don't send me. They cruel folk."

Raoul was growing agitated with Joseph's lack of cooperation. "Listen to me you fool!" he shouted. "No one is sending you away! Now, tell me the blasted truth! You saw Mrs. de Winter going to the cottage and you saw Mr. de Winter going down there too! He put her in the boat didn't he!?"

This time Joseph turned to look at me. "I was diggin' for shell," he said. "I gave you a shell."

I smiled softly. "Yes you did Joseph. It was a very pretty shell."

Raoul grumbled to himself. "Not her! The other Mrs. de Winter! The one who loved to sail!"

"Eh?" Joseph said. "She gone."

"All right that's enough," the Colonel interrupted. "There is nothing new we can learn from this man. Mr. Khan, can you be so kind to take Mr. Buquet back to his home? He has been through enough."

"Yes. Of course, I don't see what your point was de Chagny," Erik said. "And I find it interesting that Luciana would have threatened to send him to the asylum."

"How the devil should I know what she has said to him? If she did… she didn't really mean it."

"Well, the way I see it… you cannot provide a single piece of evidence against de Winter here," Inspector Butler noted. "You claim you were the late Mrs. de Winter's rightful husband and you tarried on these secretive visits in this cottage of hers, but Mr. Buquet says he does not know who you are and has practically said you were not present in the cottage. You cannot even support your own story."

"I can! I will!" Raoul said venomously. "I have one more witness who can attest to everything I have said."

He stalked over to the door, ripping it wide open. "Anthony! Please fetch Mrs. Danvers immediately!"

This announcement startled the Colonel and Inspector. "Mrs. Danvers? Is that Mr. de Winter's housekeeper?" Inspector Butler asked.

"Indeed she is," Raoul answered. "She is also a long standing friend of mine and Luciana's. She was her personal maid, guardian, and confidante. If there was a person who knew Luciana better than I it would be her."

I knew the color was draining from my face. Mrs. Danvers? Of course, I should have known! It made perfect sense for Raoul to call her and at the same time… it was the most dangerous. While she was adamant in her mistress's affections for her late husband and his for her, there was no telling what she might say, especially if she still feels she needs to be avenged for Erik's past actions.

Not to mention… even myself.

Within minutes, Mrs. Danvers appeared in the doorway her expression solemn and severe.

"Yes?" she said.

The Colonel motioned for her to enter and while she did, he waited until the door was closed to reassume the hearing. "Mrs. Danvers, I have a question I would like to ask you and I apologize if it's too crass. However, what was the relationship like between Mr. de Chagny and your former mistress?"

"They were first cousins," she answered mechanically, not even batting a lash. "They grew up with each other as children and remained close friends."

"That was not what I meant," Colonel Reyer said. "I know they were blood related, but my question refers to the closeness of their relationship."

At this, her brow burrowed in confusion. "I'm afraid I do not understand your meaning Colonel."

"He means Danny… were Luciana and I lovers?" Raoul translated, crossing his arms over.

She pursed her lips and shook her head. "No."

"Danny!" Raoul exclaimed. "You knew we were! Luciana was in love with me! She certainly told you many times of our plans to one day get married."

"I do remember that but you were children and children often make silly promises and vows."

Raoul growled under his breath. "That's not what I mean and you know it. Luciana and I were madly in love and she was imprisoned here by de Winter."

Mrs. Danvers regarded him for a moment and then slowly began to smile. "She did not love you and she certainly was not."

"Damn you Danny! Luciana loved me and we were making plans to run off with each other. There's no need to protect her virtue any longer. We all know what Luciana and I were doing."

Mrs. Danvers turned and sent him a scorching look. "This may be difficult for you Mr. de Chagny, but I will confess that my lady never, and I mean, never loved you. She may have some regard for you, but there was never love in her heart. Not a passionate kind of love found between lovers."

This was completely unexpected, shocking all of us in the room. Even Erik appeared to be genuinely astonished by this admission. Luciana did not love him, but he thought she at least loved her cousin.

Raoul gaped at her and began to struggle for words. Then, he said:

"How else can you explain her visits to my home? Or meeting me here at the cottage?"

"Well, I cannot explain why she would other than you were her cousin, but more than likely she saw it as a game. You know how fond she was of games. It amused her greatly and would enjoy a good laugh if she knew she tricked someone. She did this countless times before she married Mr. de Winter. She would go out and spend time with these handsome men and then return laughing at how easy it was for her to convince them they loved her. Why, there was one evening when she did the same to you Mr. de Chagny! She thought it would be very funny if she had her cousin fall deeply in love with her. So if she did have you meet her, then it was only to further the game and her amusement."

Once more the room was struck down with silence as we took in the meaning behind Mrs. Danver's words. Raoul had gone completely white and speechless, the Colonel and Inspector looked uncomfortable, and Erik was wide-eyed. As for myself, I did not seem to be shocked anymore. Somehow… after what I knew of Luciana and her misdeeds, I was not surprised if she did see her affair with Raoul as a game. If anything, it only proved that Luciana's character was not only vile but downright revolting and sickening if she would use her own flesh and blood for her entertainment.

The person to break his silence was the Inspector and he spoke the next question carefully since Raoul could not.

"Mrs. Danvers, do you believe she committed suicide?"

TBC…


	32. Chapter 31

A/N: I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! And if you were out shopping this Black Friday after midnight… you might have seen me in my red apron running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Yup… I can definitely say it feels like the holidays are here now.

I'm glad a lot of you were stunned at how Mrs. Danvers seemed pretty helpful and maybe… she saw the error of her ways and this is her way to make up for all the pain? One way to find out! Please don't forget to review!

**Chapter 31**

The question revealed a scornful glare directed at Inspector Butler.

"What kind of question is that? No. My mistress would never have done the dishonor in taking her life. Only God has the power to do so."

Finding his voice, Raoul let out an exalted cheer. "See?! See!? I told you Luciana wouldn't have committed suicide. Danny spoke against the idea! So the only logical explanation we can supply is murder took place and it was Erik de Winter that delivered the fatal blow!"

"Be quiet!" Inspector Butler ordered. "We know what you think de Chagny and you don't have to constantly repeat it. But I still find it interesting how your note ties in. Perhaps the late Mrs. de Winter wouldn't conceive the idea of suicide until that exact moment. Most rational people will not contemplate taking one's life unless they feel they are trapped in a hopeless situation with no escape. And she is no different. Now, she wanted to see you for a reason and I am curious to see if Mrs. Danvers can shed some light on the possible intention of why. Mr. de Chagny, please produce the note so Mrs. Danvers can read with her own eyes."

Raoul did and Mrs. Danvers grasped the note in her hands, greedily reading her mistress's last words. She read it once, then twice, and finally a third time. She lifted her face and said:

"I haven't the faintest. If there was something important to tell Mr. de Chagny, then she would have told me first."

"But you did see her the last night?"

Regret passed over her features. "No. I'm afraid I was visiting my sister and I wished I had never left her!"

"Are you certain you do not have any possible idea or clue what the late Mrs. de Winter meant in that note?"

"No I do not."

The Inspector sighed. "Well, do you know if the late Mrs. de Winter did anything on that day?"

"I know she went to London early that morning. Yes, she had a hair appointment at twelve. I remember that now because I had called a week prior to make the appointment. Her hair was to be done at twelve and she was going to have lunch afterwards. So it would be between one and one-thirty that she would have left to eat."

"All right," the Inspector said. "What did she do after the hair appointment and lunch?"

Mrs. Danvers shrugged. "I don't know sir. However, I can check her book if you like." At this she shot me a quick haughty look. "I kept it in her rooms. She was always meticulous about her schedule and kept track of all her dates. If you would excuse me… then I will fetch it."

She rose and glided out of the study. I glanced at my husband who kept his gaze straight ahead and his expression stoic. A flicker of any kind of emotion that would betray his knowledge of what happened could incriminate him and I knew Raoul was watching Erik closely. He wanted Erik to slip up somehow… to provide an inkling of a notion on what happened down at that cottage a year ago.

I continued to keep my brave front as I sat next to my husband, my hand holding his. Now and then Erik would squeeze my fingers so to remind himself that I was there and he wasn't alone.

When Mrs. Danvers returned, she carried a small but very thick black leather book. When she resumed her spot, she began to flick through the pages until she found the day she was looking for.

"Ah, let me see… Yes. Just like I thought. She has her day written out as I previously mentioned. Take a look Inspector and Colonel."

She handed it over to the men. As they poured over it, Raoul came to stand behind them so he could take a look. Inspector Butler raised his face and with one remonstrating look… Raoul stepped away with his hands up in contrition.

The Colonel made a noise in agreement. "Mrs. Danvers is correct. Hair at twelve and there's a checkmark made to show it was completed. Next was lunch at the club at one forty-five and here's another check. Hmm… three o'clock Moncharmin. Who is Moncharmin?"

He looked up to Erik who shook his head. Even Mrs. Danvers was perplexed at the name.

"I'm afraid I do not know who that is either," Raoul added.

"Well," Colonel Reyer said. "It seems we are at a crossroads again. At least we have an idea of the timetable of the late Mrs. de Winter's final moments before her death. Although, this Moncharmin could very well be the key we are searching for to provide a motive if it was suicide."

"Indeed," the Inspector agreed. "It was the last appointment she kept, besides visiting Mr. de Chagny."

"Yes and I was not at home," Raoul declared with a triumphant look. "Pity. I wished I had never gone to that party."

"I'm sure," the Inspector muttered.

Mrs. Danvers picked up the book and stared at the open page. "Moncharmin," she repeated and frowned. "Moncharmin."

"Mrs. Danvers?" the Colonel called. "I know this is another delicate question, but did the late Mrs. de Winter owe anyone money?"

"Or do you think she was being blackmailed?" the Inspector included while casting a disapproving look in Raoul's direction.

Mrs. Danvers blinked. "Goodness no! She never owed a person a single thing in her entire life! As for blackmail… my mistress would never mix herself in company that would potentially harm her. She had no enemies. She was loved by everyone who met her."

"Could it be possible for her have an enemy? I know I have heard from my wife how she was often the envy of all the young ladies," Colonel Reyer said.

"I…I suppose," she admitted. "My lady was popular and I know her friends wished they could be her… to have her beauty, wit, and talents. Yet, I doubt that any of them are capable of hurting her or executing the diabolical scheme that Mr. de Chagny has been proposing. Then again… she did love to break the hearts of many men."

"So it is very possible…" the Inspector trailed off, lost in thought.

"Look here!" she exclaimed while outrage glimmered in her eyes. "Even if she had an enemy, my lady wouldn't be afraid of them. She would never give into any demands! That was beneath her. The only fear she had was growing old and losing her beauty. Why, she had said to me once how she would rather die young to maintain her beauty, instead of aging and becoming wrinkly and old. And I have heard that drowning is a painless way to die."

"It would appear that you are conceding to the suicide explanation," the Inspector pointed out.

Raoul started to chuckle outright. "That's absurd! Luciana would not have been so vain and selfish to commit suicide over her looks. She was not even eight and twenty!"

A dark look came over Mrs. Danvers as she coldly turned to Raoul. "I did find a gray hair while brushing her hair a week before her death. I assure you… that single strand was devastating to her. She was inconsolable! I had to hum a pretty song from her childhood to calm her down and help her to sleep. Even the next morning I had to persuade her that the hair was insignificant and it did not damage her… not even in the slightest bit!"

"Well, I am telling you Danny that most people get gray hairs in their twenties, but they do not turn into an elderly person immediately. Hell, I found a few and I am only thirty!" Raoul was not looking at all pleased with the turn of events, especially since his last ace was beginning to agree with the suicide argument. Fearing this could be his very last chance to win this case, Raoul said:

"If anything, the fellow we should be questioning right now is this Moncharmin. As you said Colonel… he is the key to this solution to determine once and for all if Luciana took her life or if foul play was afoot."

"Sadly, I concur," the Colonel nodded. "We need to find him and find out exactly what the nature of the appointment he had with the late Mrs. de Winter. Does that book give us any more information?"

Mrs. Danvers leafed through it. "Oh… here's a number. 1925 and Moncharmin is written next to it. There's no exchange, but there is a letter next to the number. It appears to look like an 'R' but it was written in a hurry. Let me see… yes. It is an 'R'. I am quite certain."

By now Nadir returned from dropping off Joseph and was quickly filled in on the recent facts. When asked if he knew the name Moncharmin, Nadir replied it sounded familiar to him and that the 'R' must stand for "Rains."

"Let's ring him up and see," the Inspector said, picking up the phone and dialing the operator. "Hello? Yes, I like to be connected to Rains 1925… … Hello? Is this Rains 1925? I am looking for a Moncharmin. Is he at this address? … … I see. Could you tell me the address? … … Thank you sir and have a good evening as well."

He turned and gave us a smile. "That was the landlord and it seems our Moncharmin is a doctor, but has left his practice about five months ago. I have his new address right here," he said while holding up the slip of paper. "And that is not all… Moncharmin happens to be a woman's specialist."

Inspector Butler was very pleased with himself and Colonel Reyer was all too relieved that there was finally a break.

"Wonderful. Now that we know he is a doctor… Mrs. Danvers, do you know why your former mistress would see one?" the Colonel resumed the questioning.

"I don't know sir. The only physician she had was Dr. Leroux and I never knew of any reason why she would see a London doctor and not the village one."

Raoul snapped his fingers. "I got it! I told you before but you were not willing to believe me. Well, now here it is. The motive we were looking for and this will crush the suicide argument. Luciana went to the London doctor for the obvious reason… she was pregnant! And she didn't want the neighborhood to find out if she was caught going to Leroux. That clever little minx!"

Mrs. Danvers balked. "Pregnant? My lady? No… she would have told me. Even if she suspected she would have told me."

"Perhaps," Raoul said. "Then again… we know that Luciana loved her secrets and I wouldn't put it pass her to do the same to you Danny. Don't be offended my dear. It was Luciana's nature for her to have her fun, even if it was at our expense."

Yet, Mrs. Danvers did not look convinced and she slowly shook her head. "I still do not buy it. She would not have done that to me."

"Either way," Raoul continued. "I believe my arguments now have enough sufficient evidence. Luciana was pregnant and it was concluded by this Moncharmin in London. Knowing I was the father… Luciana wrote the note and left it at my home when I was not there and while she was waiting in the cottage… Erik confronted her, no doubt he suspected something, and when she confirmed she was with child Erik killed her in a jealous rage. He is of the old school and there is a lot of honor at stake if this child inherited Manderley. I believe as the detective stories conclude… this case is closed and arrest the fiend."

He walked over and laid a hand over my husband's shoulder and patted it. "Sorry old man. But there was a motive and it is bad luck that this has to happen after you just remarried."

Erik's fist clenched as his body trembled from not turning around and punching him. I could see in his eyes he wanted to just like our meeting weeks ago. Even Nadir looked like he was ready to throw off his coat and tackle the man, but Colonel Reyer pounded the desk with his hand to bring attention back.

"All very circumstantial evidence you have de Chagny and not enough to make an arrest. We don't know if that's the reason why she saw this Moncharmin in the first place. Before we can go further in the matter, I will have to interview Dr. Moncharmin and find out from him the nature of the late Mrs. de Winter's visit. Unfortunately, by the looks of the address, we will not be able to phone him so we must go in person. And as it is growing late, my wife will be livid if I don't return home at a decent hour. I propose we take this venture first thing tomorrow morning.

"I assume you are coming along de Chagny as well as you too Mr. Khan and Mr. de Winter."

"I wouldn't miss it," Raoul replied.

"I will be there," Nadir added.

The Colonel nodded. "Then it's settled. We will meet outside the courtroom tomorrow morning at eight. I trust that this will be resolved at last by the afternoon."

xxXXxx

After saying our goodbyes and Mrs. Danvers retreated to her quarters, I told Erik I wanted to go with him.

"This is important Erik. This Dr. Moncharmin will confirm what Luciana told you about the child and Raoul's claims will be accepted as the true motive. Erik… you could be arrested!" I hissed in a quiet tone.

Erik took my arm, patting my hand, and began to go up the stairs to our room. He didn't seem nonplussed about the situation and I tried again, imploring him to have me come while we sat in bed.

"Erik, I'm very worried. This could be our last night together and I don't want it to be! I need to come."

"No Christine," he said, taking off his mask and putting it on the nightstand. "I don't want you to come and there's no use in arguing. You have stood by my side more times than I could ever imagine. You have looked into my face… seen my deformed and horrid features and you did not run away or shun me. Your support means the world to me and your love is frankly one of the greatest gifts ever given to me. I could not have asked for anything more than what you have already shared and given me. Yet, this is the one thing I cannot do in return. I have to do this alone."

"But why?" I demanded. "Erik..."

"Because, my dear," he said. "I cannot worry about you at the same time when we learn the truth. I know how you will react and I fear what they might think if a big scene plays out. I wouldn't be surprised if that sniveling rat de Chagny decided to announce you were an accomplice in this new investigation and withheld the truth that would convict me. It wouldn't look good for the both of us and I don't want you to be charged for the crimes I have committed."

"Erik," I said softly. "I don't want you to go. Can't we leave together and never return?"

Erik cupped my cheek and brought our foreheads together. "As much as the idea is attractive to me… this will haunt us wherever we go and we will not be able to live a normal life. You will not be able to sing on stage and I cannot play my music without drawing attention. No… I must go."

He stared into my eyes, his thumb running over my lips. "I love you Christine. You are the angel to my demon. I will not condemn you to a life in the darkness and fear for my sins."

Our lips drew closer until Erik was kissing me with all the love pouring into that tender caress.

I felt myself slipping into my desire as I gave into my heart and brought myself even closer to him, my fingers sliding into his dark hair and pressing him deeply as I opened myself to him.

It was bliss to have Erik react passionately and urgently to my touch. It was like the gates were finally opened to allow this kind of frantic lovemaking.

We clung to each other like never before and drank from one another like we were dying of thirst in the desert. I could not get enough as I panted his name over and over in a breathless mantra and to my glee… he was doing the same!

By the time Erik settled between my legs, I arched into him, begging for his touch and to feel his kisses. This was love in the purest sense. This was the wedding night that I have dreamt would happen with my husband's eyes glowing with feverish lust and love for me. To lose control and feel so free in his embrace that there was nothing that existed beyond our bedroom doors.

There was no Luciana.

No Raoul.

No Mrs. Danvers.

No investigation or murder.

It was only us… Erik and I.

As we joined ourselves, I nearly wept for joy at the completion of my heart, body, and soul with this incredible man. And not once did he break eye contact from me, hungry to see my face and watch my features flush and transform with my need for him.

I did not want him to stop.

I wanted to see him, his whole face, the man and the angel I loved so much.

And when we reached that peak it was my name that he cried out so beautifully. Me! It was heaven…

But, the best part of all, was that night Erik never once said Luciana's name while he slept.

TBC…


	33. Chapter 32

A/N: All right everyone… we are winding down in this story. There's one more chapter left and an epilogue. We have a few more dramatic moments before the big finale and this chapter certainly leads into it. Now, of course, for those of you who have read _Rebecca_ you may or may not like the changes I made. To me… as much as I love the book, there were some parts I had issues with and I felt this had to be done. If you don't like it, then that's your opinion, but I wanted a better sense of closure than was given. And dealing with the sort of madness with Luciana… I found this path to be more ideal. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you everyone for staying on this journey with me! I know you will like this. Don't forget to review please!

One more side note… the story Christine tells Erik was done purposefully with some minor changes. You will see why!

**Chapter 32**

I woke up at six.

Erik was still sleeping and I didn't want to disturb him. Quietly, I snuck out of bed and dressed in warm clothes. I found Sasha in the morning room and took her outside for a walk.

The sun hadn't fully risen yet but there was enough light for us to see. The grass was damp with dew, the petals of all the flowers glistening with the moisture. There was a cool breeze settling over Manderley, the sea sending its chilly kisses over the land.

I shivered and rubbed my arms as I quickened my pace. I had no set destination in mind, but eventually my feet led me to the Elysium. I took a deep breath of the sweet wet air and leaned on my hands as I sat on the grass. Sasha was happily playing in the pond, splashing about and barking with each spray of water against her coat.

It was quiet, peaceful.

The magic of the Elysium was washing over me and I took a minute to savor this moment in time.

It was hard to believe that so much occurred in the months I have spent here. Furthermore, it was hard to believe how much I have grown and changed during that time. I was not the same girl any more. I grew up and matured to a wise age that would have taken years to reach.

To think I wasted so much time by being afraid and insecure.

If only I opened my mouth sooner I would have known earlier of Erik's love for me. Yet… while I was upset that I did waste the time, I was also happy that I did.

We came to a better understanding, Erik and I. We wouldn't have that if the ship never crashed and the diver never found Luciana's body.

And so far we had survived these trials that our love only grew stronger. For once we defeated the agents of darkness and driven away the ghosts from Erik's soul. He didn't dream of Luciana and the name on his lips were mine.

Mine!

She didn't have control over him no more and I found assurance in that so that we could prevail once more.

Luciana will not win today.

She can't.

Last night was the proof I needed to show her power was dwindling. She had nothing else to throw at us.

Unless…

Of course, Dr. Moncharmin knew she was pregnant.

But I did not dwell on that. My spirits were lifted and as the warm touch of the sun caressed my face… I sensed my parents smiling for our soon to be victory. I had faith that it will be in our favor and then we can close this chapter behind us for the rest of our lives.

xxXXxx

I returned to the house about an hour later. The servants were already stirring and I decided to check to see if Erik was awake.

As I went towards the east wing, I greeted each servant that I passed with their salutations echoing behind me. I did not find a trace of the contempt or ill wishes on their faces or voices that Mrs. Danvers insisted they had felt for me.

I only felt their warmth and gladness and loyalty.

Entering the room, I found Erik was already dressed and adjusting his tie. He turned to see who it was, a smile breaking out across his lips as the light caught his mask. I found myself returning the same smile, but I wished he would not wear the mask. Of course, I knew he did not know it was me, but someone else… Meg or another member of the staff. Yet, part of me was hoping that one day… just one day there will no longer be a need for that porcelain shield.

But I digress.

I closed the door and swiftly moved into his awaiting arms, standing on my toes to kiss him (with removing the mask first).

"I'll never get used to it," Erik murmured, burying his face at the top of my head. "Where were you? When I woke I did not expect to find you gone."

"Sorry," I whispered. "I wanted to take a walk. I assumed you could use the extra rest before… well you know." I lifted my chin up and asked, "When will you be leaving?"

"Soon." His green eyes softened. "I know you wish you can go, but I would rather…"

"I understand," I cut in, not at all feeling hurt. "I do. And I will be here waiting for you."

"Christine—" he started but I shook my head, interrupting him.

"No," I said firmly. "You will be coming home and I will be waiting up. You cannot argue with me on that."

"I see I cannot," he said, grinning. "My angel."

"Promise me you will call though. Once you know… call me."

"I promise. Christine?"

"Yes darling?"

He exhaled. "Do you think… is there time for you to tell me more about your Angel of Music? I'm afraid I did not give you enough chance to tell your story back when we first went to the Elysium. It was wrong of me and I would like to hear it."

I knew Erik was trying to distract us as the inevitable time was approaching, and I did not mind for it was a very welcomed distraction. Also, the strength I found to let him go… I knew it would not last long, especially if I continued repeating the thought that everything will be all right.

"Very well. I will tell you one of my favorites my mother told me about Little Lotte and her Angel of Music."

I took Erik's hand as he slipped on his mask. While we walked out, I began my tale:

"This was how they realized they were in love and the obstacles they had to face in order to be together:

_Little Lotte had been training for some time with her Angel of Music and knew she was already desperately in love with him. The only problem… she never saw him. All she could hear was his voice, but she was longing for him to reveal herself so she could see his corporeal shape. She knew that loving an angel may be frowned upon and would prove difficult… yet she had faith and she hoped he loved her too. _

_It so happened… the Angel of Music loved her too, but as Little Lotte was his pupil and human he could not act on his feelings. There was a law that refused angels and humans to be together and as he loved and respected Him… he found it was becoming difficult for him to obey His orders. Even more so when he discovered that he had a rival for Little Lotte's affections._

_An old childhood friend returned to renew his friendship with Little Lotte, and while only friendship was in her heart, the childhood friend wanted something infinite more. However, Little Lotte loved her Angel and though she was resigned from loving afar… she would rather live the rest of her life doing so than be with someone she did not love. This only drove the childhood friend mad with jealousy and as it usually does… this madness led to desperation to keep Little Lotte with him. So the friend would start by persuading Little Lotte that her Angel was an oppressor. He took the rules that the Angel gave to Lotte and twisted them to make it appear that Lotte could not spend time with any of her friends and must remain forever devoted to the music. To prove his point, the friend would stay in Lotte's dressing room when it should have been a lesson. The Angel demanded he leave and when Lotte told him what the Angel said… the friend told her that any instructor would allow a friend to sit in during rehearsal time._

_But it did not stop there._

_The theatre Lotte lived in began to experience little pranks here and there until it finally escalated in a prop falling on top of the lead soprano. It was quickly blamed on the Angel for it was known that Lotte had a secret tutor who was training her to one day become the prima donna. _

_Except… it was not the Angel. It was the childhood friend._

_Yet, the Angel was helpless to prove his innocence. He could not be heard by others, only Little Lotte. And as much as he protested he was not responsible… other accidents would happen that forced Lotte to take the lead roles. Only then would the accidents ceased, but if anyone attempted to play the lead… they would meet an unfortunate injury. _

_Quickly… the love Lotte had for her Angel turned to fear for she did not understand how this could happen. This was not the kind, gentle Angel she knew. She knew that his hopes were for her to one day be the star, but not like this… she couldn't sing when the people were terrorized in her name. She confided in her childhood friend that she was frightened what the Angel of Music would do next and asked for his guidance. _

_This pleased the childhood friend greatly for his plan was working. It would not be long before Little Lotte was his and he played the attentive, concerned friend by offering his protection. So Lotte fled with him, hoping her leaving would convince the Angel of Music to stop his deeds once and for all. _

_Six months passed without incident at the theatre and Lotte felt it was safe for her to return. She believed the Angel of Music learned his lesson and to give her the time and the appropriate conduct to secure a leading role. When she returned… it was like coming home again and Lotte was greeted by all her friends, but her Angel of Music was gone._

_She called out to him, begging him to speak, but she was greeted only with silence. Lotte feared that her leaving forced her Angel to leave this plane of existence for good. She wept for him and for what she unintentionally caused. When she left… she didn't want him to leave her. She only wanted the accidents to stop and she believed she would never hear her love again…_

I stopped when we reached the front door and Erik stood there in shock.

"Don't stop Christine. You cannot end a story like that. What happened next?"

Gazing into his eyes, I said, "I must. You have to leave if you want to get to the courtroom on time."

"Tell me the Angel of Music returns. Lotte cannot have lost him and that infernal childhood friend cannot win. This is a fairy tale is it not? Certainly, there has to be a happy ending."

"Not all fairy tales have one Erik," I said. "But if you wish to know what happens to Little Lotte and her Angel of Music… you need to come home."

Erik muttered a curse. "You are making it quite difficult for me to leave. I have the half the mind to drag you along now so I can hear how it ends."

I gently chuckled. "Come home to me and you will know how it ends."

Erik was not happy, but he relented. "Fine but tell me this… that whole time… why did the Angel not reveal himself to Lotte? If he loved her like you claimed… certainly he would have shown himself to prove his love and to fight off that friend of hers."

"Because… the Angel had a flaw. And all Angels are supposed to be the exact image of perfection. He did not want to ruin that for Lotte, despite his love, and was afraid she would reject him. Also, revealing himself might drive her in the arms of his rival."

"What kind of flaw did he possess?"

I smiled. "That… my love depends on what you consider is a flaw."

"And what do you think?"

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth. "I believe the Angel of Music has a physical deformity that he keeps hidden from the rest of the world. He thinks he is ugly and undeserving, but I know that is not so. Beauty is only found within and those who believe in that idea can see the inner beauty. It is the man or the woman who decides how the world should see them, not the other way around."

"I can see there is a moral to the story after all," Erik lightly teased but there was no mistaking the hope in his countenance.

For too long my husband had suffered under the power of his late wife… he felt he was not worthy of my love and the walls he created were tumbling down. Perhaps, not all at once… but slowly… he was beginning to accept that he was worthy of love and he will never be alone.

That it was not too late for happiness.

I gave Erik one more parting kiss before he walked out of my embrace, out of Manderley.

I dared not go outside to see him drive off… for I knew I would run after him.

It was Robert who came in to tell me that Mr. de Winter was gone.

I felt myself nodding and thanking him as I walked towards the music room. I knew that everyone was watching me and with each step I took… I felt my grief began to weigh heavily on me and when I was at last shielded from their sympathetic gazes… I allowed myself to bend over the piano and cry.

xxXXxx

Now, what else can I say in the passing morning?

Truly nothing for time seemed to stop.

Of course, I knew the seconds were ticking away and minutes gave way to hours, but to me… time was at a standstill. I could not eat… could not drink any tea… I could not do anything as I was too worried and frightful for the impending future.

The courage I had found back in the Elysium seemed to have faded from me. Now that I was alone… all I could do was to wait for Erik's call to tell me if he was coming home…

Or…

I blocked the thought from my mind. _No_, I told myself. _No I will not think it or speak it aloud. Erik will come home. He will be. He will be._

Meg did come in to see how I was doing, but I was not in the mood for idle chitchat, but I did not mind her doing all the speaking for the both of us. It was refreshing to hear her soothing voice rather than listen to the frantic pounding of my heart and dark thoughts. I knew she sensed that and it was why she told me that she and Robert were doing well and that she was able to successfully get him to speak three full sentences to her.

"I was stunned speechless when Robert spoke to me. It was nothing earth-shattering other than to tell me he found me angelic and graceful and that he was very pleased that he was granted permission to court me. I was so speechless that I could not stop telling Uncle Anthony about it. Of course, Uncle Anthony knew that Robert would be a good match for me and had been thinking of a way to introduce us for some time now. To have me come as your personal maid was perfect and I have never been this happier in my whole life! Oh Christine! I do hope that when Robert and I wed… you will be there. You're the sister I have never had! Well, I do have a sister and she is a darling but she is young and you and I are so close in age… I'm sure you know what I mean. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you! Remember how I told you I used to dance before the War? I met a lady down in the village when I was doing an errand who used to be a prima ballerina! Her name is Madame Sorelli and she had worked in the Paris Opera House years and years ago! She's retired now, of course, but she has offered to teach me if I was interested. It would only be one day a week and I promise it will not interfere with my work here in Manderley. All she asked in return was if I would help her clean around the house and this is brilliant Christine!"

"I'm so happy for you Meg. And I see there is no problem for you to do this," I said.

"Thank you. The only one I dreaded telling was Mrs. Danvers, but she was not against the idea. Although, she has been very queer these past few days."

"Hmmm? Oh yes… I suppose she would be," I murmured, not thinking too much of Mrs. Danvers at all. To be honest, I have not given her much thought since last night and even now… my mind was preoccupied with what was happening in London.

I kept replaying how the meeting with Dr. Moncharmin would go.

The men would go up to the door, knock on it, and this elderly-looking man with a cane would answer the door. He would be surprised and horrified to hear that a former patient of his was dead. He would invite them inside and as they sit around in the parlor… he would tell them how this vibrant young lady, full of life and beauty, came to him because she thought she was pregnant. She would tell him that she was the wife of a wealthy man and that they were trying (for that would be the lie she would tell to convince others of the so-called perfect marriage) for a child and wanted to know for sure before she could break the news to her husband and friends.

The good doctor will confirm that Luciana was in fact pregnant and that she had left his office much happier and glowing like a woman in love and anticipation for the birth. And as he admits what we have known all along… Raoul de Chagny will turn to Erik and demand that the Inspector and Colonel take him into custody.

And Erik!

My poor Erik will not resist… because he is a gentleman and will take full responsibility for his actions… but he will ask if he could call his wife to tell her. But Raoul will convince them not to for it would be a ruse for him to make his escape. So as they take my husband away, Nadir, the ever faithful friend, will plead Erik's innocence and demand he has the right to call his wife to let her know what has happened.

But it would be Nadir who will call me. The phone will be ringing and as I answered it… it would be his voice telling me of Erik's arrest and that there is no more hope. Luciana has won. She has defeated us.

I wiped the new batch of tears from my eyes, knowing I was only torturing myself with this fantasy.

I had to stop thinking about it.

I had to.

xxXXxx

The clock chimed when twelve o'clock hit. Anthony came in to tell me that was lunch was ready if I would like to come or if I would prefer a tray made up for me.

I was a little ill to eat and as I lack the appetite… I requested some broth and let it be at that.

Within minutes, my broth and tea was delivered. While it felt good for the scorching soup to run down my throat… it did little to provide comfort in my stomach.

However, for the benefit of my staff I did finish the soup and I had at least three cups of tea.

The rest of the afternoon was tedious, but I was hoping to receive a call from Erik soon. Whenever the phone rang… I would immediately run out to answer it. Alas, none of the callers were Erik.

Ayesha called a couple times to see how I was doing and I knew she was growing impatient with the lack of information coming from our end. When she hinted she was going to come over, I told her not to bother. As much as I loved my sister-in-law… she did not know the whole story and while I felt she had the right to know it was Erik's decision to tell his sister. Not I.

So I assured Ayesha I was fine and would ring her later on after dinner.

The other caller was Adele sending her blessings and prayers to us. She felt awful that this business was not finished with the investigation still going on.

"I know they want to be thorough and absolutely certain that it was a… well, the bishop and I hoped it was not _suicide_." She whispered the last word so not to be overheard, although for her… it might be considered blasphemous to speak aloud. Then clearing her throat, she went on. "I cannot imagine what would drive someone, especially a young person to take her life. Of course, the other is just as terrible and sinful. Poor Mr. de Winter. I hope for his sake they can have the matter rest at last so he can mourn and move on. However, I have a feeling that the poor creature was misguided in some way."

Adele left it at that and promised that our name would be in the bishop's next sermon for well wishes and they will pray fiercely for us.

It was a considerate thought and I appreciated the sentiment.

Of course, it was rather fortunate that no one else seemed to think if it was murder that Erik was responsible. All they had to do was remember how grievous he was a year ago and his kindness for the men whose ship was scuttled and that was all to wipe away such a terrible thought. Everyone truly believed that Erik and Luciana had the ideal marriage and to contradict it… was a crime in itself.

I did receive calls from sympathizers who knew that it had to be suicide. There was no other explanation in their books, except Luciana must have experienced some ill tidings that she could not go to her husband and thought taking her life was the only option. Naturally, there was a rumor going on that Luciana did have one or two bouts of depression in her life in particular after her father died that perhaps she had not gotten over it like everyone thought.

However people looked at it, they were on Erik's side regardless of the unforgettable and intensive interrogation done by Inspector Butler.

I was quite grateful.

Also, the trip to London was virtually unknown to the community since no one mentioned it. At least… so far.

In between the calls and waiting anxiously for Erik, I decided to keep myself busy with my sketches. Unfortunately, it had been a while since I returned to them and it was past due to finish a couple that was in need of shading. I busied myself with those first and then as I flipped through my sketchbook I came across my portrait of Erik.

It was still unfinished in my mind, but the more I looked at it… I realized what was missing all along. Why… no wonder! Now I understood why I didn't see it before when it was right there in front of my eyes!

Gripping my eraser, I began to remove the problem. Satisfied I at last solved this situation, I picked up the pencil and drew. I just hoped Erik would be proud of this latest incarnation of his portrait.

Luckily, the time went by a little faster with this task and by the time it was quarter after three, I was interrupted with another phone call. I slammed the cover shut to keep anyone from looking and I hurried to pick it up.

Taking a deep breath, I answered, "Yes?"

"Christine?"

Erik!

"Oh thank God!" I cried in relief, falling against the desk. "I was so worried you weren't going to call. Or something happened to prevent you—oh Erik! Tell me… what happened? Is—Are we all right?" I held my breath as Erik's soothing voice filled my ear.

"It's all over Christine," he replied with a smile from the sound of his voice. "Dr. Moncharmin told us of a very interesting narrative that even now I'm still in amazement. It does not seem at all possible, but it is true. I have nothing else to say but to thank God for this act of mercy. This is what happened when we entered the good doctor's home…"

xXx

_Dr. Moncharmin was of a retired age, but his eyes were still sharp and quick from years of his medical background and his voice just as objective and clear in his account about Luciana._

"_I cannot believe a former patient of mine is dead. Well, I can believe it, but you know how it goes. Pray, what is the nature of this investigation?"_

"_Murder in the most foulest of ways," Raoul replied. _

"_Oh dear," the doctor said with wide-eyes._

"_Do not listen to him, doctor. Mr. de Chagny must learn that patience is a virtue and silence is golden," the Colonel said, snapping a quick look at the man in question. "We are here because of a young woman by the name of Luciana de Winter. She had died under mysterious circumstances that could be viewed as self-inflicted or other diabolical means. If you could tell us what you know about her, then we might have a motive to this mystery."_

"_de Winter you say? I'm afraid I never had a patient with that name."_

"_Are you positive?" the Inspector asked. _

"_I maybe retired but I'm not senile Inspector. But… I do have my log books and diaries of my patients. Do you have a date I could look up?"_

_We told him and he shuffled over to his desk where he opened a drawer and pulled out a wide, slim book. He returned to his seat and turned the pages to the corresponding day. _

"_Here's my datebook and l did see a woman at three o'clock, yes? Right… it was a Mrs. Danvers."_

"_Mrs. Danvers?" Nadir said beside me. "That cannot be right. She was visiting her sister at the time wasn't she?"_

"_Not in London," I answered. "But it has to be Luciana."_

"_I'm afraid I do not know if it's the same person, but I do remember that Mrs. Danvers was a dark-haired beauty with these large, violet eyes. She struck me as a remarkable woman and she always carried herself as if she belonged in a higher class."_

_The group of us met each other with a look and knew it was her. The doctor was asked to continue what he knew of her and why she had went to see him._

"_I have only seen her a few times, mind you, but each visit did leave an impression. Mrs. Danvers—err, Mrs. de Winter—came to me a month before this appointment you told me. She had been complaining of symptoms that are normally attributed to women enceinte: dizziness, nausea, and aches in the upper chest. I took a blood sample and she returned a couple of weeks later when I confirmed she was indeed with child. At first, the news was astonishing to her… she had to sit down to absorb it and after taking some tea she thanked me and then she began to smile. A sort of an awe like smile, but her eyes… there was a glint to them that made me uneasy but I could not explain why. _

"_She did not come back to see me until that very date. I received a call from her a couple days prior and she told me she had been bleeding. I did warn her like all my other patients that sometimes spotting might occur but not to be concerned. However, the bleeding was becoming excessive to the point where she was in pain. I immediately advised her to go to a hospital, but she told me she could not. So I asked her when was the earliest she could come to me and told me when she was available. Before hanging up, I did try to persuade her to seek medical help, but she said the pain was going away and she did not feel like she was bleeding again._

"_In rare cases, it is still not a major medical crisis. As long as the bleeding stopped and she was not experiencing any pain, then there was a good chance that nothing was wrong. She came and upon my examination I quickly discovered that what I suspected was fatal indeed. The poor dear had miscarried. I supposed I should have been a little more emphatic in her going to a hospital, but she had not seemed to overly concern that this was the reason. Unfortunately, I was the bearer of bad news and had to tell her that the child was gone._

"_Typically, this is not news that is easy to stomach, especially for a new mother and someone as young as she. However, she was not hysterical or excited about it. Instead, she smiled and thanked me for my assistance and left. The indifference was very odd, but then again, we all handle our grief in many ways and I have no room to judge how one does mourn. Although, I could not forget her or her unusual behavior after she left my office. _

"_Truthfully, I have thought about her off and on these months. Since she did not come to see me anymore I had assumed she found a new doctor. But I see that did not happen. So as to your question of motive, gentlemen, I believe you have your answer. The miscarriage was too much for her to bear and she must have thought that suicide was her only answer."_

xxXXxx

"…We were all stunned by this revelation as you can imagine, my dear. Even de Chagny, the wretched sycophant, was rendered speechless. He did not utter one word during Dr. Moncharmin's woeful tale and when he had concluded that it was evident to him that it had to be suicide… well, de Chagny looked rather red around the eyes. He did shed some tears for his beloved cousin, mortified and saddened that she had been pregnant with his child and had unfortunately lost it. As much as I loathe the man, I did feel a little pity for him. I guess he truly loved her despite her treatment of him and he was instantly regretting how he let her go so easily too. He even went so far to apologize for his blackmailing attempt before he headed off to the bar. We thought it best to leave him be while he processed this news.

"I can only fathom that Luciana continued the charade because she really wanted to die. She wanted me to kill her since she had killed her hopes and dreams. That child would have had everything if it had lived. God punished her for taking the innocent away and she wanted to be punished by me for she did wronged me and it was a way for me to avenge myself and honor. Whatever her reason… she's dead now. She can no longer bother us. It's over. I cannot believe it's finally over. We won Christine. We are free."

Tears of happiness trailed down my face with the echo of "we are free, we are free."

A miscarriage…

Luciana miscarried her heir for Manderley. Her devious plot had backfired because it had been God's will. He refused to let this injustice go on and how she suffered for her sins.

Either that or her blackened heart and soul could not nurture the child properly.

And that meant…

Erik was safe.

Dear God!

It was too good to be true! Erik would not be arrested and…

"Tell me you are coming home," I half-breathed, half-demanded. "Tell me Erik you are going to leave once you hang up and come back to me."

He chuckled. "I am coming home to you Christine. We can start our lives together, refreshed and free of the darkness that has threatened to keep us apart."

I let out another sob of happiness. "Thank God! Oh, thank you!"

"I promise you," Erik continued. "I will head home without delay. Nadir and I drove together and I already warned him I would be doing everything in my power to get back to you as quickly as possible. I cannot stand another second, another minute without you. But before I hang up… I do have one request to ask of you and I hope you will comply."

"What would that be?" I questioned.

"Tell me the ending to your lovely story. What happened with the Angel of Music and Little Lotte? And I must warn you Christine… if you don't tell me, then I will be force to let Nadir drive back to Manderley and he is a very cautious driver."

I choked back a laugh. "In that case, I must obey sir! But… I am astonished that you have not figured it out yet. The Angel of Music was not there because he had gone to the Highest Order and begged to become a mortal so he could spend the rest of his life with his love. So when Little Lotte turned around… she saw a man standing in her doorway and he was not like any man she ever saw before, but when he began to speak to her… she instantly recognized his voice. It was her Angel of Music! He told her he had always loved her and that he wanted to be with her if she would have him.

"'What of the terrible accidents you caused? Will you promise to stop them?' she had asked. The Angel, now a man, smiled sadly and replied, 'I never caused them. I would never do you the dishonor in hurting people when I know you can earn your rightful place with your hard work and determination. I was being used to poison your mind against me. Look into my eyes and see the truth that I speak of!'

"So Little Lotte did and she saw he was speaking the truth. She knew she should have never doubted him in the first place, but it did not matter anymore. They were together now and they would never part again. The childhood friend's plot was uncovered and there was nothing he could do to keep Little Lotte. He fled, never to return, and Little Lotte and her Angel of Music lived happily ever after, surrounded by their music and love."

"Do I dare presume that a happily ever after is in our midst?" Erik asked huskily.

"I believe we can try, but first, you need to come home to me."

"Then I shall leave this instant. I love you Christine, my Little Lotte."

"And I love you Erik, my Angel of Music."

Beaming from ear to ear, I hung up and did a little twirl as I laughed giddily. We were free! Erik was coming home to Manderley and we will never part again… not until death do us part. Of course, not even Death could separate us, not after what we went through.

I stifled another unladylike snort of joy and hurried back to my sketchbook. I knew of the perfect homecoming gift for Erik and while this will not be on displayed for the world to see… it would be for our private viewing only.

Picking up my pencil, I hastily went back to work with the anticipation of my husband's arrival and our happily ever after.

xxXXxx

I finally finished the portrait and while I held it back to admire my work… I knew this was what I was striving to achieve. Erik's portrait was completed and there was no additional work that needed to be done.

Sighing happily, I looked at the clock on the mantle and saw it was about six o'clock. Erik should be home within an hour or so.

I gazed down at the picture once more, my finger trailing down his face tenderly. I couldn't wait to show him. I knew he would be quite pleased with this version.

Speaking of pleasing… I figured he would be in need of a nice, hot meal and I had made the earlier arrangement with Cook that we will be having his favorite foods. After dinner I will take him to our room where I will present his portrait and after that… well, I blushed thinking about it, but I had no doubt what we would do later.

I snapped the lid closed and as I rose, Meg came dashing in.

"Christine, I must ask you… Before I do, I do want you to be aware I have been patient while you were in here sketching and Uncle Anthony told me that you will tell us on your own, but I need to know… Has Mr. de Winter called with any news?" She was anxious rubbing her hands together. "The phone has been ringing off and on today, and I know how you worried you were about the trip to London and…"

I cut her off by grinning widely and Meg's blue eyes widened as she clasped her hands to her cheeks. "You mean… he did? Oh Christine, he did!"

"Yes," I answered and she gasped loudly. "And what did he say?"

I motioned for her to come closer, and she did, coming to sit next to me.

"It had been a miscarriage," I said. "The doctor said that the late Mrs. de Winter, unfortunately, lost the baby and as a result… she was so depressed and in her grief…"

"She took her life!" Meg exclaimed, finishing it for me. "Oh dear! That is terrible news… I mean, it confirms that it was suicide all along and that is good… No! It is not good but you and Mr. de Winter can move on with your lives and this is over. All can be well now again. I mean…"

"I know what you mean Meg," I told her. "It is tragic nevertheless. But at least Erik can grieve for the last time and put the unpleasantness behind him."

"Of course. Still… I cannot help but feel sorry for her. Losing a child is simply awful and for her to think that was her only option… she must have thought she was responsible."

"Yes," I said quietly as I briefly lowered my gaze. "It is."

Despite the relief and joy the news brought me, I almost forgot the innocent casualty in the whole affair.

The unborn child…

To imagine a little boy or girl, being half of Luciana and maybe Raoul too, would be a travesty for the poor thing. After learning what I know about the mother-to-be, I could not envision Luciana being an attentive, doting mother. She would more than likely be in awe over the little being, cooing and showing him or her off, but… eventually novelties will wear off and she would grow to neglect the child. She would have to abandon her selfish pleasures to be a good parent, yet I am certain Luciana would not be able to part from her sinful lifestyle. However, she will maintain she was an excellent mother and everyone would believe her because in public that will be the mask she wore when the child was present… in private, the masks would be off and that child would endure her abuse just like Erik did.

And Erik…

I could see him being the perfect father. Even though he hated the mother, I think part of him will come to love the child. After all, the child did not ask to be born in this world with Luciana as a mother. He or she would find sympathy in the faux father and over time… Erik might have wished the child shared his blood.

But I knew that the chance was never granted.

Not by God and… even Erik.

He still shot her, knowing she might have been pregnant, but at least we know that the child was long dead before it happened. If the doctor had said she never miscarried, then I knew Erik would have felt guilty for taking an innocent's life. Perhaps, in the heat of the moment, Erik forgot it and focused only on Luciana's laughter as she mocked him.

However, there was no use in thinking about the what-ifs since the past was the past. And whatever Luciana's motive was if she had intended suicide by murder or not… she was dead and Erik married me.

And we can all move on at last.

Meg was asking me another question and I shook my thoughts away.

"When will Mr. de Winter be home?"

"He should be home in an hour. That is as long as Erik is driving and not Nadir," I jested and Meg chuckled.

"With that kind of news… I don't doubt your husband wanting to return as fast as possible."

"Indeed." I grinned. "But after all this worrying… I do feel tired. I think I will close my eyes for a short while. I will be in the morning room, Meg, and if you could wake me in a half hour that should be enough time for me to fix myself before Erik arrives."

Meg nodded. "A half hour then. Would you like me to take your sketchbook back to your room?"

"No thank you. I'll do that later."

I held the book to my chest as I walked over to the morning room. A lamp was on, casting a soft light around the table and settee. I went over to it and flicked the light off so the room would be covered in darkness. I tucked my sketchbook between the cushion and my body as I laid my head down on the armrest.

As I began to drift off… I heard scratching at the door and a pitiful whine.

Sighing, I got up and let in Sasha. She scurried in and gave my hand a kiss in thanks. Shaking my head, I went back to the settee and resume my placement once more. This time… Sasha jumped beside me, her head resting on my hip. I didn't mind since she made a very nice blanket and again… I closed my eyes.

I don't know how long I slept, but I started to hear this strange humming. Thinking my thirty minutes had passed, I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Meg?" I softly called. "Is it time already?"

Sasha was stirring next to me and I felt her body instantly tensed as she raised her head up, peering into the darkness. A warning growl reverberated in her throat.

Suddenly, I was more awake and alert.

I reached to turn on the lamp, but my hand met only empty air. And when Sasha let out another guttural growl, I jumped.

"Who's there?" I demanded, looking around for a shape. "If this is supposed to be a prank… you got me. Now, if you could put on the light so I can see I would greatly appreciate it."

I heard movement coming from behind and then a scratch of a match being lit. I turned around to see a flame flickering in suspension as it casted a shadow across Mrs. Danvers' face.

TBC…

I had to. I had to squeeze in one last cliffhanger. Review please! You know you want to…


	34. Chapter 33

A/N: Here we go! The last chapter and then an epilogue. I will try to get it posted earlier than next Sunday if I can squeeze it in. I'm so happy that most of you liked the little twist! That one I kept toying with and I kept going back to what if she was really pregnant and her wickedness caused her to miscarry. Then voila. But, of course, we have one last loose end to tie up and… well, you have to read on. Don't forget to review!

**Chapter 33**

"Mrs. Danvers!" I gasped. "What is the meaning of this?!"

The match's flame moved, streaking the air as it met a candle in her other hand. Then, without a sound, she shuffled around so she was standing in front of me. I kept a wary gaze on the glowing ember and finally met her eyes with a glare.

"Well? Are you going to speak Mrs. Danvers or will you continued to remain in this stupid manner?"

She didn't reply.

As I was not in the mood for games or whatever this was to her, I rose and began to walk towards the door. But I was stopped when her arm extended out abruptly, blocking me from my course. Before I could react, Mrs. Danvers shoved me backwards and I fell back on the settee, almost landing on top of Sasha. The dog jumped out of the way just as I made contact and I watched as Sasha moved to jump on Mrs. Danvers, but she slapped Sasha away forcefully.

I let out a cry as Sasha yelped.

Thankfully, she was not hurt but Sasha hurried away with her tail between her legs. Mrs. Danvers' lips pulled back in a satisfied grin as she caught me in her stare.

"That mutt knows her place unlike you," she said, snarling as the fire made her gray eyes dance with madness. "You thought you could have this life. You were not meant to be here."

"I believe it is you who has forgotten her place," I told her. "You are only a servant. I am mistress of Manderley and you have gone too far Mrs. Danvers—"

As I tried to stand she swung the candle at me. Quickly, I dropped and ducked out of the way, but I did not escape the tiny drop of wax landing on my lap. It stung briefly but it was enough that I realized that Mrs. Danvers was intending to do harm on my physical person.

I opened my mouth to scream for Robert or Anthony, but she already moved her face towards mine, the candle coming too close to my cheek. I had no choice but to look at her.

There was no mistaking the wild storm that was in her eyes—contempt, fury, anguish, and confusion. She was breathing heavily, almost panting, while some strands of her hair came loose from her bun, creating a frizzy halo around her head. From the shadows of the single candle… her face had transformed from human to an unnatural creature. Her skin was gaunt, cheeks hollow, and her lips colorless and thin. Out of the corner of her left eye… a tear glistened.

"You… fool," she hissed, her breath whipping my face. "How could you do this? How could you laugh it off as it meant nothing?"

I didn't know what she was referring to and she was not expecting an answer as her head suddenly tilted to the side… her ear cocked as if she was listening to someone speaking.

"I don't understand. You were so happy and it changed. It all changed. And I didn't know. How could I not have known? I! I who had known you so well and doted on you with all the love in the world! Why didn't you tell me?"

The miscarriage!

She must have overheard my conversation with Erik or Meg.

"You poor dear! How you suffered so silently and alone! You could have told me! I would have comforted you… I would have done anything to make you smile again. But you left me… you left me in this place to serve an unworthy girl. What does she know of Manderley? She doesn't! Not like you… no one knew Manderley better than you, not even Mr. de Winter. But I am the only one who knows this! Yes… you are Manderley now. You see everything and you mourn the loss of greatness. You suffer like I do. You know that she does not belong here, that she does not understand the ways like you did. See how she tries to ruin your good work? She even thought Mr. de Winter could love her, but we know the truth, don't we? Yes… we do… there has only been one woman in his life. And only one woman for Manderley."

Mrs. Danvers' speech was calmly said, her voice lucid. There was not a single trace of sanity left in her and yet… she had the steady force and command of her words as if she was sane. And it made her all the more dangerous.

I was limited in my options for a possible escape. If I screamed or called for help, then she could easily drop that candle on me, effectively setting me on fire. And if I were to use all my strength to push her and run… she could still stop me with the deftness and quickness she possessed as she did earlier. And unfortunately, poor Sasha was too frightened to come to my aid.

I was alone to deal with this madwoman.

Snapping her gaze back on me, Mrs. Danvers pointed at me with a sharp nail. "I have tried to help you. I have tried to show you the way. But you kept denying me. You thought you could come here and control me… a commoner! A no good worker who thought she could be a lady. Pft. You might have fooled the rest of them, but not I! I know who you are. I can see your lower class upbringing, even smell it. I had sniffed your lowliness before you stepped foot in Manderley. This was never your spot to begin with, your position. To think that a great estate such as this could be run by someone of your social class. Mr. de Winter was an idiot to think you could ever amount to anything, especially as a de Winter. You think you figured it out. You think you know how to live this life, but you will never fit in. You will never be accepted as one of 'them.'"

She tossed her head back and laughed hysterically. "Do you know how many times I have been waiting for Mr. de Winter to say that you are not really his wife? That this was all a splendid joke at our expense and his new wife was really someone sociably fit? But you are still here! Even when you could have run away and never looked back… you stayed! And to learn that my lady… my mistress suffered such horrible agonies while you bask in this life? That you take great pleasure out of her tragedy? A child! A beautiful little girl… yes, it would have been a girl. I know my lady… and she would have a baby in her likeness. A miniature version of herself and she would be the luckiest and most loved child in all of England. She couldn't have asked for a better mother and a better loyal companion. Yes… I would spoil that child as if she was my own, just like I did with the mother. She would have everything! And people will adore her! They will come just to see her as they come to see Manderley. And Manderley will have another mistress that would love it as much as my lady did…"

Mrs. Danvers sighed, lost in the fantasy that was never meant to pass. As distracted as she was, I knew this was my only chance to leave. I carefully inched away, making sure my sketchbook was at my side, and slowly lifted myself as I stood on my toes to quietly walk away.

Mrs. Danvers' had her back turned to me and this was perfect. I had to be careful where I walked though… since my eyes had adjusted somewhat I still had a hard time making out everything. I was close… I sensed it.

Almost there…

I stretched my hand out so I could feel the door and as I grabbed the knob, an icy grip dug into my arm.

Mrs. Danvers captured me, her lips drawn in that horrible snarl.

"You think you can leave. Well, let me tell you this little girl. You might have won Mr. de Winter, but there is something here you will never win and will never have. It won't have you. It told me so, whispering in my ears just now. It doesn't want you here anymore, but since you won't leave, it must leave."

She pushed my arm away, slowly backing up as a queer smile flitted across her features.

"Yes… I know what I must do now. I have to protect Manderley from you. You will ruin Manderley and this cannot happen. My mistress won't allow it. She is one with Manderley, you know. She is here in the walls, in the furniture, in the gardens, she is everywhere. She cannot leave the grounds. But she speaks to me… she tells me that I am Manderley's savior now. I must protect Manderley and her… I must protect her…"

With those last words spoken, Mrs. Danvers raised her arm and dropped the candle.

xxXXxx

The carpet instantly caught on fire.

I was momentarily paralyzed at the frightening realization that the madwoman was intending to burn down Manderley. I could only stare in terror as Mrs. Danvers reached into her pocket and pulled out a box of matches. One by one, she struck each one and dropped them around the room.

As the flames continued to lick the ground and pick up strength, I found my limbs regaining feeling as I turned and twisted at the knob to free myself.

But it was locked!

My panic overtook me as I yanked and turned every way, hoping it would give so I can flee from this inferno. Sasha was at my side barking wildly, but I could not open the door. Mrs. Danvers had locked it when I was sleeping! She did intend to kill me and herself and everyone else in Manderley!

As reason took over, I knew my frantic pulling wasn't going to work. Getting the key from Mrs. Danvers was going to futile, but I knew Anthony had one. I raised my fist and began pounding on the door, shouting for help.

I heard a stampede of footsteps and then the doorknob was jiggled to no avail. Someone cried out it was locked and then screams of fire followed.

The room was quickly filling up with smoke.

I closed my hand over my mouth and nose to keep from inhaling the smoke and lowered myself to the floor, holding onto Sasha with one arm so she wouldn't get burned. The seconds I waited for the door to finally unlock was an eternity and as I felt it give way… I staggered to my feet, carrying Sasha, as I stumbled out into the waiting arms of Anthony's.

Coughing, I managed to stammer that it was Mrs. Danvers.

"She's gone mad!" I gasped as I bent over coughing more.

"We need to go! Everyone! Leave! Fire!" Anthony yelled.

I felt myself being dragged as we evacuated Manderley. No time could be wasted as the fire built higher and faster. I was able to cast one more look over my shoulder, just long enough to catch Mrs. Danvers running to the stairs… to the west wing. Everything behind her was as if the gates of Hell were unleashed as it was quickly being engulfed with the red and orange flames.

Nothing could be saved.

Erik's instruments… his countless scores… gone.

I squeezed my eyes tight as a few tears fell.

Our home… was being destroyed and there was nothing… nothing I could do to stop this.

Thankfully, everyone was able to escape in time. Everyone… except Mrs. Danvers.

Anthony had sent a few of the men, including Robert, to the nearest house to call for the fire brigade. Meg was anxiously standing beside me; her arm wrapped my waist to keep me steady. Tears glistened on her pale cheeks, her blonde tresses floating in the breeze.

"I cannot believe she did this," she whispered. "How could she do this?"

"Luciana," I replied, my eyes never leaving the great estate. "It was all because of Luciana."

But she didn't hear me. My voice was weak from the inhalation of smoke.

As the fire started to break out the glass from the windows a frantic honking was coming from the drive. My heart leapt at the thought it was Erik. He was here! He came home! But to what? Manderley was being devoured as we stood there like helpless children, hoping and praying for a miracle.

The car slammed on its brakes, the wheels squealing. Before the headlights were shut off, the two car doors swung opened and both Erik and Nadir were scrambling from them.

"Christine!" Erik shouted. "Christine!"

"Erik," I croaked, but he couldn't hear me from the drowning of voices and the crashing and thundering destruction of the estate.

Luckily, he spotted me by Meg and ran towards me. I was immediately swept up in his arms, his lips meeting every bit of flesh he could find. I kissed him back with the little strength I had left as I sobbed his name.

He paused for breath, his fingers running all over my face and in my curls, feeling and caressing to make sure I was fine.

"Nadir and I saw the fire… we thought it was the Northern lights at first, but it was only dusky out and not dark enough… and I was terribly frightened. I felt you were in danger and you needed me, but I was not going fast enough to get to you. And I thought—" Erik lowered his head and shuddered. "You're here. You're safe. That's all that matters. You're here with me."

"Sir?" Anthony quietly asked as Nadir followed. It seemed that neither one of them could take their eyes off the tragedy that was enfolding.

"Sir, I sent Robert and some others to fetch help. I fear it might be too late."

Erik continued to hold me as he shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Everyone is safe and sound, I trust?"

"Yes, sir, all but one. Mrs. Danvers started the fire."

"Mrs. Danvers?" Nadir repeated. "No. You must be mistaken…"

"It's true," I said hoarsely. "She went mad because she heard about Luciana. She couldn't bear the thought that the suicide and miscarriage was true and that Erik and I—" I was cut off when someone suddenly shrieked.

"Look! The west wing!"

There she was… Mrs. Danvers standing by the window in the west wing, her arms outstretched in a horrific version of Christ as fire flickered behind her. It didn't take me long to discover that Mrs. Danvers was actually on fire and she was standing there… not moving or screaming from the burns, yet… I felt her eyes… those stony eyes that were harsh, piercing, and mesmerizing. The very same eyes that had been filled with nothing but rage and loathing as she stood there and cursed me for taking her mistress's rightful place.

She never wanted me to have Manderley. Not when Luciana's ghost roamed the halls, even though it was her all along. Mrs. Danvers became Luciana's ghost and she took her revenge on everyone who lived and loved here. She saw it as protection, but it was destruction because it never belonged to her.

So when the beams of the ceiling and roof started to crack and shift… nothing could be done as it caved in, falling on top of the grieving woman.

It wasn't long before Manderley was truly dead.

TBC…


	35. Epilogue

New A/N: *comes out from hiding* Heh… well, this was unexpected. I hadn't planned on taking this long to get this epilogue done and I apologize. Some things came up job wise and personally too. So that explains the delay and you won't have to worry about another wait as this is the final chapter. Hopefully… it was worth the wait!

A/N: *Sobs* Here we are! The very last and final conclusion to _Heaven by the Sea_. I always hate ending a story and this one was an incredible journey that I was fortunate enough to share with you all. And this one was a challenge I made for myself for not only drawing inspiration from a fantastically brilliant novel… but also making it the longest story I have ever written. Over four hundred pages and 180,000 words… I can't believe it lasted this long.

And I know many of you were asking for an extension of what happened in Erik and Christine's life… and well, this is not a last minute thing I decided to do. From the moment this came to me, I knew exactly how I wanted to end this story and I sort of dropped a hint at the very start of the story. I'm sure you will agree that this is much more satisfying.

One last note before you read this chapter—please look for my next story called _My Ghost (Love) Story_. It is another E/C story (what stories of mine are not?) and this is a supernatural romance with a dash of suspense and mystery. I am still in the process of writing the beginning of the story and won't start posting it until I have a good portion of it done. It's the only way so I can update weekly, but please check my profile page for more information.

Without further ado, let's see what has happened after Manderley burned down.

**Epilogue**

After I wake from my dream of my visit to the once stately Manderley… I shiver with the thought that the ruins was home now to a graveyard. To think that it once had been a source of deep pain and sadness for me, only for it to awaken the joys and love that were kept hidden from months of misunderstandings and uncertainty. All that misery led to such happiness and then in a blinding flash… everything had turned to ashes.

My memories are all I have left now… that and Erik's stories from his childhood. No one had suffered more than Erik did as he watched his home… the only home he had ever known burn to the ground. His whole life was Manderley. His parents, Ayesha, they were a part of the happier times when he could forget about his face. The love he experienced was what kept him fighting to protect his home and to endure the cruel nature of his peers and Luciana. Like his mask, Manderley was his shield, his outlook of his own world he created with the music he composed.

Gone.

The months that followed were long and difficult. There was so much to consider… the heavy losses and inventory of belongings and personal effects… but while Erik's time was filled up with solicitors and lawyers, he could only focused on the travesty that his music had gone up in the flames. And like him, I felt that loss just as profoundly and acutely. To mourn those precious gifts… the two of us did not sing or listen to music for several months. It was out of respect for those treasures as silly as that may sound to some. Yet, for my husband and me… it was the least we could do.

Slowly, we did start to repair our lives.

It wasn't easy and the road was an arduous one. Especially since we decided it was best to leave England altogether. Manderley could never be rebuilt and it was time we left it to the ghosts who now own the property. It appeared Mrs. Danvers got her way after all. She and Luciana could forever rule the grounds without worrying that I or anyone else would ruin the grandeur.

Yet, I was not terribly saddened by this.

I still had my life, my friends, and of course, Erik. And, although, I had grown to love Manderley… I had other important things to content myself with. It was that resolve that allowed us to move on to better places.

Namely…

We needed to live somewhere that would not remind us of the past, a place that brought nothing but happiness to us at the start of our marriage.

Paris.

It was there when music finally returned to us. Erik woke in the middle of one night with a song in his mind and he had to pen it down right away lest he should forget it. And that one song grew to another and then another. It wasn't long before me, too, was inspired and began to sing once more.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

After arriving in Paris, I decided it was time I presented Erik his final portrait. With so much that happened, I could not find the right time to give it to him and now… well… we had decided this was a time of new beginnings and a new life. It was only fitting that he should see the man I fell in love with.

As Erik gazed upon it… I held my breath, waiting for his reply. With one hand, he lifted and removed his mask and laid his hand against his cheek. At first… I was afraid he didn't like it, but then he began to cry.

"Christine… this is—I have never," his voice choked and he gazed upon me with a tender smile. "I do not have the words to express my gratitude for this incredible gift. I supposed I was wrong to think it had been finished from when I first saw it in Monte Carlo. This… this is much better."

The portrait was a true likeness of my husband. The problem from the beginning had been his mask, one that I did not noticed before until after I saw Erik's face for the first time in the cottage at Manderley. Once I removed the mask from the paper… it all came together. This was my husband. His true self and while to some may think his appearance was hideous… to me, it was utter perfection.

Now…

He was no longer a man held captive by his secrets. He was a man free from his past and found salvation at last. Everything on his face captured that moment when Erik professed his love for me, his eyes so longer heavy with anguish but light with love and bliss. And his smile! A handsome feature that brightened the green in his eyes and revealed a man who was confident with himself and the way he stood proudly against any adversity.

To my surprise, Erik had the portrait framed and displayed it over our fireplace in the parlor of our new home. He told me it was because he had no reason to be ashamed of himself inside his own home and in front of his friends and family.

It was certainly a big step for him and I was so proud that he decided to do this on his own. The Erik I had met in Monte Carlo and the Erik from the earlier months of our marriage would not have done so. He would have preferred to continue to hide from the rest of the world.

Even Nadir and Ayesha were pleasantly stunned with this transformation, not that they had a reason to complain.

"Perhaps, you should have moved to Paris sooner brother!" Ayesha declared when Erik wanted to do a reveal of his portrait. We only invited those closest to us—Nadir, Ayesha and Giles, Meg and Robert with their newborn, and of course, Anthony was there.

When we decided to move to Paris, we bought a smaller estate on the outskirts of the city. We did not need a large staff like we did in England and we did have to let go most of our servants, but not until we found a suitable place for each one. Meg stayed on as my personal maid until Robert proposed and she left once they were wed. I was sad to have my best friend leave, but I was more than happy for these two and they did not move far.

As a wedding present, Erik bought them a nice home that was a few miles away from us and pulled a few strings to grant Meg an audition to dance at the Paris Opera House. Meg's dream came true and she would eventually become prima ballerina in several years. Even after the birth of her daughter, Meg continued to dance on stage. Her love and skill never faltering or diminishing.

Anthony, however, would not step down when Erik wanted him to retire. He had been serving Erik's family his whole life and he refused to leave when his home was with us. And frankly, I doubt that Erik or I could part from him either. Anthony was a father to the two of us and he was more than just a butler, but a member of our family. Of course, Anthony would not hear of it and insisted he will keep polishing and maintaining order in the household until the day he died.

Believe it or not, Nadir did finally marry. He met a lovely young woman, part-French and part-Persian, by the name of Layla. She was also a dancer at the opera house and our dear friend was instantly besotted by her kindness and dark beauty. They will later have a son, Reza.

As for Ayesha and Giles… they remained in England, but would come to visit us every holiday and at the start of every season at the opera house.

Did I not mention I am the prima donna now?

How silly of me to forget!

Yes… when music returned to us and I took up singing… it was only natural that I would go and audition myself to Mr. Andre and Firmin.

I had expected a part in the chorus at least, which my husband scoffed at the notion, but I didn't want him to use his influence to cast me in a lead role. I wanted to earn it. And indeed I did.

Blown away by my performance, the owners saw there was only one option for a voice like mine and I was tested in a role I was born to play.

Opening night for _Faust _had been a sold out performance and I received grand reviews as Marguerite. The current prima donna stormed off when she realized her demands were no longer going to be met. I will never forget how she insisted the audience would follow her and the theatre would be ruined…

However, I think the sales and the number of sold out shows spoke for themselves.

The second production would be a new original one by the talented Erik de Winter—new and improved by the way.

_Don Juan Triumphant_ became an instant hit and people all over were clamoring to come to Paris to hear Erik's music. Erik would say it was because they wanted to hear me sing as Aminta, while I insisted it was his genius that brought them to us. It was a battle that we couldn't win (not that we wanted to) and his opera led to future operas that will continue to win audiences time and time again.

But _Don Juan _would always be Erik's greatest work and it was written the way it was meant to be written. The way Erik had always intended it to be since he first put pen to paper. But there was one new song that was added in that had not been part of the original score… a song that Erik and I had composed together that Aminta and Don Juan sang when they were reunited in heaven. It had a nice lyrical way about it and "Love Never Dies" became a popular one for Erik and me to sing at gatherings and parties amongst our patrons and friends.

As I looked back… I do not regret a single second of our life together. It was just as I always dreamt it would be and more.

But now… after dreaming of Manderley… I now know that we did leave a part of us behind. Erik and I have not spoken about it, but it has always been there in the back of our minds. It would be a part we would never get back, but it was something we could live without. Luciana was dead and buried, the same with Mrs. Danvers. And from what I understand from Ayesha, Raoul eventually met his end during a bloody brawl in a bar. I suppose the truth was too much for him to bear and he spent many countless hours getting drunk and stirring up trouble.

Inevitably, his fate wasn't a pretty one and I did mourn the news when I heard of it. While I could not bear the sight of Raoul after all that he had done and tried to do to us… I could not help but feel only pity in my heart that he was nothing more than a pawn in Luciana's eyes. No one… not even a man like Raoul de Chagny deserved to be treated so unfairly when all he ever wanted was to love and marry the girl he believed was to be his.

Erik told me countless times that I must be an angel in disguised. For no other person could still feel for a dubious and vain creature and shed a few tears for his passing. Perhaps, I could not help but compare him to the life my husband might have had if something were to happen to me. Erik had said he wouldn't be able to live without me and the last thing I would want my husband to do is rot the rest of his life away in a bar in hopes we might see each other again.

That and I did feel sorry for Raoul.

But did I forgive him? Not entirely. He tried to turn Erik's misfortune into a profit and have him locked up for life.

Yet, did I wish he was in love with another woman?

Yes.

Everyone deserves a little chance at happiness. Even the wicked and dark-hearted ones.

However, I doubted Luciana would ever be happy. Even if she had married Raoul, I think she would ruin his life like she tried to do to Erik. And who knows what she might have done or attempted to do to another poor soul?

Then my mind turns back to Manderley.

While we had never returned to England (and never will), I wondered if Manderley continued to remain as it did in my dream. Was it still a graveyard or did someone build a new home with new hopes and dreams?

Somehow, I think if anyone were to build a home… the ghosts might have a say in the matter.

But the time has longed past for me to ponder over such things. Manderley is no more and will stay that way in my memory. I said my goodbyes in my dream and I am ready to move on once and for all.

"Five minutes to curtains Mrs. de Winter."

Gazing into my mirror I patted my hair once more and stood.

While the past might try to haunt us, there is nothing it can do to hurt Erik and I. We are stronger now more than ever.

Tonight was another successful opening night and the rest of the cast was gathering on stage for their final bows. My turn was quickly approaching. I took one last deep breath before I walked out to the standing ovation and thunderous applause.

I could never get over the reality of this magical moment I felt every time I graced the stage.

This was where I belonged.

As I bowed once more, I caught sight of a red rose lying there among the flowers tossed on stage. I could not contain the smile on my face as I picked up the long stem, the glossy black ribbon sliding between my fingers.

Lifting my eyes, I sought out his face above the stage… standing in our box, applauding the loudest.

A tingling sensation crawled down my spine as I recognized this scene. Years ago I had a vision of this happening and the man I was looking for was my Angel of Music but his face had been covered in the shadows.

As I gaze into box five, I saw Erik cheering and applauding the loudest of them all.

I could not help but smile in return as I placed my hand over my belly.

Yes… I have found heaven and I know we will continue to be blest for the years to come.

The End


End file.
